Author Topic: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!  (Read 23740 times)

Georgos

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #275 on: March 27, 2019, 05:23:37 AM »
All the things you are doing are good D&O, I tried internet dating and that helped me a lot with feeling more comfortable about the idea of trying to engage romantically with members of the opposite sex, but it was also quite stressful for my mental health :( I think I'd like to try speed dating at some point too, but the point is that there's a lot of rewiring that needs to be done in order to move into the zone of healthy successful sexual relationships. For the last six to nine months or so I've basically had the attitude that time will heal, as it does all things, but I think you need to be proactive too. Self-analysis can be a trap, because you're not getting any outside stimulus to move you out of the circles (or spirals) of your thinking. Having dated a woman for four months without even so much as kissing, I know that I am much more confident around the idea of discussing sexual relationships, we've discussed a lot why we don't seem to be getting anywhere, and I've been able to make more suggestive texts without fear, though still with a lot of apprehension about how to follow through. She says I'm much more cool than when she first met me as a friend some twenty years ago, and that I take her to nice places, and am much more confident in myself, which is all positive. She does desire me. However the lack of sexual chemistry has been a problem. I've realised that I need something more than just time and going round in the same circles with her. So one of things I've decided to do is buy some books to read up on, on intimacy, and also sexual pleasure from a spiritual perspective. In Hinduism, pleasure is called kama, as in the kama sutra, so I've also bought some books on kama, and in ancient Greek, sexual love is called eros, so I've also bought some books on this. I also think I want to read some romance novels to get a perspective on how women see sexual pleasure and maybe some books on dating. That's a lot of reading, and I don't think it will necessarily be a magic wand, but getting outside stimulus into your psyche, is definitely a good way of getting out of the pit. We'll see how it goes. I'm glad your still hanging in there. Good luck with everything. Thank you.

BootLoader

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #276 on: April 06, 2019, 09:16:17 AM »
Please make a favor to yourself and never MO again. For me it had almost the same effects/results like PMO. I'm almost 2 years free from PMO, in these 2 years I have MO ~5 times 3 to 5 minutes per session was really enough... Every time I felt empty as hell and guilty, never enjoy it.
The last 4 months I have vivid dreams (I remember I was a kid when i had vivid dreams) and last 2 months I had 4 wet dreams 2 of them very close to each other and I'm feeling for second time in my life (this is my 2nd reboot) some of what they call libido, plus morning wood not everyday but 4-5 out of 10 days I'm not sure but something like that. These wet dreams didn't felt the same like MO, they didn't set me back to anything. I felt some kind of euphoria and stress release the day after.
So, don't give up, we have a lot to learn and I believe we can do it, I'm telling this because I'm almost in the same boat.
Porn turns a man into a scared boy.
"5-5-2016" The day I realized Ι was a PMO addict.

DepressedAndOut

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #277 on: April 07, 2019, 04:01:09 AM »
I'm in the same boat as you as well: I haven't MOed since October 2018 and I intend not to until I get GF. (I haven't PMOed since August 2017)

It did replicate the same effects as PMO.

Right now, I'm experiencing smaller signs of improvements: wet dream every now and then. MW every now and then and even when fantasying (I only do it briefly for testing) I seem to be getting a quicker erection.

I'm still a long, long way away, though.
First Realised about PIED & first reboot: January 2017
Last PMO: August 2017
(Caused shrunk penis and even softer erection! Porn temptation instantly vanished due to shock of discovery!!)

Last MO:
August 2019
At least 1 six months Hardmode and 2 three months hardmode.

