Author Topic: So many changes...  (Read 1716 times)

Alice0820

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So many changes...
« on: September 26, 2016, 05:19:36 PM »
So I gave up porn and masturbation 47 days ago. I have been super successful with not watching porn, but due to super high urges have masturbated twice so far. I was able to achieve orgasm for the first time ever though with me in the fantasy. I've always had to think about really nasty things and always of two people I didn't know. The crazy part is the last time  I was able to achieve orgasm through a fantasy of me with a man. This is startling because for the last 8 years, I thought I was gay. I'm wondering now if I was really gay at all or if I just thought so because watching so much porn had made me desensitized to sex with actual men. Because I wasn't having fun sleeping with men (and because I got off watching lesbians on TV) I suppose I just assumed I was gay. It's a scary feeling, having my whole life turned upside down, but it definitely makes me want to stay off porn so I can find out who I truly am and what I truly feel.

Crystal

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Re: So many changes...
« Reply #1 on: September 29, 2016, 09:06:03 PM »
So I gave up porn and masturbation 47 days ago. I have been super successful with not watching porn, but due to super high urges have masturbated twice so far. I was able to achieve orgasm for the first time ever though with me in the fantasy. I've always had to think about really nasty things and always of two people I didn't know. The crazy part is the last time  I was able to achieve orgasm through a fantasy of me with a man. This is startling because for the last 8 years, I thought I was gay. I'm wondering now if I was really gay at all or if I just thought so because watching so much porn had made me desensitized to sex with actual men. Because I wasn't having fun sleeping with men (and because I got off watching lesbians on TV) I suppose I just assumed I was gay. It's a scary feeling, having my whole life turned upside down, but it definitely makes me want to stay off porn so I can find out who I truly am and what I truly feel.

Congrats Alice on your victory over porn thus far!

Porn undoubtedly can have an effect on our attractions, but understanding our sexual identity can certainly be confusing in it's own right. I'm still understanding mine myself! I just encourage you to take this concept to heart:
sexuality is fluid. You can experience attraction to women in the past and attraction to men in the present. It happens, and there is nothing wrong with it. We don't frustratingly always understand why it happens, but we can come to terms with it and live life as our best selves, whoever that is in the present moment. It's a concept that's really helped me on my journey.

Best of luck as you continue on with your Reboot and self-discovery!


Another thing to consider is
My last erotica relapse was September 30th. My goal is to go without erotica for 90 consecutive days.