Author Topic: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory  (Read 1433 times)

BigMog

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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #25 on: January 03, 2019, 04:20:01 PM »
Hi Rex, brilliant achievement! You've really had a tough time fighting at least two wars at once, against PMO and Lyme disease, but you're winning through. Keep going a day at a time. We're all with you.

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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #26 on: January 12, 2019, 01:47:24 PM »
Triple digits! Congratulations to you Rex, that's awesome.
I Hope your health issues continue to improve. Happy new year to you sir.

NewVerse,

Thanks for the kind words, it means a lot you have been a good friend since 2014.  This is going to be a good year for both of us, a year of victory!

Rex
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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #27 on: January 12, 2019, 01:51:17 PM »
Hi Rex, brilliant achievement! You've really had a tough time fighting at least two wars at once, against PMO and Lyme disease, but you're winning through. Keep going a day at a time. We're all with you.

BigMog,

Thanks for the encouragement, I really appreciate it.  It's been a tough battle with many days feeling like I am barely surviving rather than thriving. However I have gone through pain and suffering I never ever expected and a victory of being free from PMO for 109 days which I also never expected. I have been feeling better the last few days. It's been slow but I believe that I have turned the corner. 
« Last Edit: January 12, 2019, 01:54:19 PM by Rex »
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BigMog

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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #28 on: January 18, 2019, 04:28:55 PM »
Hey Rex, Hope you’re doing OK. Keep up the good fight!

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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #29 on: January 23, 2019, 11:44:07 PM »
Hey Rex, Hope you’re doing OK. Keep up the good fight!

BigMog,

Thanks for checking in, I am gradually getting better in terms of my health.  Some days I am still struggling with some of the symptoms.  I am now on day 120 (4 months) free from PMO.  It's been a struggle, especially since the supplements my doctor has me on to fight my illness have really elevated the sex drive.  The temptations and urges have been pretty intense the last few days.  However I am praying hard and remaining vigilant, it's so good to be entering into month #4.  I am really starting to see the benefits, the brain is adjusting to the new me and I notice it's now becoming second nature to ignore the temptations and to stay clean.
« Last Edit: January 23, 2019, 11:49:31 PM by Rex »
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workinprogressUK

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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #30 on: January 24, 2019, 06:16:32 AM »
Glad to read that you're seeing the benefits, Rex. 100+ days is a great achievement, especially with the added complication of your meds. You're an inspiration. Keep fighting, please!

Prodigal son

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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #31 on: January 24, 2019, 08:27:31 AM »
Hey, Rex,

Just checked out your new journal, man you have been thru the ringer, you have my sympathy and respect.  My side effects weren't as dramatic as yours and I would never presume to compare my struggles to yours, no way.  My PMO side effects were mainly a slow slide into the doldrums.  Wrecked my finances with tons of debt due to impulsive spending and lack of follow thru.  I have at times though felt like my soul was quite literally being torn in two.  Insomnia was always around, depression over my lack of success and essentially wasting 20+ years of my life not realizing what the cause was.  I suppose I was the lil frog who climbed into the pot before slowly being brought to a boil.  Thankfully my wife was supportive and not full of outrage and scorn, that would've killed me.  Today I'm 31 days post PMO and I'm staying focused straight ahead, the past is gone and we aren't promised tomorrow so I better make the most of today.  Peace my Brother, you are in my prayers, even at 120+.  Always be vigilant our adversary is always roaming about...
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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #32 on: February 17, 2019, 07:41:24 PM »
I suffering plenty from porn addiction or else why would I be posting this? Some suffer 'more' than others, but who am I to judge what 'more' is? Some people hit bottom with just the thought that they could be in a worse place if they keep up their behavior. For others, like myself, it takes a whole lot more to wake me up. That doesn't make my suffering any more profound than another suffering. I was lucky to have an understanding girlfriend at the time of my awakening. It's helps to have someone there fighting along the side lines for you to get off the fix. Glad your here now.
Best, Josh

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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #33 on: February 21, 2019, 06:25:05 PM »
Reboot_, Prodigal Son, and workinprogress,

Thanks for the great words of encouragement.  I really appreciate it.  Sorry I have not been back sooner it's been a tough battle with my physical illness since I last posted but in the last few days I have really turned the corner and feel much better, due to God's intercession.

