Author Topic: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"  (Read 17066 times)

nomox3

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Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« Reply #25 on: January 30, 2015, 11:17:05 PM »
Check out a book called "the five love languages" By Gary D Chapman. It's a way to speak love to your wife in a language she will receive it. She Can read it too, and it will help with this issue.

ntg

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Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« Reply #26 on: January 31, 2015, 09:52:03 AM »
This is something I've been really thinking about quite a bit recently.  I've been involved in the whole PUA community and wondering just how important looks really are (to both sexes) and if there is a difference to what we're both attracted to.

I read a book by W. Anton that really shed some light on this whole subject.

From an evolutionary point of view, men are hard-wired to be attracted to womens' bodies, because it is how they choose a woman who will have the most success in bearing children and remaining alive and healthy afterwards.  What men consider hot (warning, skip to next paragraph, as these will be triggers: perky breasts, slender bodies, youthful looking face, etc.)

are really just indicators of the most healthy females to reproduce with.  Back in early times, before all the technology we take for granted today, there were no doctor reports on whether or not a woman had a disease, whether or not a woman could or could not have children, etc. So men relied upon what a woman's body looked like in order to guage her suitability for reproduction.  Another factor here is that technology is keeping people alive that would normally have died back in these times as well.  We now have electricity, indoor & outdoor plumbing (most countries), don't have to hunt for our own food - but can get it at the supermarket, etc.  All of these conveniences mean that people who are not in the best shape physically, are surviving just fine, because they are not required to do much; however, even though this is the case now, for most of our history, this has not been the case, and it's like our brains are struggling to catch up, so men are still attracted to womens' bodies.  It is not because they are shallow, not because they are not open-minded, etc. this is a natural evolutionary causation - it's hard-wired into males to be attracted to womens' bodies, period.

Most of society says men should be more like women these days, afterall, women are not concerned with mens' bodies or looks that much, but look deeper into what a man's personality and behaviors are.  This sounds like solid advice, until you begin to understand that women are hard-wired to be attracted to this exact thing from men.  The reason is that men do not give birth to babies - so, women for most of history, did not care about men's bodies, but rather their willingness and capability to protect and keep them and their offspring safe.  Men were the ones who were responsible to keep women and their children safe from predators, from other men who wanted what they had, from men who wanted to take their woman, etc.  Women therefore naturally began to select men based upon their confident demeanor, which translated into their ability to take care of them.  Women, to this day, still look for confident men, and it's not because they are any less shallow than men, but rather because it's what has proved to show the most suitable men to reproduce with, in order to have protection and safety for them and their offspring.  Thus, what turns women on, is not a guy's legs, or his body in general, but rather the way he acts, and how confident he appears to be.  Women are turned on to things that signify a suitable sexual partner, the same way men are.

Now, what really complicates things nowadays is that women and babies are not really in any real threat anymore.  They live in houses, they can call the cops, they can shop at a grocery store, etc.  Men and their abilities is not really needed anymore, so society says that we need to make men more like women, because their particular strengths are not necessary any longer.  What they fail to realize however is that when something goes wrong (and it always does), they will not have any men to depend upon, because they are all being feminized by society at large.  Women complain these days, "where are all the real men at"?  Well, to answer that question, look at how many young boys and men in general are being socialized to be more feminine.  They are told not to be so violent, they are told as boys not to play with weapons, but rather try barbie dolls, etc.  Men still have this drive to protect and conquer, because that is what they are born for, but society would have them brainwashed to believe they hold no value in this mindset, and thus must adopt a mindset that is more based upon harmony, cooperation, and congruence.

