Author Topic: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.  (Read 188384 times)

jkkk

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #250 on: May 17, 2015, 06:28:23 AM »
Thanks William, your words are really helpful, especially for those who start the process like I do. We all shall do it.

Actually, these words are helpful for guys who start, who are in the middle, and who have reached 90 days. Because 90 days is just the start. For an addict these words are necessary to remember until they lay you down in a coffin.

Amen, William.

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #251 on: May 20, 2015, 03:14:00 PM »
Hi Guys, thanks for all the kind words.  Another member just posted this video, which, when it comes to the addiction cycle is so fucking true.  We use, we feel high.  We come down.  At first the come down is easy, then less so, then difficult.  The longer the addiction goes on the less we get high with the same amount of stimulation, meaning it takes more stimulation as we desensitize to what initially worked for us, until eventually, it no longer works, but still have to use.  That is addiction.  I am specifically referring to the first video which should open when you click on the link.  Others may follow that are different and may trigger, so be ready be warned. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUngLgGRJpo

Only one door out of here.  You have to quit using.  You have to quit pushing the porn button to get a dopamine hit.  This is experience talking.  Actually, this is William.

Peace
« Last Edit: May 20, 2015, 03:16:52 PM by William »

jkkk

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #252 on: May 20, 2015, 05:10:55 PM »
Saw that film some time ago. Very powerful. Very sad.

jakesfte101

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #253 on: May 22, 2015, 12:35:32 PM »
This is awesome a lot of great content here. I'm sure it will go a long way to helping each and every person here to step away from porn, this destructive, addictive habit. Thanks for all the great information!

rebirth1964

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #254 on: May 25, 2015, 09:36:59 AM »
The key is to stop getting that delta-fos-b high from internet porn and get it from your significant other. It works!

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #255 on: June 05, 2015, 06:25:05 PM »
Hi, thanks for the PM.  One day, a few years ago, after dedicating myself to quitting and failing for about 14 months, "failing" being PMOing to a porn scene on my laptop that had absolutely nothing to do with how I viewed myself sexually, how I wanted to be sexually, I finally said enough is enough.  And I quit.  What I learned along the way is, quitting porn addiction is a very small thing in my life overall.  Porn addiction was part of my life, but, ultimately, it was only a part; it did not define me.  When, after one year I had not gone back, I realized it was time to live my life.  You are 65 days in.  I really did not consider myself "quit" until 120 days.  Gabe Deem, the guy who created rebootnation, counts his freedom from after 9 months.  If you have HOCD it is because, over years, you have numbed yourself to other things.  Understand that porn and sexuality are different poles of the planet; they look alike, but in reality they are completely different realities that give up satisfaction for completely different reasons.  Porn addicts, in reality, don't really want to engage in the scenes that, by the end stages of the addiction, are the only scenes that will trigger them in reality.  One of the key aspects of porn addiction, aka dopamine addiction, is moving through the categories. We start with vanilla porn, something in which we think we see our own sexuality, but that becomes numb to us, then we move on to something more hardcore, and more hardcore, then elements of aggression enter the picture, then violence, then shame, then submission, then, some, "jump the tracks" because whatever they ended up at no longer triggers, and they start to watch things outside their gender preference.  Thus, HOCD.  By the way, this does not even have to do with true gender preference, this has to do with having numbed the pathways that worked for us before, and, having numbed those pathways, needing to find a new, novel, shocking, even disturbing pathway that gets through the callused areas of our brains sexual response center.  In that process we move further and further from the porn we, in the beginning, empathized with.  I don't want to start a flame here, I am sure there are gay guys who watch porn because they identify with it but...I also know, from experience here, there are a lot of otherwise straight guys who start hitting gay porn after they have desensitized to every genre of straight porn out there, including a lot of really fucked up stuff that probably is not accurately described as straight.  They need to have a category called "really deranged and fucked up, but the only thing left before gay porn that will trigger decades addicted porn addicts who on some level still identify as straight."