Today I hit 150 days free from PMO which is about 5 months free.  It's been a tough battle but it's one that I can now really truly see the rewards.  My thought process has totally changed, it's now second nature for me to stay away from PMO.  The urges now have no power or enticement over me.  My life is now one of purity and happiness, the enticement of PMO has absolutely no appeal for me just like eating a rotten sandwich from a gas station that's way past its expiration date. 

For those of you struggling with your reboot, let me tell you it's going to get easier.  In fact a lot easier, but it takes vigilance, staying away from the triggers, and placing the battle in God's hands.  This is where I messed up before, I always felt I could do it on my own, it my own sin of pride.  For this reboot I realized I could not do it without God, because this is a spiritual battle.  The daily prayer life (consisting of different prayers and at least 1 to 3 Rosaries a day) has been the mighty sword I have used in this battle.  I know there will be future tests and temptations but I know that I do not walk alone, that God is there to guide me through the rest of my life.  And thanks to God and his Grace I know that great things await me for the remainder of my journey through life.  How wonderful it is for the chains of imprisonment to be released.  No words can describe how great God is. 

And thanks to all of my brothers here on the board for your encouragement, prayers, and friendship.  Let's continue to fight this battle.  May God be with all of you in your battle against PMO!

     
« Last Edit: February 21, 2019, 06:29:59 PM by Rex »
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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #34 on: March 01, 2019, 10:47:28 AM »
Day 158:

Wow, the changes are profound.  More blessings than I can really begin to fathom, even my battle with my physical illness can't detract from these blessings. The removal of the illness of PMO from my soul has been the great victory of my life.  It's been through the breaking of these chains and release from the sins of PMO, that I finally realize how badly it had me enslaved.  In April, I will be 50 years of age, for many who reach 50 they begin to feel regret.  I look upon this as a gateway to my new life.  The first half of my life since I was 13 was riddled with lustful thoughts of women, thousands of hours of porn, thousands of hours of masturbation, etc.  The second half of my life will be focused not on destroying myself with these vices but instead using my God given talents and abilities for His greater glory.

I am not under the illusion that the battle is won, for I realize there will be future temptations and tests that will occur.  However I have realized the last 158 days have been a training ground to make me steeled, toughen me up so that I can more easily fight this battle.  Prayer especially the Rosary have been my best weapons during this training period, I could not have made it this far without these special weapons against this spiritual battle.  It's been my finally realizing that I couldn't win this battle on my own and that only through God's intercession and help could I finally be free from PMO.  I must never forget that God is the only reason I have been successful.

 



« Last Edit: March 01, 2019, 10:49:43 AM by Rex »
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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #35 on: March 19, 2019, 08:31:31 AM »
Day 176:

What a journey, almost 6 months of freedom!  The temptations are still there, but they don't really have the sting or allure they once had.  I am finding that I prefer now even deep within my heart even during periods of temptations, purity over the old way of doing things, this is the real change I have noticed during this reboot.  The journey has not been easy, the daily prayer life with 3 Rosaries a day has kept me steeled and strong.  Also vigilance concerning being cautious with what my eyes view on TV, movies, Internet, etc. and being vigilant with my thoughts so that I don't get into fantasizing about impure thoughts.  I haven't used an Internet filter or blocker during this almost 6 month reboot period.  If I begin to falter on praying 3 Rosaries a day and stop doing it for day or two or only say less than 3 Rosaries on a given day I feel myself getting weak and I feel the strong pull to slide back, my vigilance begins to soften.  Each time I have realized my mistake and gone back to praying 3 Rosaries a day thereby averting a possible disaster. 

