Author Topic: Starting Reboot.  (Read 16994 times)

Vardan

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #75 on: December 24, 2016, 05:44:32 PM »
Ah ok no surprise I have MO today
No porn though and no P substitute either
However my plan was no PMO for 90 days so I am disappointed
The difficulty with me is that after MO I need much more discipline
It's easier without...MO increases the challenge...

Not before MO not during I wanted to watch P
And interestingly also no P fantasies
Only very fast pulse during the day, sport made it even worse...
I was in control of my thoughts and decided to MO

Well I keep going towards my first goal which was 90 days without PMO
With one MO on my account!

Virus01

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #76 on: December 25, 2016, 07:56:30 PM »
In my opinion, MO without P isn't the end of the world. I've done it and didn't feel bad about it, I would say you shouldn't either. Chalk it up as "it happened". Proud of how far you've come along!

Vardan

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #77 on: December 26, 2016, 07:58:49 AM »
thanks man,
today is 60 days without P!!!I am really happy about it  :) ;)

normally after MO my urges are getting higher
but now it seems very relax

I need to be more careful with all kind of P substitues, also with social networks,
I need to stop to lie to myself and accept that every "small" trigger is still a trigger with big potential
in fact there are no small or big triggers
in our world that is going crazy about sex, we need to be very careful

also lately I have (and coming month will have even more) some free time
its a great opportunity to learn,grow, do some more sport, music, etc.



Mikel

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #78 on: December 27, 2016, 09:55:28 AM »
Vardan is past the 60 day mark. Well done mate, that is a massive massive deal. I'm with you on the substitutes and we may have talked about them before but they're everywhere. A lot of things can be a trigger to me and although it may seem fine at first, I know it can lead to other things.

Well done again buddy. Here's to a clean new year.

Vardan

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #79 on: December 29, 2016, 12:32:02 PM »
I have MO again,
again no P or anything (though yesterday was watching a movie, I have escaped all sex scenes but there were some nudity)

I don t know exactly what is this: after 60days of no erections, libido or anything
I am feeling continous arousal without watching anything.
Even during the days: It really disturbs me!!!
and I don t think I am ready to deal with it now...as I said earlier MO was not good at all and lead eventually to P.

what shall I do? I am really confused...
someone with similar experiences?


Virus01

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #80 on: December 30, 2016, 12:02:30 PM »
Your body and mind could still be reacting to gap created when you stopped P. I've had a similar phase of being cold scantly aroused, it actually happened when I was on my work trip. I think it was due to large amount of idle time on my hands. I've reading a book on mental toughness, which sounds like you need some help on just like me. Don't be afraid of the feelings, you can confront them straight on and figure out how to peacefully and happily move away from them.

And congrats on day 60!!!!!

Vardan

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #81 on: December 30, 2016, 04:42:52 PM »
yes Virus most probably you are right...the gap is obvious and recently I am getting a bit anxcious concerning my career and personal life, I think they all together dont work for good.
I think there were also some staff that could take the place of P in my life: for example the movie I was mentioning before, I have alsoread an article on one of the similar sites as reboot, and got sexually aroused.
obviously the goal of the article was opposite but some days I am highly sensitive towards anything and I think it worked eventually as trigger for me.

anyways, today was more realaxed, busy at the job (last day)
from January I will have almost one month free: which means I have to be extra careful!!!

after 60 days of P free I have the feeling that the main battle is still in front of me.
there are some "muscles" need to be trained: muscle of self-discipline, self forgiveness, the ability to live now and to enjoy the good that day brings...

Mikel

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #82 on: December 31, 2016, 06:25:43 AM »
Hey Vardan. I think we're at a similar stage in our recovery in that we're starting feel more in a sexual way. Like you, I wish I wasn't as I'm finding it difficult. I'm guessing this is where we need to be stronger than ever. I kinda liken it to my head being away from porn for x amount of time so it's trying to lure me back in with thoughts of real sex as it were plus with the spare time it's pretty hard.

Keep strong buddy. I'm thinking of you.
« Last Edit: January 02, 2017, 07:52:16 AM by Mikel »

TiramiSu

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #83 on: December 31, 2016, 07:37:48 AM »
"after 60 days of P free I have the feeling that the main battle is still in front of me"

Totally agree. I made it to 119 days before I relapsed 4 times in a row.  It is a continuous battle, so I hope you will be smarter than me:)

gazz

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #84 on: December 31, 2016, 09:47:42 AM »
'I made it to 119 days before I relapsed 4 times in a row.'

Oh crap! Good to know. I guess alcoholics continuously go to meetings and don't think of themselves as cured after 3 mere months. I'll be happy just from my brain, reward centre and energy levels to reboot. I accept this is a continuous battle. Good to heed these warnings.


Vardan, you're building muscles every day you're on this journey. Every time you beat an urge – you’re strengthening those muscles!

Vardan

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #85 on: January 03, 2017, 12:58:15 PM »
still on the road without P! though going through some tough time!!
I was thinking yesterday when this MO story started, and I think it started when the plans with that girl crushed on Christmas
I am now using dating sites  - which is not good...need to ask some serious questions again to myself to figure out where I am moving and if I am happy with this direction...

had some MO lately, and again I am not happy about that

I guess its just normal reaction of the general gap in my sexual life (which knid of does not exist)
feeling a bit sad and depressed inside
outside life flows and seems good...

Vardan

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #86 on: January 04, 2017, 06:50:11 AM »
today seems much better,
firstly I had a good seep, after yesterday`s very hard day I have decided that dating sites are no option for me right now
and MO only once in a  few weeks time - when the desire really kills me!
this will be my goal for January!!!

have a very important interview next week concerning job, need to be prepared!
today will be working and meeting friends in the evening!!!



