Author Topic: After a 96 days streak... !  (Read 1147 times)

Digipex

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After a 96 days streak... !
« on: November 06, 2016, 01:57:37 PM »
Hi,

It has been many weeks i didn't write a post here. Well, it's because i was so ashamed, disappointed about my relapse.

On June 21th, i started my first journal and titled it : " Ultimate New start ". I was doing well and progressing in a good and satisfying manner. and finally reached my ultimate goal : 90 days !

6 days after that, i had a very difficult week-end : hard urges and sexual thoughts all the time, thinking about relapsing ... Finally, while surfing on the internet, i accidentally opened a window with some naked pictures .. then i relapsed .. i pmo'ed .

it only lasted 3 to 5 minutes. But, i was really feeling bad for relapsing and restarsting my counter from 0.

So my record was 96 Days !

I decided to take it positevely and not to mention it in my journal and continue my journey in order to reach maybe 6 months with only one relapse.

But that was my mistake, 3 weeks after that i relapsed again .. and three weeks after the second relapsed i relapsed again ..

I just came back to my normal pace .. as i explained in my first journal , i usually abstain from PMO for 2 to 3 weeks, then i relapse due to urges .. The last time ( 3th relapse after my 96 days streak ) was one week ago .

One hour ago , while surfing again on instagram i found out a page with pretty triggering stuff and my heart started to beat faster, my brain calling me to relapse again .. the same old cycle ..

Well , i remembred this forum and yourbrainonporn. Within 30 minutes of reading some posts, i decided not to relapse and to resume my journey. I also understood that it was my mistake. i should have never stopped reading articles here and posts here .

It's the only way to keep being motivated ! in addition to the counter !

So i decided to start again, and i fix a fisrt goal of : 30 Days !! 

Wish me good luck as i do for everyone  ;)

« Last Edit: November 10, 2016, 01:12:43 PM by Digipex »
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Corby90

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    If you're going through Hell, keep going!
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Re: New "Ultimate New start", this time for sure !
« Reply #1 on: November 06, 2016, 02:14:41 PM »
Keep fighting the good fight, 90 days i thoroughly admire you.

There is no shame in relapsing, only shame in relapsing and giving up.

If you're going through Hell, keep going!

Digipex

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Re: New "Ultimate New start", this time for sure !
« Reply #2 on: November 08, 2016, 12:37:10 PM »
Thank you for your encouraging comment

i completely agree with you  :)
My journal !
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Stowe2010

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Re: New "Ultimate New start", this time for sure !
« Reply #3 on: November 08, 2016, 04:04:18 PM »
Stay strong my friend. You have made it significant periods of time without using which is commendable. When you relapse, try to learn what triggers this and avoid it, which it sound like you are doing. I am on day 3 currently and it certainly is no easy journey. I feel crazy today and could not sleep at all last night, however I would not let myself use because I know I would only feel like this in another 3 days if I do. Using never solves the problems, it only creates them. Keep up the positive attitude, and be strong we can both do this!

Digipex

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Re: New "Ultimate New start", this time for sure !
« Reply #4 on: November 08, 2016, 04:59:36 PM »
You're totaly right, we mustn't give up because using doesn't solve anything.

Remember that the first days are the hardest, then you'll be better after and sleep peacefully after this period of urges caused by past excessive P use.

Be strong you too  :)
My journal !
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Stowe2010

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Re: New "Ultimate New start", this time for sure !
« Reply #5 on: November 08, 2016, 06:29:26 PM »
Thanks!

J316

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Re: New "Ultimate New start", this time for sure !
« Reply #6 on: November 08, 2016, 10:25:59 PM »
Good luck, and congrats on 96 days! I've never even been able to put 2 weeks together.

Digipex

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Re: After a 96 days streak... !
« Reply #7 on: November 10, 2016, 01:27:36 PM »
I relapsed this afternoon... i feel a lot of regrets and disappointement...

This afternoon, after I came back home, I was looking for a solution to a problem I had. My search didn't bring satisfying results.
I don't how, maybe due to negative feelings, but I ended up relapsing...

I have to be honest with myself: since my first relapse after the 96 days streak, I never felt the same motivation to quit pmo as I did before the long streak.
Someone said that if you want to quit pmo, you have to be 100% determined not only 99,9% determined.

To be honest: somewhere in my deep  unconsciousness, I wanted to pmo from time to time.I hadn't the same 100% determination. That's why I tolerated a lot of triggering stuff that lead every time to relapse.

Right no, I'm confused, I don't how I will feel tomorrow. I only hope to be 100% determined again to stop forever. !

Sorry for  disappointing you guys  :(

Keep fighting !
« Last Edit: November 10, 2016, 01:33:15 PM by Digipex »
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Digipex

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Re: After a 96 days streak... !
« Reply #8 on: January 02, 2017, 05:37:26 PM »
Hi everbody,

i decided to restart posting on my journal because i took a resolution on this new year : it'll be the year where i'll definitely make the longest streak ( hope never do it again  ::) ) !

I didn't update my journal since 10Nov because i relapsed 2 times after : the same stupid cycle : Relapse => I'll Never do it again => two/three weeks later : Relapse and so on ...

But this time, it's different i feel like i've got a big motivation to quit PMO !

So, i updated my counter and i'll restart my 30 days goals till i make a more longer streak than 96 days ! Wish me good luck !

 ;D ;D ;D
My journal !
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