Beating Post Addiction Performance Anxiety

Whats up guys, I've wanted to make a post about an issue that I've seen a lot of guys struggle with (myself included) and hopefully help anyone facing similar circumstances out!


This issue is basically when you no longer feel powerful draw of PMO but still find yourself struggling to perform with your partner. I dealt with this severely with my girlfriend for several weeks until I did a ton of research and found strategies that helped me:

1. Its okay to be selfish here
    Its only logical to want to pleasure your partner and "be everything they expect". Unfortunately, this can lead to anxiety of setting yourself expectations on how you need to perform, and create a negative spiral of self-doubt. While it is good to make sure your partner is taken care of, also focus on what YOU LIKE. There is nothing wrong with doing something because it feels good to you, and trying to blindly enjoy that to take some stress off of your shoulders.

2. Breathe and slow it down
    If you feel your mind racing while getting physical, take some deep breathes and think about the good things that are going on. What does it feel like? What do you like about it? It sounds simple but its amazing how easy it is to simplify things. Actively thinking about whether or not you can get it up, if your partner is enjoying it, or what you may be self-conscious about is a boner-killing bummer and those thoughts don't deserve your time.

3. Failure is okay
    Not being able to perform sucks, I know it. It can leave you embarrassed, disappointed, and wondering if a reboot will ever really work out.
    IT WILL.
    All you can do is move on and be positive. "Oh it didn't work out this time? Oh well, it felt good for awhile and you rewired your brain for awhile. Freakin' success." Positivity is your greatest weapon in this struggle, and you just got to keep going, do something you enjoy (exercise, see a movie, etc), clear your head and try again later with some optimism.

Hope this helps some people out there! Let me know if you have questions!

SC

Really nice tips!
I don't know I suffer from performance anxiety or not, maybe a little i guess.

But can you specify how you felt the performance anxiety, and the symptoms you had?
And have you beaten the performance anxiety for good, or does it still bother you?

/S?ren

Hallberg4 said:

Really nice tips!
I don't know I suffer from performance anxiety or not, maybe a little i guess.

But can you specify how you felt the performance anxiety, and the symptoms you had?
And have you beaten the performance anxiety for good, or does it still bother you?

/S?ren

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If you suffer from performance anxiety, you might be able to recognize it by realizing what is going through your head. If you are too occupied thinking about your performance or the level of erection you get instead of how awesome everything is, you may have performance anxiety. Basically, your brain has to learn how to respond to an enjoyable sexual experience rather than just worrying about "what's supposed to happen".

And for your second question, its a work in progress that gets better each time. While I don't allow myself to get distracted with negative thoughts during physical contact, my brain still has to fully rewire on what to do in those situations. Some days are better than others but I'm in a place I was worried I'd never get to, and I can noticeably see improvements to this day.

thank you, great tips i will try those!

awesome tips. I think after 3 years of no Porn and masturbation im no longer hooked to it.. but im still fighting anxiety... will try your tips thats for sure !

I think this is definitively an issue for me. I feel like after so many failures in the bedroom that all I can think about is my erection instead of enjoying the minute I'm in, my races too, are going to have sex, is there any reaction in my penis... I swear I can feel the first rush of blood go away and then there's nothing I can do to reverse it. Then once she notices its not happening it's hopeless...

I am going to try all the advice and put all this out in the open between us, oddly I think that may help more than anything maybe if my anxiety has nowhere to hide?

I've heard a good advise concerning PA. Don't overestimate what is going on with your penis. If it's not working as fast as it was once - this is not a catastrophe, it's just a light health problem, and it will pass away. You are not scared or frustrated when you get some other disease, for example a flu. You don't feel shame. So perceive an erectile problem like a flu, it will pass - and you don't have to feel like shit.