Author Topic: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel  (Read 27897 times)

zander13

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 418
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #450 on: July 01, 2020, 12:56:35 AM »
Still trucking. No slip ups or anything over these past 8+ months. Need to stay humble and be aware that a mistake can happen at any time. Vigilance will be my savior.  I can fail at any moment.

zander13

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 418
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #451 on: July 06, 2020, 03:22:34 AM »
PAWs is tough, no doubt about it. Focusing my energy on beating this thing one day at a time.

kierv

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 30
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #452 on: July 06, 2020, 07:34:43 AM »
Your result is impressive. 8 months, wow. Forgive me, but your journal is really long and full of information, so could you write more about your way in a short form? I mean, from what I see you can have sex and you don't havie PIED (when did you recover), but you generally feel bad? How was the progress and particulat stages?

It would be helpful for me to understand your situation and start to follow it :)

Sanders

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 143
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #453 on: July 06, 2020, 10:50:41 AM »
Hey Zander, still hanging in there I see! How's it going? I hope you can get some better sleep, that really is something that makes everything much more difficult. Stay strong!

Kierv, I'd advice you to read the whole journal. It's given me at least a lot to think about and gave me some pretty good lessons. All the credits to Zander of course, he's been through hell and he's still holding on!

zander13

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 418
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #454 on: July 08, 2020, 05:47:57 AM »
Hey Zander, still hanging in there I see! How's it going? I hope you can get some better sleep, that really is something that makes everything much more difficult. Stay strong!

Kierv, I'd advice you to read the whole journal. It's given me at least a lot to think about and gave me some pretty good lessons. All the credits to Zander of course, he's been through hell and he's still holding on!


Thanks man, that's very kind of you to say. Makes me feel good inside.

I had MW this morning that lasted ~2 minutes. Definitely a record for me. Still have a long, long way to go I think, but tangible proof of healing is exactly what I needed.

zander13

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 418
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #455 on: July 11, 2020, 09:08:22 AM »
Had some more sex over the past couple days. Not bragging at all, because in truth I'm not happy that I did. I'm disappointed in myself because it makes the day that much harder. I'm a fucking broken record with this shit and it's getting me down. I feel trapped man. These PAWs just put me in a cage. Alas, all I can do is keep moving forward. Normality will hit at some point--I just need to stay vigilant.

I need to keep on my toes when it comes to the chaser effect. I will not lose this battle because of these poor decisions. It'd be too demoralizing.

zander13

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 418
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #456 on: July 11, 2020, 10:02:02 AM »
I've come too fuckin far to lose. I'm going to win at all costs. I'm going to be my own version of a fucking champion.

zander13

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 418
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #457 on: July 12, 2020, 03:18:57 PM »
Sleep has been much better, which is a huge relief.

My days have formed into a sort of a pattern over the last week: mornings my mood is relatively decent--I'm functional, anxiety isn't terrible, body feels relatively normal. Late morning/early afternoon things start to get tougher, and the pain kind of climbs as the night progresses until it's time to go to bed at around 8-10pm. We'll see how long this lasts.

zander13

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 418
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #458 on: July 14, 2020, 03:58:35 PM »
Things have been easier the lately. I don't know what that means, but I'll take it.


Sanders

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 143
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #459 on: July 15, 2020, 09:54:59 AM »
Hopefully it's a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel :) Happy to hear things are looking up. May they continue to improve!

zander13

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 418
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #460 on: July 16, 2020, 09:59:06 AM »
Thinking about trying magic mushrooms to see how they affect my withdrawals. Ready for a change.

zander13

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 418
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #461 on: July 17, 2020, 07:44:27 PM »
Past two days have been fucking brutal.

AStansfield

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 64
  • Personal Text
    Molon labe.
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #462 on: July 18, 2020, 12:49:00 AM »
Thinking about trying magic mushrooms to see how they affect my withdrawals. Ready for a change.

I'm an experienced psychonaut. If you have any questions feel free to DM me!

zander13

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 418
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #463 on: July 20, 2020, 05:28:31 PM »
I've been getting hammered by symptoms

zander13

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 418
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #464 on: July 21, 2020, 09:24:58 AM »
9 months. Symptoms got easier as the night went on yesterday, and this morning was one of the better mornings I've had in a while. I really, really needed it. I actually can't even express in words how much I needed a reprieve.
« Last Edit: July 28, 2020, 01:34:10 PM by zander13 »

zander13

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 418
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #465 on: July 22, 2020, 11:02:39 AM »
Once again getting dropkicked by the symptoms.

zander13

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 418
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #466 on: July 24, 2020, 09:08:29 PM »
Ride the dragon. Sit it in the saddle. No matter what, if we want to get to the kingdom where all the gold and hot chicks are at, we're gunna have to make the trip at some point. Not gunna put that shit off, even though riding a dragon is fucking painful.

zander13

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 418
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #467 on: July 26, 2020, 11:44:15 AM »
Still enduring a lot of various types of pain throughout the day. These symptoms make it very difficult to enjoy life. But I need to remember that they won't be here for all of eternity, and that I just need to keep getting up everyday.

zander13

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 418
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #468 on: July 26, 2020, 06:15:27 PM »
Today as has been tough. Fucking hell

zander13

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 418
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #469 on: July 27, 2020, 09:49:07 AM »
What's weird is that I had the longest MW of my life this morning (at least 5-10mins), yet I feel super depressed upon waking up. I'll never understand what's going on within the confines of my brain.

zander13

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 418
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #470 on: July 30, 2020, 06:33:09 PM »
Hurting pretty bad right now.

Chris Oz

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 111
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #471 on: July 31, 2020, 01:15:09 AM »
I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope it gets better for you.

zander13

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 418
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #472 on: July 31, 2020, 03:57:27 PM »
So bad last night I felt like puking, and today fucking blows too. I'm gettin' worn thin.

Chris Oz

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 111
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #473 on: August 01, 2020, 06:25:16 AM »
Try to think about the good times...and things you're grateful for even simple things. A grateful heart is the antidote for feelings of depression and pain.

zander13

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 418
    • View Profile
Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #474 on: August 03, 2020, 02:00:56 PM »
Both the severity and relentlessness of my PAWs symptoms are blowing my mind.
« Last Edit: August 03, 2020, 02:31:49 PM by zander13 »