Making massive progress!! Rebooting with severe PIED

Hey guys,

I figured keeping track of my progress might help me, and hopefully even others, so I'm gonna make this new topic into my journal.
I guess I should give you a bit of back ground info...
I started watching porn at 11 maybe 12 and started masturbating around the same time. Since then I've been consistently masturbating at least once a week and at most 3 times a day (very rare). Over the past year, (i'm 17 now) it's been more like once a day. I had no idea porn was doing this to me, until I tried having sex a month ago with my new girlfriend and my dick felt like it a bloody deflated balloon hanging between my legs. I've been putting off sex with her ever since and I feel awful, I'm going to have to explain to her whats going on because i'm sure it's making her feel like shit too. ever since that night, I've been researching ED and have come to the conclusion its because of porn. I decided to cut it out. I've relapsed a few times to girls on Instagram and Facebook but now I want to get serious, and this journal (and hopefully you guys) will help me. It's been a few days since I masturbated ( to very soft core images), and my libido has gone to shit.... I have no desire to watch porn, no desire to masturbate, and no desire to have sex with my gf. What concerns me is that my girlfriend very attractive and definitely my type, so the reason for my limp dick issues is definitely not my girlfriend.  I discovered this site and found out about 'flat lining'... So i guess thats what's happening. I'm going to try and get my girlfriend on board with my recovery, if it scares her off then she isn't as good of a girlfriend as I think she is so it would matter anyway, and I'm going to keep going. I feel like utter shit, my dick is a useless floppy cocktail sausage, but in the wise words of Winston Churchill ''If you're going through hell, keep going''. And thats exactly what I'm going to do. I'll regularly update this journal and am eager to become involved with this community.

 
**UPDATE**  Day 5.  Mood: 7/10  Libido: 2/10   

So what is technically day 5 no PMO is going alright. I'm feeling pretty average. I might have had a slight kick in my libido earlier but nothing substantial. Last night I had a massive hard on while I was trying to fall asleep, I couldn't tell if was because I was horny or not but I think it was probably just a giant testosterone surge..... strange.

Something I've noticed about flat lining is a lack of motivation, and just generally feeling pathetic... thats where I was yesterday, party because I was sick, hence feeling down anyway, plus I was cooped up in my dark room all day worrying about it all.

Generally I am a very active person, I spend my days playing running, swimming, working out or with my friends/ girlfriend. I consider myself generally a happy, confident and capable person (except when I am in a deep flat line like yesterday), and I use all of this to distract myself from PMO. I hate to sound like I'm bragging about my life but I am proud of my recent rise out of depression.

I'm still very nervous about what my girlfriend is gonna think about all of this and I'll be honest it's getting me down. I'm clinging to the slither of hope that somehow when I stay over at her place I'm gonna have a magical boost in libido and everythings gonna be fine... After all I've only ever had one failed sex attempt, every other time before that I was far from impotent.

I have no craving to PMO although I've found I'm much more sensitive to seeing women in public, to the point where I can feel the rush of dopamine run through me. This didn't happen before but I don't think it's a sign of recovery and to be honest I feel kinda pathetic goggling at all these women.   

But I am one more day closer to recovery and for that I am happy. If anyone has any wise words of wisdom to aid my progress I'll take any help I can get, and if you have any questions feel free to ask or even just share your story here.

Here's to PMO freedom

 
**UPDATE** day 6 and 7  Mood: 8/10  Libido 4/10

Day 6 went okay. I didn't feel lifeless at all over the past couple days. I have a swimming competition coming up so I guess keeping busy has helped. The only part of this that feels like a flat line is the lack of morning wood, although I've had a couple boners during class (completely spontaneous).

Still no desire to watch porn, but I kinda felt the urge to masturbate a few times but I want to do this on 'hard mode' so thats not an option. I would like to think this pattern of improvement is gonna keep going until i'm healed, but I can only expect to fall back into another flat line. If anyone has any experience with flat line periods coming and going let me know.

For anyone else attempting to reboot, what I've learned so far which has helped me is staying off my ass. Get away from your computer, get away from the forum, go out and live life and see how it helps. Not only does it reduce the anxiety of it all substantially, but Im sure being active is something thats going to help you with any ED issues.

 

BailHope

Active Member
canterbury18 said:
For anyone else attempting to reboot, what I've learned so far which has helped me is staying off my ass. Get away from your computer, get away from the forum, go out and live life and see how it helps. Not only does it reduce the anxiety of it all substantially, but Im sure being active is something thats going to help you with any ED issues.