Don't get confused about what you are and what you are not.  You are a hardcore dopamine addict, and you have numbed the natural ways you get that high via High Speed Internet Porn abuse.  65 days?  Good start.  But that comes years after the abuse began.  It won't take years to get back to normal, but it will take at least months.  90 days is not necessarily where you get back to normal, but for most of us, it is where you start to feel back in control.  Give it that last month, you are almost there.  My advice:  get out in the world, mingle with people, even if you have to fake it, pretend that you like it.  Find someone to help and help them.  Do something for someone else.  I don't care if it is carrying the groceries of an elderly person to their car, do something outside of yourself.  I say again, do something outside of yourself.  Extend yourself.  Reach out.  Take a chance.  Make yourself vulnerable.  Re-engage with reality, even if it slaps you in the face or pours cold water over you--and it will.  Part of quitting is filling that void with something else.  If you don't fill that void with something else you just have a void.  Go hug a tree, go for a hike, ride a bike, run, hit the gym, read a good book, join a book club where you actually have to interact with other homosapiens.  Go for coffee with someone and talk to them about anything.  Porn abuse is the most solitary, isolating, of vices.  Part of taking the cure is doing something you, I, and every other porn addict is terrified of and hates; interacting with others.  I often tell people you have to get out of your comfort zone, but that really is not enough; in reality, you have to move into your discomfort zone, and learn to like it.  Sort of like learning to love withdrawals.   

They don't call it the hard 65.  They call it the hard 90.  You have more time to put in.  But don't put it in passively.  Get out there. Porn is the ultimate detachment from reality.  Part of the cure is re-engaging with life, with reality.  You need to find a group to join, a club, a team, find a group of people who pick up trash at the local park and go pick up trash.  Or something like that.  You get the idea.  Do something.  I hope this does not sound pollyannish, but it has worked for others.  The thing is, nothing in the world will give you the high that dopamine can.  So, if you are waiting around to find a replacement, give it up.  It won't happen.  On some level, we will always miss it.  OK, so we will miss it from time to time.  It is not like we lost a loved one.  It always only did one thing to us:  It fucked our lives up.  That is the only thing porn ever did for us.  Dude, it is time to quit looking backward and time to start looking forward.  Ok, so here is the obvious truth, which I hate saying, and which I hated hearing myself, which I hated hearing from others, and which I hated admitting to myself.  I hated these words, but they are the truth, they are the things our parents tell us and we hated our parents for telling us.  But our parents were right.  If you don't like where your life is, what it is, who you are, change it.  Change it.  You can change it.  I know, sometimes the truth sucks.  But it is the truth.  Although the essence of overcoming dopamine addiction is quitting porn, quitting porn alone is not enough.  You are going to have to get out of the dugout and onto the diamond.  I know, I hate me for saying it too because it is such an obvious truth, and I sound like such a parent talking to a child, but I am not.  I am a recovered porn addict talking to someone who, I have absolute confidence, will also be a recovered porn addict.  Go find a crowded place and walk through the crowd.  Once you get through that cringworthy  moment, turn around and do it again.  These are the people you have been avoiding via porn.  You have many valid reasons for not engaging them, but, now, for you, it is time to join them.  It is time for you to get back in the game.  Even if you lose.  Get back in the game.  Life is not just about self satisfaction.  Life is about experiencing victories and defeats.  Like is about throwing a punch and taking a punch.  Don't be afraid of a split lip.  Get out there.  "There" is real.  Porn is counterfeit, fake, and will never happen to you in real life.  Get out into real life.  This is my advice. 
« Last Edit: June 06, 2015, 01:27:02 PM by William »

CB

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #256 on: June 09, 2015, 03:34:57 PM »
Thank you so much for all of this information and advice! I'll not let this addiction control my life anymore! I've had up to "here" with it rightnow.
It's time to be that man I always wanted to be.

