Author Topic: Time to Reboot for good  (Read 759 times)

Reboot4good

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Time to Reboot for good
« on: March 05, 2020, 12:12:05 AM »
First post on here. Looking forward to many more. Day 7 no PM

I first saw p when I was a little kid and a friend showed me his parent’s video collection. Shortly after I learned to m. Inside I felt it was wrong but I was drawn to it. Throughout my teenage years, I frequently viewed p on the internet and via cable tv when I had the opportunity. In addition to satisfying teenage hormones and curiosity, it became a crutch I’d use to numb negative emotions.
 
The habit destroyed my self-confidence and made me feel more isolated. I definitely started to see people as objects and had a hard time connecting emotionally with others. Most of my relationships with others were selfish and hollow.
Eventually I made a decision to change and to quit cold turkey. It was difficult but so liberating. I had a handful of slipups as I left it behind but was able to leave it completely for several years. It took a lot of time to learn to develop relationships with people that weren’t superficial but I improved a lot and so did my overall happiness.

I wish I could say I never pm’d again but admit that I started to turn to it occasionally after I got married. I think it had a lot to do with a few things:

1.   Life becoming more complex & having increased stressors as a husband/father.
2.   Not having figured out the right way to consistently deal with negative emotions
3.   Increased accessibility with smartphones and our digital world full of triggers.

It’s been something that comes up every few weeks during times of high stress or strong negative emotions.

I’ve tried a lot of things to limit or curb my struggle and have had decent success mitigating but it kept coming down to if I got into the right emotional state, I would blow through any safeguard, filter or logical reasoning and look at p.

Recently I was browsing on a streaming site and ran into a documentary about the negative effects of p. I watched it and felt sick to my stomach listening to girls talk about how much they regretted being in p and kids who struggling with the extremes modern p has gone to and how it promotes violence, abuse & has distorted views of what sexuality should be. It made me feel deep down that there is no way to justify even a little p. I heard about yourbrainonporn.com and started to research it. Reading about the science behind p helped me better understand what I was up against. Combine that with the marital problems it can create (my wife hates it) and I have some strong motivators to quit completely. I want to be an example to my kids and don’t want to ever worry about them catching me looking at p. Or have p mess with their self image, especially my daughters. I also want the self-confidence to know that I’m in control of myself and can stick to commitments, even tough ones like leaving p behind forever.

My reboot plan is to do a better job of recognizing my emotional triggers and dealing with them in constructive ways. Mainly meditation/prayer, managing stressors, taking care of my physical health and taking meaningful constructive action in my life. I’m a Christian, so for me constructive action also means trying to do God's will and serve people. I think posting and reading posts on here will help me to stay on track. I also like that by posting I might be able to help others in addition to getting help & motivation from my fellow rebooters.

Cheers to all who read this & are in the thick of it themselves. Let's do this.

Pete McVries

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Re: Time to Reboot for good
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2020, 07:51:41 AM »
Welcome!

If you want to further delve into the topic, I always recommend to read The Porn Myth by Matt Fradd. He covers a lot of different topics about the problematic nature of porn and answers many questions you don't even know you've had ;). Author is Matt Fradd, who is a christian just like you, but this is a non religious book. In my humble opinion it's a mandatory read for every recovering porn addict. I benefited immensely from it myself.

All the best for your recovery!
400 days clean and counting...

CB

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Re: Time to Reboot for good
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2020, 11:36:56 AM »
Welcome!


Great job and congratulations on your 7 days free from pmo, and your first post here in writing down your burdens on here is a big step!
Keep journaling and stay busy when the cravings get bad, it is always good to write down your feelings and getting some perspective on what makes you pmo and flee your emotions.
As Peter says reading up on this addiction and what comes with it is really helpful.

Take care

Reboot4good

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Re: Time to Reboot for good
« Reply #3 on: March 06, 2020, 12:16:35 AM »
Day 8. Going strong. Was able to isolate some lies I was telling myself to bring me down about performance at work. Helped me curb a negative mood that would’ve put me more at risk of pm. Thanks for the book suggestion. Will definitely check it out! Honestly just being a part of this forum and having interactions with similar encouraging people is such a boost and strength builder for me. Thank you so much for the input.

wecandoit

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Re: Time to Reboot for good
« Reply #4 on: March 06, 2020, 10:00:28 AM »
Day 8. Going strong. Was able to isolate some lies I was telling myself to bring me down about performance at work. Helped me curb a negative mood that would’ve put me more at risk of pm. Thanks for the book suggestion. Will definitely check it out! Honestly just being a part of this forum and having interactions with similar encouraging people is such a boost and strength builder for me. Thank you so much for the input.