So, this kind of a post reminds me of all of these things, and how utterly lost most men really are, and I feel I must put down these thoughts, because these are things society does not like to talk about.  Women do age, and become less attractive physically; men do go through life crises, and become less confident in themselves for a time.  I think the key is for both sexes to understand what the other one is attracted to and do their best to keep themselves attractive for the other.  For men to work solely on their bodies in the gym, and to neglect making their women feel cherieshed and loved and taken care of, will only push women away.  For women to neglect working on their bodies, and only focus on making herself a better person internally, will only push men away.  We must learn what the other sex needs, and view ourselves from that perspective, in order to remain attractive to them.

I hope this helps to clarify some things.


Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm. -Winston Churchill

Gracie

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Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« Reply #27 on: February 01, 2015, 09:38:22 AM »
I find it very interesting that in the prior comment it was stated that women get older and less attractive physically but when men age they encounter life crises.  Really?  Men do not get less attractive?  Even if you do go back to prehistoric times and the protector role, men were committed to their family.  They took care of them.  They communicated with them.  There was no TV, computers, lights other rooms to be warm in.  It was the man and his family and his family was enough for him.  Once porn gets in, men tend to ignore their family, they change.  They do not participate as fully in their lives, that is the problem.  Men can be monogamous.  They can take care of their family and be there for them emotionally and physically.  And I know this will shock you but women like variety as well, we enjoy trying something new.  Men are not the only creatures with a sex drive.  Our only purpose is not to have babies and cook and clean. 
And when you talk about men being feminized, maybe you should look at the culture giving men a pass on fatherhood.  There is a lot of evidence for men "spreading their seed"  and then riding off into the sunset.  They do this because they do not choose a long term partner they choose someone to have sex with.  Our society here in the US has stepped up and provided social service to provide for these children who have an absent or unknown dad.  So if you want to man up, be there for all the seed you spread.

ntg

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Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« Reply #28 on: February 01, 2015, 10:41:11 AM »
I find it very interesting that in the prior comment it was stated that women get older and less attractive physically but when men age they encounter life crises.  Really?  Men do not get less attractive?

My whole statement is that women base attractiveness (primarily) upon a man's behaviors, so physical attractiveness was irrelevant.  I addressed mens' attractiveness waning in the sense that they are not there for their partner.  Obviously there is some attraction to men on a physical basis, just as there is some attraction to women from men, on a basis of their personality; but the primary attractor for men is womens' bodies, and the primary attractor for women is mens' confidence and being able to take care of women.



Even if you do go back to prehistoric times and the protector role, men were committed to their family.  They took care of them.  They communicated with them.  There was no TV, computers, lights other rooms to be warm in.  It was the man and his family and his family was enough for him.


In caveman days, there is actually more of a prevelence of men not being monogamous than there is today.  In prehistoric times, humans dwealt mainly in hunter-gatherer tribes, and the man that was in charge basically could do as he pleased (he was the leader, responsible for hunting game, protecting the tribe, etc.) thus women wanted to mate with this leader, because it better ensured they would survive the harsh realities of the time.  Thus, women competed on a regular basis to be aligned with this leader (alpha male personality if you will), and this is why women still are wired to look for such men (judged by their confident demeanor nowadays). In addition, other competitive males were constantly trying to mate with the most desireable females of the tribe, so men had to protect their own interests while at the same time leading the tribe.  The main idea in a hunter-gatherer tribe was competition for what the other one had.  Males wanted to be the leader, females wanted to mate with the leader to ensure their survival and protection.  Blaming the problem of sexual inexclusivity on technology is just not based in fact.


Once porn gets in, men tend to ignore their family, they change.  They do not participate as fully in their lives, that is the problem.

I'm not saying porn is not a problem.  I do believe however, that a lot of guys get into porn in the first place, because of this socialization of making them unprepared to be men.  What man would rather LOOK at a woman (on a video, in a magazine, on the internet) instead of actually physically making love to them?  Obviously none.  You will likely make the argument that men get started on porn as boys, and get introduced to it before they are men, to which I will counter that if their parents/guardians were being true men, no porn would be present in the first place.


