Author Topic: It's time to Rise up and Stand tall, Brothers & Sisters.  (Read 3741 times)

anonp

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It's time to Rise up and Stand tall, Brothers & Sisters.
« on: October 09, 2016, 01:36:42 AM »
I remember the first time sneaking into my dads clauset, finding the hidden and doing the forbidden.
That was ~16 years ago, I'm 28 today and porn has been an major influence in my life, not for the better, unfortunately.

Most people think I'm a pretty healthy guy and I'm used to battling myself, but the demon of pornography is something
completely different from anything else and I'm sure that its one of the biggest problems in our modern society to
understand, battle and just fucking get rid of. It's the devil in disguise destroying the most precious we have, love.

Now..

I've been in this battle for well over three years and tried attacking it from different angels, cold-turkey, K9, qustodio, opendns, hardcore-training, 2x blindfolded LSD, 4x Ayahuasca. I've done it all, everything to prepare me for Today.

I've had a streak for 90+, a few 30-40 but mostly I'm somewhere 7-11. The relapses gets easier to break though and I'm usually breaking up the bad streak after 2-3 days.

The one thing I've never done is reach out and ask for help from people who understand, I tried to with my ex-gf but I don't think she understood... Sadly...

This is my start, or our start may so be.

Now, I know that I can't attack it full force full frontal, I'm only breaking myself, I need to understand my triggers.
I know that the TV was the whole start of it, VHS-porn then, triggers today, endless zapping trying to find the next crap to waste time on.
I gave the TV away to a friend of mine a few hours ago, replacing it with some happy painting.
I would have thrown out the laptop aswell if it weren't for my job. It sure would have been easier 20 years ago when everything wasn't internet-based.
Im fucking buddha-viking warface now and I'm taking sugar into the obliteration aswell.
The sugarbattle ain't shit to porn. Nicotine ain't shit to porn. Cannabis ain't shit to porn.
My main weapon will be meditation since I'm only breaking every blockade I put up, I need to subdue the willpower of the demon, thus meditation.

I hope I can find some inspiration here in your battles, brothers & sisters. I'll do my best in supporting your journals.
Porn is no more dictating my life.

This is the fucking endline.
_______________________________________________________________
The journey of negative absorption has begun.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=10922.0

anonp

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Re: It's time to Rise up and Stand tall, Brothers & Sisters.
« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2016, 03:31:35 PM »
1. Going strong, been fasting most of the day to kickstart motivation.
A small headache throughout the day because of previous binge (I always get a headache the day/s after).

Spent the day getting rid of stuff I don't need, stuff that's been making me anxious because it had to be taken care of, thus pushing me to hide in pmo. Feels good.

I need to bounce back to this state whenever the demon inside my mind is trying to fool me.
 
Stay strong future me.
The journey of negative absorption has begun.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=10922.0

anonp

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Re: It's time to Rise up and Stand tall, Brothers & Sisters.
« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2016, 03:30:18 PM »
2.
Going strong.
Been keeping out of trouble.
Found some inspiration in a "spiritual" 900 day challenge that covers sexuality, food and self consciousness, I'm diving in head first.
Getting rid of the TV was a great move, I can hide from unexpected ninja-triggers on a whole new level.
The journey of negative absorption has begun.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=10922.0

NOfapjones23

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Re: It's time to Rise up and Stand tall, Brothers & Sisters.
« Reply #3 on: October 10, 2016, 10:27:33 PM »
Honestly, kudos for getting rid of the tv. That is definitely a step in the right direction. We are all experimenting our highs and lows, but we are all here to help each other. I ended up setting up covenant eyes to act as an internet filter and I also have it on my phone and I gave away my iPad, ps4 and ps3 for those same reasons. When I start craving porn, I start looking for ways to beat the system, so I have to pretty much "meditate" and try to think of the reasons why I'm trying to stay away from porn. Anyways what I'm trying to say is that I understand your pain and we are all here to support each other. Keep your chin up and keep fighting, we will find a way to overcome this!