Virus01

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #87 on: January 04, 2017, 09:44:48 AM »
You can do this Vardan! Also, think about setting goals for stuff you want to do. They are more fun then restrictive goals (stuff you don't want to do). Your mind will seem a little less stressed when you can think of the million things you can do instead of the handful of things you shouldn't do.

Mikel

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #88 on: January 04, 2017, 10:46:47 AM »
Head up Vardan, still a long time since you've used porn and lets keep it that way. Good luck in your interview. I'm sure you'll smash it.

Vardan

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #89 on: January 05, 2017, 01:34:47 PM »
thanks guys  ;)
today is the second day without MO and  dating sites
life seems good again
had some administrative staff to do,
tried also to use the advice from Virus and be more focused on what I would like to be busy with, instead of what to avoid.
yeah I think in general positive commands for brain work better!
that was a very good advice, thanks Virus.

lets see what tomorrow is bringing!
counting the days until Wednesday when the Interview will take place. :)
I need to be really good prepared!


Brazyk

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #90 on: January 06, 2017, 10:46:33 AM »
Good luck with preparing your interview, Vardan!
Use the time and energy you have to work hard for now, relax on the day before the interview, have a balanced life, no PMO, and you'll be at your best for the important day.

Virus01

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #91 on: January 09, 2017, 10:16:41 AM »
Good luck with your upcoming interview. Work hard to prepare for it, Im sure things will work out!

Vardan

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #92 on: January 12, 2017, 12:56:20 PM »
Yesterday had the casting
it was ok, could be better though
anyway: the goal it aimed to, it did not achieve...and I was upset
Physically felt weak, stressed and confused...

however no relapses on the level of P
the thing is: now I even don t want to watch P
looking at it from more than 2 months of distance, it seems ugly to me right now.
it is matter of change though and I am aware about it.

before I used to numb all my problems through P
now they all are there, visible and keep screaming on me...
lack of whatever sexual experience, no girlfriend or even a candidate,...this all drives me crazy
and yes, with P I could go through it
now I have to face it: and it is scary, sometimes really scary...
I think all varities of the scenarious: starting from hiring an escort ending up with marrying with someone whom I don t like...
my religiousity/faith at the moment also don t really help me in staying calm and patient.
I have asked God so much to help me with this: but I think this is obviously something that I need to figure out by myself
right now I am not scared to make mistakes: what I am more scared that another 10 years of my life will go exactly like this.


Virus01

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #93 on: January 12, 2017, 09:21:40 PM »
Fear is an overwhelming emotion, but I have faith that you'll see yourself through it. Not having your usual crutch of P is liberating and scary because its new. Have faith in yourself, you have every capability within you to make yourself happy and find peace. I'm not saying turn away from your religion, but I believe people have a lot of internal capabilities if they use the courage they have within. Keep it Up!

Mikel

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #94 on: January 13, 2017, 03:44:16 AM »
Hey Vardan, it's a common thing to have your emotions come back after putting a substance down like alcohol, drugs, porn etc. We've been masking our emotions through using so when you stop they all come to the surface. It's a strange feeling, I know I've been there myself. Sounds like you're doing the right things though. You have a faith, so the right answer will come. Don't listen to that voice in your head suggesting an escort. That's just it's way of demanding a quick fix.

Vardan

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #95 on: January 17, 2017, 02:24:03 PM »
thanks guys, I am feeling better now.

MO one time in a  3/4 weeks for me is fine, but the thing is - once it starts it is hard to stop
and brain finds out the "necessary" info, even when it is not a porn.

anyway, one thing is clear: I  can not have the quality of life I desire if I keep relapsing on MO level
this week so far has been without and I feel more optimistic and hopeful about what future holds

had some strange messages from dating sites: sometimes I think that these sites are totally useless.
firstly no one whom I really like replies
and if someone does she is either strange or perverted.

and how it comes that I can not find a partner in this big city,
for that, one needs a special talent I guess  :)
will be watching some movie this evening, tomorrow is gonna be busyyy




Mikel

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #96 on: January 18, 2017, 03:02:23 AM »
Yep, that's dating sites for you. You are definitely not alone in that one. I was speaking to my sponsor about my experiences with all of that recently and he suggested getting myself out there via other means. Such as Zumba classes, yoga, shit like that really. Actually go out to meet women, even if you don't get a date or a relationship you're still meeting new people and being sociable.

Vardan

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #97 on: February 26, 2017, 10:52:28 AM »
ok,so after seveal weeks of struggles, relapses, disappointments, and whatever else that belongs to that cycles, I am back here with another 90 days of rebooting goal.
what happened with me in this period: I had 90 days of reboot (though only first 50 days I had real reboot, without P and M and O)
than I had continous fight against dating sites, which kind of ended up in relapsing into the P again
goal for now: rebooting from P (including dating sites) for 90 days, and MO at least for one month
lets  see where it brings me this time!

so 26.02 I start again
wish me a good luck!!!

Loving_Mary

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #98 on: February 26, 2017, 05:41:33 PM »
yeah good idea. If you were not cool with dating sites, quitting them is a good idea. Keep on ;)
Peace :)

Mikel

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Re: Starting Reboot.
« Reply #99 on: February 27, 2017, 02:41:50 AM »
Hey Vardan, welcome back buddy. I wondered what had happened to you.

I hear you with the dating sites, they can be a slippery slope to relapse. I've had a few close shaves myself and have struggled at some points the past few weeks. Best thing to do is put them down and leave them there. I was given some advice about getting out in the real world to meet people rather than online. Whether that's dating events, attending classes or generally getting out and about. I actually think that's solid advice for people like us.
« Last Edit: February 28, 2017, 10:00:37 AM by Mikel »