Author Topic: You could have done it long ago  (Read 17155 times)

shake19

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #25 on: March 22, 2014, 03:47:46 AM »
Day 17th - still totally clean.
It is my 3rd weekend without P/M/O and 17th day of total reboot.

Finally I feel that urges has started to calm down.
My mind is much more clean than a few weeks ago, very rarely I see some arousing images in my mind but they have no such strength than those before.
Everyday I feel better with myself, I am slowly losing my inferiority complexes which is great.

Even though it seems to be easier to fight PMO now than before I still must be careful about my mind - I am aware that cravings may come back in any time and I must be ready to take control over it.

Again, I wouldn't do it without this forum and I am very grateful to people like you to make a huge change in my life.

Usually I am against any Internet social life but this forum is so great that it really made my life much better.
PMO used to be one of my biggest problem and now I am breaking free from this and wish the same to all y'all!

lte

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #26 on: March 22, 2014, 02:16:25 PM »
Were glad to have you here. Just keep going, the road gets easier ahead.


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Remember, porn and masturbation are never the reward. Freedom from porn and masturbation is the reward

shake19

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #27 on: March 25, 2014, 01:20:56 PM »
Day 20th - clean.

I had very hard cravings on Sunday (I guess because of my hangover after Saturday) and I even took a peek at some chicks on the Internet but I stopped very suddenly - like in 1 minute I realised that it will push me to want more which will ruin my reboot process. Even after only 1 minute I had urges to watch more and fantasies were coming around my mind. After 2 days it disappeared and again I feel free from any urges. As I didn't watch any P nor M, I didn't reset my counter. Now I am reaching my previous record of 21 days, so I decide to change my goal to infinity. I want to be clean of P / M forever.

How are your things? How are you doing?

lte

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #28 on: March 25, 2014, 05:43:28 PM »
Day 20th - clean.

I had very hard cravings on Sunday (I guess because of my hangover after Saturday) and I even took a peek at some chicks on the Internet but I stopped very suddenly - like in 1 minute I realised that it will push me to want more which will ruin my reboot process. Even after only 1 minute I had urges to watch more and fantasies were coming around my mind. After 2 days it disappeared and again I feel free from any urges. As I didn't watch any P nor M, I didn't reset my counter. Now I am reaching my previous record of 21 days, so I decide to change my goal to infinity. I want to be clean of P / M forever.

How are your things? How are you doing?
You done good.


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Remember, porn and masturbation are never the reward. Freedom from porn and masturbation is the reward

shake19

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #29 on: March 28, 2014, 05:16:38 AM »
Day 23rd - already passed my personal best!  ;D

Owing to this forum I was able to withstand clean from P/M/O for longer than I ever did.
Big thanks to Gabe Deem who had the courage to talk openly about the problem and who made such a community.

I feel amazing, my mind is clean, when I talk to people I am fully focused on the conversation. I do not have arousing images in my mind which were leading me previously to distraction and anxiety. I know that it is just the beginning of the route to freedom from P/M/O but I already see big changes and am very proud of them.

LTE, thank you for your invaluable help, even by all those small words - you really make me stronger and more confident in fighting the addiction.

I wish all the best to all y'all!

lte

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #30 on: March 28, 2014, 03:15:35 PM »
Day 23rd - already passed my personal best!  ;D

Owing to this forum I was able to withstand clean from P/M/O for longer than I ever did.
Big thanks to Gabe Deem who had the courage to talk openly about the problem and who made such a community.

I feel amazing, my mind is clean, when I talk to people I am fully focused on the conversation. I do not have arousing images in my mind which were leading me previously to distraction and anxiety. I know that it is just the beginning of the route to freedom from P/M/O but I already see big changes and am very proud of them.

LTE, thank you for your invaluable help, even by all those small words - you really make me stronger and more confident in fighting the addiction.

I wish all the best to all y'all!
It gets easier the longer you go.


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Remember, porn and masturbation are never the reward. Freedom from porn and masturbation is the reward

Charlie Marcotte

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #31 on: March 28, 2014, 03:57:34 PM »
Congrats on your long streak! Keep going strong. If emotional ups and downs hit, just remind yourself why you are doing this.
I've been totally PMO free for 1.5 years!

