Author Topic: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.  (Read 194139 times)

rebooterer

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #50 on: September 09, 2014, 12:48:25 AM »
Great stuff!

I can identify with your first post where you talk about triggering on almost anything. About the chameleon.

I find myself having a bit of a rush and producing precum and/or getting semi erections to just about anything remotely sexual. Such as: things that aren't even images, let alone videos, like a tinder match notification on my phone, a vaguely sexual tweet, or texting a girl to set up a date... also fully clothed not at all suggestive pics e.g. on facebook if I focus on them for a sec and let sexual thoughts come on... also I have random spontaneous fantasies (about real girls real) that I don't think I used to.

These are arousals that I'm not even actively seeking. If they come on, I don't do anything about them (i.e. no M, no O), which I hope is stamping out the dopamine addiction now clinging to life.

Do you interpret the fact that I apparently can get aroused from so little as a) a sign that the addiction is perhaps still around but on it's last legs? b) A symptom of being ready-to-go and healthy, given the abstinence (115+day reboot) I've gone in? ..A bit of both a&B?

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #51 on: September 09, 2014, 06:21:51 AM »
Hi rebooter.  I think you are rebooted.  115 days are great.  It will get better.  Just be careful not to fall back.  You will be tempted along the way.  I interpret the fact that you can become aroused from so little as a fact that you are...alive.  Be alive, don't go back to being dead.  Be alive brother.  Be alive.  Getting clean of porn addiction does not make us better people.  It makes it possible for us to be better people.  This is your time to be a better person.  Go forward, not back.  It gets easier the longer you go.  Keep going.  You are an inspiration to those of us who post here. 

@ promise, anything with Freddie Mercury is gold. 

Much love. 

Promise

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #52 on: September 09, 2014, 03:29:16 PM »
@rebooterer: I get that too, I was getting hard just picturing holding a girl's hand O.o

@William: Amen brother, what a legend. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTdd8QxifbY

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #53 on: September 09, 2014, 06:38:24 PM »
@ promise, dig the vid.  Come to this side of clean my brother.  It is time.

If you are going to try, go all the way.  Do it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6_QUhUPrF4

For anyone reading this, there is only black and white when it comes to porn addiction.  You are either an addict using, or you are an addict not using.  If you are using...you are losing.  Two types of guys here.  There is the first type, I like them, they are guys who want to control their porn use, but don't want to abandon it.  They want to keep it around for casual fun.  They are addicts in denial, and they will fail.  Then there are the second type.  These guys can be challenging and testy.  They have acknowledged porn is in control and to control it they have banished it, defriended it, excommunicated it, and have told it to go fuck itself.  I am in the second group, and I am free.  I will never go back.  I took off those chains some time ago.  If you are reading this, I am inviting you to join this group.  It will hurt.  It will suck.  You will feel like you are dying.  And then, when you think you cannot take it anymore, you will discover yourself, and you will become free, and after that, you can't be broken. 

If you are going to try, go all the way. 

Much love. 

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #54 on: September 10, 2014, 06:22:39 AM »
So you are fucked up.  I get it.  I was fucked up too.  Then I decided to get clean.  Now, though I am sure I am fucked up in other ways, I don't have porn addiction to deal with.  Now I can turn my attention to other things.  This is what post-addiction looks like.

http://www.eonline.com/news/577194/robert-downey-jr-reflects-on-his-past-drug-use-and-how-his-son-indio-downey-inherited-his-addictions

Downey is OK by me. 

Pheonix

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #55 on: September 10, 2014, 08:22:20 AM »
Thanks very much William for sharing what you have learned. I read your whole post, watched then links (love the Ted talk), and installed K9. These are some of the extra steps I need to ensure that I am on the road to a permanent recovery.

Peace


William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #56 on: September 10, 2014, 05:54:08 PM »
@ Pheonix, no prob Bro, glad I could help, hope I have. 

Peace.

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #57 on: September 12, 2014, 09:01:52 AM »
I was approached via PM by a member who I believe wishes to remain anonymous.  He asked a question.  It is the same question all of us ask.  You know the question, it is the reason all of us eventually get to a place like this.  The only reason.  My response.

It helps to have a reason to quit.  Gary Wilson, whose video you can find on the home page of this forum, upper right, asks the question, why would any porn loving guy give it up.  Watch the video, understand the chemical reactions that occur when we are exposed to porn, aka artificial sexual stimulation, aka hypersexual imagery.  Understanding you are just pushing a porn button to get a dopamine high will help you understand how to control it and quit pushing the button.