Good things, man. Don't listen to that voice inside your head cause that's the voice of addiction that is trying to seduce you and push you back to P.

Reboot4good

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Re: Time to Reboot for good
« Reply #5 on: March 08, 2020, 10:08:54 PM »
Day 11 and doing pretty well. Had some really emotionally draining exchanges today where I restrained frustration and anger in the moment of the exchange but was left dwelling on them afterward. It helped some to take a walk and acknowledge the raw emotion. Some things I think you just have to move past and let time fix. In the past this type of thing would be a huge trigger to look at P. I still have resolve from the realizations that hit me a week and a half ago. Not through the woods yet on dispelling the negative emotion but trending in the right direction.

Reboot4good

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Re: Time to Reboot for good
« Reply #6 on: March 10, 2020, 10:34:01 PM »
Day 13

Facing a lot of triggers right now from some work and home related stressors. It’s tough and sometimes I feel like I’m white knuckling. I’m trying not to over work myself and to make time to meditate and to do constructive things like exercising and spending time with family and friends or working on projects to keep my mind focused away from the pull to PM. It comes in waves and I know I can ride it out, just need to tell myself that PM isn’t an option. It’s all part of the process to feel the pull to return to an easy dopamine fix during hard times. I’ve been taking time each morning praying/meditating and considering what positive things I should do that day. I am trying to write the top 3-5 things down and then make a point to do them. It’s super satisfying and provides a healthy dose of dopamine for me to check off that list and know I did meaningful stuff. Hopefully this will create some stronger neural pathways than PM as time goes on. Posting on here is kind of therapeutic as well.

Reboot4good

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Re: Time to Reboot for good
« Reply #7 on: March 14, 2020, 07:33:43 PM »
Day 17 No PM

Doing well right now. Still triggered at times but have been trying to find better more meaningful things to occupy my time with. Reading the forum has helped a ton, even when I don’t have anything super valuable to contribute to a thread. I am pulling for everyone on here to succeed and find that reading about the struggles people are having reminds me why I am resolved to quit PMO + helps keep me committed.

Reboot4good

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Re: Time to Reboot for good
« Reply #8 on: March 23, 2020, 08:43:12 AM »
Day 26 no PM. The 20-30 day mark has been where I have really struggled in the past. Definitely feeling a stronger pull right now and am triggered pretty heavily by stuff on social media etc. Gotta ride this one out because I know life will be better without the artificial fix that comes from P. From there hopefully I’ll gain a little more longevity and stamina to stay away from P.

Reboot4good

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Re: Time to Reboot for good
« Reply #9 on: March 23, 2020, 11:16:55 PM »
Day 27 no PMO. Was triggered and started to browse around on social media and read the content descriptions of some rated movies that have nudity or explicit scenes on streaming sites. All comes down to trying to get closer to looking at P without explicitly looking for it. So ridiculous how my brain tries to get me to justify just a little to give it a wiff that will lead to more and more. I knew what I was doing and stopped the cycle by looking for some content on the negative effects of P and by posting some on here. Going to focus on having a good attitude tomorrow. Anxiety from the negativity and uncertainty in the world right now is def. a trigger, so hopefully a positive outlook and can do’ attitude will help. If not, my backup plan is to watch some videos about the negative effects of P, success stories and reading forums like RN.

Tothefuture

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Re: Time to Reboot for good
« Reply #10 on: March 24, 2020, 01:38:25 AM »
27 days, good going and hang in there. I find that staying away from my pc as much as possible is helping me at the moment as well as staying active and starting hobbies again. Idle hands are the devils tools as they say.

Keep it up, you're not alone in this undertaking and if we didn't have moments of weakness we wouldn't have moments of triumph either.