Thoughts of the day:

1) Remember 1 fall to PMO is not 1 fall, 1 fall will lead to a marathon of PMO that may take days, weeks, months, and possibly years to get yourself back on track with another reboot.  So try to avoid at all costs that 1 fall or even entertaining the temptation to that 1 fall to PMO while you are on a reboot.

2) This journey is not a temporary one where we strive to get to a certain point of healing and then return to the old ways.  The reboot is the new way, the only way.  It's a journey of purity not for a temporary period of time but the rest of our lives.

3) In the reboot process don't focus on the hardships or pain or what your body and brain are missing or longing for, keep your thoughts and attitude focused on the freedom that you have obtained.  Even if you have only been a reboot for a few days those are days where you have been free from PMO.  The illusion is that you are enslaved to it during the reboot when you are free.  Yes that's correct you're free, the temptations will hit trying to trick you to go back to PMO but during a reboot you're free.  In other words think of a movie where a lead character escapes death and is on the run, he or she is not thinking about going back they are doing whatever it takes to get as far away from that place and situation, they know they are free but they have to keep running to remain free so that they can eventually make it to that safe place.  In the reboot you will eventually make it to the safe place, just continue to run away from PMO and continue to move towards that safe place while you keep focusing and being joyful that you are free from PMO.

3) Listen to that small voice in the back of your head when the temptations hit, not the loud convincing voice that wants you to fall to PMO and is tempting you.  No listen to the small voice that you have heard many times before when you have gone close to the edge of the cliff in the past before deciding to fall to PMO.  It's the voice that tells you to turn away and stop before you fall to PMO, the voice that tells you are in the danger zone.  Begin to listen to that voice and walk away, turn away, etc. before you fall off the cliff to PMO.



 
« Last Edit: March 19, 2019, 08:34:18 AM by Rex »
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workinprogressUK

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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #36 on: March 19, 2019, 09:18:07 AM »
3) In the reboot process don't focus on the hardships or pain or what your body and brain are missing or longing for, keep your thoughts and attitude focused on the freedom that you have obtained. 

Very good of you to check back in, Rex. Congrats on further progress. Lots of wisdom in your post. I especially valued the quote above and I will focus on all that's positive in my recovery. You take care!

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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #37 on: March 20, 2019, 08:08:30 AM »

Very good of you to check back in, Rex. Congrats on further progress. Lots of wisdom in your post. I especially valued the quote above and I will focus on all that's positive in my recovery. You take care!

workinprogressUK,

Thanks, it's great to be here on the board.  It has helped me so much, I started on the board 5 years ago, returned a few times and left for long periods. I should not have left it, I should have stuck with it but since last September I have been committed and I am now in this reboot and change for the rest of my life. 


Day 177:

Thoughts of the day:

1) How bad do you really want it?  Ever known someone with exceptional ability but the person didn't work on this skill or talent to develop it to its best possible outcome due to laziness, lack of focus, or just not wanting to pursue cultivating this ability.  Someone like Mike Trout in MLB or Lebron James in the NBA have proven themselves to be superstars in their sports.  Yes, they had ability but they tirelessly worked day and night on practicing, training, and when suffering setbacks they still continued on this process never giving up.  However their hard work and effort paid off and they have reaped the rewards.  So how bad do you want to be free from PMO?  The urges are bad and the temptations seem so enticing and comforting to go back or to continue to fall to PMO.  We here are on a reboot, whether it's minutes, hours, days, months, or years we have been on a reboot.  The decision is ours, do we want to go back or do we want to move forward?  The decision is entirely up to us - no one else can make the decision for us.  It's so easy to fall back, no work is required.  Just like Mike Trout and LeBron James found out being the best in their sports required commitment, sacrifice, and lots of hard work.  That's what the reboot requires of us.  It's not going to be easy but I can assure you that the rewards are so plentiful.  Slavery sucks, and falling into PMO addiction is slavery.  If we make the commitment and put in the hard work we will get our lives back and start to see benefits we never thought we would receive.  We can do it we can beat PMO addiction!  Keep positive keep moving forward the reward is waiting for all of us!