That is the first question for you.  Why give it up?  What is your reason in giving it up?  I imagine you probably want to have a normal relationship, physical and emotional, with a woman.  You won't have that while porn is your master.  What is your goal?, and by that I do not mean breaking the PMO cycle, but what is your life goal?  Once you understand that porn is just a button we push to get a dopamine high, and that it is dopamine that we are addicted to, then quitting porn becomes a small problem.  Not a huge problem.  If you have a big goal and a small problem you can probably beat the small problem.

There is a method to quitting.  I say Get Educated, Get Tools, Learn to Love Withdrawals.  Getting Educated is understanding the problem. 

Getting tools is finding things outside yourself, outside your will power alone to help in the quitting process.  Typically that would be installing K9 and writing here every single day.  Also, your goal should not be to control porn, but to eliminate it from your life.  Sometimes guys get wrapped up in the "challenge" to see how long they can go without.  I don't like that approach and do not use it.  If you are a porn addict then, like any other addict, to control the addiction you have to expel it from your life, completely.  It has to be a lifestyle change.  You may have difficulty with that concept because for many of us porn was the absolutely one certain thing we would do every day.  We might not shower some days, but we sure as hell got our porn fix.  Porn is self medicating and it can seem like a comfort, a friend, a crutch.  But porn is not a comfort, a friend, or a crutch.  Porn takes away from your life and adds nothing to it.  When we first start porn is like a roller coaster, a cheap thrill, but eventually it becomes more like a choir, something we have to do every day whether we like it or not, and by then, we don't really like to anymore, but it just feels like we have to.  By that point, we have wrapped ourselves up in the chains of our own slavery.  I advise you get angry at porn, make it your enemy.  Put obstacles between yourself and the problem.  The porn blockers will not stop someone determined to access porn, but if you are determined not to, they are a huge help.  For me they were like a tap on the shoulder reminding me what I was doing.  And what was I doing?  I was quitting porn and overcoming the addiction.

I will warn you, it is going to be hard, very hard.  Especially for you.  You are younger and the younger guys, say under 30, have only had porn as a sexual outlet.  Because of that you have wired your brain to porn, porn first before sex, porn and porn alone.  When we use the word "rewiring" it implies we are wiring our brains back to a place, to a reward pathway, that previously existed.  For those of us over 30 that translates to us at least having had a real sex life before the addiction overtook us.  For those of us your age I would imagine you have never had a sex life before or other than porn, meaning you have to de-wire from the only sexual outlet you have experienced.  It is easier to re-wire to sex if you at least previously had reward pathways that lit up with actual sex.  So, I am sorry to say, this will be difficult for you.

The last of the three, Learn to Love Withdrawals.  Porn, aka dopamine, withdrawals are horrible.  They are physical and mental and emotional pain.  The reward pathway that we have abused through porn consumption on some level feels like vitality, like being alive, more alive.  That is why we love dopamine, it feels good.  When you take that away, during the reboot, you will have moments that feel absolute terror. On some level you will literally feel like you are dying.  You won't be dying, but there is no addict who has not walked through that hell of withdrawal and not asked themselves "If this is the price of quitting, do I want to quit, can I pay the price?"  For me, the answer to that question was "If this is the price of quitting porn, and if I feel terror and like dying every single day for the rest of my life, then I will feel it."  You won't feel it forever, and by 90 days much, maybe all, will be behind you, but at the time it is happening you will feel a very human desire to relapse, to kill the pain.  But you cannot kill the pain and reboot, so you have to accept the pain, embrace it, know what it is, know it is inevitable, know it is a good thing, it is your dopamine soaked brain fighting you, threatening you, exhorting you, betting you, blackmailing you to relapse, to feed the addiction, to give it the drug.  If you are going to get clean, you can't give it the drug.  Therefore my phrase, learn to love withdrawals.  I came to greet them like an old friend, like embracing my torturer, like "I see what you are going to do today, and I am going to want to die, but it does not matter because you will not break me."  I joking tell people here, after I beat porn addiction I know I will not break under torture.

