Author Topic: Here is the start of something new  (Read 6351 times)

StartingOffNew

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Here is the start of something new
« on: February 24, 2017, 11:13:00 PM »
So, I guess I'll give this a try.  I am 29 years old.  I realized I was having a problem with erectile dysfunction with my last girlfriend.  She was kind and supportive about it, but I could tell she felt bad, meaning she thought it was her fault, even though I assured her it wasn't.  We ended up breaking up for unrelated reasons. 

But now I'm dating another girl and I really like her.  I want to be able to have sex with her, and for it to be fulfilling for both of us. 

I've masturbated for almost every day for the past couple of years, usually taboo fetish porn, usually in the form of erotic literature.  I never thought that this would negatively affect my sex life.  On the contrary: I thought constant masturbation would increase my control during sex and make me a better lover, less likely to prematurely ejaculate. 

I don't really 100 percent know if I understand or agree with the theory behind "rebooting."  But honestly, it seems to click with me, because that first time I realized I had ed, it sort of clicked: My girlfriend can't do with her hand what I can do with my hand.  If I'm only able to just barely satisfy with a concerted effort with my hand, how can she hope to bring me to orgasm with hers?   I realized that I needed to get my sensitivity back, and it makes sense that less masturbation will mean more sensitivity.

Today is my first full day without masturbation since yesterday.  I've been trying on and off since I started dating this new girl to try and go off the porn, but it hasn't stuck.  I need to make it stick.  I need to try this. 

Edit:  I just wanted to add something.  I don't think there is anything morally wrong with porn, even the extreme kind, as long as it is consensual or purely fantasy, like literature.  People are entitled to their fantasies, even the weird ones.  The whole no porn thing turned me off big time when I was first exposed to it, because it came with these really judgey moral tones.  I don't think watching porn has made me a bad person, it's just affecting my body and relationships in a way I don't like.  I took to this site because it explicitly says that they are not anti-porn.  Just against abusing it.  If that wasn't clear, I don't think I would have been as open to a site like this.  At least for me personally. 
« Last Edit: February 25, 2017, 11:58:40 PM by StartingOffNew »

Bright

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #1 on: February 25, 2017, 02:01:36 AM »
How old are you?

StartingOffNew

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #2 on: February 25, 2017, 08:33:21 AM »
I edited the original post.  But 29 years old.

How old are you?

StartingOffNew

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2017, 08:39:54 AM »
So it's the morning of day 2 and I woke up with an urge to masturbate, as I often do.  I often get urges to masturbate in conjunction with morning wood. 

I tend to sleep on my stomach so the partial erection I woke up with presses against my body and the bed and I had an urge to apply pressure to it by pushing my hips into mattress.  I did one but then stopped. 

I really enjoy masturbating and reading erotic literature.  It's fun for me.   I think that's my biggest trigger right now.  I just want to relax and decompress and touch myself.  I don't think I'm about to give it right now, but it is on my mind.  I think the best thing for me to do right now is get out of bed and have some breakfast or something.

DFTS

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #4 on: February 25, 2017, 09:38:22 AM »
Having MW daily is a good thing. From what I see, you don't have strong PIED. You should get healthy fast. Good luck brother  ;)

StartingOffNew

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #5 on: February 25, 2017, 02:37:16 PM »
Having MW daily is a good thing. From what I see, you don't have strong PIED. You should get healthy fast. Good luck brother  ;)

Ahh, the morning wood is not daily, actually hadn't had it in a while before a week or two ago, when I was trying to stop.  But the urge to masturbate right when I wake up is always there.  I often just stroke as soon as I wake up.  I think my problem is serious, because I had tried to go a week without masturbating with my last girlfriend and it only slightly improved.  I'm honestly not sure though, I hope you're right!  I'm really attracted to this girl and I want things to happen as soon as possible.

It's a little intimidating because she has more experience than I do. 

StartingOffNew

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #6 on: February 25, 2017, 11:49:25 PM »
Late at night on day two, and I'm getting a serious craving.  I was hanging out with friends earlier and had the urge to leave early because I wanted to masturbate.  I didn't, and enjoyed my night, but I hated that I even thought of that.  Then I came home and my brother is over watching a racy comedy that I found triggering and now I'm in my room brooding a little.  I want to do it.  I'm coming up with dumb excuses in my head to just do it, but I won't listen. 

Something I recognize, is that I'm not particularly horny, I just have an urge to masturbate and ejaculate to something dirty.  It's just something I like to do, I know it will get rid of some stress. 

I'm glad I have this public journal, it makes me feel like I'm not alone in this struggle.  I feel like I can be successful at fighting this if I come on here when I have an urge. 

StartingOffNew

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #7 on: February 26, 2017, 07:27:59 AM »
Morning of day 3 and woke up with a very strong urge to relieve myself of some bodily fluid.  I think I woke up with a partial erection again, but I'm not sure if I was just half asleep cus by the time I was fully awake it was gone. 

Really wanted to touch myself a minute ago.  Once I started typing here, the urge sort of dissipated a bit as I distracted myself. 

Bright

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #8 on: February 26, 2017, 12:10:22 PM »
You are not horny, you are just not busy. I see this progression.