2) The centerpiece in a 12 step addiction recovery program is turning to God and asking for His help in the recovery process. 

       
« Last Edit: March 20, 2019, 08:16:07 AM by Rex »
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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #38 on: March 21, 2019, 11:02:08 AM »
Day 178:

Feeling better physically, but have been riding the roller coaster of many ups and downs due to chronic long term Lyme disease the last 6 months.  I caught Lyme disease about 10 years ago and I finally started treatment in December after finding out Lyme was the cause of my health problems.  However last week after an emotional roller coaster of 6 months I finally hit my breaking point and realized that I wasn't truly trusting God in my recovery even though He has giving me the signs that total healing is right around the corner.  I wanted the healing on my time table and not God's.  I finally came to a decision last week, no matter how bad the symptoms or how much suffering from the physical ills of the disease or the terrible anxiety and panic attacks it causes when it flairs up due to the disease wrecking havoc on my adrenal glands, that God will heal me and that I needed to finally let go and trust God.  It's given me peace and when the symptoms have flared up since last week I just placed my trust in God and no longer succumb to thoughts of doom and gloom.  The pity party of poor old Rex where I acted like a 2-year old having a temper tantrum are over.  I no longer lose hope and I don't get angry or upset anymore. 

This new attitude has also allowed me to not lose focus on all that I have gained the last 6 months.  I am no longer a slave to PMO, the addiction is gone I am free and nothing can take away this great victory.  I really truly in my heart don't long for it anymore, I long for purity of mind, body, and soul.  The urges and temptations will still pop up from time-to-time but they have no hold over me anymore, the appeal is gone.  My mind, body, and soul no longer want PMO, this is the real change that has been a long process to get here but I have arrived.  I know that I must stay vigilant and continue the daily prayer life but I have accomplished so much in the last 6 months and it wouldn't have happened without God's help and intercession.  I put my PMO recovery in God's hands and the results are something I never would have thought possible in a fight I have been waging since 1983.  Words can't describe how thankful I am to God, to be free from PMO for 178 days.


Thought of the day:

1) Never forget that just as in any 12-step addiction recovery program, God is the centerpiece to beating the addiction.  It's taken me many years to finally figure this out.  I thought I could do it on my own, the missing element was always not turning to God for strength and assistance in this fight.  He has provided me with everything I have asked for in this battle and much more. 

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”  - Isaiah 41:10

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 4:6-7






   
« Last Edit: March 21, 2019, 11:07:05 AM by Rex »
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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #39 on: March 25, 2019, 10:38:27 AM »
Day 182:

I have hit the 26 week or 6 month mark in my reboot free from PMO.  It's a great victory, but I will continue to remain vigilant and will continue the daily prayer life.  Not much is emanating from my brain this morning, feeling extremely sluggish and feverish today from the Lyme, but still very happy.


Thoughts of the day:

1) PMO addiction is a very selfish addiction, it puts us first and not others.  One way to beat it during the reboot process is to remove the focus on us and put it instead on others.  Do something nice for someone today.  It could be something as small as smiling or saying hello, giving a person a compliment or words or encouragement, praying for someone, giving money to someone in need, etc.  When you do good things for others you will also feel better about yourself which will aid the healing process.

2) You can't change the past, stop trying to relive it or dwell on it.  It doesn't matter whether you are 40 years old or 80 years old or anywhere in between you have a future that you can look forward to.  Don't beat yourself up about the time lost to PMO addiction in the past.  Just keep the addiction in the past, focus instead on the bright future you will have being free of PMO.  There's no time machine to take us back, so it's fruitless endeavor for any of us to dwell on the past and beat ourselves up on destruction we have caused.  Instead lets leave the past the past, and begin true healing by focusing on the future.  We can't change the past, but we sure can change the future if we choose to move forward.  Forgive yourself and forgive others and just remain restitute and vigilant to stay on the reboot.

