Author Topic: REBOOT: 107 DAYS Without Porn - 20 Year Old Addicted Since Age 11  (Read 286 times)

DNBA

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This the first time I am actually journaling so here it goes. Reading time : 3 minutes
My background of porn use is the following:
I started MO ( masturbation) when I was 10 years old, initially it was without P, but shortly after I started visiting adult websites. After about 10 years of heavy P use I found out about NF (nofap).
I found about ED (erectile dysfunction) the hard way. With my first partner.
The first times I have tried it I could do only a week or so without it.
Anyway, I started making notes of my progress the summer of 2017.
Nothing fancy, just how many days I have abstained.
Later on, I started adding more details - on what material I relapsed(P/Facebook/Instagram etc.)
Then I lasted for 40 days - my longest streak at the time.
It was great, I felt alive, active, being able to connect with people more.
I even got a casual ''friends with benefits'' relationship with a 25yo girl which was fucking amazing.
DAY 5 During our first date my friend was ecstatic and ready. Later on, when it was time for sex he wasnt solid. My girl was understanding and I didn't force it, trusting the process that it is going to get better.
DAY 10-35 The sex got better each time, my erections were solid and it was like I was living a dream. Beautiful girl, beautiful relationships. I will admit however I got needy a few times because I was craving sex (URGES) and the girl was unavailable. Things were going great since I was on a loong vacation in my hometown -5 Weeks. I had no work so I was spending a lot of time with my family, friends and I was always busy. My workouts in the gym were going very well. I was being very social.
Also I had a lot of time to reflect and decided to quit my job and find a better option, as well as plan out my goals. I made the decision to cut some toxic people from my life. *CLEAR THINKING*
DAY 35-40 The vacation was over so got back to my regular schedule : working long hours however when I went out I felt like I was living the dream. My interactions with girls were getting better and I wasn't afraid to take risks.
OCTOBER: I wasn't doing great with no fap - longest streak was under 2 weeks : I had very stressful situations at work along with other personal problems I will not discuss here.
MID OCTOBER - NOVEMBER: 34DAY STREAK - (Longest  without sex) Interestingly enough those personal problems that I was facing forced me to become
a better version of myself and I managed to do 34 days. I had a few kisses with girls at a club but nothing serious. During that time I started looking into sexual energy cultivation and the power of it. A lot of great men in history(Mike Tyson, Friedrich Nietzsche, Muhhamed Ali, Terry Crews) have abstained from sex/porn/masturbation in order to get their creative force (it might sound a bit woo-woo but I am yet to get to that stage and I believe its worth at least to try.). I made good progress in work and in the gym.
DECEMBER: It was pretty shit I didnt have a streak longer than 5 days. Mainly work along with more personal problems. Mildly depressed. Started meditating daily which really helped me not to react impulsively.
JANUARY-FEBRUARY: I had two noteable streaks: 24 and 29 days. I started writing down ideas on dealing with urges : going for a walk, reading, etc.
MARCH: I wasn't social at all. I was working rotating shifts including nights so I felt like shit, longest streak was a week, however I was getting closer to reaching my financial goal and I was still going to the gym. The good thing is I actually met someone who was on nofap. He has been doing it for multiple years and his longest streak was 60days. That was great to hear, we were supporting each other.
APRIL-MAY I had a few streaks longest one was 26 days. What was different this time is that after the relapse I was able to forgive myself and at the same time not to go into a downward spiral of masturbation the next week. I was like okay time for the next long streak. I finally realised P is an addiction of mine and decided to get Gary Wilson's book Your Brain on Porn as it was highly recommended. I also reached my financial goal which I set for myself back in October - it felt really good.
Also I started taking notes every day - just small chores I have to do or any tasks - it makes my day more organised and I find I am more productive this way.

 
« Last Edit: October 19, 2018, 08:36:23 PM by DNBA »

DNBA

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Re: REBOOT: Day 24 out of 90 - 20 Year Old Addicted since 11 years old
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2018, 08:12:30 PM »
2018-05-30 Day 24: The days have been much more productive compared to when I regularly used pornography. Also, I nearly finished Gary Wilson's book: Your Brain On Porn and I highly reccommend it to anyone trying to beat this addiction. What I appreciate in his book is the multiple examples he gives on how each person might be affected by porn and how different methods work for different people. The way I see it: In his book he gives me the tools and multiple options in which people have already beaten the addiction. I am free to choose any of the methods and I am free to experiment. So far reading, training and long walks have been able to keep my mind occupied. I would say the benefits I am experiencing so far are better workouts, increased awareness, assurance, decision-making, deeper and stronger connection with my family. Weight loss has been going well. It wasn't all great though. I had a few instances where I felt something like a panic attack out of nowhere - I don't remember ever having a panic attack in my life.. I guess after quitting everything gets magnified for me: When I am feeling well, I am feeling really well, when I feel kind of down, it can become depressing. In his book, Gary Wilson mentioned some porn addicts after quitting, experience a greater depth of emotions.Before that they have been numbed by pornography - becoming ''zombie-like'' according to him. I believe I have to continue regardless of how amazing/great/sad/depressed I feel.
« Last Edit: September 16, 2018, 03:22:43 AM by DNBA »

DNBA

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Re: REBOOT: Day 24 out of 90 - 20 Year Old Addicted since 11 years old
« Reply #2 on: June 01, 2018, 02:51:17 PM »
2018-06-01 Day 26: Last week I started using an app called Duolingo as I wanted to sharpen my language skills. Have been using it for 5 days in a row and I can see the improvements. I found the app thanks to another app called Reboot. These apps have been really helpful man, we live in such a tech-savvy world, got to make the most out of it.