You are right on the money with this comment. Staying busy, getting new hobbies, staying active in a healthy way are all great ways to live a better life and they do help you with the ED eventually. Focus on them and not on the fact that you're abstaining from PMO and you'll do fine!
You're doing great so far
 
** UPDATE** Day 10.  Mood:7/10  Libido 3/10

Hi guys,

Im tired as anything right now from the weekend and that probably isn't helping the cause, because Im definitely flat lining. I was feeling dead inside all morning but managed to get my head out of the fog and felt pretty good for the rest of the day. No PMO hasn't been all that hard for me so far ( I know it's different for everyone) but the hardest thing is the depression that comes with flat lining in my opinion.

I've been having urges to masturbate but almost no urges to watch porn, which I think is a good thing. I know i'm new to this and it's not my place to be giving tips, but dear god don't forget to sleep. My 4 am cliff jumping escapades are taking their toll and I've seen a pretty direct correlation between my fatigue and libido.

Thanks 'Bail Hopper' for the reassurance, means a lot :)
 

BailHope

Active Member
canterbury18 said:
I know i'm new to this and it's not my place to be giving tips, but dear god don't forget to sleep. My 4 am cliff jumping escapades are taking their toll and I've seen a pretty direct correlation between my fatigue and libido.

True, sleep is very important. I actually only started to make real progress when I made sure that I slept a solid 8 hours every night. I was used to something like 6 hours of sleep every night. As soon as I got into the habit of making that into eight hours, I seemed to start recovering better.
 
Thanks bailhopper, It's good to know I'm getting my head around this a little bit. I'm gonna be trying to get more sleep, and also try to improve my lifestyle in general too. Maybe this whole situation is gonna be good for me in the end, like catalyst for change I guess.
 

BailHope

Active Member
canterbury18 said:
Thanks bailhopper, It's good to know I'm getting my head around this a little bit. I'm gonna be trying to get more sleep, and also try to improve my lifestyle in general too. Maybe this whole situation is gonna be good for me in the end, like catalyst for change I guess.

Yeah, to be honest, when I started this about 1.5 years ago, I was definitely a different person. I now have better eating habits, a good solid morning routine, healthy hobby's and I even started my own little company on the side to make some extra cash. It's amazing what you can do if you put your mind to it :)
Not to mention that I've become quite an optimist, while usually I was quite the pessimist.
 
Hey canterbury,
I started my journey yesterday and I also have PIED involved, I opened a threat aswell. I'm 19 and I hope we can help each other getting through this :)
 
Hey NoFapValentine,
Thats the beauty of sites like this, I'll give your thread a read and I'm sure we can help each other out somehow :)
If you have any questions about the first few weeks of no PMO feel free to ask.
 
Bailhopper,

Just a few questions...
I was under the impression morning erections were a good sign of progress... as someone who's been doing this for a while do you think thats true? Also I feel I've been alternating between being really horny and being in a deep flatline... should this even out as I progress? Is this normal? And it's good to hear about your progress too, I see quite a few people on this site getting frustrated about their lack of progress and it's nice to know there are some success stories, so congrats :)
 

BailHope

Active Member
canterbury18 said:
I was under the impression morning erections were a good sign of progress... as someone who's been doing this for a while do you think thats true?
Yes and no. They are a very good sign of progress, because for a man, the strength of the morning erection is the best indicator of a man's sexual health (this info comes straight from my doctor).
But no, they are also a very bad sign of progress because a morning erection only arrives at the last part of your REM sleep. During your sleep you go through several stages, from shallow sleep to very deep sleep and REM (rapid eye movement). During this last stage, you dream and you possibly get an erection. Problem is that darn alarm clock - because it wakes you at the time you specified, regardless of the stage of sleep you're in. So if you're not deep into your REM sleep yet, you'll have no morning wood and therefore you might incorrectly assume you're not doing that well.

I also didn't know this at first, but morning wood is the erection that you wake up with naturally, not the erection you might be getting after you've woken up. There's a difference :)

Also I feel I've been alternating between being really horny and being in a deep flatline... should this even out as I progress? Is this normal?
It is normal. It's your body trying to find its equilibrium again.[/quote]

And it's good to hear about your progress too, I see quite a few people on this site getting frustrated about their lack of progress and it's nice to know there are some success stories, so congrats :)
Agreed. We need more success stories!
 