mayane

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #257 on: June 10, 2015, 07:19:00 AM »
Wonderful post William and very educative.  I went without PMO for about 4 weeks and relapsed badly yesterday.  Today I am having strong urges to view P.  Even stronger than when I started the reboot.  Is this the chaser effect?  Though I have relapsed once, I don't want to relapse again for every relapse could weaken the resolve.  And it is all about having a strong resolve, right?

billj572

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #258 on: June 10, 2015, 08:09:57 AM »
Thanks a ton for posting.....i'll be reading this every day!
JB

igetum

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #259 on: June 15, 2015, 03:27:08 PM »
" No one gets out easy, so, if you are not willing to get out hard, you are not willing to get out." I just like that statement.I have been striving to quit PMO but only to crawl back. After joining reboot nation, i have done 10 plus days and relapsed once. I have realised the only way out is not to reduce frequency of PMO but cut it completely. I am getting out hard.

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #260 on: June 15, 2015, 08:04:52 PM »
" No one gets out easy, so, if you are not willing to get out hard, you are not willing to get out." I just like that statement.I have been striving to quit PMO but only to crawl back. After joining reboot nation, i have done 10 plus days and relapsed once. I have realised the only way out is not to reduce frequency of PMO but cut it completely. I am getting out hard.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6_QUhUPrF4

EverettSmith14

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #261 on: June 17, 2015, 04:32:05 PM »
Great post William.  I am often drawn back her simple to find wisdom.  Your words are wise, born of experience, and well placed.

Thanks you

Everett
Everett Smith

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #262 on: June 17, 2015, 05:46:39 PM »
Great post William.  I am often drawn back her simple to find wisdom.  Your words are wise, born of experience, and well placed.

Thanks you

Everett

Hi Everett, thank you for that.  I sometime read your post as well for just the same reason.  Peace.

seb89

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #263 on: June 18, 2015, 06:42:49 AM »
William, really appreciate how you actively guide, advice and make a statement of the requirements needed in this process. Really valuable stuff man. I've been aware of bad effects by PMO since a longer time and have done several attempts. Never crossed the 7 day mark though, but even for that short period of time I really felt positive effects. Those experiences taught me there's no easy way in this and you confirm this once more. Hard 90 is the way to go. Now I'm at day 2 of my new attempt and I notice my mind rationalizing PMO at certain times already. Will I really be better off? I just know for a 100% fact I will. Now I'm just trying to 'enjoy' these thoughts and pains as it will emphasize even more how serious this addiction is, and how important it is for me to quit. You definitely contributed some extra confidence. Day-by-day..

T48

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #264 on: June 23, 2015, 11:45:25 AM »
I am 67 and had an ED problem. I tried all the remedies and none really worked. I had also used porn for years. Was I addicted? Probably. So I stopped last April's fools day. My hard 90 is almost over. Is my ED cured? Not completely but I can have sex with my wife and it is better than it ever has been. Real sex with the woman you love is far better than the alternative PMO. As I continue the process I hope the ED condition will completely disappear. Time will tell.

Thanks William for your direction and support!

