Author Topic: Seeking the light at the end of the tunnel  (Read 2325 times)

Israel Brightsky

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Seeking the light at the end of the tunnel
« on: August 29, 2016, 07:08:58 PM »
I'm a 19 year old college student who's been seriously trying to quit porn for about a year now. I just started my second year with the mentality that I need to give this up now so that it won't be an issue when it comes time to start looking for a job or just preparing for the real world in general. I've resolved to quit dozens of times before, but I always fall back down from stress or just from the lack of will to keep going. The longest I think I've ever gone was a month, and I really thought that going that long was the breakthrough to ending it all, but nope.

So my background begins around the time I was 13. I never viewed anything really explicit, just enough for me to be "excited." A few years later, I met a girl that I really liked, and we started to date, but that went down the toilet pretty quick. A few months after we started, we became physical (never "all the way") and that led to me wanting more of just that. Eventually, we broke up because she graduated high school before me, but I still had this want for the physical. So I settled for what I thought was the next best thing: the internet. I got hooked and I stayed that way for about a year until I went to a church camp my senior year. I won't get super spiritual, but I was convicted that I needed to stop.

Now I want to stop, but the urges just invade and I don't have the strength to stop them. I want this to end. I want to stop disrespecting women in this disgusting way. Even though it's a long time away, I want to have the confidence to ask a woman out and not have to be afraid of this ever being a problem in the relationship. I want this day to be the last day that I ever watched porn.

Crystal

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Re: Seeking the light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #1 on: August 30, 2016, 11:14:38 AM »
I'm a 19 year old college student who's been seriously trying to quit porn for about a year now. I just started my second year with the mentality that I need to give this up now so that it won't be an issue when it comes time to start looking for a job or just preparing for the real world in general. I've resolved to quit dozens of times before, but I always fall back down from stress or just from the lack of will to keep going. The longest I think I've ever gone was a month, and I really thought that going that long was the breakthrough to ending it all, but nope.

So my background begins around the time I was 13. I never viewed anything really explicit, just enough for me to be "excited." A few years later, I met a girl that I really liked, and we started to date, but that went down the toilet pretty quick. A few months after we started, we became physical (never "all the way") and that led to me wanting more of just that. Eventually, we broke up because she graduated high school before me, but I still had this want for the physical. So I settled for what I thought was the next best thing: the internet. I got hooked and I stayed that way for about a year until I went to a church camp my senior year. I won't get super spiritual, but I was convicted that I needed to stop.

Now I want to stop, but the urges just invade and I don't have the strength to stop them. I want this to end. I want to stop disrespecting women in this disgusting way. Even though it's a long time away, I want to have the confidence to ask a woman out and not have to be afraid of this ever being a problem in the relationship. I want this day to be the last day that I ever watched porn.

Hello Israel, nice to meet you. I'm also 19 and trying to break my erotica addiction. It's great that you've made the decision to address and acknowledge this, that's the first step. Do you have any filters on the devices you've accessed porn with in the past? Are there any things you can identify which tend to trigger a strong urge to use porn? One thing that's worked for me is putting reminders on my computer (timers, background picture, what I set my homepage to, etc). Having a plan has really helped to. Now I have a list of fun things I can do right away when I start feeling really tempted to read/write erotica. You mentioned church camp. Cultivating a prayer life and regularly participating in the Sacraments has been a huge help to me as well, Confession, Mass and the Divine Mercy Chaplet being my favorites. Good luck!
My last erotica relapse was September 30th. My goal is to go without erotica for 90 consecutive days.

Israel Brightsky

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Re: Seeking the light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2016, 11:13:08 PM »
First 2 days are in the books. One of the most challenging things I feel like is being a college student. There's stress, there's work, and there are a lot of girls who don't have anyone telling them that the super short shorts or the low cut tops are not helping guys who are trying to stop thinking about these things. I am finding that the more time I try to fill with things like hanging with friends and going to church events really help to keep me from being bored and causing my mind to wander off into things that it shouldn't. Hopefully as time goes on these things get easier.

Crystal

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Re: Seeking the light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2016, 12:20:44 PM »
there are a lot of girls who don't have anyone telling them that the super short shorts or the low cut tops are not helping guys who are trying to stop thinking about these things.

You bring up an excellent point. No one talks about the value of modesty anymore, and since most girls aren't as visually stimulated as men, they don't realize how their outfits look to the heterosexual men in their lives. I would know because I used to be one of those naive girls. I was in for a shock when I started feeling attraction towards both men and women. Before, I'd see a bikini clad woman and my focus would be on the bikini itself and the woman's face. Now the first thing I process is everything the bikini isn't covering and then her face. Before when people talked to me about modesty, I felt it was just some one telling me what to wear. Now I feel modest clothing is a means of communicating I'm a person, veiling my body so that it doesn't hinder others from appreciating my more important characteristics, like my personality, opinions and actions. I still don't believe in telling people what to do, but I think a lot of girls would dress more modestly if it was presented as an empowering lifestyle choice. Obviously the same principle applies to guys too, but it seems easier for men because modest men's clothing is popular right now. That is one thing I would challenge guys to appreciate who wish women would dress more modestly. Shopping for modest clothing is SO hard for us, because immodest is trending for ladies. I certainly have days that I wear immodest workout clothes because my other options are go shopping (for hours, plus you may need to wait for items to ship), wear non-workout clothes or cross-dress.
My last erotica relapse was September 30th. My goal is to go without erotica for 90 consecutive days.

Israel Brightsky

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Re: Seeking the light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2016, 03:53:31 PM »
So spending time around people that I want to be around can help keep my mind off things that my mind shouldn't be on and being alone can sometimes cause my mind to wander with nothing to stop it. But I'm also an introvert and I do notice that I have a limit to spending time with people, especially if it's physical activities like sports, and sometimes I don't have an escape to go and recharge on my own. This leads to a little burnout for me where I have almost no energy and all I want to do is put my head down and pass out for a bit. But the longer I stay awake and around people, the more I see them still full of energy and wanting to keep chatting and I want that energy. It kinda feels miserable and I used to turn to porn when feelings like that hit and I finally got time to myself. I don't want to have that temptation. Anybody got advice for when feelings like this hit?

Israel Brightsky

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Re: Seeking the light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #5 on: September 15, 2016, 11:38:52 PM »
I've realized that there are good days and bad days in a reboot. The thing is in order to see to it that I put this behind me, I have to be able to not only face the bad days, but the days afterwards. Whenever I have a day where a strong urge to watch porn comes, I can suppress it for a while, usually even the whole day, but that urge doesn't leave the next day. It's still there and it doesn't go away until I give in and I hate resetting. Does anyone have any tips for when these moments come? I definitely need help with this.

Israel Brightsky

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Re: Seeking the light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #6 on: October 01, 2016, 12:55:25 AM »
Finally managed to go a full week no PMO. Haven't noticed too many changes but this is the first time I've gotten this far in almost 3 months so definitely excited to keep pushing forward

Crystal

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Re: Seeking the light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #7 on: October 04, 2016, 02:28:35 AM »
Finally managed to go a full week no PMO. Haven't noticed too many changes but this is the first time I've gotten this far in almost 3 months so definitely excited to keep pushing forward

That's fantastic! You're doing great!
My last erotica relapse was September 30th. My goal is to go without erotica for 90 consecutive days.