Author Topic: I am finally free of porn addiction  (Read 3565 times)

camus

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I am finally free of porn addiction
« on: December 05, 2016, 05:56:48 AM »
I'm not new here, but this is a new thread to signify a new attempt to recover. I last posted on this forum a few months back. I have used now and then since, and I thought I had it under control. But after a binge a few days back, I've come to realise that whether it takes a few weeks or a few months, eventually I go back to having an all out binge. I can always invent an excuse to warrant a binge.

Without a doubt, porn has infected my brain. My years of use has warped me. It has stolen a good twenty years of my life.

But today I am going to take a stand. I won't allow it to rob another second of my life. From today onwards, porn is no longer a problem. I am completely free of porn addiction.

The challenge now is to allow my brain time to heal and catch up with my decision to stop using porn for ever. That is why I've chosen to name this thread 'I am finally free of porn addiction'.

I can't afford to have any doubts about being free of this addiction because doubts sow the seeds of relapse a few weeks down the road.

I need to approach my recovery with total positivity and never look back down that the long dark road I have been on for years.








camus

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Re: I am finally free of porn addiction
« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2016, 07:55:51 AM »
I feel totally lacking in motivation today but know it will pass. For me, using porn excessively, affects me for several days afterwards, as my brain chemistry needs time to re-adjust.

No wonder I feel that my life has become stagnant. There is no way I can have a successful life if I use porn.

I am now 3 days along my path to freedom from this addiction heading towards a life I can finally be proud of.

camus

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Re: I am finally free of porn addiction
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2016, 06:57:56 PM »
Day 4 and the first day after using at the weekend that I actually feel myself again mentally. For the past three days I have been watching countless movies (non porn) online, too afraid to leave my home. It was good to go back to work today and mix with people.

Porn was the only real problem I've had in my life in recent years. From it a plethora of connected problems ensue; inability to go to work, socialise, have relationships, lack of money and lack of motivation to do anything about it.

I am now free of porn. It's done. The nightmare is finally over.

Time to start living :-)

GREGG

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Re: I am finally free of porn addiction
« Reply #3 on: December 08, 2016, 02:55:14 AM »
Awesome.......You will Feeel THE SUPERMAN IN YOU!

camus

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Re: I am finally free of porn addiction
« Reply #4 on: December 09, 2016, 11:22:37 AM »
It's been a time for reflection this week. Porn has been such a corrosive element in my life. It adds no value to anything unless you call temporary escape, something of value.

I know it has only been 5 or 6 days since I last used porn. I know I have relapsed 100s of times, made solemn vows to never use again on numerous occasions. However, this time is different.

I am not powerless over this addiction. I am not my brain. I totally accept that my brain is somewhat warped at the moment and that there will be cravings to use at some point.

But cravings will not kill me.

Porn surely will. It kills my mind, body and spirit.

camus

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Re: I am finally free of porn addiction
« Reply #5 on: December 10, 2016, 06:33:55 AM »
I'm now about a week along my path to FREEDOM FROM PORN. I don't consider myself to have a problem with porn anymore. The problem only exists when I look at it.

My real challenge is dealing with my emotions in a healthy way. This has always been the real problem. Porn was only ever medication.

I fully understand that at certain times over the coming weeks and months, my brain will instinctively try to draw me towards using porn. So I need to carefully consider an emergeny strategy to deal with such times.


jjacks

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Re: I am finally free of porn addiction
« Reply #6 on: December 10, 2016, 06:46:56 AM »
My emergency strategy is to come to this site and read  people's stories.

balanced

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Re: I am finally free of porn addiction
« Reply #7 on: December 10, 2016, 09:32:10 AM »
I had a mantra that was meaningful to me and made me feel like I could draw on additional strength when I needed it...

Feetfirst

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Re: I am finally free of porn addiction
« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2016, 01:22:49 AM »
Good to hear you are embracing the fight again Camus. Porn isnt and never was the problem. The problem is the mind that perceives it as the solution. Porn never was and never will be the solution. Finding different ways to deal with our difficult emotions, tiredness, stress etc has to be the way forward. Wishing you all strength, positivity and joy. FF

camus

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Re: I am finally free of porn addiction
« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2016, 03:27:37 AM »
Thanks guys, really appreciate your comments. It's nice to know we aren't alone :-)

A big problem for me in the past has been focusing on 'not using porn'. Because I am effectively focusing on porn, I eventually use it.

For me, a big part of the solution to the porn problem, is to focus on building a new life.

Wishing you all a porn free day :-)


Karzam

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Re: I am finally free of porn addiction
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2016, 03:32:25 AM »
Yes, the idea of a new life, or 'new you' maybe is a powerful concept isn't it? Well, at least it is for me, ha. :)

In psychology, there's this concept of 'possible selves' (Markus & Nurius, 1987) - they talk about having a 'possible' self that we would like to become in the future (or indeed possible selves). These selves both act as a target to aim towards, and a template to test our current progress. We can also have selves we don't want to be in the future. Interesting concept I think.

inpursuitofhappiness

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Re: I am finally free of porn addiction
« Reply #11 on: December 12, 2016, 04:09:18 AM »
Good luck Camus i hope your still going strong.