“You’ve got to get up every morning with determination if you’re going to go to bed with satisfaction.”
– George Lorimer

rightpathmypath

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Re: It's time to Rise up and Stand tall, Brothers & Sisters.
« Reply #4 on: October 11, 2016, 08:42:36 AM »
Mr. P, great reading your journal. I am really vibing on your positive attitude and sense of fun you're bringing. We need to get rid of this shit, thats the bottom line, but why not take away other negative behaviours with it! We have to get creative with this process, not just thinking about abstaining, but proactively, filling that gap, weather thats paintbrushes or mediation, what ever works!

your 900-day challenge is to be admired, and it sounds like you have had some great successes in the past - I think you can also congratulate yourself on how much better you are no doubt doing after these efforts. On my side, I am closing in on one week of abstinence. and had the idea that I need to focus on these small milestones, even though my initial goal is 90, though after that maybe I will make it a year!

I also really like your daily numbering system, I am going to follow that on mine...

anonp

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Re: It's time to Rise up and Stand tall, Brothers & Sisters.
« Reply #5 on: October 12, 2016, 03:56:54 PM »
Honestly, kudos for getting rid of the tv. That is definitely a step in the right direction. We are all experimenting our highs and lows, but we are all here to help each other. I ended up setting up covenant eyes to act as an internet filter and I also have it on my phone and I gave away my iPad, ps4 and ps3 for those same reasons. When I start craving porn, I start looking for ways to beat the system, so I have to pretty much "meditate" and try to think of the reasons why I'm trying to stay away from porn. Anyways what I'm trying to say is that I understand your pain and we are all here to support each other. Keep your chin up and keep fighting, we will find a way to overcome this!

Thank you for the kudos! And kudos to you aswell, for everything.
It feels like we're still in a pioneer-stage of this whole idea, everyone goes :o and tells me "I need to live a little aswell", not understanding that living is done when the Ipad and PS4 is shut off...
Thanks for the support, Ill back you aswell brother!

Mr. P, great reading your journal. I am really vibing on your positive attitude and sense of fun you're bringing. We need to get rid of this shit, thats the bottom line, but why not take away other negative behaviours with it! We have to get creative with this process, not just thinking about abstaining, but proactively, filling that gap, weather thats paintbrushes or mediation, what ever works!

your 900-day challenge is to be admired, and it sounds like you have had some great successes in the past - I think you can also congratulate yourself on how much better you are no doubt doing after these efforts. On my side, I am closing in on one week of abstinence. and had the idea that I need to focus on these small milestones, even though my initial goal is 90, though after that maybe I will make it a year!

I also really like your daily numbering system, I am going to follow that on mine...


It's all about the good vibes ;), I can't allow hope getting a beat-up from hopelessness, it just wont happen.
I agree, be the best you can be.
Believe you can be who you want to be and fight to become who you believe you can be, the one you're meant to be 8).
It's the fight of our life, and our life is the most beautiful ever to exist (our life as in all life), for now and eternally, its Mozart's; Le nozze Di figaro.

We can't let porn destroy that. Fuck that.
We can't let our dopamine receptors dictate how we should live our life, based on short-term decisions in our reward centras.

(Note to self; read this when low)
 
Day 3.
No problems, I had urges popping up the whole afternoon but I just stopped thinking on them. Be gone with.

Day 4.
Great day! No problems. Food is going great aswell, keeping the diet and my shit together.
I know from past experience that I'll be getting some shitball urges day 8-11, so I'm building some motivational momentum for that roadblock.