Also check out the YourBrainRebalanced RadioShow: https://soundcloud.com/yourbrainrebalancedshow

shake19

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #32 on: April 01, 2014, 11:58:36 AM »
Day 27th - clean

fugu, LTE thank you for kind words!

It starts to be very hard for last days. I have stronger urges than any time before. I was sneaking through some gossipy journals to see anything arousing but no porn. I know it is bad and it's breaking me as my brain flies around fantasies and pushes me to do something I don't want to, e.g. watch P or M.

I am very glad to have this journal and such a community. It didn't take long to find some encouraging words:
I will admit that there is occasional temptation , for sure. That is part of this choice we make to walk away from PMO.

Don't give in , read, meditate , socialize, music anything else! If you do , just climb right back up and start again, no beating yourself up.

I have to admit my brain is still addicted and I may need more time, even months to finally reboot and rewire my brain to the positive side.

As for now I have to fight and I cannot let my brain to sneak.

Keep your head up!
« Last Edit: April 01, 2014, 12:36:11 PM by shake19 »

lte

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #33 on: April 01, 2014, 01:04:44 PM »
Avoid anything that seems even slightly titillating.


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Remember, porn and masturbation are never the reward. Freedom from porn and masturbation is the reward

xc43

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #34 on: April 01, 2014, 02:23:16 PM »
Keep on fighting the good fight shake19! Don't forget that the real deal is around the corner and it will be much more satisfying than any substitute.

X

newguyneedschange

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #35 on: April 01, 2014, 02:59:10 PM »
Good job man, just like you my religious leaders are the only ones i've ever talked to about my problem and i've had several girlfriends that my PMOing was a secret to. I want out because this isn't something I want to take away my free will. Porn holds us down and tells us what we can and can't do. As a fellow Christian I know that Christ wants us to have free agency and I didn't realized for years that porn took that away from me.

Keyblade Keeper

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #36 on: April 02, 2014, 01:29:47 AM »
Hey gratz man, sounds like the reboot is going well. Sometimes I wish I was more religious because then I could talk to a priest about this but I haven't been to church since I was 9. Oh well.

Kaybee

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #37 on: April 03, 2014, 02:15:59 AM »
Hey gratz man, sounds like the reboot is going well. Sometimes I wish I was more religious because then I could talk to a priest about this but I haven't been to church since I was 9. Oh well.

Hey, it's never too late to go back! :D  And if you do want to talk from a religious perspective, there seems to be a fair number of Christians hanging around here.

I even took a peek at some chicks on the Internet but I stopped very suddenly - like in 1 minute I realised that it will push me to want more which will ruin my reboot process. Even after only 1 minute I had urges to watch more and fantasies were coming around my mind.

Wow, good job man! That's like an alcoholic opening up a bottle and putting it back down again. I definitely wouldn't have that kind of will power. 

shake19

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #38 on: April 04, 2014, 05:12:44 AM »
@LTE, after your simple words I was more confident to not look at anything even slightly arousing. I'll try to not experiment with my mind anymore, I must stay sure that any titillating images may ruin my state of mind. And for last days I really didn't look at any chicks intentionally. Thank you for your continous support, it means a lot to me.

@xc43, thank you for encouraging words, everyday out of PMO gives us something good that was hidden around the corner while we was in addiction. Now it's your move - beat my record. :)

@newguyneedschange,
Porn holds us down and tells us what we can and can't do.
The same words I heard in the confession and now I really see the meaning of them. Being free of PMO for almost a month shows me that porn was taking control over me and now I am the controller of my life. I wish you all the best and stay strong in the journey! Don't let me down.

@Keyblade Keeper, As kaybee said - it is never too late. I was out of Church for years and I came there like a few years ago. Firstly it was quite embarrassing because still I was very sceptical, but after some time I found a lot of wisdom and strength in the Church. Thank you for kind words, I feel like I am getting to the nice period of my life, the urges started to calm down.

@kaybee, thank you for your appreciation. You are definitely able to do the same as me. Don't be a victim of your own desires, take control over it and break free from the addiction, you'll see how beautiful can life be and how your confidence will boost up. Good luck!

Day 30th - totally clean!

