Author Topic: NoFap Consciousness  (Read 45008 times)

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #350 on: May 17, 2018, 04:27:13 AM »
So I have been thinking about the relationship between fun and responsibility. Can responsibility ever be fun? What does it mean to have other people depend on you? Whilst they are asking for things you can already provide, there is pleasure in being the source of assistance, but when they ask for things you can't provide, then there is stress and pressure. Addiction is a way of avoiding the latter, avoiding responsibility, because one is consumed by subservience to oneself. I keep coming back to that phrase "man-child" that someone used. Being a man is about acting responsibly, it is not an obligation, it is a sign of maturity. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #351 on: May 18, 2018, 06:53:13 AM »
So I have been thinking about how we acquire knowledge in order to become practitioners. Plato and his predecessors talked about acquiring it directly, downloading it to use the modern parlance, knowledge can be acquired through interactions, which is how I tend to do it, with the internet bitesized and scattered knowledge can be pieced together through the application of short attention spans, reading books requires greater attention, and copying out books by hand requires the greatest. Beyond this is proving things, which is formulating one's intuition into something concrete. There are many things I want to learn, some for my own benefit, others to help others, occupying my time in this way is something that I wish to do, however, I am too reliant on internet interactions, or perhaps I don't have the right contacts, I wish to study many things instead of PMO, and at present the only way I can think of is to buckle down and study books, or rather, this is the only option I have for learning the things I want to learn, but in this internet age of easy interactions and short attention spans, I cannot bring myself to make the transition, to adapt, to solitary learning as opposed to group learning, each one teach one is something that I prefer, I would like there to be a forum for exchanging knowledge at the level that I am at, but that is perhaps impossible what with my schizophrenic experiences of multiple worlds, I will try to make a plan and record it here so that I can maintain a life without PMO but with meaning. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #352 on: May 19, 2018, 05:18:56 AM »
So I have been thinking about social interactions some more, sometimes I think I have some kind of autism, though I've done tests and they always come out negative. Maybe I'm psychopathic, not in the horror movie sense, but in the sense that CEO's and con-artists are said to often be. I don't know, all these labels are somewhat meaningless, the connections between neurology, psychiatry and psychology are all made up and far from being coherent. So forgetting labels for the moment, what is the problem? I have always chased relationships since as long as I can remember, way back to when I was five years old or younger, (actually I can remember back to when I was one and a half or two but that is not important), as a teenager it was always me who had to phone up my friends, they never phoned me, though they were always happy to welcome me when I invited myself along to their social engagements, perhaps they couldn't really say otherwise. I think I have always expressed a sort of neediness for social interactions, wanting to be liked and admired, and this has never really gone away. I want to write more about this as it is related to psychosis and PMO. I think it is part and parcel of growing up. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #353 on: May 19, 2018, 04:53:46 PM »
Following rnnr, I've opened an account with todoist.com, however I've been down that route before, working on my own in isolation, it is not really healthy. On the other hand manically posting whatever comes into my head doesn't seem to help me engage in team work either, so I need to hone my approach and what I have to offer.

As an aside, the Yi Jing described my current status as follows:

"A white horse with wings is symbolic of winged thoughts that transcend time and space. Thus this person adorns himself inwardly with modern and ancient wisdom; this gives him the external appearance of being superior. Some people therefore are afraid of him and imagine that he will use his knowledge and power for wrong purposes. They see him in an adverse light but he is not what they think. His objective is to cooperate to the maximum extent, using his broad knowledge to be of service and benefit to others."