I find a number of techniques including this site but not just this site in isolation are required. Recovery Nation is another good site which requires you to carry out certain exercises, a kind of online course you may find useful. Also some good resources on this site.

Wish you all the best in your recovery, and dont let any small bumps in the road make you lose direction and focus on the end destination!

camus

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Re: I am finally free of porn addiction
« Reply #12 on: December 14, 2016, 03:31:39 AM »
Thanks again guys for your support. You are helping me more than you know :-)

This week has been a bit of a roller coaster ride emotionally, but I'm still in the game. Just thought I'd check in to RN as don't want to make the mistake of becoming complacent.

I can't afford to waste any more time on porn.

I AM FREE FROM THE PRISON OF PORN!

Have a good day all :-)

camus

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Re: I am finally free of porn addiction
« Reply #13 on: December 17, 2016, 06:38:54 AM »
Two weeks free from the slavery of porn today. I am totally commited to building a brand new life for myself. If I keep doing the same things, I will always get more of the same. Utter misery.

I feel pretty good today. My brain has been flashing various porn imagery into my mind this morning. It will continue to do this for many more weeks and months, but eventually these urges will disappear forever.

Come on brain, give it your best! You can try your many subtle and cunning ways to get me to look at porn but it will never ever work.

Because I am in total control of my life. And it is going to stay that way!

Oneway

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Re: I am finally free of porn addiction
« Reply #14 on: December 20, 2016, 12:15:26 AM »
Come on brain, give it your best! You can try your many subtle and cunning ways to get me to look at porn but it will never ever work.

Because I am in total control of my life. And it is going to stay that way!

I like your attitude. Great going!

camus

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Re: I am finally free of porn addiction
« Reply #15 on: December 20, 2016, 03:55:33 AM »
Thanks Oneway.

I am on the path to becoming the best man I can possibly be. Giving up porn is only the first step on this journey. But there are so many other areas of my life that need improvement.

It is so empowering to be finally free from the prison of porn addiction. Because it gives me the strength and motivation to improve other areas of my life.

Wishing you all a happy, peaceful, porn free day :-)

camus

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Re: I am finally free of porn addiction
« Reply #16 on: January 29, 2017, 03:13:09 AM »
After a spell of around 3 and half weeks PMO free I relapsed. There are a few lessons to be learnt:

1. I need to ditch the counters and my focus on sobriety time. I found that my mind became obsessed with getting to 30 days. Nothing much will happen at 30 days. I may get to 30 and relapse on 31. I may get to 90 and relapse on 91. My focus needs to be on a positive vision I have for my future and the actions required to get there.

2. At around 2-3 weeks, the effort I put into my recovery falls significantly as I allow other things in my life to take precedence. I think I am safe when really I am in the danger zone and actually need to step up my recovery work.

3. I need to find more healthy activities that make me feel good. I need to mix with more people.

4. I generally feel great when I'm not in active addiction. I feel I want to die when I act out and it always ends in a binge. Probably really obvious but needs to be said!


Onwards and upwards :-)
« Last Edit: January 29, 2017, 01:48:04 PM by camus »

clean-n-sober

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Re: I am finally free of porn addiction
« Reply #17 on: January 30, 2017, 12:23:18 PM »
After a spell of around 3 and half weeks PMO free I relapsed. There are a few lessons to be learnt:

1. I need to ditch the counters and my focus on sobriety time. I found that my mind became obsessed with getting to 30 days. Nothing much will happen at 30 days. I may get to 30 and relapse on 31. I may get to 90 and relapse on 91. My focus needs to be on a positive vision I have for my future and the actions required to get there.

2. At around 2-3 weeks, the effort I put into my recovery falls significantly as I allow other things in my life to take precedence. I think I am safe when really I am in the danger zone and actually need to step up my recovery work.

3. I need to find more healthy activities that make me feel good. I need to mix with more people.

4. I generally feel great when I'm not in active addiction. I feel I want to die when I act out and it always ends in a binge. Probably really obvious but needs to be said!


Onwards and upwards :-)

camus,

As a serial rebooter myself ( I've been here under other names), I believe this post by you shows you're absolutely on the right track. It's really about managing life in a new way and really just having the mindset that you're in "permanent recovery" mode...i.e.. you can never become complacent when life starts seeming ordinary. We all need to work on our resilience day in and day out. It never ends.
I believe you will have much progress, even if it seems like a rocky road at times.

camus

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Re: I am finally free of porn addiction
« Reply #18 on: March 08, 2017, 02:53:43 PM »
I have stopped posting on here for a few weeks. No real reason. Or maybe fed up of continually comimg back here after relapses :-)

I'm around 3 weeks into being PMO free. This is when things can go wrong for me. I start rationalizing with my addiction; I deserve a bit of relief time, I will just look for a couple of hours. Then bang, another binge.

I feel I'm in a pretty good space at the moment, but I am worried about the next few weeks.

I so dearly want to beat this addiction for good. Possibly the thing I want most in my life at the moment.

camus

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Re: I am finally free of porn addiction
« Reply #19 on: March 11, 2017, 09:47:52 AM »
Wow! I have been having some real powerful urges to use today. I will keep my focus on just getting through this one day without PMO. My goal for today is to get to bed without relapsing. I need to keep it simple.