You are seventeen.  If you can overcome this now you can have a great life.   But know, as long as you are a slave to porn, your life will never be and achieve all the potential it could have had.  You will never have a truly normal relationship with a woman because no woman will be enough, only porn will be enough.  That is a horrible feeling to know you cannot get off with real women the way you only can with the category of porn you have gotten to. Want to know what is a worse feeling?  Loving someone and seeing in their eyes that they know they are not enough.  It is time for you to take the medicine, and in that 90 reboot period I promise you you will come to believe the medicine is worse than the disease, but if you can take it I also promise you you can become free.

I invite you to this side of free.

Good luck on your journey. 

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #58 on: September 14, 2014, 06:25:31 PM »
Sender just posted this.  I felt is was so helpful I am posting it here again.  Thanks Sender!

The internet, as it is today, is literally flooded with hardcore porn.  It's always available, just a click away.  We don't have to opt-in, agree to have it sent to us, or provide proof of age.  It's there, all the time, in every home and on every device.  Sadly, there is no easy way to opt-out at this time.  I'm hoping for some sort of political action around this, and I do believe that will happen...eventually.  But for now, all we have is the pornternet.

It's one thing for me to exercise self-control and choose not to look.  But what about parents (like me) who have children that will almost certainly find this stuff, either on purpose or by accident, and become hooked.  Trying to block everything from every device is laborious at best, and far from perfect.  It requires technical know-how and a large amount of effort.  And while monitoring my kid's activities 24x7x365 may be a laudable goal, but that's just not possible.

What if you could just add a device to your network and BAM - no more porn.  Well, today, that's exactly what I did.  I bought one of these: https://www.sentrydns.com/ProductDetails.asp?ProductCode=BUCRPRO. It's a router that automatically blocks out all porn.  It even automatically locks down safe search so there are no longer any hardcore images to be had on my computer, no matter what I do!  It came today.  I just hooked it up inline with my existing router.  It did not affect my routing configuration at all except that now I have a totally porn-free home!

I know...I know...I can just unhook it if I want to, or disconnect from WiFi and go on my cellular network, which this device does not protect.  But that's not the point.  My kid can't get into my phone, nor can she reconfigure this router (even if she knew how, she doesn't have the password).  So I can rest at night knowing that my family is safe from the porn plague, at least when they are at home.

Promise

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #59 on: September 15, 2014, 03:55:27 AM »
Hi William, is it time for another reboot related song?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3a7cHPy04s8

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #60 on: September 15, 2014, 06:26:41 AM »
Hi Promise, I like it.

You are two days from 10% to 90.  That is a good first step.  Just a few more and you are clean.  Keep going, porn is not an option.

And, whether it is girl reaction or girly action, I get plenty.   Because, now that I am clean, I can. 

Peace. 

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #61 on: September 18, 2014, 10:26:37 AM »
So, just noticed today is the 18th.  To be honest I don't really count how long I have been clean anymore, it is not a thought that runs around in there.  The days just go and I don't PMO.  It is not a struggle anymore.  I count the 18th important because when I first began quitting, I always counted another month down on the 18th, so, today will be 14 months clean.  No PMO. 

For anyone reading this asking if you can get clean the answer is:  you can get clean.  Understanding that you can live a porn free lifestyle is the first step. 

Peace.

Keep going.  Porn is not an option.

Promise

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #62 on: September 18, 2014, 06:33:03 PM »

jkkk

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #63 on: September 18, 2014, 06:48:48 PM »
This thread, William, is brilliant.

What I did was:
- printed it out in whole,
- reading it page by page,
- now at page 24 out of 39 that my printer accounted for.

What I admire about your approach is your insistence on naming our problem dopamine addiction, not porn addiction.

It rings perfectly with me and on top of that I want to add a few words of my own. Words and thoughts that I reckon were with me for a very long time, but only now, after reading this illuminative stuff, have found a proper way out.

1. Porn substitutes will ruin your reboot. Full stop.

The comments you made on porn substitutes hit the nail on the head. I personally experienced that as dopamine kicking as porn are all kind of activities and material that contain significant amount of sexuality:

- perusing and searching girls profiles on Facebook,

- searching the Internet for images of women (eg. checking out actresses, famous people, wives of famous guys etc.),

- browsing gossip sites,

- plastic surgery sites,

- TV (obviously erotic movies, but not only them - lots of movies contain strong sexual imagery and references)

- reality shows (OK., Masterchef might not be in this group but you know which reality shows I mean - basically, anything on MTV),

- tabloid newspapers, magazines with racy pictures of women (obviously porn magazines, but Playboy is not a safe option either),

- news regarding sexual lives (eg. reports on infidelities),

- staring at women in public places (shopping malls, streets, public transport) a.k.a. objectifying women.