I'll leave it to you to judge whether this is accurate or not. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #354 on: May 20, 2018, 05:15:40 AM »
So, I've been wondering whether teaching is inherently selfish. "We don't need no education!", goes the famous song. In my experience the teacher learns more than the student. "Those that can do, those that can't teach" as the saying goes. But there is something to be said for "each one teach one". What this has to do with pulling one's own weight is what I am concerned about. However, having opened an account with todoist.com I see that there is an option to share projects with others. This is what I need, projects that distract me and help me to learn to work in groups. So if anyone has an idea for a project or wishes to join me in studying mathematics, then drop me a message. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #355 on: May 21, 2018, 03:48:09 AM »
So I am back in the flow of No Fap without any thoughts of PMO for which I'm glad. Have set myself small tasks for each day which I can complete within an hour maximum. Did the first yesterday. However, I've been getting very engrossed in my online world, to the extent that I cut short a family gathering yesterday to return to my computer. I don't think this is too healthy, though neither do I think it is that bad, after all many people who work spend all day in front of a screen, but becoming dependent on the online world for living one's life seems a bit on the unnatural side. My new girlfriend is away on holiday and doesn't get back until next week. Hopefully then I'll start spending more time outside. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #356 on: May 21, 2018, 08:23:09 AM »
Contemplating the mirror of the world. When to use the sun, the moon or the earth. There are other planets besides, and even so called "black" holes although in reality they are colourless since no light can escape. If I were a woman what would I be concerned about when deciding whether or not to engage with a stranger? Where they fit into my family hierarchy if indeed that is there intention, otherwise they are a threat. Dating in the city is even stranger, one can be in a restaurant and the girl is trying to assess where one fits into the hierarchy of diners. Further, do I elevate her or let her down. It is not that I never compete, but rather that PMO has taught me to be selfish and only compete for myself. I have a lot to learn. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #357 on: May 21, 2018, 09:18:15 PM »
So I am still chasing after experiences online, this time non-sexual ones, but chasing never-the-less. I'm worried this will end up being just like PmO where I get the gist but not the actual experience, yet I never wanted to experience the sexual acts of PmO in real life, it was a substitute, whereas here I am really chasing something, though what that is I don't know yet. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #358 on: May 22, 2018, 04:21:18 AM »
So I've noticed that some rebooters are focused on cutting social media out of their lives as well, which could be seen as ironic given that we are on a forum. However, this forum is more like the Friend's Meeting House's of the Quakers, where, following George Fox's philosophy one we sit in silence until the spirit moves us to disclose our thoughts to the gathering. One of the 12 steps for recovery from addiction is to join a community. Another is to confess our hidden shame. One of the key principles is anonymity of the community. Coming here provides these things. However, for myself, I feel that one of my aims should be to engage with my friends on Facebook. For all it's drawbacks and sinister backdrop, my friends use it, and it keeps them together, whilst I myself have drifted away. At present I simply cannot use Facebook. Anyone who has seen my posts both in my journal, and more importantly, in others, can see that I haven't got a clue about how to interact socially in groups. Whether this forum can help me learn this, or whether trying to learn this would violate the sanctity of the Friend's Meeting House environment, I don't know. At any rate, I am making it one of my aims to learn how to engage with my friends on Facebook and move into a more comfortable/social mode of existence. As a final note, I should say that I fully get what R_Daniel says about too much meta-analysis, but that is the only mode of existence I know, which is perhaps why I find it difficult to engage socially in groups. Moving away from that requires me to shift my perspective. This post is an indication that I have yet to do that. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #359 on: May 22, 2018, 01:20:49 PM »
So I didn't trust my first choice to negotiate internationally for me and all the people thought I was a traitor for taking on the role of ambassador for the united kingdom. Does that sound crazy, it was, had it come to it I would not have been treated well. Now Trump is in charge, things are different, I feel respected more and more and free to do as I please. We are winning, economically if not politically, that is a learning curve for all concerned, but we will win even this, for if not the health service to which I am affiliated will implode into factions fighting over meagre scraps. How many Arabs are there in Cuba for them to claim their services are the best, they are the most expensive, it is all co-operative business at the end of the day, it's just that some people do not appreciate their returns, and why should they when the machine is artificial as I have known all along. Thank you,

