Author Topic: Only Horny From Porn (not real men), and Orgasms from Anxiety  (Read 2852 times)

LadyCrane

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Only Horny From Porn (not real men), and Orgasms from Anxiety
« on: September 12, 2016, 10:00:08 PM »
I'm a 31-year old female. In a nutshell, I don't get turned on by real people, and I have multiple orgasms when I'm stressed. Here's my story:

I started watching porn at age 9 or 10, when I discovered the scrambled Spice channel by accident (it was an adult channel available by paid subscription, but you could still hear everything and see a scrambled 'negative' image on the screen). I realized that it felt good to squeeze my legs together, which led to orgasm, and so I started doing that on a daily basis-- watching the scrambled Spice channel any time I had some privacy, and squeezing my legs together until I came (although I didn't know it was an orgasm until many years later). I continued to watch porn on TV all throughout high school. I think my brother caught me once, but we never talked about it. I was a virgin the entire time, and had no desire for sex until age 19. Even after I started having sex, it was only for the temporary fun of it, and I never got even remotely close to having an orgasm. Sex was never sexy, and it never made me horny. I got bored very easily, and so I really don't care for sex, ever.

In my early 20's I started watching and downloading internet porn, but the orgasm wasn't the same as TV. It was shorter, faster, and not as satisfying. I still used it regularly though, for its shortcut to an orgasm, even if it wasn't as good.

In my mid-20's I was raped, but prior to that I'd also been sexually assaulted, cornered into a women's restroom, stalked at work, followed around town (twice), pinned down on the ground... by both strangers & people I knew. I went to counseling for a year, but didn't get much out of it, so I still struggle with depression and horrible bouts of anxiety.

By my late 20's I'd still never had an orgasm from intercourse, and actually not from any man's stimulation of any kind. I think some ex-boyfriends may have left me strictly because of this. I could only come by squeezing my legs together and thinking of porn-- even my fantasies & wet dreams were of other people; it was never me in the situations. I never found other people sexy, and to this day I have never been sexually stimulated or sexually attracted to a real person in the real world. The only thing that makes me horny is porn.

To clarify- I *DO* feel a desire to have sex with men, but I'm never horny for them. And no I'm not a lesbian; I am emotionally & mentally attracted to men, but I've never felt a horny desire for anyone. I don't know if I'm asexual, or just messed up from early-onset of viewing porn.

Around age 29 I was extremely relieved to discover that I could orgasm from manual stimulation (using my hands), and all it took was some patience & realizing I needed more time to get it done. This new ability has made it possible to FINALLY orgasm during sex (either from playing with myself or from my boyfriend going down on me), but even in these situations I still have to think of porn to get off.  I have been with my current boyfriend for 2.5 years (my longest relationships BY FAR), but I still can't orgasm unless I think of porn. My boyfriend's always in the mood for sex, but I'm not, so I have to fantasize about porn to prep myself for having sex. He's on this site for his porn addiction, so we're both working through our issues.

OK, now to the second part-- my anxiety-induced arousal. Three years ago I was in a minor car accident that sent me to the ER with a concussion, and immediately afterward I started having spontaneous orgasms (at work, at home, wherever). I would just be sitting at my desk, and suddenly get extremely horny and have multiple orgasms right there, for no reason. This evolved into having orgasms whenever I was anxious, and it started happening much more often. I would be on a time crunch at work and suddenly have an orgasm at my desk (a few times I had to go to the bathroom because I didn't have privacy). The worst is when I'm home and have an anxiety attack, and I go on a "marathon session" of 8-16 orgasms in one sitting. It's not pleasant, and I can't help it. Prior to the car accident, this only happened to me a total of 3 times in my entire life (in school, while running out of time during a test in class), but now it happens maybe once a month, and I don't know what else to do to relieve my anxiety. It takes ZERO effort; I feel nervous or stressed, and within FIVE SECONDS I have an orgasm. I can't help it. I told my doctor about it and they said to see a neurobiologist, AS IF my insurance can cover that sort of thing.

I want to have a better outlet for my anxiety, I want to orgasm naturally during sex, I want to find my boyfriend attractive, and to find sex itself sexy. My boyfriend has been trying to reboot on & off for about 2 years, and in solidarity I also cut down my own porn usage by about 90%, but I still masturbate & have my crazy anxiety orgasms on a fairly regular basis. Lately I've also been dreaming of other men, but I don't think it has anything to do with dissatisfaction in my current relationship. I think it's the desire for novelty brought on my all that early use of porn. I think cutting out porn 100% is a start, but I need much more than that. I deeply need a better outlet for my anxious energy, and I need to stop fantasizing.

le_petit_moster

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Re: Only Horny From Porn (not real men), and Orgasms from Anxiety
« Reply #1 on: January 10, 2017, 12:02:57 AM »
Would you  be interested in this post http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=11997.0

I read from your log about your option to cut down. In my hackbook.. I call that as a trick played by your little monster to keep the addiction alive.
I talk about how to starve the little monster and suffer the little flu like symptoms and also how to deal with your big monster.

~It is based on a very successful method and I am confident you will see results.
~You don't need to quit until you complete reading the book !!! In fact I recommend not to !!!
~You will learn how to stop the slippery slope of thoughts-urges-cravings, you will not ignore or fight the thought.
~You will not feel 'miserable and deprived' when you overcome a PMO urge. And you will not feel 'miserable and guilty' when you fail either.
~You will learn about the two sides of sex.
~You will learn why the instinctive WillPower method is destructive.
~The book does not engage in scare tactics. It's goal is your happiness. You will be free from the shackles of slavery to PMO. Like Count De Monte Cristo.
~You will face the world in an elated mood after you are done with the book. You will have the energy to say “ Yippeee! I am free. I am not a slave any more. I am glad I don’t have to PMO”
~You will find no reason to hang around forums any more - unless your intention is to help other’s out.
~You will not worry about a slip-lapse-relapse escalation stages as you will not feel ‘miserable and guilty’ at the first slip. But then that won’t happen is almost most cases.
I wish you well.
PS: I've written a hackbook based on a very effective method. It does not use the Willpower method or scare tactics or brain science.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=11997.0