DNBA

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Re: REBOOT: Day 24 out of 90 - 20 Year Old Addicted since 11 years old
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2018, 11:05:11 AM »
2018-06-08 Day 33: Dealing with this addiction has really helped me in other areas of my life. It helped me get my shit together, I started being able to accomplish more each day. I also started improving my foreign languages.
« Last Edit: June 08, 2018, 11:14:29 AM by DIMA-NBA »

DNBA

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Re: REBOOT: Day 41 Without Porn - 20 Year Old Addicted Since Age 11
« Reply #4 on: June 17, 2018, 07:40:34 AM »
2018-06-17 DAY 41:''Small Victories Add up'': There were definitely challenges the last few weeks. I had this crazy urge one day. I was laying in my bed, having procastinated for a few hours, I was feeling kind of down and I was scrolling through pics on Instagram that my friend has liked. Of course it wasn't long before I saw a photo of an attractive girl. Usually in the past, I would ignore it, as I have quit porn over a month ago, but this time I was bored. I clicked on the photo, then the profile of the attractive female. I was scrolling through her posts started watching a quite stimulating video. I felt the strong urge but this time I was like NO! I got up from the bed, threw my phone on the bed and I dropped on the floor for my self-prescribed push ups for dealing with my urges. Did 20 push ups. Put some food in the microwave as I wanted to distract myself because I felt that if I grab my phone again, I would end up relapsing. I had some food, the urge passed, I won that battle.
« Last Edit: June 22, 2018, 06:25:42 AM by DNBA »

DNBA

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Re: REBOOT: Day 68 Without Porn - 20 Year Old Addicted Since Age 11
« Reply #5 on: July 13, 2018, 02:34:31 PM »
2018-07-13 DAY 68: I have been mostly working these days, doing good work, also been really busy so I didn't have any urges recently as I am very mindful of avoiding potential triggers. It was going well until yesterday.
I got home around 7am after a night shift, on 3 hours sleep, stressed from work, VERY TIRED and instead of taking a shower and going to bed like I usually do, I went on Instagram, started scrolling, LOOKING for something that would cause arrousal. I spent like 20 minutes just looking at different provocative photos. I obviously felt the urge to masturbate.I thought about calling my accountability partner, but at one point I asked myself the question: What time is it? Look at the clock, you should be sleeping, this is an illusion. What you see on the screen is not real intimacy is supposed to be. I put the phone down and was able to abstain.
It was good that I caught myself and stopped before the point of no return, but it shouldn't have come to this anyway. Relying solely on will power is not going to be optimal for me in the long run. I have noticed that when I am bored or very tired or sick I am most susceptible to relapsing. These are the times I should be on alert and writing them down like this helps me be more accountable and take the narrow road. I am very thankful for this community.

DNBA

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Re: REBOOT: Day 84 Without Porn - 20 Year Old Addicted Since Age 11
« Reply #6 on: October 19, 2018, 08:01:54 PM »
2018-07-31 DAY 84: I had worked hard and made progress on my goals. I went on a well deserved 3 week holiday back to my home country. I had lost weight and people took notice, congratulating me. I went to a seaside resort with a big group of people. It was great, we had lots of fun, met a lot of new people, including a few girls.

I met a girl who was visiting the city with her friend and had good connection with her, great vibes and we had sex, it was great. She was on a organised Eurotrip, so we couldn't meet again.


DNBA

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Re: REBOOT: Day 84 Without Porn - 20 Year Old Addicted Since Age 11
« Reply #7 on: October 19, 2018, 08:05:58 PM »
2018-08-02 DAY 86:
After my recent sexual adventure, I felt urges to masturbate and I gave in. The difference this time was that I didn't watch pornography, I used my imagination and thought of my past sexual experiences instead.

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Re: REBOOT: Day 88 Without Porn - 20 Year Old Addicted Since Age 11
« Reply #8 on: October 19, 2018, 08:13:10 PM »
2018-08-04 DAY 88:
As I was on holiday I allowed myself to have more fun and long story short I met a new girl and we had sex at her place. The best sex I've had so far. Super passionate, beautiful girl, amazing. We did 4 rounds of that and it was like I was living the dream.

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Re: REBOOT: Day 92 Without Porn - 20 Year Old Addicted Since Age 11
« Reply #9 on: October 19, 2018, 08:19:29 PM »
2018-08-08 DAY 92:
After my recent sexual encounters, I was feeling very horny and felt strong urges. I gave in however I masturbated without pornography, I just thought of my recent experiences and used my fantasy.
I also reached my goal of 90 days without porn which was huge for me.

DNBA

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Re: REBOOT: Day 100 Without Porn - 20 Year Old Addicted Since Age 11
« Reply #10 on: October 19, 2018, 08:28:10 PM »
2018-08-16 DAY 100:
I got home after the nice holiday, got back into my routine, feeling good.
Although I didn't watch pornography I started masturbating more often (still using only my imagination).

DNBA

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Re: REBOOT: Day 100 Without Porn - 20 Year Old Addicted Since Age 11
« Reply #11 on: October 19, 2018, 08:35:37 PM »
2018-08-23 DAY 107:
I was getting really stressed out at work and I started masturbating(relying only on fantasy - no porn)  more frequently than I would have liked.
I relapsed and masturbated to porn on day 107..