Author Topic: Starting Over  (Read 214 times)

40-yearsOnVideoPorn

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Starting Over
« on: April 05, 2019, 10:41:11 PM »
New day. Starting over.

I hooked up with a casual friend and we had gay sex. That’s not masturbation and it’s not internet porn but it was casual sexual activity, so I am just going to start my count over. I was telling my friend I was not doing porn or masturbating anymore and he offered to do it for me. So, I let that happen. It is kind of like using each other for sex. It’s kind of it’s own form of masturbation. It’s true that it’s not jerking off to images on a screen but it’s not much different, in my mind. You just get yourself off using their body, if that makes sense.

So I am a little confused by the whole thing. It’s not P. It’s not M by strict definition. But it’s definitely O. It’s just gay pick-up sex.

I think it’s fairly easy to get over internet porn for a guy my age. I haven’t looked at it at all. But I am not sure if it’s possible for me to go entirely without sex, some form of casual sex, for months at a time. I am going to start over and contemplate how I feel about this. I really need to think this through. I wasn’t expecting this scenario.

Day 2 No PMO
Day 764 No Alcohol
Day 27 No Sugar

Pete McVries

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Re: Starting Over
« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2019, 06:38:09 AM »
Yo 40!

I started reading your old journal a few days ago but I had to stop because it was very triggering for me. Especially the part about the torrented lesbian porn. So, I just wanted to stop by and tell you that I respect your grind and I take my hat off to you that you decided to tackle this problem that you had for so long this late in your career ;).

If you don't mind me asking, are you gay or bisexual? I didn't read any about it in your first entries in your old journal.

From my point of view, I can tell you that it is entirely possible to go without sexual encounters for quite some while. You just have to get used to it but your sexual response system will thank you for the much needed break.

And one last thing: I recommend you to stick to your original journal because relapses happen and it's important to document them for coherency reasons ;)

All the best, keep hustlin'!
Eight months clean and counting...

40-yearsOnVideoPorn

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Re: Starting Over
« Reply #2 on: April 06, 2019, 11:42:30 AM »
ok, well, I guess I’ll keep the other journal post going then, as per request of my fan base... lol.

My sexual orientation is difficult to define. I’m kind of an omnivore, not sure if pansexual works, probably bisexual is the best definition because I don’t really have one clear preference. Every time I think I just want to settle in and just be with a woman, she drives me half crazy, then I’m not fond of the gay lifestyle or identifying as gay.

So I am more of a universal stunt penis, equal opportunity, friend to all.

I have dated trannys, bisexual women, gay men, and being in monogamous relationships with a woman has been where I’ve spent the most of my years. The sexless marriage I’ve been in for 18 years is on odd situation that kind of has me trapped because we’ve agreed to stay together as a family to raise our kids tho we sleep in different rooms. More common situation than I would have thought, I’ve learned.

Being sexless, would solve a lot of problems for me. If you could just tske sex out of my life, everything would work fine, as my life currently has been built around clandestine casual sex, which I obviously feel bad about.

I often daydream about starting over once my daughters grow up, they are 18 and 13 now. Not sure what my future will hold, right now. Not sure what direction I will go sexually in my future. I should probably have a plan and live deliberately, stop being so wishywashy.
« Last Edit: April 06, 2019, 11:58:52 AM by 40-yearsOnVideoPorn »