DepressedAndOut

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #278 on: April 07, 2019, 04:02:17 AM »
All the things you are doing are good D&O, I tried internet dating and that helped me a lot with feeling more comfortable about the idea of trying to engage romantically with members of the opposite sex, but it was also quite stressful for my mental health :( I think I'd like to try speed dating at some point too, but the point is that there's a lot of rewiring that needs to be done in order to move into the zone of healthy successful sexual relationships. For the last six to nine months or so I've basically had the attitude that time will heal, as it does all things, but I think you need to be proactive too. Self-analysis can be a trap, because you're not getting any outside stimulus to move you out of the circles (or spirals) of your thinking. Having dated a woman for four months without even so much as kissing, I know that I am much more confident around the idea of discussing sexual relationships, we've discussed a lot why we don't seem to be getting anywhere, and I've been able to make more suggestive texts without fear, though still with a lot of apprehension about how to follow through. She says I'm much more cool than when she first met me as a friend some twenty years ago, and that I take her to nice places, and am much more confident in myself, which is all positive. She does desire me. However the lack of sexual chemistry has been a problem. I've realised that I need something more than just time and going round in the same circles with her. So one of things I've decided to do is buy some books to read up on, on intimacy, and also sexual pleasure from a spiritual perspective. In Hinduism, pleasure is called kama, as in the kama sutra, so I've also bought some books on kama, and in ancient Greek, sexual love is called eros, so I've also bought some books on this. I also think I want to read some romance novels to get a perspective on how women see sexual pleasure and maybe some books on dating. That's a lot of reading, and I don't think it will necessarily be a magic wand, but getting outside stimulus into your psyche, is definitely a good way of getting out of the pit. We'll see how it goes. I'm glad your still hanging in there. Good luck with everything. Thank you.

Thank man. I certainly intend to expose myself to different stimulus as much as possible.

First Realised about PIED & first reboot: January 2017
Last PMO: August 2017
(Caused shrunk penis and even softer erection! Porn temptation instantly vanished due to shock of discovery!!)

Last MO:
August 2019
At least 1 six months Hardmode and 2 three months hardmode.

BootLoader

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #279 on: April 07, 2019, 07:41:23 AM »
Sex fantasy was my last and biggest problem but I managed to control it last year and I saw big improvements. Sometimes I have a boner when I'm seeing a hot women in real life. This is the best feeling I ever felt so far.
Keep going my friend and good luck.
Porn turns a man into a scared boy.
"5-5-2016" The day I realized Ι was a PMO addict.

DepressedAndOut

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #280 on: April 20, 2019, 03:24:06 AM »
Today I MOed. I woke up this morning and just felt like doing it, I just couldn't help it. I was intending to go on a run of 1-2 years and even until I get a GF before I ever ejaculate again, but unfortunately I just couldn't. My hardmode, which is the longest, ended on exactly 6 months.

Unfortunately, the erections were no better than when I started this hardmode 6 months ago. Also, the orgasm felt noticeably weaker. As soon as I finished ejaculating, my mind was back to its normal state. There was not the after-cumming feel-good hormones feeling - just normal.

I feel I am truly damaged now and will never recover. It will be almost be impossible to get a GF that will put up with my problems.

I just fucking hate my existence.
First Realised about PIED & first reboot: January 2017
Last PMO: August 2017
(Caused shrunk penis and even softer erection! Porn temptation instantly vanished due to shock of discovery!!)

Last MO:
August 2019
At least 1 six months Hardmode and 2 three months hardmode.

DepressedAndOut

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #281 on: April 20, 2019, 04:02:23 AM »
Also, this is the (lousy) result of the following:

January 2017 - Quit porn after finding out the truth about it.
Softmode
June 2017 - PMOed - made erections worse.
Sofmode
August 2017 - PMOed - made erections worse. (This was the last PMO that I did).
HARDMODE
November 2017 - MOed, end of Hardmode.
HARDMODE
February 2018 - MOed, end of Hardmode.
Softmode and few hardmodes until October 2018.
October 2018 - Hardmode.
This morning - End of 6 months hardmode - longest ever streak.

And yet, my erections are worse than before I started this journey (mainly thanks to the two PMOs above and few binge MOs!)
« Last Edit: April 20, 2019, 04:05:30 AM by DepressedAndOut »
First Realised about PIED & first reboot: January 2017
Last PMO: August 2017
(Caused shrunk penis and even softer erection! Porn temptation instantly vanished due to shock of discovery!!)

Last MO:
August 2019
At least 1 six months Hardmode and 2 three months hardmode.

Joost!

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #282 on: April 20, 2019, 07:33:06 AM »
Dude, you're made in the image of God. Do you realize what that means?

Right now you're living your life in your own image. And for some reasons it's a pretty damn (excuse the word) depressing perspective you're holding yourself against.
Of course there is hope of full recovery for you. As there is for all of us. But how are you going to go up against this distorted self-image?