Nothing to do => discomfort => annoyance => Search for relieve (automatically our brain tell us to do what we have done for years. Brain "puts you" into a fake horny state) => PM

If you work on the first one, it will be easier to cut down what's coming next. Unfortunately there are many things that give us discomfort, not only being not busy.

Get your hands into something... (not on what you are thinking lol)

StartingOffNew

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #9 on: February 27, 2017, 01:18:25 AM »
Well, I broke my abstinence tonight.  Masturbated for a few hours straight. 

The trigger was...sentimentality.  I kind of had a "goodbye" session. 

On the plus side, I had the best erection I've had in a while at the end of it. 

I'm getting back on the wagon, and I'm hoping after this sense of closure I can move on and just not do it anymore.  I'm not sure if I'm just fooling myself though, I feel a bit like maybe that was just a mind game that I was playing with myself now that my head is clearer :/

DFTS

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #10 on: February 27, 2017, 02:56:43 AM »
Were you masturbating to porn?

Few hours sessions are never good, and you were probably death gripping, but relapsing can be helpful. You can learn your triggers. In your case I think it's your mind telling you that you can do it because X. Just do not listen and it will be fine.

Besides that, nothing happened, you can just start over

StartingOffNew

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #11 on: February 27, 2017, 05:47:19 PM »
Were you masturbating to porn?

Some porn and erotica. 

I have a date in a little bit and have the urge to look at porn lol.  So weird.  I'm not gonna do it but it's just funny as I was remorseful about masturbating last night all day.  My brain is like saying "Just a little peek at some thumbnails for videos on that site just to see what's up." 

Damn you brain! :P


StartingOffNew

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #12 on: February 28, 2017, 12:38:14 AM »
I got back from the date and it went really well!  We made out for like an hour at least, i lost track of time.  It was great!

The only downside was...things would have definitely gone further if it wasn't for my little problem. She was literally staring at my crotch and kind of going with her eyes "can I please?" And I had to say "um...getting late, isn't it?"  lol.  eff ED so much. 

StartingOffNew

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #13 on: February 28, 2017, 10:58:42 PM »
I guess I'll call this the end of day two.  Working on just not thinking about porn, which is something I often do.  Which leads to wanting to use it. 

StartingOffNew

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #14 on: March 01, 2017, 07:21:09 AM »
Beginning of day 3.  Woot woot. 

I'm feeling under the weather.  Really want to kiss my girlfriend some more, but at least this buys me time I guess.

StartingOffNew

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #15 on: March 01, 2017, 06:22:19 PM »
On the tail end of day 3, and still feeling under the weather (not related to reboot). 

Colds suck, but also make me feel less like masturbating, so there's that. 

StartingOffNew

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #16 on: March 01, 2017, 11:49:35 PM »
Close of day 3.  Got a little aroused from flirting with her via text.  It was nice :)

StartingOffNew

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #17 on: March 02, 2017, 09:40:07 AM »
Morning of day 4. Still have a cold, called in sick.  Not feeling very horny, which i guess i'll take as a good sign.  Nice to be past my first streak :D

StartingOffNew

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #18 on: March 02, 2017, 03:37:45 PM »
I'm feeling a little better from my cold and getting an urge.

My trigger is the fact that, now is a good time for a long masturbation session that will last a long time and be pleasurable and fun. 

My brain is basically saying now is a peak time to masturbate, and I have to tell it too bad, which is fine. 

StartingOffNew

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #19 on: March 02, 2017, 11:51:52 PM »
Feeling physically worse and depressed.  Think i have might have strep.  Ive got chikls as i type this. 

Having unwarranted negative thoughts anout my relationship due to depression

StartingOffNew

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #20 on: March 03, 2017, 12:57:14 AM »
I suddenly feel extremely guilty for not telling her yet.  I want to tezt her but i know she's asleep now.  And i dont want to stress her at work.  I'll have to wait for tomorrow evening.  Its going to be hanging over my head until then.

StartingOffNew

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #21 on: March 03, 2017, 09:09:25 AM »
Morning of day 5.  I feel paranoid that doing anything will be a trigger.
 Laying on the mattress in the room upstairs. Having second thoughts about the text.

StartingOffNew

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #22 on: March 03, 2017, 05:40:16 PM »
Not going to do the text thing, I want to tell her in person.  But I'm sick so no date for now. 

Also have a strong urge to check out porn and masturbate.  I have hardly been aroused at all these five days.  It makes me want to get myself aroused.  To do it and satisfy myself. 

StartingOffNew

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #23 on: March 04, 2017, 07:15:53 AM »
Good news: I changed my mind again and ended up doing the text thing.  She responded as well as I could have ever hoped for: totally positively.  It was amazing  ;D

Morning of day six, have a bad cough but overall I'm feeling much better.  Want to PMO but I know I won't right now. 

I kind of had a dream, I think?  Basically where I was masturbating.  I'm not sure if it was a dream or if I was actually touching myself and half asleep.  I didn't have ejaculate in my pants though, so whatever it was, I didn't finish.

StartingOffNew

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Re: Here is the start of something new
« Reply #24 on: March 05, 2017, 12:12:46 AM »
Close of day six.

It's weird, I was getting more semi erections in three days in the first part of this journal than I have been in almost a week now. 

Kind did some heavy flirting with the girl, it got sort of sexual, not sure if that's was a no no, but I feel like since she's a real girl it's ok.