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #360 on: May 23, 2018, 05:34:00 AM »
So I'm going to try and have a quiet day today. My attempts at engaging with Facebook resulted in my friend deleting the entire conversation from his timeline. Sometimes I can be quite rational in my posts, but after a while I always end up posting mental shit that scares everyone off. I'm probably being meta again. At least posting had kept me away from PMO. I also failed to keep to my schedule of writing my book and updating one of my blogs. I want to start studying and reading again. Onwards. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #361 on: May 23, 2018, 04:30:13 PM »
So I was enjoying being Harry, with a shock of red hair, fighting in the international scene for Britain, but then I realised that I couldn't compete with a real Brit, and anyway he got married to an American, which I had actually suggested, except my idea was more central and surrounded by sea. In other words I lost :( Which is a good thing too because all these anti-royalists were starting to believe my fantasy. My joke, after the marriage was that Harry should assassinate William, but it only led to Charles being appointed head of the commonwealth instead of me, which is a good thing I suppose. A test for the Queen, home secretary or foreign minister, which is in the best interests of one's locality, i.e. real life, which is in the best interests of her family, i.e. planet earth. The plastic bottle truce was a bit of a gimmick, but it shows a determination on Vanuatu's part. Come on Charles, you can do better. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #362 on: May 24, 2018, 12:01:45 PM »
Wrote a couple of paragraphs of my book today but still getting caught up in developing AI to control the masses, this has to stop. Learned a bit about bacteria which gave me an upset stomach. Too much tobacco and not enough weed. Fasting all day but still drinking liquids. This is America. Thankfully it was all a vibrational experience of God. Tomorrow I will write of my book. Waiting for some reading material to come my way. Money is a bit tight. Still hoping the government will give me a scholarship. Perhaps in the new year I shall teach enough computational performance to gain a position. Thinking about how Frodo threw the ring of power into the earth. The internet shall perish and take those who use it with them. La is for Queen Pluto, Ahh is for the moon. Surprise.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #363 on: May 24, 2018, 12:39:26 PM »
Getting to know Haiti is hard. I suspect that ol francais esi tu ta ven, perhaps I should have tried to make love again :(

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #364 on: May 24, 2018, 04:17:47 PM »
So I've really been going mental without noticing it. But today it all came back at me and I want to go back to the way things were. I don't know what to do. I'm not PMOing, but I am making crazy talk which is not good. I need to focus, write my book, and stop chasing after power. If I can do that, everything will be alright. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #365 on: May 25, 2018, 06:02:01 AM »
So one of the criticisms I read in someone else's journal was about always going "meta". I'm really not sure what a journal's for if not going "meta" except maybe to record what one has been doing. I was told something today by a friend about how being introverted for long periods of time and then trying to be extrovert and love people always leads to a failure of being able to love. I think that's a generalization but it certainly rings true in my case I think. Still waiting for my new girlfriend to come back from holiday. Really must try and write my book today. One of the greatest problems with the internet that everybody knows is how it shortens attention span. I need to do a solid hour at least on my book today. Will try. Still no PMO. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #366 on: May 25, 2018, 06:33:41 AM »
Just a quick update, I've been thinking about how I always try and reflect the people I love rather than the people I disagree with. Not only is this cowardice, it is power hungry, because by ignoring the people one disagrees with one is essentially pursuing and building on one's preferences. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #367 on: May 26, 2018, 07:44:32 AM »
So here's a strange thing and it doesn't bother me. When me was about sixteen me penis be about seven inches. Me refuse magic, and now me dick is less than five and a three-quarter inches. Ti-growth; lingua

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #368 on: May 27, 2018, 11:43:13 AM »
So substituting one addiction for another is a sure sign of madness, PMO was good, interent was good, but I want to be awarded a chair in a University and a salary

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #369 on: May 28, 2018, 07:26:07 AM »
So I'm in no hurry to change career, this lifestyle is the only one I know, yet if I'm ever going to support my own children I need to be acknowledged above street level. I doubt such a lifestyle would be any more secure, it would mean different peer groups, different arrangements of society within which I live, revolutionary matters would become even more academic than they are at the moment, but I've come to realise it's all business, turning against the rich without selling out is something I've had to learn. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #370 on: May 29, 2018, 03:56:53 PM »
Had a mixed seafood and corn sandwich at one o-clock and eight cups of coffee throughout the day, lost track of smoking cessation, otherwise on track, thank you

