Fiance was A Secret Addict for Years

[LucyDeveigne]

Hey! Great to be part of this group! I just found out a few weeks ago that my fiance is a porn addict. This has been so devastating- I've been sitting with this and trying to be present for weeks, but it is eating me up inside. Everyday I'm aware of so much pain and distrust inside me..I'm hurt because I love him, but I JUST CANT trust him anymore and its killing me. I'm not a social media person(to my detriment) because he had some secrets there as well- you have no idea how relieved I am to find a group of ladies who are going through this- There is so much I want to let out, but I read the rules of the group and I dont want to trigger anyone.
I had caught him watching porn before, and was slightly worried, but I didnt confront him until until my friend recommended this video and it pretty much confirmed my suspicions-anyone heard of him?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qx-hA8wNxis&t=154s
I'm just glad I'm not alone in this. I'm looking for any kind of resource that can help me handle this- its pretty rough.Any suggestions?

[cuppatea]

Hi and welcome, there is a partners section on this forum too be sure to check it out if you haven't already.
Paula Hall has a book for partners of sex addicts (which includes porn addicts). I've found that very useful.
And another book called love you hate the porn which is based on building the couple relationship back up.
There are videos on the Your brain on porn website too.
Would your fiance join this site, there are many other addicts on here who could support him

[aquarius25]

Yes I would second what Cuppatea said! Encourage him to join the site and start a journal. It has helped my husband out tremendously. Remember to take it one day at a time. Is he acknowledging at all that he has a problem? Is he experiencing PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction)?

If he is at a point where he knows he has a problem and wants to get better then you guys should sit down together and figure out some goals for your relationship and start the conversations on how to get there. This process involves so much pain. I am sorry for the pain you have and will continue to endure but know that even when it feel like it you are absoutly not alone. There is support here anytime you need it and support for him as well!

[LucyDeveigne]

Excuse the late reply! I just wanted to say thank you. We both read the book love you hate the porn recommended my @cuppatea. My fiance declined to join the forum, but fortunately, we did begin getting counseling through a recovery coach jk emezi at elevated recovery. He's been off porn 5 months already (with one minor slip) and I've learned to cope with the trauma better.
  Trust is still taking a while to rebuild, but I have faith that we can fix this. Thank you for the kind words @aquarius25

I'll see if I can coax him into joining the forum