Men can be monogamous.  They can take care of their family and be there for them emotionally and physically.  And I know this will shock you but women like variety as well, we enjoy trying something new.  Men are not the only creatures with a sex drive.  Our only purpose is not to have babies and cook and clean.

I never said anything of the sort.  I never said females' sex drive was any less intense than males.  I do think society tries to keep women from showing it, because they are labeled "bad" or "naughty" for simply having desires and wanting to do what's natural.  In the same way that society tries to control men, it also tries to control women.  It's not good in the least.

And when you talk about men being feminized, maybe you should look at the culture giving men a pass on fatherhood.  There is a lot of evidence for men "spreading their seed"  and then riding off into the sunset.  They do this because they do not choose a long term partner they choose someone to have sex with.  Our society here in the US has stepped up and provided social service to provide for these children who have an absent or unknown dad.  So if you want to man up, be there for all the seed you spread.

Many men are settling for women they do not really want; I know I'm not going to be popular stating this, but it's the absolute truth.  Because men are no longer taught how to actually attract women, and their confidence is socialized away by making them doubt their masculinity, men are afraid to approach women they actually really want.  I'm not saying this is or is not true in any specific case, all I'm saying is that it is true for a majority of men in society.  If you don't believe me, do a simple search for a pickup artist community forum, and read the plethora of men posting, asking for advice in how to actually get to know women.  These are the men who actually are TRYING to get better at this.  Many don't even try, they feel it's impossible to learn, and so they approach and have relations with women that are not the ones that they really desire, because they feel they're not really worthy of those women.  Like I said, I know I'm going to get a ton of flack for stating this, but anyone who reads this, instead of getting angry and immediately denying this is the truth, do a little research first.

Am I saying that men are excused for being absent when they have created a child?  Absolutely not.  One problem with men is that they have no real responsibility any more, and are not held to the status they should be held to, as the providers and protectors...however, society would not want to differentiate gender differences, that would be plain wrong, so men really have no reason to be a man anymore, and so most do not worry about it unfortunately.

These things are very complex topics in society.  These issues have been going on for a very long time.


Sources:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monogamy
http://karlwhitfield.me/2013/04/25/love-sex-and-monogamy-in-paleolithic-times-and-today/
http://healthland.time.com/2013/07/30/the-reason-for-monogamy-researchers-disagree/


Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm. -Winston Churchill

willspbr87

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Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« Reply #29 on: February 10, 2015, 08:35:42 PM »
I figured this issue out recently. I'm new to relationships, and I remember I got shocked when I saw my first girlfriend naked. Differently from the women I used to see in porn pictures and the hookers I used to go out with, she was overweight and didn't have any butt, and I remember I found that body really repulsive. It was with her that I experienced the most serious ED I've ever had, from which I'm still recovering from. When I broke up with her, I thought I wouldn't experience any ED if I picked up a pretty girl to have sex with, but it turns out that I picked up a pretty hooker soon after that and I had a lot of difficulty in keeping my dick up after penetration. I didn't feel any pleasure in penetrating her, and that's when I realized something was wrong with me. How could I, who used to be turned on by seeing women wearing bikinis, have such a turn off by actually having sex with an attractive girl?

After seeing a lot of stuff from YBOP and relating them to my experiences with porn consumption, I'm pretty conscious that porn has made me see a woman's body with a critical eye. For me, an attractive woman should have big breasts, big nipples, big butt, tiny waist and no belly fat. Recently, I could even notice things like cellulites, excessive makeup, dark circles around the eyes... and by focusing myself in such minor flaws like those, I couldn't find any girl attractive anymore!

But now, after starting the no PMO challenge, I'm experiencing a gradual change in the way I see my current girlfriend. Her body is prettier than of my first girlfriend's, but is still far from my delusional ideal of a female body. We've been dating for a little more than 1 month, which is the same time I've been in the noo PMO challenge. I feel that now, even though I relapsed one time (before joining this forum), I'm stopping to get bothered by the imperfections of her body, and consequently, I'm starting to like her more each day. What a realization!