Some will say that I am a total lunatic with such ideas the above lists looks a little crazy - but hey, this what this addiction can lead to.

The list is of course made on my subjective experience. All these activities spiked my dopamine levels and put me in the hunting and craving mode.

It is a very particular feeling - you think you are not relapsing, but you notice something is drawing your attention and using your time. If you observed yourself for longer while, you would probably notice that you are doing those activities compulsively.

2. Porn substitutes must be treated as porn. Not for a limited amount of time, but forever.

I will explain why I think that is not enough to ditch porn substitutes for just 90 days.

The word that is often used with regard to above activities is "triggers".

I don't think that "trigger" is a good word. But I admit I myself used that word for many years. I started rebooting 4,5 years ago, so I have something like 54 months under my belt. I went without looking at porn for years, but read why it all did not prove so brilliant, why I did relapse and why I am back here, fighting alongside you guys.

Back when I started out I relied heavily on "Don't call it love" by Patrick Carnes, I guess the classic book on sex addictions. One of the recommended actions back then was to make a "map of behaviours" where there was a green area (good behaviours), yellow area (triggering, unsafe behaviours) and red area (relapse behaviours - center of the addiction). All of the above-listed activities were recognizing by me as unsafe and went into yellow. So I always was aware that I should not engage in those activities. My no porn streak was 2 years or longer, so it seemed pretty much great - I was relapse free for a very long time.

But then, some cracks started appearing, some jinks in the armour. I did not know what was going, but I felt I did not feel the effects of the reboot anymore. I became critical of life, of my woman. I felt less satisfied with life. Then, I noticed, started relapses with porn. No binging, no 3 week-streaks. Just every now and then. I thought that maybe it was due to extraordinary stress and that I simply must focus on the reboot armour.

In truth, at a certain point time, I think 8-10 months after starting the reboot, I started engaging in porn substitutes. Unseemingly, uncosciously. Normal stuff. What is wrong with browsing the Internet and finding out how one's wife looks like?

Well it is, if you're a dopamine addict, like myself.

I have been observing my behaviour for a very long time and I knew for a long time now that something was wrong. I knew, in principle, that I should be engaging the above-mentioned activities. I read about guys undertaking "no pixels" reboot.

I thought for a long time about a no-pixel reboot. I knew I needed it, but I hesitate and rationalized. Because I'm an addict.

And it NEVER crossed my mind that I was doing was pure sabotage - it is actually dopamine-kicking and binging my system.

Here is where your remarks, William, were just pure illumination. The coincidence amazes me, because I found out the thread 3 days after deciding to go on a non-pixel reboot. I felt almost like finding the one puzzle that went missing under the carpet. Thanks for giving me this feeling.

So these activities, if you use them as I did, cannot be really called mere "triggers". They are the ACTUAL ADDICTION.

And honestly, I think that for us, addicts, it is never safe to go back to those activities.

3. Porn substitutes are more dangerous than porn.

Because they are so not obvious. And seem so benign. Harmless. C'mon, having a look at some gossip "never killed nobody", did it?

And you will find less and less understanding. I guess people can understand not watching porn, but they might look strange at you if you tell them that you will not access the link that they just sent you, because you do not read gossip sites. Try to find out.

4. Withdrawals are hell. Staying free of addiction long-term is a challenge as well.

Withdrawal (4,5 years ago) was hell for me.

I had panic attacks. I couldn't sleep. I had problems eating. I ached. I was lone with all that.

I want everyone who has these kind of withdrawal symptoms to know that I know what you guys feel.

I would also say that the memories of the withdrawal are the single reason I stayed away from porn for such a long time and why my relapses never extended to 2-week porn binges. Those memories give me shivers.

Yet it is a time of total war. This is what is captivating about it - you are like a soldier on the front. There is a purpose, there is a need. You feel pain but you march on.

This feeling wanes with time after you free yourself and get past the biggest obstacles. It is then, I believe, where the knowledge of how the addiction works is important. It is also then where the knowledge about porn substitutes becomes handy. Because it rarely happens that after 10 months of being totally clean you decide one day - "screw it, let's watch porn".