 
« Last Edit: March 25, 2019, 10:45:35 AM by Rex »
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cranm329

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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #40 on: March 25, 2019, 11:13:35 AM »
Well done, Rex and thanks for the words of wisdom.

Rex

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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #41 on: April 01, 2019, 08:21:13 AM »
Well done, Rex and thanks for the words of wisdom.

cranm329,

Thanks for the words of encouragement!

Rex
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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #42 on: April 01, 2019, 10:19:36 AM »
Day 189:

Last week was a physical and emotional roller coaster.  I had a very bad reaction with one of the prescription drugs I am taking for Lyme disease since I had around the same time I consumed cheese.  The evening that I last posted here on the board I took this prescription drug and then an hour later to celebrate 6 months free from PMO, I ate 5 slices of my favorite NY style cheese pizza along with several strips of garlic cheesy bread from a local pizzeria.  I ate it at home and by the time I was finished with the pizza and cheesy bread I had a massive reaction, I went flush, my body was burning up, I had terrible heart palpitations, and my heart rate was going like a jack rabbit while I was having a very massive panic attack. I figured it was just a massive panic attack so I didn't go to the hospital and just prayed as best as I could and waited it out.  After about 2 hours the heart palpitations and rapid heart beat had stopped but I felt terrible nausea, dizziness, and was terribly anxious. I hardly slept that night and it took me about 3 days before I started feeling as good as I did before I had the pizza.

After doing some research on the Internet I discovered that the prescription drug I am taking can give a person a bad interaction when taken with cheese, none of this was mentioned on the prescription bottle warnings.  However there were plenty of websites on the Internet that documented that all the reactions I had were due to taking this prescription drug and consuming cheese at the same time.  Lesson learned, from now on every drug or supplement that I take I am going to spend hours researching any possible drug reactions or interactions with food or other supplements or prescription drugs. I have also given up eating cheese, I hadn't been eating it much in the last 2 months anyway since I have really cleaned up my diet but cheese is now permanently removed from the diet as I did with sugar a few months ago and a few other things.

On the reboot front, things couldn't be better.  Still remaining vigilant and continuing the daily prayer life.

I had a thought the other day in which I realized that one of the reasons why I am so very sick with Lyme disease is because of my previous PMO addiction. The Lyme symptoms first started appearing back in 2010, but they started flaring up noticeably in 2011. The first symptoms were elevated anxiety and neck/upper back tightness and stiffness. It would flair up especially after I fell into PMO and if I stopped PMO for a few days it got better.  So I figured it was the PMO that was causing these symptoms, however I was so addicted I couldn't stop the PMO.  When I finally went cold turkey last September when the symptoms had gotten so bad, and then weeks after being PMO free I kept getting physically worse that's when I started to suspect something else.  If I hadn't been a daily PMO addict back in 2010/2011 I would have had it diagnosed properly back then and would have saved myself the last decade of terrible suffering.

Sin does come with a price and I have paid heavy for it and still am paying for it. It's a strong reminder every time those temptations or urges hit, to remember that PMO is the main reason I am suffering so badly from the crippling effect of Lyme disease.  This is my story of how PMO has ruined my life.  That's all in the past, I am now punching away at Lyme with everything I have got, a few small victories here and a few small victories there while still facing the occasional setbacks. It's all a process, but I am continuing to move forward.


Thought of the day:

1) The seeds of the fall to PMO occur before the fall, usually long before the fall.  It's the entertaining of the thoughts of a future fall that begin the process that eventually leads to the fall.  It's in these moments when we may have thoughts of returning and/or recalling or thinking about the temporary pleasure from past PMO falls that we need to laugh at these temptations and urges and swat them away.  This helps to make strong the mind and thought process, it nips the temptations and urges in the bud, so these temptations and urges can't later turn into an avalanche that leads to a fall to PMO. 

