Author Topic: Have I Tried Everything?  (Read 1406 times)

Walt

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Have I Tried Everything?
« on: October 06, 2016, 03:11:17 AM »
I've given up caffeine at night, drinking alcohol, masturbating during the day, just about anything that leads me into porn.
There's one thing I can't seem to get rid of though, the anger. I'm not even all that stressed right now, I have zero financial worries and I can pretty much do whatever I please on a daily basis.

I just get so angry for no reason in particular, then I get a Fk everything kind of attitude and my ambitions to ditch porn don't seem to matter anymore. Anything to distract from whatever it is in my life that isn't going according to plan.
Whatever it is that I'm angry about always seems to work itself out with time, and porn never really provides a solution to my problems ::)
I used to be so motivated, but I don't have the willingness to tell myself that I won't ever relapse into violent porn again, it just makes the failure that much worse when it happens, so what's the point?

I feel a lot better about myself when I'm not watching morally questionable/violent/extreme porn, It feels great to just appreciate a woman with a cute face, nice pair of breasts and/or a cute butt, to actually enjoy my sexuality with a real person.
I swear it isn't even the orgasm that's good with porn. The first orgasm after relapsing to porn feels great, but it's that completely numbed out feeling after watching violent bdsm porn that goes beyond my comfort level 6 times in one night, that numb "high" that cancels out everything else in the world, that 30 minutes where nothing else in life matters and the all encompassing numbness and relief is the only thing worth living for.

Porn addiction really has nothing to do with orgasms, it's really all about numbing the pain/anger/depression, a temporary cure all that you know will only drag you down further, but life itself doesn't even seem to matter when that craving hits  :P 
« Last Edit: October 06, 2016, 04:01:18 AM by Walt »

offaxis

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Re: Have I Tried Everything?
« Reply #1 on: October 06, 2016, 09:36:01 AM »
It seems like you have pretty good awareness of what's going on for you.

Personally I don't have a propensity for the same kind of porn but I connected a lot with what you said about feeling numb while using and the need to increase the dosage/severity.

What is it exactly that makes you so angry? Are you angry with yourself? What other people have done to you? Your life choices? That seems to be at the root of it. I think these anger issues are common with us guys, both personally within me and the others I know. We are angry but cannot express it other than through sex and acting out. So the challenge is to find other more appropriate ways of handling it. Not easy. Have you tried psychotherapy to better understand?

KeepUpTheGoodWork

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Re: Have I Tried Everything?
« Reply #2 on: October 06, 2016, 11:26:03 AM »
I had some anger issues as well and it was really affecting my relationship with my long-time girlfriend. I would get frustrated, yell, get red faced, etc. She would get upset with me afterward and I would have to back pedal and try to fix the situation. It wasn't sustainable and I was going to lose her.

So, before I started my reboot, I started meditating using headspace.com. I did the 10 day-trial and immediately subscribed for a year. After my initial 30-day run, which teaches how to meditate, I jumped into the relationship packs and they have been fantastic.

I've learned a lot about patience, acceptance, and generosity. The pack I am working on now is about kindness. I've coupled this with information on purityispossbile.com - which is a cognitive-behavioral therapy information site that seems to work well with the reboot philosophy and the exercises in headspace.

I can also recommend Terry Crews's book Manhood. He's a well-known PA and has some interesting experiences in his life that reflect how PA changed him. He was angry and entitled and in a downward spiral. I thought the changes he made were inspirational.

I also read a book called Rewire by Richard O'Connor - which again discusses changes in our brains related to bad habits and addiction. For example, I learned that the trigger sequence that creates anger and angry outbursts is the same mechanism that creates a PMO urge. It works the same way!

Anyway, this is all to say that my anger in general has gone down significantly. I have also taken steps to remove some major stressors from my life and it's all been for the better.

While giving up porn is a pretty noble task - you should be proud of the steps you've taken so far - you should look into your other issues. Everything is connected and it may be time for a larger self-evaluation and overhaul.

I've changed the premise of my reboot from quitting porn to being a better man. It's a reframing of the whole process. I don't wake up with the addiction on my mind, I wake up with the intention to do things that enhance my life; to be a better person. My day is now filled with positive things that I can do toward my goal of being a better man - exercise, study for a certification (I got laid off this year and I'm still not working again), be more social, read more, practice playing music more, eat better, work on my ideals and goals, etc. With this new premise, it's been much easier to quit PMO than it ever has, and I'm rediscovering my other passions.

I really can't stress how much quitting PMO also means getting your life back, but some people focus on the quitting the PMO part, without knowing what to do next. Figure out what you want to do next, and start. Forget about the PMO struggle and fill your life with so much positive activity that you won't have time to PMO.

Walt

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Re: Have I Tried Everything?
« Reply #3 on: October 06, 2016, 12:41:26 PM »
Yeah I get that. Both of my recent 2-3 week streaks had a focus on improving my life in general. Exercising, eating better, trying to be vegan, getting back into playing music with other people.

I don't really have an ethical problem with many types of porn in general, although I've certainly watched some porn that I find morally unnaccepatable.

It's more about what the porn does to my depression and anger. It doesn't solve the problem, and it just makes it worse when I lose control of the genre of porn that I'm watching and go from watching sex, to watching violence with a sexual element.
« Last Edit: October 06, 2016, 12:43:50 PM by Walt »

yesyes1234

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Re: Have I Tried Everything?
« Reply #4 on: October 07, 2016, 04:12:36 PM »
Well, at least you know the mechanics of the problem now. Like the others said, having something to work towards/doing something that makes you fell productive, like you're progressing is very helpful in this proces. Another thing you could do is making a deal with yourself to do something you really want or really like in those situations as a substitute for porn. The selfregulation aspect might be tricky though. And it might be difficult to find something you'll always feel like and have available in those situations. But if you all your passions hasn't gotten desensitized by porn, it might be worth giving a shot. Or thinking about a possible substitute. Preferably something that gets you away from the laptop. It could be taking the time to see a movie, go for a drink, go for a drive to where ever you feel like etc.

Hope it might help. Good luck!

Walt

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Re: Have I Tried Everything?
« Reply #5 on: October 08, 2016, 02:24:22 PM »
Well, at least you know the mechanics of the problem now. Like the others said, having something to work towards/doing something that makes you fell productive, like you're progressing is very helpful in this proces. Another thing you could do is making a deal with yourself to do something you really want or really like in those situations as a substitute for porn. The selfregulation aspect might be tricky though. And it might be difficult to find something you'll always feel like and have available in those situations. But if you all your passions hasn't gotten desensitized by porn, it might be worth giving a shot. Or thinking about a possible substitute. Preferably something that gets you away from the laptop. It could be taking the time to see a movie, go for a drink, go for a drive to where ever you feel like etc.

Hope it might help. Good luck!

Thanks, and to you as well :)

P.s, what's a "laptop"? I watch all my entertainment on a 92" projection screen connected to a media/gaming pc. Maybe it would be easier to quit porn if the boobs weren't the size of wrecking balls on my screen ;D
I know for a fact I can block the porn on my pc and have 0 desire to watch it on my phone for at least a few weeks.