Again, the massive thank you too all of you. I am pretty sure that I wouldn't do it without you as I tried many times before.
Fortunately my urges to watch something arousing decreased after a few days of fighting. I feel like I am entering the period of recovery and I know that it is important to not fall back because all the recovery will be pointless.

Changes that I see:
I am much more confident, my mind is more clear, I am happier.
Definitely it is easier now to focus on study or job while my mind is out of P.

The funny story was this night when I had a wet dream (sorry if it makes you disgusted but it happens when a man is out of PMO) and while still I was in a dream I felt the O and I thought to myself "Damn, I relapsed after so many days. I have to go to Rebootnation to say that I lost the April challenge and to say that I let down all of the people that supported me". But then I woke up and I realised it was just a [wet] dream and I am still out of PMO. It shows how strong is my mind related to this forum and that this forum is the first thing that I think of, even in a dream while getting into "relapse". As I do not consider wet dreams as a relapse I am still on a track, much stronger than at the beginning!

I wish you all the best! Stay strong.

somethingelse

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #39 on: April 05, 2014, 01:43:04 PM »
Hey Shake,

Congratulations on arriving at a month, that's a great achievement, keep up the brilliant work so far. One day at a time as I always hear. Now onto the next weeks.

Have a Blessed Day Shake

shake19

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #40 on: April 06, 2014, 10:30:09 AM »
@somethingelse, thank you and I wish the same for you!

Day 32nd - clean, but DAMN it's hard!

I think I just survived the toughest wave of urges ever since I started this reboot. I was looking for more and more exposing images, but still being in the field of at most bikinis. I was getting very close to the nudity which was appearing somewhere around my searching in Google Graphics, gossipy websites, instagrams etc. My mind was going crazy, my body started to shake. Damn, that's creepy! There was a fight in my mind which led me to switching between graphics and rebootnation like every 10 seconds. It lasted around 0,5 an hour.

But I survived it, took a few deep breaths, talked a bit to myself and stopped the process which could lead me to the relapse.
I am sitting proud now, stronger, listening to loud music and having some kind of "victory time" - no urges anymore.

I admit that my brain is still addicted and still has a sneaky way to lead me to some [even little] arousing images.
I can clearly determine my trigger - it was sitting alone in front of the computer, being too lazy to start writing my Masters thesis and at most: I permitted myself to take a peek at some girls in the Internet.
The good side of being over a month in no PMO is that I fought back the urges much faster than ever before and I do not have any "hangover" after such body-shaking. Before my reboot, even when I fought back the urges they were still somewhere in my mind for days and now they just dissapear! Damn, it's lovely!

Wish all the best to all y'all!
« Last Edit: April 06, 2014, 10:38:34 AM by shake19 »

lte

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #41 on: April 06, 2014, 01:18:49 PM »
You'll always be addicted.  It's how you deal with it that counts. It sounds like you are building the skills required to keep yourself I'm control. That's great news.


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xc43

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #42 on: April 07, 2014, 09:19:41 AM »
A month? That's great! You are on the right path my friend.

shake19

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #43 on: April 11, 2014, 06:32:34 AM »
LTE, I am very glad to have you here. Again your simple words became kind of my motto.

"You'll always be addicted.  It's how you deal with it that counts." ~LTE.

My example shows that it is definitely true. After 37 days, I still get very excited whenever I see anything even sligthly arousing or sometimes my mind force me to fantasise, so I can admit that I am an addict and probably I'll always be. BUT after 37 days I deal with all the cravings much better and easier than I did ever before. I am able to say NO whenever I start to fantasise and my penis start to react and I say NO in just a few seconds, maybe minutes. In the past it lasted even hours and the "hangover" after fighting with cravings also lasted very long, so I was becoming depressed. Now, after saying NO I do not have any hangover.

xc43, thank you for encouraging words. I wish you are on the same path as me (or else you'll have to pay 100$ for the Project :P).

Day 37th - clean

I feel very well, I've just started to feel a real control over myself. As I wrote above, I still have some urges to M / watch P, but now I am able to cut them off very quickly and without a big effort (or maybe without such a big effort as I had a month ago).
My mind - being clean of PMO - is much more stable, I do not have such a mood swings as I had before.
And of course - being proud of my reboot strike - I am much more confident than before and it is not only my feeling but it is also the opinion of other people who I met.

