Author Topic: Losing track after 3 years  (Read 1394 times)

MickorMike

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Losing track after 3 years
« on: February 21, 2017, 01:21:34 AM »
Hi all
I got over my ED around 6 months ago after a 3 year struggle. Now I've started to watch occasional clips again and look for photos on the basis I'm cured. So I'm back here to just throw my thoughts out there every time I get the urge.
I can't believe I started looking at porn again after all this time. I've got a loving partner, I can almost always get it up now and I'm risking going back to a dick that doesn't work. How dumb is that. Not only that but I notice if I watch even a little porn I am less focused and motivated afterwards and I find I treat my girl with less respect. It's all the things I remember happening during the centre of my addiction.
My girl is seriously against porn so I can't really chat to her about it. That would be the end of us. I have always found these forums helped so I'm back. I'll update each time I'm tempted. There is no way I'm going back to the crap that ED caused to my well being, confidence and effect it had on those around me.

Karzam

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Re: Losing track after 3 years
« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2017, 04:08:59 PM »
Hi MickorMike,

 Well, you sound pretty angry with yourself, so hopefully that'll provide the motivation you need to stay off it. The question is...why did you relapse?

Karzam

Andrew Carendon

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Re: Losing track after 3 years
« Reply #2 on: February 22, 2017, 07:30:10 PM »
MickorMike, you are loved. Please brother put the bat down. i am you and you are me. I want to help you because I could be you . Its only today. MickorMike can I ask if you have removed the internet, smart phone, whatever electronic Devils are around? Your not a bad person just a person like me who has a vicious addiction but it can be surrendered to one day at a time. I understand you cannot speak to this with your partner. neither can I and we have been together for 25 years. Let go, get rid of the electronic ability to see the images that are harmful to us.
rust me my friend there are Plenty of real women to See and that's okay. as long as we aren't seeing them as Pixels.
Dumb your phone down. Get rid of the electronics. I know you can do this MickorMike......your friend Andrew

getagrip

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Re: Losing track after 3 years
« Reply #3 on: February 22, 2017, 08:57:13 PM »
Absolutely you can get back on track. Gotta be careful with the triggers. I have eliminated a lot of porn and triggers off my devices but just tonight I realized that the photo of the pretty (and clothed) girl I was using as my PC screensaver had to go. So I got rid of it. I also have to be careful with Pinterest. Just because a gal has clothes on doesn't mean her photo can't be a trigger! In the meantime go a little easy on yourself and forgive yourself for the slip. You like all of us are only human.
Keep it real. As in real women.

MickorMike

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Re: Losing track after 3 years
« Reply #4 on: February 23, 2017, 11:21:48 PM »
Thanks for the reply guys. I'm not beating myself up too much. Just disappointed in doing it.

Time heals wounds and also makes you forget how painful they were which I think is the main reason I've gone back to porn recently. It is seductive and the euphoric high while doing it is still immense. In fact it increased from where I was when I stopped watching porn because at that stage the desensitisation was so high I couldn't get it up with a partner or when masturbating and was starting to lose it with porn. So with all that capability back the high from even explicit photos is ridiculous.

So I'm back here today because I felt urges to watch it again. I appreciate the support everyone and it's good to know you're there.

Firstbigstep

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Re: Losing track after 3 years
« Reply #5 on: February 26, 2017, 06:58:57 AM »
Hi MickorMike,

I think we all (those of us who are really serious about beating this bloody problem, anyway) have to look at it a bit like an alcoholic. I have 2 friends who have battled the booze.

One has not had a drink in about 30 years. yet he still refers to himself as an alcoholic.

The other, in his words, manages his drinking. I'd never be surprised, to be honest, if he fell back into the drinking trap. He claims to have cured himself of his alcoholism. I remain unconvinced. Interestingly, he too, had a dependence on porn, and has a relationship in the past with Thai bar girls. yet he feels it's ok to look at still images on line and in the past sleep with bar girls because they are "not porn" and "not prostitutes" respectively. I think they are pretty fine lines of distinction!

The fact that you've come here when in extremis shows that you are more than well aware of the dangers you face, plus, by your own admission, you have a clear understanding of what you are putting at risk.

I'd read William's first posts here (So this is where we begin, gentlemen IIRC) and the look at the partners' pages. They always straighten me out if I'm even a little bit tempted.

You're not alone here, you have tremendous support from the RN community.
I'm here to help and be helped, support and be supported.

workinprogressUK

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Re: Losing track after 3 years
« Reply #6 on: February 27, 2017, 07:57:12 AM »
I feel your pain, buddy. Was about 3 years into my recovery that I allowed myself to believe that a little tease of P wouldn't do me any harm... and that I could control it. Set my old behaviors rolling like a big snowball down a hill. Hopefully just logging back in here has set your compass straight. If you managed three years before, hopefully you;re finding it much easier to get back on the straight and narrow this time around. That's certainly been my experience. You've already pulled into focus how shitty your life used to be as a practicing addict, and how much better it has been since you got off the P. So I hope that you can re-establish the other positive behaviors that brought you success three years back. I read somewhere that "it's the most natural thing in the world for a recovering addict to relapse", but it sounds like you're determined to make sure it's only a short-lived, temporary, error. Keep fighting!