**UPDATE** Day 14  Mood 4/10  Libido: 2/10

No flat line for a few days, but today I have no Libido at all so I thought I would mention it. Almost had sex in the back of the car on valentines day, I think I was hard enough but i'm sure I would've lost it if I were to had tried to have sex. I'm keeping her waiting and I hate it. But, The fact that I'm seeing progress (albeit small progress) is my guarantee that I'm not going to relapse.  But right now I'm in another flat line, after a few days of feeling okay. But sex could be a possibility at a time where I'm not flat lining, I'm really not sure. I'm gonna stop watching so many comedy movies, some of it is borderline PMO material and I keep forcing myself to skip scenes or look away. Still working on getting me sleep schedule together because the final year of Australian high school is particularly brutal in terms of workload and exams, it's pretty hard to balance grades and adequate sleep. 


Thanks Bailhopper. I read your blog, got a whole bunch of good info from there so thanks again.
 
**UPDATE** Day19?  Mood:2/10  Libido: 1/10

Haven't posted in a bit... But today was particularly bad in terms of flatlining, I couldn't even concentrate at the gym or at rugby training at all. I think it's the stress from school? I don't particularly have any urge to PMO but earlier I was tempted to do it just for the sake of it bringing me out of this shi*ty state. I convinced myself keeping this going is worth it, but damn... it's hard. I'll let you lads know when things change. Wish me luck.
 
**UPDATE** day 25    Mood: 3/10  Libido: 5/5

Okay so yesterday I came out of another flatline. It all happened alarmingly abruptly this time and I could almost feel my brain changing. Fell asleep with a hard on last night, and woke up with one this morning. I haven't relapsed and I've been avoiding all sexual thoughts and images to the best of my ability.

Feeling okay, was a little low this afternoon, my natural pessimism is coming to play but I'll get over it. It's really hard to concentrate both when I'm flatlining and when I'm not... I can't wait for when it all even out.

Also I was thinking, say If I timed it right, I might be able to have successful sex this early in my reboot if I do it in a period where I have slingshotted from a deep flatline, into the hornyness that follows. Anyone reckon this might be a good idea.

Also for some reason I seem to be able to get a boner around my girlfriend, but I can't maintain it, and I'm sure the story will be the same with sex. I'm going to look into restoring it's natural sensitivity which I fear my years of masturbation have destroyed.

But for now, I guess I'm just gonna keep on going with this without looking back, and in the end, everything will be alright.
 
**update** day 30ish.  Mood: 4/10    libido: 2/10

Couldn't get it up at all with GF. Big hit to the ego/ confidence. Must just be because i'm flatlining.
 
Day 34/35 ... not sure.    mood: 5/10  libido:6/10

Not entirely sure whats been going on. I've had a lot of spontaneous erections, so I'm feeling pretty confident. Theres a massively stark difference between the past two days and the weekend... I feel pretty normal now. Back before I started amy reboot and before I knew I had an issue, I went on a holiday in which I couldn't masturbate for 7 days... I was tough as I felt the need to orgasm from day 1. since my reboot started I've not really had that sensation until last night. It's essentially the feeling of blue balls and it's making it hard for me to not look at girls in a sexual way... I know thats not porn but I'm trying to avoid all stimulation. Although the thing is, I feel like the desire I'm feeling is more to have sex than watch porn and masturbate... I'm not sure if thats in my head though. I'm expecting to fall back into a flatline again soon.

 
Okay so I had a wet dream, I know this is supposed to be 90 days without orgasm (and there most defiantly was an orgasm) but after reading other posts on here i'm going to blame it on my subconscious and not reset the reboot. Though I have a feeling that a lot of the reason I've been feeling 'progress' recently was down to the fact that I physically hadn't had a release in a long time. I'm worried that now I've ejaculated, it's going to be a set back.

I'm going to start sleeping on my back from now on, I feel like sleeping on my front was partially the reason for the dream.
 
**Update** Day 57  Libido 6/10  Mood:3/10

Hey guys, been a while since I've posted, but I thought I should because I've got huge urges. It got to the point earlier that I had my mouse hovering over my old favourite P site. I managed to get over myself but ended up going on 7 km run to take my mind of it, so I guess thats a success in avoiding it.

I was wondering what peoples opinions on masturbating without porn or porn substitutes during the reboot were. I feel like if I were to masturbate to orgasm it might help eliminate these urges. Plus apparently regular orgasm is healthy???

But otherwise, still not had sex with GF, haven't had a chance anyway because we've both had exams, but I still don't think I will be able to.
 
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