Author Topic: Good day to all! RC here  (Read 244 times)

Rodeo_Clown

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Good day to all! RC here
« on: April 11, 2019, 11:08:28 AM »
My nick is Rodeo_Clown (not what my parents named me)
I've been hanging around here at RN and other nofap forums for the past couple of years, reading journals and discussions but not participating.

I'm a 58 years old porn addict who's last use was yesterday morning, when I decided, yet again, for the ???? time to delete the 12 to 15TB of porn accumulated on several HDDs on my comp in a matter of a few days. It's been my pattern for the past couple of years to binge by going to a couple of porn torrent forums and "mass" download megapacks, packs, clips, pics, etc. After a few days of this I get sick of it, quit for good, then start all over again a few days or a couple of weeks later. I've been addicted to porn since I was 12 or 13 years old.

There's more to it than that but that's for another time; the main thing for me right now is to have started a journal and made contact here on Reboot Nation.

I have an idea as to how addictions work although this porn business beats me!

I'm an alcoholic and have been clean from alcohol and drugs since November 24, 1991. I've also struggled with gambling a long time ago but like for the drinking part the thirst/urge have been lifted back then. Same goes for smoking; I was a heavy smoker and one day about a dozen years ago just decided to quit and never looked back.

I'm not a religious man. It turned me off a long time ago and had to "deprogram" myself from a the crap (guilt, shame, etc.) that was instilled in me as a kid. I turned to Buddhism about 10 years ago (as a philosophy, not a religion). I'm not "flagelling" myself (not certain if I can use the term "beat myself up" on this forum ;-)) as a result of my porn use because I know that I'm a sick person and yes, I am aware of harm caused to others and myself as a result of this addiction.

Can't guarantee if I can come here to journal every day but I'll give it a good shot. I'm just sick and tired of this cycle.

I don't know how many times I quit porn; what I want to do is STAY QUIT!

All the best to my fellow suffering addicts!

RC

BigMog

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Re: Good day to all! RC here
« Reply #1 on: April 11, 2019, 01:21:38 PM »
Welcome aboard RC!
 You’ve definitely come to the right place. Journaling and encouraging others has helped me since the beginning of the year when I first joined and I’m sure it will help you. You’ve probably already seen that there is plenty of good advice and tips in the journals and the Your Brain On Porn website. Explore and absorb as much as you can and work out what works best for you.
Good luck!

cranm329

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Re: Good day to all! RC here
« Reply #2 on: April 11, 2019, 03:38:04 PM »
Welcome again, RC
Glad that you've decided to journal on here. Hope that it helps you to escape from the hidden vicious circle of P addiction. Have you tried naltrexone? Recent early evidence that this opioid blocker, which is used in alcohol dependence, can help with sexual addiction. Don't know how you obtain it. Guess that a doctor or therapist would be able to advise. Wish you every success with whatever means or methods that you use.

Rodeo_Clown

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Re: Good day to all! RC here
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2019, 10:57:03 AM »
Good morning (still morning here) / good day everybody!

Just want to report that today is my second porn-free day. Don't have anything substantial to share today except maybe that I will use, along the many resources and tools found here and elsewhere, what has helped me in the past in a substance recovery fellowship (am I allowed to name the fellowship?): I don't need to quit porn until the day I die but ONLY FOR TODAY! It's so much more manageable and realistic.

Thanks to all of you who have made this and continue to make this possible for porn addicts like me and others who didn't really have a place to turn to.

@BigMog Thanks for the encouraging words! Looking forward to becoming part of this community.

@cranm329 First time I hear about naltrexone. Looks interesting from what I've read about it last night and will do more research.

Rodeo_Clown

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Re: Good day to all! RC here
« Reply #4 on: April 13, 2019, 10:39:30 PM »
Just checking in. Things were quiet for me today, which is the way I like them to be!

Hope everyone else have had a good day without consuming porn.

Sending you good vibes!

Don't count the days. Make the days count!
« Last Edit: April 13, 2019, 10:54:15 PM by Rodeo_Clown »

Rodeo_Clown

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Re: Good day to all! RC here
« Reply #5 on: April 14, 2019, 03:58:08 PM »
Checking in again. So far so good.

I've had some weird dream last night but I know that it's part of the course.

Anyway, I've decided that this forum is not the solution for my porn addiction. If its sole purpose is to journal, I think I'd rather do it the old way, with pen and paper.

Just want to wish all the best and success to all fellow porn addicts on here!

R