Author Topic: 38 Days Tonight with No Porn  (Read 1769 times)

Rex

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Re: 38 Days Tonight with No Porn
« Reply #25 on: January 12, 2019, 02:08:22 PM »
Day 10 hard mode.  Despite the persistent discomfort down south, I've slept better than usual the last few nights. maybe due to reduced anxiety or just cutting out MO has made for a more peaceful routine before bed.  Anyone else had the same experience?  Sleeping any better at night as an upside to our daytime battle within?

J.

It's very hard the "no PMO" route at first but it gets easier as time goes by.  In my experience going cold turkey on PMO is the only way to break free from porn.  The M or MO always leads back to P.  Congrats on reaching day 10, that's awesome.  You are doing great, keep up the great work!
« Last Edit: January 12, 2019, 02:10:22 PM by Rex »
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jthomas

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Re: 38 Days Tonight with No Porn
« Reply #26 on: January 17, 2019, 11:20:32 AM »
Thank you Rex.  One MO on day 11 due to overwhelming cravings, but back on track since.  Day 16 today.  Stress is a big trigger.  Two weeks with only 1 MO for me is an accomplishment.  Trying for at least another two weeks to make it a month with only 1 MO. Still going for the hard 90, but my focus is on the shorter term for sanity reasons. As you and others have mentioned,  it's the hardest at first, but gets easier over time.

This is a nagging challenge for sure.  The cravings insert in thoughts throughout the day but are the strongest at night.  Trying to put more energy in more worthwhile activities.  I'm still sleeping notably better despite the cravings while awake.
Thanks again for your supporting words.

jthomas

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Re: 38 Days Tonight with No Porn
« Reply #27 on: February 02, 2019, 09:50:49 AM »
Hey folks, I have some good news to share.  Day 32 of no PMO and only 1 MO about 3 weeks ago. I was able to make love to my wife. 

For the first time in years, I as able to finish what we started.  For the first time in memory, my arousal and orgasm were focused only on her and not on fantasy.  We both felt it was a fulfilling and beautiful expression of love.

I have a long way to go before I feel whole again sexually and I still fight the unhealthy cravings, but they aren't as strong and don't have the same hold on me they did a month ago.    To say it's been a challenging journey is to put it mildly, but I feel very fortunate to start seeing positive results.  My goal is profound positive change in my life and this recent success with my wife is evidence that change is coming as long as I stay the course. 

J.


jthomas

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Re: 38 Days Tonight with No Porn
« Reply #28 on: February 14, 2019, 07:48:59 PM »
43 days in hard mode. On the verge of relapse.  Toes on the edge of the proverbial cliff. Been a very stressful/exhausting work week.  couldn't sleep last night, the cravings to view porn were so bad.  My emotional side has been relentless the last few days, the rational side is almost giving in. Thanks for any words of encouragement.

J.

Rex

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Re: 38 Days Tonight with No Porn
« Reply #29 on: February 21, 2019, 06:36:26 PM »
43 days in hard mode. On the verge of relapse.  Toes on the edge of the proverbial cliff. Been a very stressful/exhausting work week.  couldn't sleep last night, the cravings to view porn were so bad.  My emotional side has been relentless the last few days, the rational side is almost giving in. Thanks for any words of encouragement.

J.

jthomas,

Hang in there you can do it.  Remember no matter how bad the urges get, they will pass.  It's going to get easier as the more days pass by.  When those urges hit hard, pray and also try to remain busy to keep your mind focused on something constructive.  I'll pray for you.

Keep up the great work your doing great!
 