Last streak: 61 days without PMO

Check my jornal: http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=3439.0

olafthewise

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Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« Reply #30 on: May 21, 2015, 07:00:37 PM »
wow! there's a lot to be said here.
My wife is thin(er) and she always wants to say she hates her body. I am indifferent to her losing any, I just want her to exercise to stay healthy. I lost my gut to impress me. I have the best muscled body of most 52 year olds.
 I can say this; clothing does make a difference. Tight jeans do to. Although I have always been attracted to thin women, I cannot see myself (if I was ever available) to be with a (plump?) woman. I also think older women look different in any swim suit and so I opt for the palm springs private pool villa where she can be nude in the sun. (unfortunately she does not accommodate me...ever). I opt for total nudity or the g-string underwear for sexy ness for my wife. There's something liberating and good looking for a woman who is older and nude. I have no complaints for my wife when she is nude.
Unfortunately, she is body-conscious and refuses to be nude for me and is indifferent to my sexual needs and blames me for her not wanting a sexual connection. Thus the porn problems which are in remission for now. I have no other thing to say here except that dopamine in the brain control our addictions.

double trouble

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Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« Reply #31 on: June 10, 2015, 11:18:34 AM »
:o

olafthewise

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Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« Reply #32 on: June 12, 2015, 05:15:02 PM »
well, as Forest Gump says, "one less thing." fitness is my drug. So is 15 minute sunbathing. To be more healthy we went to near no sugar in the house. Coffee, tea, oatmeal, protein drinks are all laced with stevia instead of sugar. Coconut is also a good way to lose weight. read about it. I love my wife's body and I want to drink her sexuality up. sadly though, she is a prude, a bad one too. Unfortunately sex starvation (7 days) is the best way for her to perform.
I used to desire her to be tan in summer too. Then she got on this skin cancer thing and refuses to sunbathe at all...unless its a weekend, goes to the pool with kids and tries to get in a weeks worth of sun in one sitting. luckily she hasn't burned. I sunbathe 2 to 3 times per week and maintain a balanced glow. The sun is good for my depression.
So if your wife wants to lose a lot of weight fast, eliminate white bread, sugar, and all sweetened things in your home. Then start running about 5 to 6 times per week 2 miles per day, and do weight training 3 days per week.
If not, well, keep your weight on.
My wife has started and stopped her "fitness" thing on DVD twice this year. Last year, 3-4 times. She has not stamina with sickness, injuries etc.
I just like her nude anytime or place and since I am sex starved and she is a "prude gatekeeper," I can only get so much. It is a boring sex life. Porn is a way to settle depression for me. I rarely view it, but even so, that is still a problem. Being unemployed and lacking money doesn't help either. If I succeed to not view porn, I am a hero since there is nothing to replace it.

lilred

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Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« Reply #33 on: March 19, 2016, 12:33:38 PM »
Why do you men just look at the outwards appearance? Cant you see behind your wifes eyes to her soul?  She is still just as beautiful as the day you met her.  The only thing that has changed is the way YOU SEE her.  You eyes have been filled with someone elses daughter online and probably chatting with sluts that make money off of you , and you go the nerve to say that she is letting herself go?????????  Fuck that!  I have kids and my body has taken a toll on me.  I have men coming on to me all of the time and could still have sex with any of them at any given moment if I chose to.  We do age, its a fact of life and you should probably look in the mirror instead of the camera on your computers before you start bad mouthing your wifes body.  This is even more shameful than your private sex lives!  How can you sleep at night even thinking like this.  While you are getting your rocks off on some teenage or young girl, you should think about if it were your daughter that someone was looking at and chatting with online. 
« Last Edit: March 19, 2016, 04:44:18 PM by Gabe Deem »

