Author Topic: trust can rebuild and forgiveness is possible  (Read 2431 times)

aquarius25

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trust can rebuild and forgiveness is possible
« on: January 12, 2017, 01:18:02 AM »
So I want to start by saying that I don't normally visit this part of the forum mainly because I don't want to get my hope up. I am the wife of a PA. My success is that I am finally at a place where I look forward to seeing him again. I miss him when he is not home. I love him more than I am hurt by porn. I now have no doubt that we will make it. I know that I will still experience hurt but I finally trust that he is doing everything he can with his reboot and I trust that when he says he hasn't relapsed that it is the truth. We aren't over this and I know there is still along road but It is getting a lot better! So that is my success.

Androg

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Re: trust can rebuild and forgiveness is possible
« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2017, 08:30:13 PM »
Recovered addicts can be amazing, wise, humble, loving mates. Well done having a heart big enough to make it through such a difficult time.

Not sure if you would find this useful: http://www.reuniting.info/lazy_way_to_stay_in_love

All the best!

Indiepeaches

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Re: trust can rebuild and forgiveness is possible
« Reply #2 on: January 18, 2017, 06:16:20 AM »
This was lovely to read..... Thanks for sharing. X

Selena michale

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Re: trust can rebuild and forgiveness is possible
« Reply #3 on: January 28, 2017, 06:29:38 AM »
Im really happy for u that u finally can see the light. Congratulation and u r a very strong woman to get through such a hard battle. I hope that last forever.

Andrew Carendon

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Re: trust can rebuild and forgiveness is possible
« Reply #4 on: February 16, 2017, 07:15:10 PM »
thank you. i am a 49 year old man and i have tried to stop using porn for many years. i have been clean now for 2 and a half months. my wife and i have been together for 25 years married for 20 , she was crushed when she found out last Dec that i was using porn again. I struggle with depression from time to time and i am also in recovery from alcoholism. a long time has it been since i have drank and I go to alot of meetings. I suffer from aasking myself "why did have to tell her" I disclosed it to her and sometimes i wish i hadn't. Thanks for your post i want to be happy I'm statying away from porn one day at a time. I do get cravings but they go away quickly thank god

aquarius25

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Re: trust can rebuild and forgiveness is possible
« Reply #5 on: February 18, 2017, 06:42:14 PM »
Thank you everyone for the encouragement.
Andrew Carendon, Keep up the good work. I know there were times when my husband probably regretted me finding out. I really wished he would have just told me but instead I had to discover the hard way. Honesty is the most important part of a relationship, without it there really isn't much of anything left. It is hard and can be very scary but just keep working on it, it will get better. I really believe that when addicts withhold the truth they are not fully claiming responsibility for their addiction. Usually its out of fear. When you share this truth and claim ownership of your actions you become responsible not just to yourself but to your partner in your recovery. Yes the stakes are higher, mainly because if you relapse it doesn't just have an effect on you but on your partner too. I know my husband has told me that more than a few times in the beginning that is a big factor keeping him focused on recovery. Somehow the responsibility of it all made it more easy to not relapse then to relapse and have to see it hurt me too. Also I am glad he told be because we now have a new layer of trust, love, and connection to our marriage. I feel closer to him. Yes we both have bad days but over all I would never want to return to living in a false reality and not know. I want to support him just as he supports me. We are partners, we are in this together and if one is suffering the other needs to know.

Andrew Carendon

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Re: trust can rebuild and forgiveness is possible
« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2017, 07:14:43 PM »
Thank your for your response. I feel like I have nothing to hide from my wife. It is nice. I struggle with trying to be perfect but here is an area where I don't just for today. I am free for like 60days one day at a time. I notice I am very sensitive to everything but its okay. I've been  sober in AA for over 25 years. Now that I am meeting the porn addiction for the first time openly in my iife I feel like a new comer at my AA meetings. I welcome them and I need to go to them especially at night. Porn was my first addiction. Before anything else. Its been with me for so long. Take care and thanks again for responding.

aquarius25

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Re: trust can rebuild and forgiveness is possible
« Reply #7 on: February 25, 2017, 12:24:12 PM »
I wanted to share another "success" on this thread. I was looking back over mine and my husbands progress over the past 9+ months and realizing just how much we have grown. Since D-day it has been a bit of a roller coaster but personally we both have grown so much. Our ability to communicate, process emotions, and push through difficulty has really amazed me. I can see how it has helped in other areas of our lives as well. In work, with our kids, and just in daily life we are better people than we were this time last year. I am glad we both have committed to each other. We still have bad days but at the root of it all we are both committed to seeing this though. My husband doesn't want to just beat a porn addiction but he wants to be a man filled with integrity, morals and good quality character. I want more then to just not feel hurt, I want to be more understanding and supportive to people. I want to be less judgemental. I want to understand myself and others  more. I want to be more of encouragement to others in this world. As a result of this experience our marriage is closer, we are better people individually, and we are better parents too.

I can honestly say that I am thankful for this experience, the hurt and the love, it all has helped me become better than I was yesterday. I hope tomorrow is better still!