Look, I don't know you. I basically just read your last and your first journal entry and I get the image of someone down in the darkness of depression.
This is what you state in your posts and comes through in the way you speak about yourself. Don't you know that God wants to uplift those that are burdened by life?
God doesn't see you in the false light you see yourself in. He wants you to turn your back on sexual sin and towards His Glory. The glory as it is manifested in the life and resurrection of Jesus Christ. That's your hope right there.
I know you mentioned you came from a mild religious upbringing and are now an atheist, but know that the word of God (the Logos) is written into your heart. There's no escaping it.

[Gospel of John]
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
He was with God in the beginning. Through Him all things were made, and without Him nothing was made that has been made.
In Him was life, and that life was the light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."   

"The true Light who gives light to every man was coming into the world.
He was in the world, and though the world was made through Him, the world did not recognize Him.
He came to His own, and His own did not receive Him.
But to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.
Children born not of blood, nor of the desire or will of man, but born of God."


God loves his children for we are made in his light.
I know what it's like to struggle with life. To hate the world out there. Not being able to live up against societal expectations. To be utterly lifeless and depressed. To be jobless and without perspective. To feel ashamed as a man. To see yourself as emasculated and weak. And I still struggle with these things, yet I also know that my own perspective has proven itself to be false time and time again. It's as unreliable as the wisdom of this world. All of it, can't stand against the tides of time and certainly not against the eternal presence of God.

God is beyond space and time. Omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscience. He sees wherever we go faulty ways, he knows that we are in the grips of our own lies, yet he doesn't want to punish us for not walking in truth, for he realizes we are still like children. So He offers us love and guidance through his living word, Jesus Christ, granting us eternal life with Him, right here, right now.
Do you realize how amazing?

DepressedAndOut

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #283 on: April 20, 2019, 10:14:25 AM »
Sorry, but I have not time for God or religious or even spiritual (in this context) stuff. I'm only interested in the scientific chances of recovery.

Thank you for your post, but the fact that I had religion in my life since a child, was one reason why I'm in this fucking mess. I fucking hate Islam!! I fucking hate my life!1 and I fucking hate myself and  my fucking destiny!!
First Realised about PIED & first reboot: January 2017
Last PMO: August 2017
(Caused shrunk penis and even softer erection! Porn temptation instantly vanished due to shock of discovery!!)

Last MO:
August 2019
At least 1 six months Hardmode and 2 three months hardmode.

MinneapolisGuy

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #284 on: April 20, 2019, 12:48:33 PM »
I think @Joosh intentions are genuine but I don't think he can quite understand what people like you and me have been through when it comes to religion. When you've had your entire childhood saverly impacted as the direct result of fanatical religious practices to the point where it has even damaged your life as an adult, it becomes highly less likely that someone in our shoes would ever want to turn to any religion.

I don't disrespect or even dislike people just because they are religious. There are people that I care about and respect who are religious. But that still dosen't mean I have any desire or longing for religion back in my life, because I don't. I'm still not happy in life. But one thing is for sure, I'm happier than I was with religion.
« Last Edit: April 20, 2019, 02:46:38 PM by MinneapolisGuy »

DepressedAndOut

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #285 on: April 20, 2019, 04:07:27 PM »
Agree 100%.
First Realised about PIED & first reboot: January 2017
Last PMO: August 2017
(Caused shrunk penis and even softer erection! Porn temptation instantly vanished due to shock of discovery!!)

Last MO:
August 2019
At least 1 six months Hardmode and 2 three months hardmode.

DepressedAndOut

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #286 on: April 22, 2019, 12:45:47 PM »
I've decided that NoFap is not for me! It simply messed up my hormones to that point now that I feel like a person with female characteristics! (One of those is that I'm now putting weight on my lower body!)

Obviously I will not be going back to Porn, but I don't believe MOig once a day is bad for you - it's probably necessary. (I don't know why, it just feels that way!)
First Realised about PIED & first reboot: January 2017
Last PMO: August 2017
(Caused shrunk penis and even softer erection! Porn temptation instantly vanished due to shock of discovery!!)

Last MO:
August 2019
At least 1 six months Hardmode and 2 three months hardmode.

MinneapolisGuy

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #287 on: April 23, 2019, 01:15:24 PM »
Why do you believe that MOving isn't bad for you right now when you've said before they've always seemed to make your erections weaker?