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #371 on: May 30, 2018, 02:11:36 AM »
So I've been trying to rearrange my life into something that will allow me to have sex with my new girlfriend. Sex for me has to feel just right spiritually, whatever that means, and my new girlfriend has different needs to my first. It should be easy, ostensibly, she appears to be from a much more similar background to me, but that seems to be a blessing and a difficulty at the same time. Politics just won't stay out of it, but I've come to realise that politics is not academic when forming a relationship. Perhaps that's why they say never talk about it on a date. I'm really not sure how to handle conversation with her. That's one of the reason's I decided fasting wasn't for me at this time. However I know that fasting can be beneficial at other times if that doesn't sound too hypocritical. This really is difficult. I try to meet everyone on the level required, why should it make a difference if I date different girls and drink coffee? It's crazy. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #372 on: May 30, 2018, 12:40:05 PM »
So dating a girl from my father's background is challenging, the old approaches of Malcolm X or Blockaded Cuba/Occupied Cyprus won't work, it's red she's after and as much as I have experience, I really need to stop smoking. The Mexican prophecy is a start, and certainly the magic mushrooms I acquired second hand were eye opening to nature, however I do wonder if the her past poet friend was really the man he thought he was. Perhaps it is best to think about what we learned in Woodcraft, but it all seems so English to the I, and though we love the British Isles, we have no idea how to put up a wig-wam.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.language is a problem, me done speak Greek an me done speak Japanese, if only our lecturer had an idea of warming the weather we would leave the raised flag standing when we kenen appropriate, I'm really done with this, what I need is to earn a living and a wife with support from a teaching research bank, with my pensions sorted and my finances under lock and key perhaps mydelmon could even form a family, phila

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #373 on: May 31, 2018, 03:48:39 PM »
So I managed to get 168 pounds overdrawn as of today according to my cash machine. I'm dreading the interest. I have three to four days left. My money comes to me soon. I don't know why I was considering trying to get a job as an anthropologist. Security for the future I suppose, but the time is here and now. Looking after business is a must for any young entrepreneur, I'm happy working with my friends all over the world to make life better. Still psychotic, dreaming the dream, and relaxing. Hope all is well with you guys and the banks realise the error of charging interest on investments that are of benefit. Hope that I can live up to the benefit that I have promised. And finally hope that I survive by only taking as much as I need. Thank you.

malando

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #374 on: June 01, 2018, 12:09:33 PM »
Georgos, I haven't visited here in a long time. You gotta know this: you sound freakin' off the planet half the time! You need to discipline your mind, stop thinking in circles and get back to basics. My grandmother has schizophrenia, and so do a couple of my friends. One thing they all have in common is that they are always trying to think their way out of every situation: look deeper, see what others can't see, uncover the secret key to fulfilment. It's an illusion, man. Fulfilment comes through self-control, self management, consistency, constancy. Don't go with so many impulses of thought, that is paralysing to your actions and stability. It's frightening to those who are near to you. Even for schizophrenics, you have to sort the illusions from the reality. We all carry a lot of illusions, but deciding how to live must be based on what is real, enactable, realistic - otherwise we don't stick to it. When we don't stick to it, anxiety and confusion builds and we become desperate for answers rather than living in a measured way and letting answers find us when we are ready. Schizophrenics with high self-discipline can become adept and recognising their hallucinations and moderate how they react to them. Thoughts can be as seductive as porn. The dopamine highs are there too in the wildly oscillating mind - escalation of thoughts, intriguing connections that only you can see - it's a thought whirlwind that is addictive, or habitual at least - a thought modality that seems to offer more hope than acceptance or calm ever could. But it's a deceptive seduction. We don't find calm and connection this way. Our thoughts and actions need to be kept in check to remain compatible with others, and to retain connections. Real change is accomplished by gradual evolution not revolution. Building in daily practices of discipline is good, but disciplining the mind is just as important. Be mindful of seductive thoughts that you know lead you away from calm and into unchecked frenzies. Something to consider. I'll stay away again, if you wish, but I don't know if you have anybody else giving you any feedback, so I thought I'd take the chance. Take care man.