It is a gradual process where you are engaging in more and more dopamine-enticing activities.

Be aware of that and watch out. I'm telling this to myself in the first place.

I love my renewed no-pixel reboot effort. I feel a bit like finding the Holy Grail. I do not expect heavy withdrawals (will keep you posted if anything like this happens), but I expect setting on a route of really dealing with my dopamine addiction and freeing myself for life. And really and fully loving and rewiring to my wife, just as she deserves.

Keep your fingers crossed for me, guys.

Promise

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #64 on: September 18, 2014, 07:10:18 PM »
What is a no-pixel reboot?

I've mentioned before how identifying and learning to ignore your 'triggers' (whether you call them that, or an extension of your addiction) is essential for a good reboot.  I will admit to occasionally glancing for too long at a Facebook photo, or following a news link if I think it might turn out to be raunchy.  I've identified these as 'yellow' activities and should seek to cease them.  Another not so cut and dry issue I've faced recently is fantasizing about relationships.  Not about sex, just about relationships and women.  It makes me feel happy, but I wonder if it's a harmful thing to do, living in a fantasy world.

Thanks for the post jkkk, most illuminating.

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #65 on: September 19, 2014, 09:03:09 AM »
Hi jkkk, thank you for your insightful post here.  For me, this all goes back to the Gary Wilson video.  The first one.  Here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU

Porn is not porn.  Porn is just a button we push to get a dopamine fix.  We are not addicted to porn, we are addicted to dopamine.  Without the dopamine fix porn (or porn substitutes, or any other hypersexual thought we have that gives us a dopamine fix) gives use, we would find pornography about as interesting as watching the moon set.  Interesting?  Yeah, but not so much.  For the porn addict, porn is a cameleon, it can change form; we have to be careful, especially in the quitting phase, because our dopamine soaked brains will trigger on just about anything.  That is the disease reasoning with us, begging us, rationalizing with us, threatening us, blackmailing us, to relapse.  Just a little won't hurt.  The thing about porn addiction is, it can be starved to death, but the smallest amount of dopamine abuse in the quitting phase just keeps it alive, lingering, hanging around.   

jkkk, I am glad if anything I said helps.  Helping is the only reason I still post.  No one said these things to me when I was quitting.  Gary Wilson is a genius at telling us why we are addicted, not so much at telling us how to quit.  It is hard for a non-addict to understand just how powerful this problem is.

@ promise: 

I love the track, love Heaven 17, and love 80's synthopop, but it's a bit before my time.  Let's bring it into the present:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svefcog5PRM

If you beat the addiction you won't have no problems, but you'll have one less problem. 

promise, I know you are not counting, which is how I got clean, but promise me you will keep going. 

Peace out bro.

Anyone reading this:  Radio Will I AM broadcasting.  I am on this side of free.  I want to see all of you here too.  Take off your chains. 

jkkk

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #66 on: September 19, 2014, 09:09:49 AM »
Another not so cut and dry issue I've faced recently is fantasizing about relationships.  Not about sex, just about relationships and women.  It makes me feel happy, but I wonder if it's a harmful thing to do, living in a fantasy world.

Hey Promise,

I've been there too and I confirm your approach. I remember, as an adolescent, fantasizing about relationships. It really felt like I was totally living in a fantasy world... It was very bad, made me very sad and depressed then - I see it from today's perspective.

People are wonderful the way they are and the way we meet and find them, so I definitely encourage going out and meeting, talking, flirting - making acquaintances, making friendships, romancing. I feel I lost a large part of my life to porn, most of us here probably feel this way.

It's easier said than done, I know, but the reboot helps immensely in regaining confidence. Immensely.

Promise

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #67 on: September 19, 2014, 04:24:07 PM »
Thanks for the replies, guys.  I promise to keep going.  It's a Promise promise.  I feel strong, and my life feels fulfilling without porn.  There's more work to be done, but I'm happy :)
Thanks for the song, William, was alright for pop  ;D 80s synth pop is before no one's time, it is timeless.

I'm going to stop living in a fantasy world and start working hard in this one.  Thing is, I really have a thing for this German internet friend.  There's no doubt we're going to meet up at some point, I was having a talk with someone else about whether it's healthy to fall for someone on the internet, and the general conclusion was that it's almost a cop out.  I don't feel like my internet personality is any different from my irl personality though, and our phone calls feel very genuine.  Unless someone has a grave warning, I think I might pursue this one.  I don't know if she's interested in me, but we'll see, eh?