HumbleRich

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #288 on: April 23, 2019, 01:24:44 PM »
D&O,

Have you seen a doctor about your symptoms?  I don’t understand how you have done all of this rebooting (both hard mode, soft mode, and permanent avoidance of porn) and not seen any benefits.  Getting rid of porn should have reset your mind to factory settings, Ie. attraction to real women.  Long periods of time without masturbation should have helped.  What’s going on?  If you have to masturbate once in a while, that should be fine. 

Rich

DepressedAndOut

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #289 on: April 23, 2019, 03:13:38 PM »
Why do you believe that MOving isn't bad for you right now when you've said before they've always seemed to make your erections weaker?

If I binge MO, then yes, it certainly makes it weaker.

I'm doing one a day at the moment. although two days ago I did two a day, and since then my penis has become softer, a bit like an inflated balloon.
First Realised about PIED & first reboot: January 2017
Last PMO: August 2017
(Caused shrunk penis and even softer erection! Porn temptation instantly vanished due to shock of discovery!!)

Last MO:
August 2019
At least 1 six months Hardmode and 2 three months hardmode.

DepressedAndOut

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #290 on: April 23, 2019, 03:24:27 PM »
D&O,

Have you seen a doctor about your symptoms?  I don’t understand how you have done all of this rebooting (both hard mode, soft mode, and permanent avoidance of porn) and not seen any benefits.  Getting rid of porn should have reset your mind to factory settings, Ie. attraction to real women.  Long periods of time without masturbation should have helped.  What’s going on?  If you have to masturbate once in a while, that should be fine. 

Rich

I really would love to know why I am not experiencing any significant improvement. I really do! But I just don't know.

The only thing I can think of is this:

A. My environment is still the same. ie, same room, same furniture, same bed. (I live in a very small room and there is no much room for changing the furniture around/)

B. I don't have a neural pathways associated with real women/sex. My brain's hardwired sexual pathways have withered away due to chronic disuse (brain rule of 'Use it or lose it'.)

The sad thing for me right now, is that I'm becoming more and more accepting of my fate of never experiencing a normal or any relationship. It's really hurting me inside, but I just seem more accepting of it now.
First Realised about PIED & first reboot: January 2017
Last PMO: August 2017
(Caused shrunk penis and even softer erection! Porn temptation instantly vanished due to shock of discovery!!)

Last MO:
August 2019
At least 1 six months Hardmode and 2 three months hardmode.

MinneapolisGuy

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #291 on: April 23, 2019, 08:43:24 PM »
Acceptance of this will most likely lead you right back to full on PMO again. I know how it feels to feel as tho nothing is getting better. I know how it feels to think that everybody has someone but you.

Our situation and background is basically the same. PIED, religious background, and almost the same age. Ultimately it's your decision but what I'm trying to say to you is don't give in or give up.

I've mentioned this before but I think you should seriously go to a doctor to if anything just to eliminate any orher possible things that could be a cause. I know you said before you didn't need to go to one because you already knew the problem but I really think there's nothing wrong with just being checked out just in case. The funny is while my therapist doesn't believe that PIED exist, my urologist told me that it's definitely something real.

I know you mentioned you belive you might have issues with your hormones and your body becoming more feminine. If that's the case then you definitely need to be checked out because it could even be a case of low testosterone. It might not be but what I'm saying to you is just try and elliminate all possibilities. It's well worth doing, imo.


DepressedAndOut

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #292 on: April 25, 2019, 01:05:31 PM »
Acceptance in terms of not having any hope - but I'm actually still looking for someone.

Also, I have had many appointments with doctors, the system here in the UK is a joke. (Yes, it's overused, but that doesn't excuse some of its failings.)

BTW, last night I MOed.... during the ejaculation, I felt a sense of depersonalization and no pleasure. There is something seriously fucked up with me now! :( :( :(
First Realised about PIED & first reboot: January 2017
Last PMO: August 2017
(Caused shrunk penis and even softer erection! Porn temptation instantly vanished due to shock of discovery!!)

Last MO:
August 2019
At least 1 six months Hardmode and 2 three months hardmode.

