I like what you said about feeling your feelings compared to holding an apple in your hands as you try to figure it out. I always push away my feelings, specially if they are hurtful. Thanks for sharing and congrats on 11 days.
I want to live according to my dreams.
Good stuff, that human contact, whether it's for a few minutes with a stranger on the train or many years with a loving partner, is what it's all about. To me, that's the opposite of P, and it's what I hope to deepen in my life by giving up P one day at a time. In the pit of P addiction, my eyes are closed to the beauty all around me, and I feel cut off from that purposeful connection. I don't want to live that way. So happy for you. That sounds like a fun encounter.
Mobilfreak great work on actively working on the social anxiety! Really happy for you!I am sure you had a great time, learned a lot from the experience etc. I see it as this ; she helped you gain more confidence in yourself. She was put there to help you and part of the overall plan. a steppingstone to what is to come. That good lovin .. stick in there buddy and work on that game,, inspiring!!
Any suggestions!?
So I said to myself, let's M, becuse it will help you faal asleep. I did search for some P. But it didn't find me interesting, so I just feeled me out without it. I wasn't even H. It was only mechanical, I pushed myself to do it, so I could sleep.
QuoteSo I said to myself, let's M, becuse it will help you faal asleep. I did search for some P. But it didn't find me interesting, so I just feeled me out without it. I wasn't even H. It was only mechanical, I pushed myself to do it, so I could sleep.hey.. Just curious. You searched for P,.. so you did watch it?.. if so for how long?.. also, do you think it was the right thing to do?.. M just to get some sleep?... that idea lead you to search for P. Probably a pattern you acted without even questioning it. asking as I remember that thought-cyclus in me in the past .. "i want to sleep > what can i do to sleep > release tension > search for a good scene > M > sleep". sorry for questioning, but I am asking to be proactive so you wont let a "small peek" turn into a rationalisation for next time you feel bored/stressed etc.. and peek a little bit longer etc.. we all know where that will lead. I want just to be aware of what just happened from an outside perspective instead of just being silent. I know you say 'didn't find it interesting' but the fact is you searched for it.. I don't want to come off as a judgemental person / point fingers, not at all.. I truly have compassion for what you are going through and I truly want you the best.. Just being objective and seeing things for what they are. so IMO, I don't see what you did in that very moment, would be of any help for you to progress in this journey. If it was me, I would not celebrate a day where I knew I had semi-peeked and searched for P. That is exactly what the addiction wanted you to do, that dopamine high. Don't know man, you know better than me.. maybe its me being too judgmental, overcomplicating things and being too much black and white.. I know this is a negative trait I have. Please see it from my side, I don't know if it was a search for 5seconds and you closed it down or 1 hour.. I know nothing other than the words you wrote. Just want to prevent you from going that 'just a small peek' route that leads to 'just a little more' thing... you know what I mean. none the less : you were strong to close it down and not M to it.. I do commend you for that! and 30 days being pmo free is a great accomplishment. keep it up!Another thing, I remember how happy you were when you met and talked to that girl... connection. I can relate a lot to your situation in that regard. So my question is, have you wondered if to take a small vacation to only focus on having fun?.. like talking to women etc.. maybe another country or so or just to another city and stay outside for the most. It's like im writing this part to myself hehe.. The thing is I can relate to much of you'r stuff you are going through. and I know what makes me happy.. connection. kind people. being seen. all the best, hope all works out at the job.