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #265 on: July 07, 2015, 07:01:32 AM »
Hello Mates. Thanks for the kind words. There are little tricks to quitting the addiction. One is to have heroes who have pushed through the pain, pushed though the challenge, pushed on when people said it could not be done. It is important to find someone who has done it, whatever "it" is, and study how they did it, what they had to do to do it. I see some very sincere people on this forum posting "I can't do it". They can do it. It can be done. But it is not enough to want it. You have to need to quit. You cannot quit casually. Quitting cannot be a hobby. Quitting cannot be something that you do in your spare time. In the quitting phase, aka the hard 90, quitting must be who you are, who you define yourself as, it must be the person you are when you wake up, the person you are throughout your day, the person you are when you go to sleep. "Quitting" must be how you define yourself in that period. This message reaches about 99% of the people who receive it. About 1% tell me to go fuck myself. But eventually that 1% comes around. You will never make a truce with the addiction, and defeat it. There is no middle ground where you live peacefully with it, where you pick it up and play with it from time to time, like a puppy. You will destroy it completely from your life or... you will be its slave until you do. There is no easy way out. That is the nature of the addiction. There is only the hard, exceedingly difficult, way out. If it was easy to get out it would not be called an addiction. The addiction will attempt to stop you at all costs. Know that now, going in, because I promise you, you will know it before you get clean. Me? Almost two years clean. Me? I have lots of heroes. Here is a video about one. They told here "no", she told them "yes". If you are quitting the addiction, the addiction will tell you no about 1,000 times a day. You have to be ready to emphatically say yes right back to it, about 1,000 times a day. If you are going to quit this addiction, well, when it pushes, and it will, you have to be prepared to push back, and even harder. When it punches you in the gut you have to punch back, and harder. This is the truth.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOGXvBAmTsY

Don't let anyone tell you you cannot do it. And understand, when you are telling yourself you cannot do it, it is just the addiction talking to you. Don't listen to it, it lies.

William. Broadcasting. I want everyone who reads this to take off their chains. And you, who says you can't do it. You can. You did not get here in 2 days. You won't get out of here in 2 days. Quit letting the addiction tell you what you can do. Instead, you tell the addiction what you can do. You define you. Don't let the addiction define you. You define you. This is how it must be.

Much love.

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #266 on: July 13, 2015, 07:10:50 PM »
Hey Bad Guy, thanks for the post. It is VERY IMPORTANT for everyone here, fighting the problem, to understand that our problem is a brain problem. It is not a sex problem, it is not a porn problem. The problem comes down to a perception problem. It is difficult to understand because it is difficult to conceive that one part of our brain can perceive something as A, whereas another part of our brain can perceive something as B. The part of the brain that actually thinks knows porn is not sex. However the part of the brain that rewards porn with a dopamine hit cannot distinguish porn from sex, thinking of both are rewarded with a dopamine spike, but with porn, that dopamine ride is potentially endless due to the endlessly searchable images online and the fact that we get a dopamine hit not just in response to artificial sexual stimulation, but new, different, artificial sexual stimulation, ala the Coolidge Effect.

 Though not exactly the same phenomena take a look at the dress in this link.

http://www.businessinsider.com/white-and-gold-black-and-blue-dress-2015-2

 I am sure some of you have seen this. My mind perceives the dress as white and gold. But, I have a number of friends who swear the dress is blue. Point being it is the same dress, but different minds perceive it differently. For humans, perception is reality.

 The problem we have is that though consciously we know there is a difference between reality and porn, that part of our primitive brain which rewards thoughts of sex or pursuing sex does not make the distinction. Thoughts of sex and pursuing sex is, in that part of the brain, rewarded with a dopamine high (because it feels great) as a means of encouraging reproduction. It is that primitive part of the brain that operates for a basic, necessary, and primitive purpose, to reward sex as a means of perpetuating the species. But we did not evolve with High Speed Internet Porn. Even the older forms of porn, while fascinating to some of us due to a dopamine high, are not addictive like HSIP. Why not? They are finite. Even a great porn magazine is limited by something HSIP is not, that being a beginning and an end, covers, a finite amount of artificial sexual stimulation. HSIP is for practical purposes infinite. You could spend a lifetime in front of your computer and never see the same image twice. Because of that, the primitive part of your brain that rewards "hunting" for new sex with a new partner never has to quit rewarding you with a dopamine high. And from that comes the addiction, which is actually dopamine addiction, porn is just the button we push like lab rats to get our drug of choice.

