Author Topic: Recently relapsed after 9 months and now can't find motivation to stop  (Read 991 times)

pornoholic52

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I'm really looking for some encouragement. I recently relapsed after 9 months without porn. I was feeling better, feeling free, and life was looking up. I got into a relationship with a nice girl, and that's where the trouble began. I don't blame her. I've just watched so much porn in my life that it's difficult for me to not feel like women want more than what I have to offer when I'm in a relationship. She has never been anything but encouraging, but I let my insecurities serve as justifications to go back to porn--the one place I never feel any performance anxiety or self-consciousness, because I can always hide in isolation. This precipitated the return of craving for the drug, and now I can't stop for more than a couple of days. My temper is shorter. I feel blocked from my spiritual values. I need some help.

BuddhaAwake

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Re: Recently relapsed after 9 months and now can't find motivation to stop
« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2016, 01:07:59 PM »
Thanks for sharing, and congrats for going 9 months w/o porn!

Get back on the horse again. The testimonies on these forums prove it can be done. I posted a Buddhist quote in a post called "Back into life" that might reignite your motivation. My point is to help others set an intention to avoid sexual misconduct, not to promote Buddhism.

yesyes1234

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Re: Recently relapsed after 9 months and now can't find motivation to stop
« Reply #2 on: November 01, 2016, 12:05:57 AM »
Congrats on the 9 months. And it's great you came here for help instead of perpetuating the spiral. It sounds like you have some underlying issues with shame. At the same time it seems like you have some selfawereness about it, which is great. Now you just need to act on it.

I often see this guy recommended when it comes to dealing with shame.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5q2tZa1gp8Q

It's worth considering how it affects you.

Also, maybe write some stuff down about your experiences? Like writing down how you felt when you were at your lowest and your highest when you were 9 months free. Or visualise yourself being old and reflecting back on how many years you've lost and how much you will keep on losing if you continue.

You can fix the insecurities, but you can't do it while you pmo. And you don't have to fix everything now, just start going in the right direction, and it you will eventually be able to manage it.

pornoholic52

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Re: Recently relapsed after 9 months and now can't find motivation to stop
« Reply #3 on: November 01, 2016, 10:34:14 AM »
I agree, and thank you for your post. Up until now, I had considered shame to be primarily about my acting out behavior, which I think I've dealt with sufficiently. But now I'm realizing that shame also extends to how I view my body, as well as how I evaluate my own sexual performance. Shame is the inverse of pride, and "pride gets no pleasure out of merely having something, but out of having more than the next man." So my shame stems from my own self-comparison with others. It is the antithesis of self-acceptance--it is self-rejection. I definitely have some work to do around this issue, and I think that doing so will go a long way toward preventing the next relapse. Thanks again.

MarcusSecret

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Re: Recently relapsed after 9 months and now can't find motivation to stop
« Reply #4 on: November 01, 2016, 07:50:20 PM »
I agree, and thank you for your post. Up until now, I had considered shame to be primarily about my acting out behavior, which I think I've dealt with sufficiently. But now I'm realizing that shame also extends to how I view my body, as well as how I evaluate my own sexual performance. Shame is the inverse of pride, and "pride gets no pleasure out of merely having something, but out of having more than the next man." So my shame stems from my own self-comparison with others. It is the antithesis of self-acceptance--it is self-rejection. I definitely have some work to do around this issue, and I think that doing so will go a long way toward preventing the next relapse. Thanks again.

I can find myself in this, also always comparing to others, I mean doing well in a lot of places but it puts lots of pressure to be a star in bed too. This increases tension naturally which is the opposite of what we need, to relax.
Come one you can snap out of this, just focus together with her, she is understandable so you can be confortable