Author Topic: Married and detoxing  (Read 2517 times)

Dem

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Married and detoxing
« on: March 06, 2017, 07:06:31 PM »
So, I've been married for 15 years plus and I have come to the point of recognizing that I need to detox.  I have confessed it to my wife and she understands that I need to go through this; however, she requires intimacy.  Are there any other married men that have gone through this detox that can give tips to husbands that need to relearn intimacy w/o porn? While I would love to speed this process up, I know that it's going to possibly bring up images and fantasies that I'm trying to clear out.  Would love to hear your thoughts or suggestions.

Thanks
DW

AppleJack

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Re: Married and detoxing
« Reply #1 on: March 06, 2017, 10:37:12 PM »
Books to help

Love you hate the porn
Erotic intelligence (it's for sex/porn addicts that have achieved sobriety and are ready to re-engage in healthy sex).

Dem

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Re: Married and detoxing
« Reply #2 on: March 06, 2017, 11:53:56 PM »
Thanks bro.
DW

workinprogressUK

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Re: Married and detoxing
« Reply #3 on: March 07, 2017, 04:56:08 AM »
Good decision, Dem. Wishing you every success in re-wiring.
I remember working with a therapist who encouraged me to "re-engage all my senses" as I re-established a healthy, intimate relationship with my SO. Because I'd become so wired to PMO, real sex had become totally focused on O, with my brain full of fantasy, I'd disconnected my senses from the experience. At risk of sounding "sappy", it helped to try to bring all my senses into focus... smell, touch, sound, taste as well as what my eye could see. But I have to admit many instances of just white-knuckling it in the early days... trying to "stay in the room" without getting ED. Because the reality was quite frankly tame in comparison to where i could go in my head. Sad but true. Got there in the end though. You will re-wire if you prioritise it highly enough. Good luck!

Dem

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Re: Married and detoxing
« Reply #4 on: March 07, 2017, 07:03:28 AM »
Hey thanks bro.  This is no joke.  I have found myself being in an emotional roller coaster, insomnia, and feeling a little inadequate about my sex life with my wife but I believe I will get through it. It's been at least 7 days but the desires are there.  I did pick up a book called @The Resolution for Men" and it's helped me to find my place in my faith. I think the more I stay away from electronics, the more I can "re-wire."  I am looking to line my life with books.  This website is helpful, but it's also electronic and on the same phone I used to watch porn on.  Smh- pray for me. Hopefully there is a married men group on here where we can establish accountability.
DW

Dem

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Re: Married and detoxing
« Reply #5 on: March 07, 2017, 10:17:48 PM »
Well today was really weird.  I've had a headache all day, blood pressure was high, and it seems like everyone was staring at me while in the dental office. 2 ladies told me I looked nice and I know they were lying because my mouth was numb and felt swollen.  They tried it!  I've been PMO free for 6 days and I'm going to stick with it.  This website is like a "what to expect when you are expecting" informational and it helps me to cope.  Didnt sleep well, going thru the flatlined stage, and still not comfortable thinking about sex with my wife.  I don't want to mistreat her and set my mind up to believe she should be "making" our sex experience to be like what I have seen on these porn sites. I have apologized, cried, and made up my mind to get back to the intimacy of it all.

Hoping for a better day tomorrow.
DW

Dem

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Re: Married and detoxing
« Reply #6 on: March 09, 2017, 08:21:29 AM »
Last night I had a really surreal dream about a porn video that I watched. When I came out of the dream, I had a hard on.  I did not progress forward and give into the desire to take advantage of the moment; however, I was excited that it wa the first erection I've had in 6 days.  Should I be excited? It works is the good news. How it came to work is the bad news.  I said a little prayer and went back to sleep. Woke up with a headache and realized I survived that trick. I also realized that my morning woods were a daily trigger for PMO.  For the last 12 days, I have increased my spiritual walk by reading and journaling in the mornings, and coming on here to read when I feel the urges creeping up on me.  Thankful for this forum.  It slows things all the way down and reveals spectrums that I would cause me to make better choices. 

Hope everyone has a productive day.

DW
DW

aquarius25

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Re: Married and detoxing
« Reply #7 on: March 09, 2017, 02:58:51 PM »
I just want to say I think it is really great that you were honest with your wife. That is awesome and not easy to do but so important in marriage. My husband and I had sex off and on during his reboot. He has/ had what I would consider extreme PIED but its getting way better. Like night and day better! Rebooting is really the best choice and yes you still can have sex with your wife while rebooting if you aren't going hardmode. Just prepare yourself for the chaser effect so you are not caught off guard. Now our biggest issue when it comes to sex is his anxiety as a result of experiencing PiED for so long. I just keep trying to be encouraging. Remember you are doing something that will change your marriage for the better! Keep communicating with her. If she ever has any questions or wants a community to connect with there is a partners section on here. For that matter you should check it out too. A lot of women, myself included, post our thought, emotions and progress. Its a good place to hear a different perspective.
I wish you the best!

Dem

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Re: Married and detoxing
« Reply #8 on: March 10, 2017, 01:55:00 AM »
Thanks.  I try not to bother her too much with it since she is in school, but it's good to know she will continue to be there for me.  Now, we know HOW to accept and bear each other's burdens and we know HOW to pray. 

Thanks.
DW

Dem

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Re: Married and detoxing
« Reply #9 on: March 12, 2017, 12:20:11 AM »
This morning, I woke up with one of the greatest morning woods ever.  I was thankful as it's been Lazurus dead for about 4 days. I was so excited that I almost grabbed it and went to work.... then I remembered this commitment. So I went back to sleep and woke back up to a nearly empty house.  It was the perfect situation for old habits to pop up.  Determined to stay focused, I banned myself from my bed and did yard work all day. The good thing is not only did I stay on track with my PMO detox, but I got a lot of yard work done without the thought of porn and the emotional struggle that goes with it. 

I survived one more day and I'm encouraged to keep going! 

Stay encouraged!
DW

lyon03

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Re: Married and detoxing
« Reply #10 on: March 14, 2017, 05:09:21 AM »
Well done Dem. Keep going. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.