 The good news is you can change it, but it is incredibly helpful to understand it first. I tried and failed to quit porn for over a year. The day I understood porn was just a button I was pushing to get my real drug, dopamine, I quit shortly after and forever. Almost two years clean. You unconsciously, unwittingly, unknowingly, in ignorance, trained your brain to love porn induced dopamine highs. That took months, for most years, for some decades. It will take you at least 3 maybe 4 months of total abstinence to get clean, aka the hard 90. But if I can do it, you can do it.

 Peace.

 Billy Bones
« Last Edit: July 13, 2015, 07:13:35 PM by William »

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #267 on: July 17, 2015, 03:41:11 PM »
Hi Guys!  Happy Birthday to me.  I am two years clean today.  If I can do it you can to it.

Peace. 

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #268 on: July 22, 2015, 06:24:34 AM »
Hi Mates. Sacrosanct| just sent me this link: http://www.thecoreofattraction.com/online-porn-induced-ed-how-to-fix-it-now/

 It is an important link. Read it. Especially is you are a newbie and you want to know what is going on in your head. First, make a pot of coffee, a pot of tea, plan on about 20 minutes of uninterrupted time to read the link. It is IMPORTANT for you to understand what is going on in there. Thanks Sacrosanct |.

Mason7711

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #269 on: July 23, 2015, 09:20:30 PM »
What do these acronyms mean? MO, PMO, etc.

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #270 on: July 24, 2015, 05:25:11 AM »

LogReg

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #271 on: July 29, 2015, 04:52:18 PM »
Hi Mates. Sacrosanct| just sent me this link: http://www.thecoreofattraction.com/online-porn-induced-ed-how-to-fix-it-now/

 It is an important link. Read it. Especially is you are a newbie and you want to know what is going on in your head. First, make a pot of coffee, a pot of tea, plan on about 20 minutes of uninterrupted time to read the link. It is IMPORTANT for you to understand what is going on in there. Thanks Sacrosanct |.

Amazing article. Left me kinda confused, angry and scared.
Who would have thought that 18 year old athletic swimmer would have such fking problems...
I dont know how I shall explain this to my gf....or what will happen next.

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #272 on: July 29, 2015, 07:10:06 PM »
Don't freak, LogReg. Knowledge is power.  Once we understand what is happening to us, we can fight it.  You won't get clean until you understand it. 

Dani

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #273 on: August 04, 2015, 06:29:21 AM »
For a long time I've regarded porn as the mortal enemy to combat, but this idea that it's actually our brain the one to be blame for has changed my perspective... for the better.

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #274 on: August 18, 2015, 07:03:04 PM »
William, really appreciate how you actively guide, advice and make a statement of the requirements needed in this process. Really valuable stuff man. I've been aware of bad effects by PMO since a longer time and have done several attempts. Never crossed the 7 day mark though, but even for that short period of time I really felt positive effects. Those experiences taught me there's no easy way in this and you confirm this once more. Hard 90 is the way to go. Now I'm at day 2 of my new attempt and I notice my mind rationalizing PMO at certain times already. Will I really be better off? I just know for a 100% fact I will. Now I'm just trying to 'enjoy' these thoughts and pains as it will emphasize even more how serious this addiction is, and how important it is for me to quit. You definitely contributed some extra confidence. Day-by-day..

I have some unorthodox advice.

I tried quitting a year ago, went about a week and relapsed. I have since PMO'd a lot less, but was still doing it.

I quit nine days ago after three attempts to have sex with women. Naked women wanting & me couldn't doing anything. It was the most embarrassing moments of my life.

I am 100% sure I will never relapse, I understand I went longer before. But I have no desire to PMO, maybe it's because I'm in a flatline, but I refuse to accept never having sex in my life, not an option.

They say many drug addicts get clean after hitting rock bottom, my rock bottom was having a naked women on my bed & me not being able to do anything.

My advice: get with a girl, you'll be extremely ashamed, embarrassed, and disgusted with yourself. After feeling that, I can't imagine you'll relapse again. The feeling is so bad, you'll be repulsed by the thought of PMO, I know I am now.