Georgos

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #293 on: April 26, 2019, 03:18:00 AM »
D&O I cannot really offer good advice on how to get a girlfriend, but I think you need to make your focus more general and try to work out how to lead a good life. You want a girlfriend, you desire a girlfriend, that is ok, there is nothing wrong with that, what I am stuck on is making myself eligible, and for me that comes with respecting myself, which I still don't know how to do. It seems to me that if I can respect myself then I will become eligible and it will be easy to get a girlfriend. The truth is you don't just want anyone, you want someone who fits with how you perceive yourself. If you don't respect who you are, then you cannot expect someone else to respect you for who you are. This is how I see it at any rate. The issue with PMO is a kind of distraction, it may be one of the root behaviours that caused you to lose respect, at least that is how it was with me, but I think, if you are like me, you have to see it within the larger context. It sounds to me like you have other issues, such as how religion was forced on you, or maybe like me, identity issues, I don't know. I think a good exercise, which is something I haven't been able to do because I simply don't know, is to try and write down everything that you want from a girlfriend. I get stuck with this exercise because I still just want an image sexually, maybe a physical model, but not a human being. This is why I have a lot of rewiring to do. When I had sex for the first time six years ago, I found that I felt that it wasn't as satisfying as MO. My friend said that would change as I had more sex, but I never got the opportunity. I thinking dating is good because you come to experience relating to real women. I'm sure you will find the right girl for you in the end, but as I said a good exercise is to start thinking about what you are really after in a realistic way, which means learning about yourself. I cannot say this will help with getting a girlfriend, because I still haven't got one, but I do know that I am much happier now than I've ever been, and that surely is the first step. Thank you.

MinneapolisGuy

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #294 on: April 26, 2019, 08:32:25 PM »
I just don't see how actively MOing is going to help when it seems as though you always feel worse?


DepressedAndOut

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #295 on: April 27, 2019, 03:33:47 AM »
I don't want my brain to forget about sexuality, so I'm MOing every now and then. I don't feel worse after MOing, it's only when I binge MO that I seem to regress (based on post-event non-interest at looking at real females and thickness of penis, it can become really soft like a deflated balloon after binge MOs. )

At the moment, for the last week or so, I only averaged one MO per 2 days, and so there doesn't seem to be any change.
First Realised about PIED & first reboot: January 2017
Last PMO: August 2017
(Caused shrunk penis and even softer erection! Porn temptation instantly vanished due to shock of discovery!!)

Last MO:
August 2019
At least 1 six months Hardmode and 2 three months hardmode.

jorge2166

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #296 on: July 14, 2019, 04:25:27 PM »
That's why you have no sexual experience. Do the duty to go out with someone and start having sex without the purpose of having a coitus. Then you think about intercourse. For now the most important thing is that you start to gain experience
What do you say about it?

jorge2166

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #297 on: July 14, 2019, 04:30:21 PM »
You need is help with psychology. it will be better. In the forum you are wasting time friend because your problem is not with pornography or masturbation. In the worst case the excess of masturbation tires but it is reversible in a matter of days or weeks. It depends on each one. Your problem is not with pornography as I told you.

Pornography is not so harmful as to cause DE or ED forever

malando

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #298 on: July 14, 2019, 07:11:44 PM »
Friend: quiet. Pornography is not as bad as you think. It is true that in excess you can cause problems, but they are reversible in a matter of months.
Remove the idea from the head that the problem has been pornography.
What happens is that you have developed anxiety with the issue of pornography and that is what is affecting you.

All the men on the planet see pornography and a lot. Or at least, we've seen it, which means you should forget that your problem is porn.

You have another problem that can be cured successfully from professional help.

I imagine that in your country there should be good doctors and specialists.

I'm really questioning your attitude given your recent postings. How much thought and research have you really invested in this problem? Please do some more research before posting such flippant advice. Frankly, your advice is an embarrassment. Expect your posts to be edited or deleted if you continue in this manner. This site is intended for people who have realised that porn is not a good thing and how to quit and leave it behind permanently.

manchacat

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Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« Reply #299 on: July 14, 2019, 07:46:06 PM »
maybe checking out stuff like taoist sexual practices may help,

you have been at this for a long time, so yeah, maybe nofap is not what will help you in its purest form, but you have to keep on looking, many people find tantra and taoist practices are the missing link.

check the multiorgasmic lover by jim benson for example, or other stuff like that, search sexual kung fu, taoist sex, tantra, etc,  just dont go back to porn if you it has a bad effect on you which it probably does.

and work on the other aspects of your life, meditation, exercise, all that stuff.