PIED is a matter of the past - how reboot saved my sexual life

Hi.

I haven't posted from almost one year, but a totally fortuitous occurrence sent me back on memory lane and reminded me of my battle against porn, and how I beat the beast - and how awesome and positive this community was and is. I was taking a gender studies class and for my homework I had an essay on a subject of my choice. I chose the construction of masculine identity for recovering sex and porn addicts (hell, I had ample experience to back my research after countless nights spent contemplating how a failure of a man I was). I revisited, not without emotion, this forum, caught up with the people I was fallowing and stuff. It was overwhelming but in a good sense. A lot of my virtual brothers-in-arms are doing better now. Nothing could have made me happier.

I decided to update you guys about my successes but also my current struggles. My account is proof porn can be defeated, but also a sobering reminder that the fight never ends, and that one battle chases the other.   

Let's start with the positive side:

1. PIED is memory. I now have GREAT sex, erections are as they should be. My sexual life is fulfilling and even if I have sex pretty rarely it is always a memorable, tender, loving experience (still with the same girl I was back then). So yes porn (combined with performance anxiety no doubt) was the issue. This certainty now gives me strenght
2. PMO is a habit of the past. Actually, in a moment of depression, I tried it again. I couldn't! I find porn boring and often repulsing. I still watch porn form time to time, but after 5 min I close the tabs because i get no rush at all. I almost developed a sociological eye, because I watched it with such detachment. I enjoy much more finding out facts about this industry: I know how deep porn can run into one's psyche and I feel it's one of the most disturbing phenomena of our post-industrial developed societies. HOWEVER, my goal is to NEVER VISIT a porn site again. The battle is almost won, there is no point lingering on the battlefield and strolling among the putrefying corpses of my not-so-glorious past.

The bad stuff now is that I struggle with masturbation and fantasies. It doesn't impact my sex life but it eats up my time and I think impairs my energy levels. I MO almost every day, to all kinds of scenarios. I feel bad as often I orgasm to the thought of other girls I know, and even if I never once considered cheating on my fiancee (we will marry as soon as I get a job paid well enough to afford the wedding and moving together in our own apartment) this is eating me. Second is that the thought of going to sensual massage is nagging me - but this (unlike masturbation or eyeing a nice looking lady in the street) is to me proper cheating, and if I do my only solution would be to break up because I can't live with the idea I was unfaithful to the woman I vow my life to (even if she forgives me, I know she will never forget it, and me neither). Massage is like porn in a way - it's passive pleasure, anonymous and casual. but I am decided to not let this creep into my life. I went too far battling my sexual demons to become THAT type of man: a liar and a cheater.

So, guys, this is it. Peace out and good luck to all those currently in this train to Pornlessville  My own journey there, with some wonderful companions (yes, all of you  ) really changed my life.

Hey,

very great to see those results. Congratulations on kicking the porn habit!

I hear you on the struggle with M and fantasies; I seem to be having something similar. I believe this is actually a porn pathway in our brain that is still there and is getting activated every time we indulge. So I try to stay away from (abnormal) fantasy and masturbation altogether. Maybe it's something you should think about as well, if you'd like ...

Hi

Thanks for your reply. I don't regard clean MO as inherently harmful. on the contrary, after a long abstinence stint, I tend to develop forms of premature ejaculations. However I would like to cut it to maximum 2-3 times a week.  My rules for safe MO are:

1. Of course, no porn or substitutes

2. Don't rush it - it will lead in time to premature ejaculations if you train to do it hard and fast. Take your time, make it a moment of relaxation. 

3. No fantasies until the very end. I MO to sensations only (something even wrapping my mind around casual stuff as my priorities at school and work, my gym workout, etc..) for the first 15 minutes or so. I indulge in fantasies only when I feel I am close to climax. Thus I train myself to get and remain hard with a "clean" mind.

4. Monitor what I call the "quality" of the fantasies. I banned all porn-related stuff. I try to ban any kinky, fetishistic stuff too (easy, as I always a "vanilla" guy even as I used porn massively), all that doesn't feel real. Think about your real partner (or potential partner if one is single) as much as possible.


But of course being totally clean of MO, if you can do it and suffer no side effects in your sex life, is the pinnacle. I will implement this in time, as I hear that in time PE usually ceases to be a problem as one gets older and nerve endings beome less sensitive naturally.

One last tip: kegels and reverse kegels helped me a lot. They are not a myth, they really work