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jthomas

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Re: 38 Days Tonight with No Porn
« Reply #30 on: April 06, 2019, 02:37:52 PM »
6 weeks in relapse.  Anxiety is almost unmanageable. Looking for strength to start the 90 day hard mode again.  Made it 43 days first/last attempt.  Need to find more discipline for the exercise/meditation this time. 

jixu

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Re: 38 Days Tonight with No Porn
« Reply #31 on: April 06, 2019, 02:55:49 PM »
Hi!  Looking forward to hearing about your next long streak.  Starting back up again is the right move-you know from past experience that when you are clean the anxiety is lessened.  Get going again and the stability will return.  You have done awesome in the past-don't be too hard on yourself right now.  It is worth it !

jthomas

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Re: 38 Days Tonight with No Porn
« Reply #32 on: May 05, 2019, 01:02:03 PM »
Thanks to everyone for the positive responses.  I'm currently at day 31 no porn.  I think I've MO'd once in the past 3 weeks which is huge improvement for me.   I feel like I'm becoming a veteran of sorts with repeated runs at the 90 day plan, but have yet to make it the first 2 months.   My driving reality is that going back to porn will always result in crippling social anxiety for me. 

A month ago I had to leave a store in a quiet hurry for no reason other than my social anxiety was taking over me.  The only problem was in my head.  When I let the emotional porn craving side of my brain have it's way, the rational positive side of my brain can only handle it for so many weeks before the internal conflict overcomes me.

Thanks again for everyone's support.  It means everything.

J.






workinprogressUK

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Re: 38 Days Tonight with No Porn
« Reply #33 on: May 06, 2019, 06:20:14 AM »
Wishing you every success with this installment, JT. With 31 days logged so far, and qualified successes before that, you have great foundations and experiences to build on. Do you have a really clear picture of what triggers your anxiety; how to avoid those things to the best extent possible and what to do when something inevitably pops? Certainly reads like you need to work on getting to the bottom of that anxiety as an "unresolved issue", at the same time as fighting against P. Something's definitely making it difficult for you there.

jthomas

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Re: 38 Days Tonight with No Porn
« Reply #34 on: May 26, 2019, 12:50:32 PM »
Thanks for the feedback workinprogressUK.  52 days, no porn.  Maybe 3-4 times MO generally weeks apart.  Finding erections sometimes painful now and hoping that's normal for some people.  Attraction to my wife is minimal.  She's significantly overweight and I can't seem to get past that.  I am too somewhat so I can't judge from that standpoint, you know you just can't force attraction.

Is anyone else experiencing sometimes painful erections in the shaft? (sorry for the graphic question)

J.
« Last Edit: May 26, 2019, 02:07:16 PM by jthomas »

cranm329

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Re: 38 Days Tonight with No Porn
« Reply #35 on: May 26, 2019, 07:38:50 PM »
Hi J
Check that you aren't starting Peyronie's disease. Painful thickening and tightness of part of the shaft fascia connective tissue. It is treatable but best get it checked early.. don't be embarrassed. Well done going nearly 8 weeks with no P.
« Last Edit: May 26, 2019, 07:43:42 PM by cranm329 »

jthomas

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Re: 38 Days Tonight with No Porn
« Reply #36 on: June 09, 2019, 09:08:17 PM »
Day 66 and no porn.

Thanks cranm329. No symptoms like that.  The painful erections have subsided mostly but anxiety is still a big problem. I'm seeing a social worker and considering a psychiatrist/medication as well but hope it doesn't come to that.

I'm hoping the strong anxiety is in large part due to my eliminating the porn crutch I've relied on for almost 40 years.  My life is generally good, but like a lot of folks, I do have many stresses between work and family. 

I currently have very little desire to watch porn which is a relief, but my libido has a hypersensitive reaction when I see pretty young women in public.  I very much want to move on and leave this burden behind.  Beyond a normal healthy appreciation for attractive women, I want to see them as just people without the strong desire.  That's not who I am or at least not who I want to be. I am fundamentally a moral and caring person. 

I think it will likely take me more than 90 days to really rewire my brain for healthier sexual cravings.  Time will tell.

If anyone else is experiencing high anxiety well into a 90 day plan, I appreciate your sharing your story.  If there's a link to an existing post regarding this, also, thanks for sharing.

J.




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Re: 38 Days Tonight with No Porn
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