Author Topic: Journey to a better me  (Read 42589 times)

Jake323

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Journey to a better me
« on: March 13, 2017, 10:38:22 PM »
Hello everyone, I'm 21 years old and currently going on a year since trying to give up PMO. I've managed to give it up for the most part, but it seems as if I keep going back after a while, it's usually 2-3 weeks, sometimes longer, sometimes shorter. It's better than doing it multiple times a day every day no doubt, but that isn't what I truly want, I want to give it up for good! I had started a log here before, but I often found myself obsessing about things that didn't help me in the long run. I'm starting today and I'm going to try my best not to obsess over stuff this time and see how it goes. My life has changed in many ways for the better over the past year, I've held down a difficult job for a year, I joined a gym and lost 66 lbs, I've gone to school and got pretty good grades for 3 semesters, and will most likely move out on my own out of my parents' house by the fall semester. However, I keep coming back to PMO and want to give it up completely. It just hurts my special anciety around girls even more, so I want no more of it. Let's do this.

3/13/17

Had a lot of guilt today about my PMO Sunday morning, but I stayed busy today and stayed away from PMO. Let's keep this going, one moment at a time.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2017, 09:37:17 PM »
3/14/17

It was an ok day today. I can definitely feel the urges starting to creep in, just gotta stay in the moment and avoid any type of escalation, because that usually doesn't end well.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #2 on: March 15, 2017, 10:46:29 PM »
3/15/17

Pretty good day today, it's really tough when I get bored and lonely to deal with the urges. Just gotta keep busy and focus my energy on healthy alternatives, lol.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #3 on: March 16, 2017, 10:57:36 PM »
3/16/17

Pretty good day as far as urges go, still had feelings of boredom, but they passed.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #4 on: March 18, 2017, 09:09:01 PM »
Forgot to update my log yesterday, here it is.

3/17/17

It was a pretty good day, stayed busy and focused my attention away from porn urges.

3/18/17

Another good day, stayed busy and kept my attention on productive activities.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #5 on: March 19, 2017, 10:56:14 PM »
3/19/17

Pretty good day today, stayed busy with things and urges weren't bad at all.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #6 on: March 20, 2017, 09:06:18 PM »
3/20/17

Day started off good, ended pretty terrible. I really hate being a virgin and having social anxiety. You have to be good with people to have success in life, not exactly easy and sometimes very painful to accept that your past keeps coming back to f*** you over, Ughh, I honestly feel as if this pain will never end and that life is just a huge disappointment. Yeah, there are happy moments and pleasurable experiences, but they don't last very long, going through pain for long periods of time for very brief moments of happiness and joy doesn't really seem worth it. All we seem to have is problems without answers to, and life just seems like too much of a bitch  to deal with right now, ughhhhh.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #7 on: March 21, 2017, 11:11:20 PM »
3/21/17

Better day today even though I was running on 4 hours of sleep. Got a lot accomplished today and stayed away from PMO, I guess that's all that really matters at this point.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #8 on: March 22, 2017, 09:49:34 PM »
3/22/17

Another pretty good day, some things in my life are starting to change, which is what I've been waiting for.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #9 on: March 23, 2017, 11:24:25 PM »
3/23/17

Had a productive day today, stayed busy and thus, stayed away from PMO.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #10 on: March 25, 2017, 11:37:58 AM »
3/24/17

Stayed pretty busy today, stayed away from PMO.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #11 on: March 25, 2017, 05:46:04 PM »
3/25/17

Another pretty good day, stayed busy again, that seems to help a lot with staying away from PMO.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #12 on: March 26, 2017, 10:26:09 PM »
3/26/17

Stayed away from PMO again, really need to keep this rolling, can't get distracted by things that don't serve me in life anymore, I've gone down that path too many times to keep making the same mistakes, it's time to eliminate this stuff from my life and do what truly matters to me.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #13 on: March 27, 2017, 10:39:27 PM »
3/27/17

Boy, I'm exhausted from today. It's tough having social anxiety and being shy as a man during early adulthood. Everything I want to achieve just feels even harder.

DFTS

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #14 on: March 28, 2017, 03:23:00 AM »
Hey! You abstained for two weeks! That's an achievement.

You should fight your social anxiety. It's all inside you, if you will tell yourself that there's nothing to fear, then you will not be anxious. Sounds stupid, but that's the way it is, I've been through it too.
If you will start fighting your social anxiety, then I bet that you'll find a girl of your dreams, and without foggy, mellow mind caused by PMO, you'll get her in a blink of an eye. And that's the best motivation to abstain from porn.

