Author Topic: What if I've given up dating...  (Read 2336 times)

Alice0820

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What if I've given up dating...
« on: March 19, 2017, 05:39:00 PM »
So when I first decided to give up porn it was so I could be more reactive to sex with actual people. I haven't been on a date in almost two years and I haven't been in a serious relationship in 13. After thinking long and hard about it I've decided I don't want the difficulties that come with dating. I'm sick of having to make a certain amount of money, have a good enough degree, or look a certain way to get a date. I'd rather just be single. I'm wondering if there are any other benefits to not watching porn though besides being more able to get turned on by a human being. If I'm not dating that reasoning wouldn't really be relevant to me anymore. If anyone knows of any I would love to hear them.

aquarius25

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Re: What if I've given up dating...
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2017, 08:41:05 PM »
I can tell that you are really in a frustrating position. Can I ask why you are not interested in a relationship? i imagine that you did not come to that realization lightly. As far as the porn goes I understand your points and I can see  your reasoning. I guess one thing I would say as a reason to not view porn would be the porn industry itself. There is a lot that goes into that. By viewing porn you are supporting a pretty sad industry. That is a personal choice though. Also I understand that I am sharing my personal opinion. Yours could differ. I just know a lot of studies and research shows the porn industry being linked to human trafficking and frankly most of the people (I understand not all) but a lot of them have shorter life spans and it is really just not an industry with much morals. By viewing porn, even if it is not paid for, you are supporting that industry. Those sites have advertisers, they needs clicks to help sell the ad space. By being a "click" on their site you are supporting everything that goes with it. Again that is just my personal opinion. Only you can decided what is right for you to do.
I wish you the very best!

offaxis

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Re: What if I've given up dating...
« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2017, 08:17:26 AM »
You sound sad and frustrated with the situation which is understandable. For me, I wanted to be accepted as I am without needing to just be useful to somebody by virtue of my job, money, time etc. So what you say resonates.  I think everyone wants and needs that acceptance at a level - it is a basic human need.

I found this YouTube channel from The School of Life very interesting. There are videos exploring both being single and being in a relationship and many other things:

http://m.youtube.com/user/schooloflifechannel

I think a lot of your thoughts/doubts/hopes etc. are very common and normal feelings, even though they are uncomfortable or even unpleasant.

For me, the biggest thing I disliked about porn was the emotional and social disconnection it encourages in me. That is, when I was using it acts more to cut me off from the world - both directly in not wanting to go out and do things with real people but also emotionally in not being able to be there or connect with people I did find. Without porn on my life, I have to now find other ways of getting that connection which is really important to me. Instead of just locking it down in a box away from everyone. It would encourage me to stay lonely both in myself and out in the world.

So I just think that if you are not really very happy with your life (hey, who is?) then maybe it is a rationalision that your porn addicted old brain is trying to play on you:

1) I gave up porn to get with real people
2) But nobody wants me/it's too hard/life sucks
3) So maybe it's ok to go back to porn after all to make it better temporarily.

I'm not saying this is how you think or feel but it is one interpretation I could make of what you posted and I want to make sure to point this out, so you keep up all the great work you've done so far staying clean and not go back on the decision you previously made to be kind to yourself.

You are a loveable person, worthy of respect and kindness and all the happiness life has to offer.

StartingOffNew

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Re: What if I've given up dating...
« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2017, 09:04:18 PM »
I guess I'll just post here to be different and say, I have the same concern.  Less so now since I'm currently in a relationship, but this is only my second relationship and when I found out about my ed during my first and then broke up...I asked myself, what's it matter?  I'll probably never find a girl I want to be with anyway. 

Porn is tough to give up because it is fun.  I think you need a reason to give up, but the drawback is, once you have that reason, it maybe tough to break the habit. 

Jz15

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Re: What if I've given up dating...
« Reply #4 on: March 31, 2018, 03:19:21 PM »
Thats exactly how I first thought during the first week

Now having success here and there seems natural... Not to tell you about this primal urge for real women..lol

And I came from a worse background because being a man with thoughts like "no need to make money or do this and that" is way worse than a woman saying this