The whole keeping a journal idea feels great so far.  :)


« Last Edit: October 12, 2016, 03:59:47 PM by anonp »
The journey of negative absorption has begun.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=10922.0

anonp

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Re: It's time to Rise up and Stand tall, Brothers & Sisters.
« Reply #6 on: October 13, 2016, 03:34:50 PM »
5.
No problems so far, took some time off from on-site work and spent it at the office with papers n' shit, would have been the perfect PMO-death-trap a few months ago, but stable so far, been able to silence out the urges pretty instantly. Goodnight and goodluck to all of you! :-*
The journey of negative absorption has begun.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=10922.0

rightpathmypath

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Re: It's time to Rise up and Stand tall, Brothers & Sisters.
« Reply #7 on: October 13, 2016, 06:37:35 PM »
you are doing it dude, keep going!

anonp

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Re: It's time to Rise up and Stand tall, Brothers & Sisters.
« Reply #8 on: October 14, 2016, 04:47:47 PM »
Thank you!

6.
Been steamrolling my mind today, woke up in a bad mood, rage caveman.
Not good.
Not good for buisness and not good for people around me that's reliant on me having our shit together.
Bad mood was succumbed by positive mood by ~10.00.
Evening has been spent with candles, music, meditation and fine tuning muay thai kicks, followed by a nightrun.
Good times.
No relapses, except for some thank-god-its-friday carbfood.
The journey of negative absorption has begun.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=10922.0

anonp

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Re: It's time to Rise up and Stand tall, Brothers & Sisters.
« Reply #9 on: October 16, 2016, 11:43:59 AM »
7. No problems, met up with some friends at the evening but managed to keep my shit together and stay away from girls.
Gone into full monk-mode now.

8. Today has been interesting, started the day out with training 2 hours doing outdoor obstacles. Good!
Well, horny as hell after that, like a damn clockwork @ day 8.
No real problem yet, but its frustrating.
The demon is getting smarter by the day right now, trying to trick me into habits I despise as soon as I lower the guard.

Well. Fuck the pleasure-demon and it's intentions. :D
I try to soak and accept the imagined pain.
The journey of negative absorption has begun.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=10922.0

Pinky

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Re: It's time to Rise up and Stand tall, Brothers & Sisters.
« Reply #10 on: October 16, 2016, 02:40:41 PM »
Muay thai and outdoor obstacles is a great way to deal with urges. Keep going!
Every choice counts!

Journal


anonp

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Re: It's time to Rise up and Stand tall, Brothers & Sisters.
« Reply #11 on: October 18, 2016, 03:05:47 PM »
Thank you Pinky!

All good here.

9. Urges were strong, or not really pornurges, just craving some booty....
Had too much spare time in the evening. Spent it meditating for almost two hours in two shifts to shut the mind up.

10. Hard workout in the forrest, obstacles / high-intensity. Great day!
Feeling the diet, "fulltime" vegetarian with 3-5 <10 gram carb days per week, mixed with intermittent fasting, did everyday before but this as it is now is sustainable for life, everyday fucks me up abit too much..
Work is going great, I run two companies and right now, effort/reward is in a great harmony.
The journey of negative absorption has begun.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=10922.0

anonp

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Re: It's time to Rise up and Stand tall, Brothers & Sisters.
« Reply #12 on: October 22, 2016, 04:41:36 AM »
Days seem to be going alot faster...

11. Dinner with a friend, discussing the universe, everything & nothing. Great evening.
12. Trainingday, killer workout, spent the last 30 mins of it at the complete edge and pushing boundaries beyond my previous goals.
13. Had a companyparty between us and companies we work with the whole day, bounding, eating & laughing. Good times!  8)

No MO. Up & Down temper.

Booty-urges come and go.
Beautiful girls. Every. Fucking. Where.
The journey of negative absorption has begun.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=10922.0

rightpathmypath

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Re: It's time to Rise up and Stand tall, Brothers & Sisters.
« Reply #13 on: October 25, 2016, 06:00:32 PM »
Mr P, sounds like things are progressing well for you, keep strong mate. I know what you mean about the girls who seem to have come out of the woodwork since I started this...I feel a good confidence in this.

rightpathmypath

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Re: It's time to Rise up and Stand tall, Brothers & Sisters.
« Reply #14 on: November 19, 2016, 07:40:40 PM »
MrP how are you going? you havent posted in a while and we are thinking of you. peace