Brooklyn Jerry

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Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« Reply #34 on: March 21, 2016, 11:17:20 PM »
 Lilred, I guess men are like this because we are dogs. You hit they nail on the head about us looking at the young girls on the videos and in the cam girl rooms, when we have members of our family of the same age.I am a old fart even though I don't feel like one. I am sure no 20 year old would want to be with me unless I had two handfuls of cash .  Same goes for the strip clubs,  I am sure when the girls are with some of the gross looking guys there they must have to laugh under their breath as they take the cash.

lilred

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Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« Reply #35 on: March 22, 2016, 09:58:49 AM »
You are right Brooklyn Jerry, I see it all of the time.  My daughter dont even have to have sex with a man for him to start paying her rent, buy her a car, clothes, etc.  These are all old men and I taught her well.  If they are gonna be a pervert, take their money and never offer anything in return but a smile.  She can get whatever she wants and never put out for it nor send any naked pics.  I have always been honest with my kids about sex and men or women because I didnt ever want them involved with what all I have been thru.  People accuse her of doing something but she does NOTHING.  Women can work a man if they want.  I could do that but I choose not to.  I only want a faithful loving man.  I have one and when he gets thru this we will ride the wind.  Even now, if I were single again, I would take my own advice that I gave her.  Most men only see women as objects any way. 

Loleekins

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Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« Reply #36 on: March 22, 2016, 12:50:16 PM »
If it's not one thing, it's another with this issue.

Gabe once said that what he was looking at in porn wasn't even close to how attractive his gf was. Same case here.

I used to model. I know I'm attractive. I got scouted by an agent of John Casablancas back in the day. Quite a deal. They had their hands on Christie Brinkley, Stephanie Seymour, Linda Evangelista etc. at the time. (Casablancas now is not the same, it has fallen today, avoid avoid avoid.)

Don't get me wrong, I'm not conceited in the least. I did nothing to get the way I look. It's nothing to be proud of. It's a genetic roll of the dice I didn't have a damn thing to do with. It's not an accomplishment, and nothing I worked for, but I'm honest, and no fool. I realize how 'the world' values it, even though I see it as nothing.

My SO looked at the freakshow. He wasn't interested in attractive. He didn't seek out perfect. He sought out gross. His searches included terms that would boggle you. It's what he got off to. And it looked absolutely nothing like me.

Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities --- Voltaire

lilred

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Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« Reply #37 on: March 23, 2016, 03:27:23 PM »
some of the stuff I found was gross too.  Im sorry for what you have been thru Loleekins.  I am breaking

malando

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Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« Reply #38 on: May 15, 2016, 02:21:13 PM »
You are right Brooklyn Jerry, I see it all of the time.  My daughter dont even have to have sex with a man for him to start paying her rent, buy her a car, clothes, etc.  These are all old men and I taught her well.  If they are gonna be a pervert, take their money and never offer anything in return but a smile.  She can get whatever she wants and never put out for it nor send any naked pics.  I have always been honest with my kids about sex and men or women because I didnt ever want them involved with what all I have been thru.  People accuse her of doing something but she does NOTHING.  Women can work a man if they want.  I could do that but I choose not to.  I only want a faithful loving man.  I have one and when he gets thru this we will ride the wind.  Even now, if I were single again, I would take my own advice that I gave her.  Most men only see women as objects any way.

This is one of the most depressing posts I've ever read. Do you really think like this? And you've taught your daughter to think this way too?