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #68 on: September 20, 2014, 08:08:14 AM »
It helps to have a hero.  Do you have a hero?  I have many heroes, people, men and women, that I admire and that I can emulate.  One of my heroes is a guy who died long before most of us were born.  He never gave up.  He just pushed and pushed and pushed.  My philosophy of "leaning to love withdrawals" might be translated as taking joy in the pain of pushing the boundaries.  Quitting porn, for the addict, is both painful and terrifying.  We have fucked up our brain's reward system so badly by years of abuse that turning off that dopamine spout will be punished.  Always remember, porn is, and only is, a button we push for a dopamine high.  When you quit pushing that button the reward center will punish you to try and make you push it again.  You have to embrace that pain, not run away from it, not find ways to avoid it or distract yourself from it, but look it right in the eye.  You have to push yourself, you have to tell yourself "I am a man who will not be broken", you have to go on, despite every fiber of your being wanting to go back, you have to be willing to feel like dying. Hell, you have to be willing to die, because after years of abusing your brain's reward center, when you turn off the dopamine spout, that is exactly what your brain is going to tell you you are going to do.  Porn addiction is a very small place and it is very, very comfortable.  You have to be willing to tear down those boundaries and push yourself far, far away and outside that comfortable, numb, place you have created through years of abuse. 

You can do it.  This is my hero, Steve Prefontaine.  He died a long, long, long time ago before the vast majority of us were even born.  He never gave up, and whenever I felt like quitting, I just thought of him. You see, quitting porn or any addiction is like running a race.  I promise you, when you are running, you will want to stop, you will want to slow down, you will want to stop and walk, you will want to lay down, and at a certain point you will feel like completing it is impossible. I am here to tell you, you CAN do it, you can finish this race. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjvHHwLHqc8

Keep going, porn is not an option.

Peace.
« Last Edit: September 20, 2014, 08:14:36 AM by William »

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #69 on: September 21, 2014, 09:35:13 AM »
Radio Will I AM, broadcasting to the occupied territories. 

Hello Gentlemen.  If you who are reading this are dedicated to keeping your addiction in your life, go away.  I have nothing to say to you. 

There are two types of guys here.  Both types love the dopamine high porn gives them. The first type is here trying to control the addiction, to keep porn in their life, but to control it.  They are doomed to fail.  For a porn addict, porn cannot be kept in their lives if they are going to overcome it.  Nice guys, those guys, I like a lot of them.  Come back in five years and you will still find them posting about their latest 10 day streak.

Then there is the other group of guys.  I stand with them.  They understand they cannot control porn addiction, and so it had to go completely from their lives.  These guys are free, they are no longer slaves.  Don't be a slave.  Take off your chains.  When it comes to quitting porn addiction there is only "quit" and "continuing to use."  There is no middle ground, there is no gray, there is only black and white.  You love the dopamine hit, I understand, but if you are joining us, here on the quit side, you have to give it up.  Completely.  There is no middle ground; there is no conditional surrender, the surrender must be unconditional; there is only total victory or continued defeat.  Your addiction will tell you why this is not true; your addiction will lie to you.

I want you to watch something.  Here it is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3voRbKryjA

"If I'm a lover of the good times, my lover's the sun light."

I know, WTF am I doing posting a music vid in a porn addiction recovery forum?  What is the point?  The point is:  I am free.  I am going out in the world today.  I am going to run 5 miles, I am going to challenge myself.  I am going to engage the World.  I may get a black eye and a split lip.  Getting free of porn does not mean I can't get hit, can't feel pain.  I can get hit out there, I can feel pain, but I can inflict it too, and maybe when we are done, reality and me, it will have a black eye and a split lip too.  When you are free, you will be dangerous.   

Brothers.  Brothers!  BROTHERS!!  WAKE UP!!  GET OUT.  GO LIVE LIFE!  When I was a slave I worshiped porn.  I worshiped death, because that is what the worship of porn is, worshiping the opposite of living.  Now I worship life.  Make the choice to quit worshiping death and to worship life.  TAKE OFF YOUR CHAINS!!  I invite you to stand with those of us who are free.