I wish you all the best! On my own experience I guarantee that it is one of the most worthy things we can do with our lifes.

VforVictory

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #44 on: April 12, 2014, 03:55:17 AM »
Awesome man!
37 days streak sounds so far-fetched for me, but I can't wait for the day I pass one month.
(I'll get there at the end of April Challenge)
Let's both come out as winners at the end of April!

shake19

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #45 on: April 13, 2014, 08:59:38 AM »
VforVictory, thank you for your words. You will definitely come to this point and for sure further! Unfortunately I lost this month's challenge as I M'd, but I wish you to become a winner, don't make my mistake. ;)

Day 39th - it's hard, but I am still in the game

It's kind of weird that 2 days ago I wrote about self-control and today I M'd even though of course I didn't want to. At least I was able to stop myself before getting to O or to watching P (I just watched some soft arousing pics). I am kind of ashamed of what I did but on the other hand I am happy that fortunately I stopped myself before getting to 'the point'. As there was no P nor O I don't reset my counter - let it be an exception. I am very glad of being member of this forum because it is the only place where I can tell about the problem which is very helpful.
I am confident to stay clean as from now and hope I didn't broke my reboot period too much.

I wish you all the best! Don't let your brain force you to do something you don't want to.
« Last Edit: April 13, 2014, 09:02:17 AM by shake19 »

lte

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #46 on: April 13, 2014, 09:52:55 AM »
VforVictory, thank you for your words. You will definitely come to this point and for sure further! Unfortunately I lost this month's challenge as I M'd, but I wish you to become a winner, don't make my mistake. ;)

Day 39th - it's hard, but I am still in the game

It's kind of weird that 2 days ago I wrote about self-control and today I M'd even though of course I didn't want to. At least I was able to stop myself before getting to O or to watching P (I just watched some soft arousing pics). I am kind of ashamed of what I did but on the other hand I am happy that fortunately I stopped myself before getting to 'the point'. As there was no P nor O I don't reset my counter - let it be an exception. I am very glad of being member of this forum because it is the only place where I can tell about the problem which is very helpful.
I am confident to stay clean as from now and hope I didn't broke my reboot period too much.

I wish you all the best! Don't let your brain force you to do something you don't want to.
It definitely sounds like progress.


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Kaybee

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #47 on: April 19, 2014, 05:12:02 AM »
Don't let your brain force you to do something you don't want to.

I like that, that's totally what it feels like sometimes.  Congratulations on stopping yourself from reaching for P. Again, I think that your will power is really inspiring. Keep it up! Cheering for you, christian soldier!

shake19

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #48 on: May 02, 2014, 12:53:40 PM »
Back again, day 58th no PMO.

Hi there,

I haven't been on this forum for a while (about 3 weeks now). Since that time I had many days free of any urges, but still there were some when my urges where taking' control over me. I cought myself watching P (kind of soft one) for a few times and also cought myself on M for a few times. Especially for a last few days I watched P and M everyday for some time (tried not too long). It's a pity that after such a long strike without P and M I came back again to those 2. At least I haven't PMO'd for last 57 days. However I am glad that the forum didn't disappear and that I came across my jorunal which suddenly made me stronger. I won't watch P nor M anymore from now. I clench my fists and will move further into my path of rebalancing my mind.

To describe my mentality last days: I feel broken by watching P / M, it makes me sad, lazy and uncertain about my manhood. For the days when I am free of P / M and for almost 2 months with no PMO I feel very well, confident about myself and the future. Nevertheless I feel a big change in thinking about and talking with girls, I see that they feel it too.

P or M is the most stupid thing I can do ever, because I am so conscious about harm it cause and I am so sure that living without it is much more valuable. So how the hell I let myself into P/M? It so weird I cannot understand it.

Big up to all y'all!

lte

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Re: You could have done it long ago
« Reply #49 on: May 02, 2014, 01:03:40 PM »
It's good to hear from you, Shake. During the first 14 months or so, recovery forums were my "hobby" and it really helped. I'd advise the same, visit often, post to the journals of others and keep yourself pumped up.


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Remember, porn and masturbation are never the reward. Freedom from porn and masturbation is the reward