olafthewise

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Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« Reply #39 on: May 25, 2016, 01:33:12 PM »
To Lilred,

olafthewise

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Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« Reply #40 on: May 25, 2016, 01:49:02 PM »
To Lilred,
                I see your frustration. I see and I note your observational conclusions of most men. Here are the unfortunate facts; men are visual creatures and there is something to be said about unlimited internet nudity for a young teen. I have been there. The availability of constant, numerous nude pics of beautiful women is very much like heroin. Some here would say it is exactly like heroin. "Once you take a hit you are hooked." The science of porn on a mans brain, or male teenager, is very specific. 3 or 4 things going on at once; dopamine---too much, too often, no breaks, no morality, no realism, etc. Lilred, I have learned that as much as I have found a way to reduce my porn use by 90%, I cannot transfer this knowledge to others. people have different bodies, brains, backgrounds, etc. I simply cannot help anyone unless they listen to my logic here and practice what I am telling them.
Telling guys that looking at nude teen girls is sick, does not motivate them for anything. I agree with you that some older guys would give a pretty teen girl anything, cash, gifts, etc, without her ever having to have sex with him. Some guys are just lonely and willing to spend money for non-sex companionship.
Reality is that most guys have no idea as to what is going on in their brain during porn viewing. They like it and succumb to its vises, as slaves in our modern world, willing to pay to stay entertained from porn and just like in the movie "the Matrix," they stay plugged in, unable to disconnect and be free.
This is reality. You can't save them all. Try to save as many as you can.

fras

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Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« Reply #41 on: October 13, 2016, 05:28:36 AM »
i think you learn many things..........and you understand lots of things.............

aquarius25

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Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« Reply #42 on: October 13, 2016, 07:11:51 PM »
I think this thread is quite interesting to read. Lots of perspectives! I understand the concepts of men being providers and women being caretakers at a primal level. I will even admit that I feel that in myself, a natural urge to nurture others and one of the things I am attracted to in my husband is what a hard worker he is. I do think its a problem that our society is feminizing men to some degree. I see it in ads and movie previews and things. Women are starting to do and play more of the provider roles for sure! I am one of them. I started a company and now my husband and I work together in it. I weld/ fabricate right along side him. I even taught him to weld! I split wood myself to heat the house or we do it together. I even do powerlifting. I have had men tell me I should go back to the kitchen (I feel like I never left the kitchen, lol, cause I cook too). SO I see and understand people saying women are doing more but I don't know if I believe it either. I go back and forth on this.  100 yrs ago women still chopped wood. They still did all the things I am doing now, they just didn't get attention for it. When men tell me about their threatened masculinity that tells me they have conviction and maybe they should put that work in themselves instead of putting it on me.

A few years back I got cancer. I didn't look as great as I do now. My husband loved me everyday just as much as he does now. I truly believe that is the difference between infatuation and real love. Love is deeper than superficial, surface layer attraction. Love is created through experience together. Its through life happening. What I would say to the original poster is to focus on the history in your marriage. Think back to the times you have shared. Why would you want to focus on her flaws when she has walk beside you and shared her life with you? Its just sad. When your superficial you loose. I could see a super "hot" guy and if his noes is weird he could be butt ugly to me no matter how many muscles he has. Looks are so tricky and a rabbit hole that marriage has no room for. Everyone looses when you just focus on looks. Try to see more. It sure would be sad if she treated you with the same critical eye that your are putting on her. We all have flaws, including all of us!

olafthewise

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Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« Reply #43 on: October 28, 2016, 01:23:45 PM »
Facts, facts everything on facts.
Fact: we all are here to justify or explain our porn habits that need to stop. Any other "thing" is fluff and not relevant.
However,
fact: my wife is over 50.
Fact: my feelings/opinion of her body are different than her own opinions of her body (or mine). Ok?
Fact: In bed at night, I am not interested in her unless she is nude. She has surprisingly discovered this. If she wants my attention, it will have to involve a little more nudity. Its just me. Facts about me, my feelings, my situation, etc.
Any porn relapse I may have (very few these days) needs to stay at the most minimum. This is MY struggle not hers. My opinion about her will change if I view porn. This is also a fact for me. therefore, the last fact;
porn is bad for everything.

carry on my friend.

Pridezero

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Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« Reply #44 on: August 10, 2017, 11:17:43 PM »
Find content like this for a long time