« Last Edit: April 01, 2019, 10:48:33 AM by Rex »
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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #43 on: April 02, 2019, 09:46:21 AM »
Day 190:

Not much to say today, I will continue the vigilance and my daily prayer life and will continue to move forward. I want to thank God again for allowing me to reach 190 days, I couldn't have done it without God. And thanks to all on the board for your prayers, encouragement, and friendship it's gotten me through some very difficult and tough days.


Thoughts of the day:

1) Giving into the temporary pleasure of PMO leads to slavery to PMO. True liberation of mind, body, and spirit is being free of PMO.

2) The reboot is not easy, but it's worth the suffering encountered during it.  Remember no matter how bad the temptations, urges, body aches, and other symptoms get during the reboot process never forget you are healing.  Don't be too hard on yourself and don't push too hard to speed up the recovery, just stay free from PMO and everything will fall into place.  Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day, it's going to take some time to heal the mind, body, and soul.  Keep moving forward and don't look back.

Rex
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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #44 on: April 03, 2019, 08:50:16 AM »
Day 191:

Energy level = 0%  A new supplement/herb to my doctor prescribed cocktail of antibiotics and natural supplements has me feeling like a truck ran over me.  The nausea and discomfort and weakness are terrible, just another fun day fighting Lyme disease.  Adding to the mix I have been hit with bad temptations and urges this morning on the PMO front. These temptations and urges always seem to hit when I am at my worst physically and am really taking a beating from Lyme.  It's as if the devil takes pleasure in tormenting me with temptation when I am at my worst physically.  However I swatted those temptations and urges away and remain more vigilant than ever.  I was also so weak and tired last night I only was able to complete 1 1/2 Rosaries instead of the normal 3 Rosaries, so that usually weakens me spiritually when I don't do the normal 3 Rosaries a day.  Never-the-less I am still PMO free and will continue to remain vigilant.

There are those days that seem so dark, today is one of them but I know in all of this suffering that God will get me through these dark days and eventually I will permanently turn the corner to beating this Lyme disease with His healing.


Thoughts of the day:

1) PMO is never an option

2) PMO first comes in appearance as a friend, but then turns into a conquerer and enslaver of the mind, body, and soul.  PMO is the ultimate Trojan horse that's only aim is our total destruction.



     
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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #45 on: April 03, 2019, 09:56:19 AM »
Rex, that was an inspirational post-thanks!  Hopefully that fighting spirit can flow to those of us who read your post.  I also think your description of the battle that wages in the unseen realm was quite apt. 

The thoughts of the day that you listed are so basic yet so true and it is good to be reminded of them.  Keep on trucking friend. 

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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #46 on: April 26, 2019, 08:17:52 AM »
Rex, that was an inspirational post-thanks!  Hopefully that fighting spirit can flow to those of us who read your post.  I also think your description of the battle that wages in the unseen realm was quite apt. 

The thoughts of the day that you listed are so basic yet so true and it is good to be reminded of them.  Keep on trucking friend.

Jixu,

Thanks for the compliments and words of encouragement.  I really appreciate it.

Rex
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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #47 on: April 26, 2019, 03:05:59 PM »
Day 214:

Reboot Update: I can't believe it's now been 214 days or 7 months and 2 days that I have been free from PMO.  Earlier this morning I fired up an old MacBook Air that I had not used at in long time looking for some old files.  I deleted any porn or suggestive pictures off of this laptop several months ago.  I used the web browser on this laptop this morning and noticed I still had a few porn related bookmarks listed in the browser, my first reaction was to go to the edit bookmarks and delete all the bookmarks in the browser.  And without even a second thought, Poof, these old bookmarks were gone in less than 20 seconds when I deleted them all. There were no second thoughts, deleting them was my preferred action from the bottom of my heart.  I am using this example to illustrate how the reboot over time changes the thought process to where your first inclination is to do the right thing and stay away from porn or anything that leads to it. For anyone out there struggling it gets easier over time, much easier.  So stick with the program and keep moving forward and remain vigilant.  For me the prayer life has been a core ingredient to my recovery, the three Rosaries a day have given me the grace to stay away from PMO.

