Author Topic: a new chance  (Read 126 times)

user2089

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a new chance
« on: October 18, 2019, 11:31:23 AM »
Hello everybody .
 So todaday is the day when i take things really seriosly , i kind of feel i sayd that to my self more than 100 times , but never before i wrote it .
Before introducing myself i want to apologyse for grammar mistakes , english is not my mother language .
So i am 30 years old kind off virgin , i was on prostitude once but i my buddy did half work :( , i kind off see that coming , but after that moment my life become nightmare , i work as a ballet dancer , so from young age there was a guys that accuse me to be a gay, i had bad comunication with girls , most of them becoming friends of me , that was very strange for me .. why there is no more i ask my self , backthan i think my penis was small , i kind off go in puberty late , so i remember at 15 or 16 i got this porn magazine , and i felt so good becouse i got boner , little time after that i discover masturbation , i didnt even know is a think back than . SO it began ... long time i lied to myself i use porn just becouse girls didnt feel atracted to me , u know i am short no very big muscles and stuff .. years later marijuana join into the mix . Looking back i am proud of my self because even with that problem my study didnt suffer ,and my work  going well now . but i still have no girlfrend , never been in relationship , for me aways being a question how to go from friedly talk to more intimate stuff , i quess i have never know because my whole sex experience was a porn , i have been kiss like 2 girls , i remember the boner again , but they cut me fast , from more than 5 years tho i havent been on date , so with begining of 2019 i decide to go to prostetute . it was ugly ,i feel less a man now , i even have that angry issues when i dont smoke weed and watching porn after work at night , its destroyng my life slowly but surely , from january till now i dont stop tryng to stop all of this things , but i feel in trap , i feel like it could not be repaired , there is nobody to speak about that , i dont want to appear week in the eyes of my friends and family , so i keep acting normal fun guy when is daytime , i am ashame of what happen at night , from mouth i stop going out . So i hope now when i wrote that i can keep promise to myself atleast for 30 days , i know it will be hard but i feel more ready than ever to do it , if there is a chance for me to have a normal life , sex , family someday i got to take the chance now i feel that just a little bit and will be to late . so day 1 wish me good luck .
« Last Edit: October 18, 2019, 11:35:06 AM by user2089 »

stepbystep

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Re: a new chance
« Reply #1 on: October 18, 2019, 10:39:59 PM »
Good luck user2089! You can do this!
Trying to quit since 2004. In recovery since December 2011. Mostly porn-free since August 2012. Completely porn-free since December 6, 2019.

malando

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Re: a new chance
« Reply #2 on: October 20, 2019, 09:16:29 AM »
You know, you are not the only guy who is 30+ who hasn't had sex or a relationship yet. It's not as rare as you think. It is certainly possible to change these things in your life, but you need to get off the porn to have any chance. That has to be your number one priority - as well as quitting any habits you have which lead you to using porn. Once you have control of that, your confidence will increase and you can start with learning how to talk to women effectively and then start dating. It's a gradual process usually, but it's very possible if you start working on your problems with a real sense of determination and purpose.

NewStart04

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Re: a new chance
« Reply #3 on: October 23, 2019, 01:27:40 AM »
I think recovery can be a long process full of trial and error, but one thing I can say is that if you still smoke, I recommend temporarily removing it and any other substances that alter how you make decisions. It's hard enough to make the best decisions sober when you are experiencing those critical moments that really test your resolve. Doing so drunk, high etc., makes it even more difficult. I myself can attest to this, and I have read multiple accounts that corroborate my experience.

Wishing you the best of luck however, regardless of what your approach is.

Take care