Reboot4good

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Re: Time to Reboot for good
« Reply #11 on: March 26, 2020, 09:32:29 PM »
Day 29 no PM.  The grind feels much more manageable right now. Seems like those waves of cravings are inevitable but they do subside and that’s encouraging. I’ve still got a ways to go but will say that overall I feel happier and more connected to wife and family compared to when I started this Journal. Absolutely worth it to stay away from PM but need to stay consistent to keep those good things going.

far30386

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Re: Time to Reboot for good
« Reply #12 on: April 01, 2020, 09:51:32 AM »
Thanks for sharing the experience. I've had similar times of actually getting a glimpse of what porn does to the people producing it, and what it does to my marriage and life. The ugliness is always there, it's so good when I can actually see it and not get swept up in the wen of lies that it's ok, just a few minutes, all that nonsense. I've read over a dozen books on the topic, and unquestionably the best, most true to the complexities that is this behavioral pattern is Unwanted by Jay Stringer. It comes from a Christian perspective, but has so much value even if you're not into that. Highly recommend it if you're looking to read another book. If you're not desiring to read more, I get it too, sometimes I've gotten topic fatigue when reading book after book, jumping from program to program. Anyways, thanks for sharing.

Reboot4good

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Re: Time to Reboot for good
« Reply #13 on: April 04, 2020, 11:10:50 AM »
Day 35 and then. I was feeling pretty triggered by overworking and some family stress + covid19 craziness that has totally messed with my daily routines.... and I browsed around on social media and non P movie sites that had some movies with explicit scenes. Because I was looking for glimpses of P and got a similar rush I am going to count it as a fail . So this is day 36 no MO day 1 no P.

As I ask myself what led up to this. I think it’s a combination of new triggers and just the withdrawal cravings that are inevitable. I’ve got to figure out a way to remain consistent in my resolve at day 30+. It’s easy when the remorse is fresh but harder as everything else in life kind of stabilizes and I feel on track.

I’m going to explore more books and documentaries (thanks for the recommendations!) and make a better effort to post more on here. Will also make a point to be more crisp on my schedule and daily routines including spiritual stuff. Let me know if you guys have any ideas.

Reboot4good

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Re: Time to Reboot for good
« Reply #14 on: April 05, 2020, 08:40:26 AM »
Day 2 no P day 37 no MO. Just being honest and admitting  defeat the other day instead of trying to rationalize and justify was a powerful step in ‘righting the ship’ and getting momentum back. In the past when I‘ve prolonged admitting I had failed, it usually led to more and more fails of increasing severity. So I’m glad I didn’t devolve into more graphic P or an MO but still want to get to a state where I don’t look for any P so I can do a full reboot. Anything worthwhile takes hard work. If getting to a full reboot takes a lot of time and effort, it’s going to be that much more meaningful when I achieve it.

Wolfman

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Re: Time to Reboot for good
« Reply #15 on: April 08, 2020, 04:49:27 AM »
Hey Reboot4good. Thanks for sharing. It sounds to me like you're being honest and compassionate with yourself, which I think are essential things on this journey. Might help also to work on what your idea of yourself and your life is going to look like PMO-free. Imagine the best version of yourself, how much better you can be towards yourself and towards others, both loved ones and strangers, and hold that up as an impeccable beacon of light when the darkness around you gets too strong. Another thing might be to direct your negative emotions at the beast itself, that is, at P itself. Treat it like something seriously bad, like literally evil, and you'll develop a natural zero-tolerance policy whenever P comes up in your mind in any shape or form. None of this is easy, but one advantage we have is that we can use so _many_ means to overcome this stuff (read about it, take up new activities, write in journal, maybe talk more with a friend or a loved one, engage in causes or politics, etc.). That itself is like part of the problem: PMO is this magic all-in-one solution, but we need to get our heads out of that toxic world and take the world as it is, a plurality of problems each with different solutions and responses.

I wish you plenty of strength and hope, Reboot4good!

Reboot4good

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Re: Time to Reboot for good
« Reply #16 on: April 09, 2020, 08:13:04 AM »
Thanks for the encouragement! A few  days ago I fell back into more of the same. No MO but got triggered and it was too easy to open an app and browse around. It was super frustrating. I’ve since deleted the social media and streaming apps I struggled with and think that it’ll help with spur of the moment impulse control. I’m at day 3 no P day 41 no MO. Focusing back on my daily routine is helpful. So is limiting my time on tech. in general. I’m going to put my phone & computer away more often and spend undistracted time with family and on screen less projects and hobbies.