Health Update: My health has been slowly improving, I still struggle with the symptoms of Lyme.  After 4-5 months on antibiotics I came to realize they were only making me sicker. Had some rough days earlier in the month. I ditched the antibiotics about 2 1/2 weeks ago and will stick with a healthy gluten-free, sugar free, and cheese free detox diet along with taking natural supplements to boast my immune system which the illness and the antibiotics have wrecked.  Once my immune system improves it should be able to kick the Lyme bacteria out of my body along with the Lyme co-infections in my body.   

Thoughts of the day:

1) Don't worry about how you feel during the reboot process it will get easier over time, the benefits of being free from PMO take a while to show up.  It's like the seasons, you have to go through fall and winter before you reach spring.

2) There's no turning back, PMO offers you nothing.  When the temptations and urges hit, don't think about the enticement of PMO, instead focus on how bad you felt in the past after you fell into PMO.   
« Last Edit: April 26, 2019, 03:09:48 PM by Rex »
Rex
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BigMog

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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #48 on: April 27, 2019, 03:12:19 PM »
Hi Rex, thanks for the updates and thoughts. Great work with the reboot and I hope the recovery from Lyme disease continues. You really have my respect in having the toughness to be winning these two battles.
The seasons analogy works for me  as well. Sometimes, even in the spring we get days that are gloomy, windy and rainy, but we have to get through them the best we can and enjoy the sunshine when it comes.
Keep strong.

Rex

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Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« Reply #49 on: May 13, 2019, 09:22:01 AM »
Hi Rex, thanks for the updates and thoughts. Great work with the reboot and I hope the recovery from Lyme disease continues. You really have my respect in having the toughness to be winning these two battles.
The seasons analogy works for me  as well. Sometimes, even in the spring we get days that are gloomy, windy and rainy, but we have to get through them the best we can and enjoy the sunshine when it comes.
Keep strong.

BigMog,

Many thanks for you words of encouragement and support.  Since my last post there have been ups and downs however the ups are becoming a little more frequent and downs little less frequent.  So that's a big step in the right direction for me.


Day 231:

Reboot Update: I am continuing on auto pilot, the temptations and urges no longer have the power they once had.  It's now second nature to stay clean.  The temptations seem to get more clever in some respects, with strange rationals that hit the brain randomly.  I immediately see them for what they are and just swat those temptations away and they are gone, there's no longer the long term dwelling on the temptations or urges like I did before, I swat them away and they are gone.  I am continuing to remain vigilant and continue the daily prayer life which includes praying 3 Rosaries a day.


Thoughts of the day:

1) The fall to PMO doesn't usually occur when it happens, no, actually it happens before that, sometimes long before that.  The fall begins as soon as you begin to rationalize in your brain the fall to PMO.  This can be a day or week, or even months before the fall.  Don't ever rationalize a fall to PMO since once you have agreed to it in your thoughts, the fall will soon arrive.  And if you have already rationalized the fall in your thoughts but haven't fallen yet, change your thoughts right now and say "no way, it's not going to happen" and reverse the thought process. 

2) One of the main reasons many of us fell into PMO in the first place are due to those feelings of worthlessness, or just feeling down about circumstances that are out of our control.  PMO tricked all of us into believing it offered us some relief from these and the stresses of our lives.  However as we soon discovered that PMO was trickery, it was too late we were badly addicted.  One of the ways to heal from PMO is to stop worrying about the day-to-day setbacks and stresses and put these problems and setbacks in God's hands.  And when those thoughts of worthlessness hit, remember we are all made in God's image and likeness and no matter what He loves us and cares for us more than we can fathom.

... 
« Last Edit: May 13, 2019, 09:25:06 AM by Rex »
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