Author Topic: I won.  (Read 43 times)

15December18

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I won.
« on: September 14, 2019, 02:42:21 PM »
*Head on over to my old journal for the full story. 'Return to Nature' I called it, it'll be in the search bar. I think you can even track my maturing through the months. Some of what I wrote is questionable, but it all helped with the healing. This post was made on September 14th 2019, the last one having been made in April 2019. This journey started in earnest nine months ago, on the 15th of December 2019. When I learnt I had PIED. And just over a month ago I learnt I didn't have it anymore, here's the final post.

Hey guys.

I won. About eight months after I started, I had sex. Not just sex. I made love to a girl I was intimate with, and cared about. I wasn't any kind of sex god, I was gentle and loving and all of that. There was soul there. I just wanted to tell you guys that this thing works. I am not perfect, and my sexual health is not perfect. Obviously still improving. But I have pretty much beaten porn. I still masturbate sometimes, maybe once a month. I don't know if that is good or bad, but it is certainly better than this time last year, when I used porn every day.

I am going to say something that I could not have said a year ago completely truthfully: I like women. I don't know if I really liked them all that much when younger. Maybe I was just immature, but, right now, I feel pretty damn mature. I am studying abroad, in a really cool European city. I have a job. I confront issues when they arise, I don't hide from them. I am not bitter about the failed chances with girls in the past, this includes the young lady who made me realise that I had PIED. I am no saint either, but I'm a better man these days, realer, more down to earth, more true to myself. This movement was what really got things going for me.

On the surface, yes, it was about quitting my addiction, and getting my penis back to what it should be at 21 years old. And happily it happened. My prayers were answered because I was willing to make the sacrifices that had to be made in order to be a better me.

I like women now. I was always attracted to them, but I like them now, as people, as divine individuals. I don't have to hide anymore; I told the lady I made love to that I was not sure if I could have sex with her. She was nice about it, understanding, because I wasn't there just for the sex...I was with her that evening because I liked her as a person. And guys, it was not a question of simply hopping into bed and going at it. It took time, I didn't really know what I was doing, and, to some extent, neither did she. It happened naturally, soulfully. It was beautiful.

The vast majority of my sexuality was porn-influenced. I had only had sex once, while drunk and young. In some ways I lost my virginity a month ago. It kind of felt like a miracle. Alleluia, I am a man.

Right now I am settling into this cool new place. I have met many girls over here, and a few have caught my eye. I have had the confidence, that nofap confidence my friends, to talk to them. And maybe I will try my luck with them, maybe not. I know that what I personally want is an intimate relationship, yes for the sexual benefits, but also for the possibility of having someone there, a partner in life. I am calm and peaceful about it, my intentions are good. We'll see what happens.

Goodluck guys. I am not going to urge you with the fire of passion to do what I've done, to overcome porn, to beat Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction.  This is more of a peaceful message to my brothers still fully caught up by this monster, this life-sucking addiction. I still think about porn sometimes, part of me still wants to go back there. Honestly, I am still learning, my journey is ongoing. Sometimes it is really really hard, life is very hard sometimes. All of us here have been burdened by addiction to porn. I once lay on a bed in the middle of the night, in my aunties house, listening to cars rushing past. The sound of the engines, and the rainwater splashing as they rushed past. Three nights before I had hurt more than ever before, I had seen my manhood fail with a girl. I felt very low. A hellish state of mind to be in. Yet I survived, and the pain of that night made me the man I am. And, believe me I say this humbly, the individual writing this post is a good man. I'm still learning, and still messing up every single day, but objectively, after eight months and thirty days of Reboot, I am a much much better man, stronger, softer, warmer. And you know what lads, I'm ready to love a woman. I think I'll finish up with that; I'm a better man, and I am looking forward to loving a woman. I don't think I could have a year ago. I was a fool then. And I'm a fool now, but at least I know it!

Goodnight guys, thanks for sharing this burden with me these past nine months. I'm a bit of an idiot, I often do stupid things, and I kind of get through life, sometimes, by the skin of my teeth. I was able to kick this dreadful addiction, and I can't think of one reason, not one, why you can't too. God bless guys.

Pete McVries

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Re: I won.
« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2019, 09:16:18 PM »
I'm really happy to read about your success! I just checked your journal and remembered that I was following your journey during the first months. Woop, woop, you did it! It seems like you matured a lot and you're still experiencing personal growth day by day. We PIED/PMO people are confronted with a huge obstacle (mostly) early in life and sometimes it seems like it is impossible to overcome. But you did it. And, I think, you gained the confidence and the certainty that you can overcome anything life throws at you. Keep that mindset!

I'm proud of you. Have a great life :)

p.s: I'm also a little more than eight months clean and I, just like you, managed to overcome my PIED. 8)
Eight months clean and counting...