Much love. 
« Last Edit: September 21, 2014, 09:56:28 AM by William »

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #70 on: September 21, 2014, 04:40:44 PM »
Hi Guys, Dogwood just posted this here in the PIED forum and over on nofap in the Addiction forum.  It is important.  It is about us, our problem, and what we are doing about it.  Read it. 

http://yourbrainonporn.com/london-times-feature-gary-wilson-cure-porn-addicts-who-have-lost-loving-feeling

Posted in the London Times today. 

Peace. 

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #71 on: September 23, 2014, 06:42:20 AM »
Porn addicts are notoriously OCD, meaning we have trouble fixing our attention on anything for more than a second, but...this is important.  Watch this.  It will help you understand what is going on in there.  Yes, yes, I know, 50 minutes, that is forever, but it is the best 50 minutes a porn addict will ever spend.  OK, OK, I know what you are thinking...no smart ass replies please. 

http://yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-dysfunction-and-porn

Peace. 

William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #72 on: September 24, 2014, 08:02:39 AM »
Radio free Will I AM, broadcasting to the occupied territories.  I am here to tell anyone who reads this that porn addiction need not be a lifetime of slavery, that you can overcome it, that you can be free.  You just have to take the medicine, and the medicine is turning off all those buttons you are pushing to get a dopamine high.  Best drug in the world, dopamine, and we carry it around in our heads, we don't even need to ingest it, just a bit of porn will do it, every day, multiple times a day, for years.  I know, I just described you because I just described myself before I got clean. 

Here is a quote:

“One school is finished, and the time has come for another to begin.”
― Richard Bach, Jonathan Livingston Seagull

Why post literature from the outside here in a porn addiction recovery forum?  Because, to recover, you have to get off this forum and engage in the outside world.  Pornography addiction is death worship, it is the opposite of life worship, it is the ultimate disengagement from living.  Gentlemen, it is time to quit dying and time to start living.  It is time for you to go outside, get out in the real world where, admittedly, it's a bit more dangerous than sitting alone in front of your computer, but you won't get clean of this until you learn to take a punch, and along the way you will learn to throw one. 

Good luck in your journey.

Peace.

jkkk

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #73 on: September 25, 2014, 05:17:30 PM »
So, William, I got through the whole thread, little by little.

I can say the same thing you are saying - I wish someone told me all those things when I started rebooting and struggling with dopamine addiction.

There are a few points you made that resonate with me.

First, the only black and white world. Simple, but ruthless. I reasoned with myself for much too long, explanining that various behaviours were "normal" and the "usual guy stuff". Bullshit.

Second, nothing to rewire to, only scorched earth. That is painfully true and gruesome. I had basically no sex life and no erotic life, and practically no girlfriends during my binging years. Absolute mayhem in terms of my sexual health. This also created a lot of confusion for me when I first rebooted. I did not know whether real sex was OK or good, or was it not, did it help in recover or did it hamper it?

I wish there was some protocol that young guys could follow, that would lead them out of this abyss.

For myself, I am fighting now. And it is difficult. I do not have a hard withdrawal, but I see that my brain is squeezing painfully for it fixes - staring at girls, looking at imagery, glancing at high-heeled shoes. It's creepy to see what the attacked system settles for when it being deprived of fixes. But I want to continue. I want to get better and for the cravings to get weaker. Keep fingers crossed for me.



William

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Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« Reply #74 on: September 25, 2014, 05:45:26 PM »
Hi jkkk, thank you very much the post and the kind words.  Yes, ruthless is the word.  Porn addiction will try and talk you into compromise, but there is no compromise with porn addiction, you are either using or you are clean; there is nothing in the middle.   A lot of guys trying to quit do not quit seriously because they do not think of the problem as that serious.  Porn has become so accepted in our society that the concept of totally abandoning it is contrary to popular opinion.  For many of us porn use started out almost like a game, a fun diversion, an amusement park ride.  We have to turn our world view upside down on this point by the time we realize it has become a disease.  We have to turn our backs on something we have come to rely upon as an emotional crutch.  What we only realize at the end is, we are not cripples, we use the crutch because we have come to love the crutch.  You are 82 days in.  90 is the gold standard.  There will be days difficult after that but for most of us the problem begins to recede, to become manageable, at that time, we don't fear relapse.  I know I will never relapse.  I have absolute confidence you, too, will stay clean.  I am crossing my fingers for you, but I have no doubt you will succeed.

Peace.