Author Topic: Journey to a better me  (Read 42579 times)

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #50 on: April 30, 2017, 10:38:29 PM »
4/30/17

Had some urges come up today, although I didn't try to chase them or engage with them because I always know how that ends, nonetheless, it was a pretty good day.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #51 on: May 01, 2017, 11:26:28 PM »
5/1/17

Another day, another headache, I took my first final and got 101 % on it, so that's good, now I just need to study for my final on Thursday and do well, then I'll have a semester off. Ughhh, just gotta get through this week.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #52 on: May 02, 2017, 09:54:58 PM »
5/2/17

Man, I have been so busy lately, I'm starting to get really stressed and can feel the PMO urges creeping in, just need to take this slow and forget about doing everything at once.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #53 on: May 03, 2017, 10:57:32 PM »
5/3/17

The urges weren't as strong today as the past couple days, good day today, studied really hard for my final exam tomorrow, hopefully I do well!

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #54 on: May 05, 2017, 12:11:52 AM »
5/4/17

Good day, I'm tired though, it's been a long week so far.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #55 on: May 05, 2017, 09:45:46 PM »
5/5/17

I've been at work all day, so I haven't really had any urges that were very strong, a good day.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #56 on: May 06, 2017, 09:41:21 PM »
5/6/17

Ughhh work can be emotionally draining, I'm so tired lately too, just wanna sleep, urges weren't very severe today, so that's good I guess.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #57 on: May 07, 2017, 08:18:27 PM »
5/7/17

Jeez, I've really been depressed lately, I just feel sluggish and down, and everybody annoys and irritates me. I just want to sleep for a long time, lol.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #58 on: May 08, 2017, 10:24:39 PM »
5/8/17

Damn, having social anxiety for so long really sucks ass. Oh well, everybody has shit to deal with I guess.I went to the mall again to try and ask for a few girls' number, but my anxiety was really terrible and I kept getting caught up in the story my mind was telling me. I need to stay in the present moment and stop thinking that having a bunch of women all over me will make me happy, because it won't.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #59 on: May 10, 2017, 01:14:09 AM »
5/9/17

Today was an awful day, I almost ended up relapsing. I had decided that I was going to go home and PMO, but something inside me told me to not do it because of the guilt and shame I would feel for doing it, I even started to rub my dick a little bit, but I pulled myself out of it. I have felt depressed, lonely, and worthless for the past few days. It's so shitty too when society says that feeling depressed or angry is not ok. Like, you're a man, you're supposed to show no emotion and be fearless and brave. It's bullshit, but oh well I guess. I'm not going to believe it, it may always be there, but I won't believe it.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #60 on: May 10, 2017, 11:09:19 PM »
5/10/17

Still had some stuff that pissed me off early in the day, but overall it was a better day. I'm hopeful that some things in my life will start to change soon.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #61 on: May 11, 2017, 10:14:14 PM »
5/11/17

A good day I guess, kinda boring, but good

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #62 on: May 12, 2017, 10:06:15 PM »
5/12/17

I have just felt flat and emotionless for the past couple weeks. Might just be a side effect of not engaging in PMO. Just gotta keep going and take this slowly and one day at a time.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #63 on: May 13, 2017, 10:50:13 PM »
5/13/17

Still feel very flat and emotionless. Everything just feels boring, work in particular is kinda stressful. Just takes a lot out of me emotionally, oh well, that's life I guess.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #64 on: May 14, 2017, 09:23:14 PM »
5/14/17

Keep getting stressed over things that aren't harmful or worth worrying about, but hey, that's ok. I shouldn't try to not feel stressed or angry or upset, because those are all perfectly normal, healthy human emotions. I guess it's just when they happen more often than not that it's considered detrimental to my quality of life. All in all, it was a decent day.

Elguía

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #65 on: May 14, 2017, 10:32:06 PM »
Hi Jake, how many days without porn you have now? Anyway, good luck with your challenge. Greetings from LATAM

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #66 on: May 15, 2017, 09:16:28 PM »
Hi Jake, how many days without porn you have now? Anyway, good luck with your challenge. Greetings from LATAM

64 now without PMO or MO. I try not to get caught up in the numbers too much, but reaching milestones is always cool, lol. And thanks, good luck to you too.

5/15/17

I've been really worried lately, it's not fun. I always imagine every little thing that can go wrong, I guess that's just my ocd mind talking. Didn't PMO, so I can call it a good day.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #67 on: May 16, 2017, 09:18:13 PM »
5/16/17

I've been really worried today, but I didn't let it control me, so that's a good sign. I've felt like isolating instead of going out and talking to people lately, just don't feel as if I have the energy to socialize all the time, people just wear me out, but I guess that's also because I'm an introvert.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #68 on: May 17, 2017, 11:32:00 PM »
5/17/17

No PMO or MO today, good day.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #69 on: May 18, 2017, 10:12:55 PM »
5/18/17

God, I'm so fucking done with this bullshit. I'm such a basket case that I can't even make myself competent in any type of social situation. I'm 67 days into no PMO  and I can't even go out and talk to women, even though I've done it before, I don't know what I want for my career, and my gains in the gym have hit a brick wall for the past few months because my technique is ass when the weight gets heavy. I can't seem to find anybody to hang out with either, this is just a fucking dumpster fire disaster.

johnleesmith65

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #70 on: May 19, 2017, 06:16:28 AM »
Do whatever makes you happy and you have interest in, for career.
Don't go for money when choosing career.
Life is tough.
Learn to live instead of numbing yourself by use of porn.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #71 on: May 19, 2017, 09:32:41 PM »
Do whatever makes you happy and you have interest in, for career.
Don't go for money when choosing career.

Ya, I know what you mean.

5/19/17

A better day today, even though I couldn't really sleep last night, damn, I hate anxiety.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #72 on: May 20, 2017, 10:36:45 PM »
5/20/17

Couldn't sleep again last night. I'm coming off of trazodone, since I've been taking it for a while and my body is so used to it, I've had a couple nights of crappy sleep, oh well. Hopefully I can sleep soon.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #73 on: May 22, 2017, 12:10:25 AM »
5/21/17

Ughhh had to work 15 hours today, I'm exhausted. Time for bed.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #74 on: May 22, 2017, 11:51:07 PM »
5/22/17

Really good day, hung out with some friends and felt really confident in myself. It seems to be getting better the more I worry about myself and not others.