Good luck brother, keep it up :)

DFTS

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #15 on: March 29, 2017, 12:16:11 AM »
Hey! You abstained for two weeks! That's an achievement.

You should fight your social anxiety. It's all inside you, if you will tell yourself that there's nothing to fear, then you will not be anxious. Sounds stupid, but that's the way it is, I've been through it too.
If you will start fighting your social anxiety, then I bet that you'll find a girl of your dreams, and without foggy, mellow mind caused by PMO, you'll get her in a blink of an eye. And that's the best motivation to abstain from porn.

Good luck brother, keep it up :)

DFTS

Thanks man. Yeah, I hear you, just need to face it one step at a time and ignore my negative thoughts.

3/28/17
Another pretty good day, I feel as if the urges strike whenever I'm really stressed or really bored, which tends to happen I'm working and going to school all the time, lol.


Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #16 on: March 29, 2017, 10:11:00 PM »
3/29/17

Really boring day, nothing much happened at all.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #17 on: March 30, 2017, 10:44:08 PM »
3/30/17

An ok day. Ive been really tired lately, that can sometimes get to my head, ughh.

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #18 on: March 31, 2017, 11:50:06 PM »
3/31/17

Pretty decent day, still feel kinda stressed about the future though.

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #19 on: April 01, 2017, 11:06:45 PM »
4/1/17

I felt terrible today, no energy or motivation to do anything, felt sluggish and lethargic, just tired of being alone mostly.

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #20 on: April 02, 2017, 09:27:04 PM »
4/2/17

Another tough day, my mind is starting to mess with me and play tricks on me, that's always the hardest part for me. I've  been really tired and stressed lately, and have also had bad headaches, not sure if it's from no PMO or just stress, but it is tough, I've gotta keep going though, I've come too far to quit now, just gotta live in the moment and realize that the future is happening in my head, not in front of me.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #21 on: April 03, 2017, 10:57:11 PM »
4/3/17

Yet another tough day. It's starting to really get difficult to accept these painful emotions instead of fighting them. For some reason in my class at school we talked about sex, and this instant feeling of shame and depression washed over me, the teacher posted this stat that said something like: most everyone in college has experienced a hook up at one time or another. Instant. Shame. Instant. Depression. Being a virgin, you carry that stuff everywhere you go, it's pretty depressing. It also got me thinking how "pornified" our society is. If most people are just randomly sleeping with some stranger at a party, is that really any different from porn? Obviously it's not all staged and stuff in real life, but it's just fucking some random stranger, and that's it. There's no love or intimacy. You're both just drunk and fucking in the bathroom or whatever. It's pretty difficult to ignore when porn is so mainstream and so accepted, oh well, just gotta focus on me I guess.

DFTS

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #22 on: April 04, 2017, 01:58:36 AM »
Hey, Jake! There's nothing wrong in being a virgin.

I was a party man, I had occasions to stick my stick here and there, but I didn't. (let's ignore the fact of PIED I was experiencing not so long ago, because I wasn't even aware of that back then)
Fucking a stranger was completely wrong for me. In my opinion, if you want to have sex, you have to trust the person that you're having it with.
You shouldn't be ashamed, you just haven't found the right girl yet.

Society is what it is, you don't have to be like the others, it won't make you a better person for sure. Have your own ideals.

Keep it up brother,

DFTS

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #23 on: April 04, 2017, 11:24:24 PM »
Hey, Jake! There's nothing wrong in being a virgin.

I was a party man, I had occasions to stick my stick here and there, but I didn't. (let's ignore the fact of PIED I was experiencing not so long ago, because I wasn't even aware of that back then)
Fucking a stranger was completely wrong for me. In my opinion, if you want to have sex, you have to trust the person that you're having it with.
You shouldn't be ashamed, you just haven't found the right girl yet.

Society is what it is, you don't have to be like the others, it won't make you a better person for sure. Have your own ideals.

Keep it up brother,

DFTS

Definitely, easier said than done though haha. Especially now in the days of social media where so many people post pictures of their "amazing" relationships and all the "amazing, incredible" times they have together, that's why I don't really go on facebook or Instagram anymore, I always end up comparing myself to others and making myself miserable and even more lonely and anxious than before.

4/4/17

Pretty decent day I guess, kinda boring, but at least I've been having an easier time being in the moment.


Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #24 on: April 05, 2017, 10:28:28 PM »
4/5/17

Pretty good day as far as urges go. I'll be starting a new job next week. Hopefully there's some ladies there that I can talk to there  because at my job now, there is no ladies at all, lol.