Author Topic: Journey to a better me  (Read 43462 times)

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #25 on: April 06, 2017, 10:19:33 PM »
4/6/17

A decent day I guess. Don't really have any words to describe it other than ordinary. I'm just in my head too much, though. I over complicate and over think things that are irrelevant.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #26 on: April 07, 2017, 11:46:59 PM »
4/7/17

Another day of no PMO, felt really anxious and confused all day, nothing out of the ordinary for me I guess, lol. I'm so indecisive, I can't just make a decision and go with it, there's always an argument between two different sides going on inside my head about the pros and cons of living my life a certain way, and it just causes a lot of anxiety and tension in me. It really sucks. It's just like a broken record playing in your head over and over again when you have ocd and social anxiety. I obsess and worry about every little detail of social situations and the decisions I make in my life. I guess that's not always a bad thing, though. At least I care, at least I want to make a difference in my life and in the world. Nobody I live or work with on a daily basis seems to give a flying rats ass. They just complain and never do anything. They're perfectly happy with living the "American dream". Get married, have kids, work, retire, and die. I don't want that. I want something great. We only get one shot at life, so why the hell waste it? Nothing scares me more than me sitting on my deathbed at 85 years old, regretting things I should have done in life, wishing I could've been something greater than what I was. I want my name to be heard and remembered, I don't want to just be another John Doe that withers away into nothingness after a life of wishing and hoping and never doing. I need to go to bed, lol.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #27 on: April 08, 2017, 09:31:32 PM »
4/8/17

Stayed away from PMO again. That's good, however, I'm really confused lately as to what I think my values in life are at this point, I don't really know what to think or what's truly important to me, it's a difficult question to ask on this journey we call life.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #28 on: April 09, 2017, 10:32:29 PM »
4/9/17

Another day of no PMO. Feel really stressed lately about moving out on my own and finding my way in the world. It can be scary to think about. I'm not a baby anymore, lol.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #29 on: April 10, 2017, 10:24:56 PM »
4/10/17

The stresses of life and the urge to PMO is slowly creeping up on me, just gotta be self aware and avoid any escalating behaviors, as well as staying in the moment, because that's all we ever have.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #30 on: April 11, 2017, 10:50:11 PM »
4/11/17

Can really start to feel the urge creeping in, I'm so stressed too. Ughhhh, this sucks so bad.

DFTS

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #31 on: April 12, 2017, 02:46:57 AM »
Hey, Jake!

Do not stress yourself this much. I have a feeling that a good part of it is created by you, by thinking way too much.

I have moved out of my hometown almost 2 months ago, I am living at my sister's flat at the moment, but I take care of myself on my own. I buy my own food, I cook, basically I am more of a roomie for my sister than a brother.

But next week I'm moving out to my own place. It is not scary for me anymore. I know that living on your own isn't that bad. It will take a lot of your free time for sure, so reboot will be easier.

I have good news for you too. It is only scary in the beginning. After a week or two, you'll see that there was nothing to be afraid of.

Cheers,

DFTS

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #32 on: April 12, 2017, 10:47:25 PM »
Hey, Jake!

Do not stress yourself this much. I have a feeling that a good part of it is created by you, by thinking way too much.

I have moved out of my hometown almost 2 months ago, I am living at my sister's flat at the moment, but I take care of myself on my own. I buy my own food, I cook, basically I am more of a roomie for my sister than a brother.

But next week I'm moving out to my own place. It is not scary for me anymore. I know that living on your own isn't that bad. It will take a lot of your free time for sure, so reboot will be easier.

I have good news for you too. It is only scary in the beginning. After a week or two, you'll see that there was nothing to be afraid of.

Cheers,

DFTS

Thanks man. You're right, I'm probably thinking it over too much, but what do I not overthink? Lol. I guess I'll never truly know until the moment comes that I move out....


4/12/17

Felt really down on myself in the middle of the day, but I picked myself back up fairly quickly, and the rest of the day went pretty good.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #33 on: April 13, 2017, 10:43:34 PM »
4/13/17

I can feel the urges starting to creep up on me, just gotta recognize that it's not me, just the craving talking. Anyways, no PMO, so it's a good day in my book.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #34 on: April 15, 2017, 12:22:34 AM »
4/14/17

Last day of my old job, and first day of my new job, and my new job is MUCH better, and no PMO, so it was a good day.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #35 on: April 16, 2017, 09:31:48 AM »
4/15/17

Forgot to update my log yesterday, but the day was tough. A lot of strong urges to PMO, but I recognized it for what it was, an urge, not me, and I ended up being alright, even though it was hard to ignore at times.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #36 on: April 16, 2017, 09:00:40 PM »
4/16/17

Man, the urges are hitting me hard today. Maybe it's because I've been using tinder for the past couple of days and have 0 matches. Depressing, but a reality.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #37 on: April 17, 2017, 08:11:58 PM »
4/17/17

Didn't PMO today, but I had a severe mental breakdown and was panicking all day. All in all, the day was absolute shit. Intense urges to PMO, as well as panic/anxiety thinking about going out and meeting women. Oh well. Can only do my best I guess.....

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #38 on: April 18, 2017, 10:27:57 PM »
4/18/17

Better day, not great though. The PMO urges are still strong at times, but I've been doing my best to focus my attention away from the urges, as well as not trying to fight them or get rid of them, but accept them for what they are.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #39 on: April 19, 2017, 11:07:49 PM »
4/19/17

Pretty good day, asked a girl out for coffee at the mall who was working in one of the shops, she said no, but at least I faced my fear.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #40 on: April 21, 2017, 01:15:30 AM »
4/20/17

Kind of a boring day, however, I was productive and got things done, so I guess that's all I can do.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #41 on: April 21, 2017, 10:29:48 PM »
4/21/17

Had some strong urges today, however, I was able to recognize that they weren't me and was able to refocus my attention on productive activities as well as my job.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #42 on: April 22, 2017, 10:07:31 PM »
4/22/17

Kind of a boring day, did what I needed to though, so I guess that's all that counts.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #43 on: April 23, 2017, 09:18:32 PM »
4/23/17

Ughhhhh today has been hell, the urges and porn images in my mind are getting intense

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #44 on: April 24, 2017, 09:38:17 PM »
4/24/17

Another hard day, the urges and images were still pretty intense, although living in the present moment can really help. Ultimately did things better than PMO, so I'd say it was a good day overall, talked to this cute lady in my class too.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #45 on: April 25, 2017, 10:19:12 PM »
4/25/17

The urges are hitting me hard, but I'm focusing my attention on better things anyways. So that's good.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #46 on: April 26, 2017, 09:45:20 PM »
4/26/17

The urges were absolutely brutal today, but instead of doing PMO, I asked out this pretty girl at the mall! She already had a boyfriend, but that's not the point. The point is that I'm facing my fear of rejection and improving my self esteem day by day.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #47 on: April 27, 2017, 08:28:26 PM »
4/27/17

Another good day, got things done that I needed to get done and had some time to relax.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #48 on: April 28, 2017, 09:29:05 PM »
4/28/17

Felt kind of depressed and confused today. Also worried about the future, I sometimes feel as if no matter what I do, I can't seem to accomplish what I want to. Oh well, just a short time that it's been happening anyways. My mind keeps looking for reasons to PMO, but I keep labeling it for what it is and not pursuing the urges and doing other things that are probably better for me instead, that's how I should measure progress.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #49 on: April 29, 2017, 09:53:00 PM »
4/29/17

Pretty good day, work was kinda boring, but hey, aren't all jobs like that sometimes?