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21
Ages 20-29 / Re: 27 And Done With Porn
« Last post by Lero on Today at 02:35:32 AM »
Thanks man. For sure, I think my life would be better without P, but it's getting through the withdrawals that you describe and gaining enough of a streak to strengthen my resolve that I really struggle with. It's also been so long since I saw the benefits of a no P sexual diet, that it's easy to just brush that under the carpet. But when I was clean for ages I did feel really great after a while. Even the withdrawals weren't as bad because I was able to always force myself to shut my laptop, sit on my pillow and just meditate, even if my mind was going crazy. Now, I often procrastinate my meditation so that I can relapse instead, and then meditate.

Wow, I guess I feel completely helpless tbh.

You know, on day 7 hard urges started and I said: "This is tough, I want to relapse to stop the pain." Being stubborn like a motherfucker actually helped me make the streak longer then I started noticing benefits. I said now: "I don't want this to go away. I feel like this because of porn abstinence." Since then, I've had 1000 thoughts about relapsing but then I looked at the benefits and I postponed the relapse. One more day and one more day. Everyday I postpone the relapse. The truth still stands: You function better without porn, even if it's not necessarely obvious right away. Think about it. Porn is like cyanide. Would you swallow cyanide constantly? But let's say you don't feel great today. "No cyanide swallowing" rule still stands.
22
Ages 30-39 / Re: Grass Is Greener On The Other Side
« Last post by Lero on Today at 02:31:27 AM »
No device in my bedroom.

This will gonna be rule till so hit 90 days.

Very good idea. Really.
23
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid.
« Last post by Lero on Today at 02:27:48 AM »
I want also to say that i also want to stop masturbating altogether. For me this journey is also a reboot from masturbation addiction AND p addiction. Both.

For me they go hand in hand because i really don' t need porn to get urges and binge masturbate right now because i am so entangled in this habit. My brain is filled with images and i produce in my head my own movies with girls.

And as you said there is that chasing effect that is gonna make you want to watch porn after MO.

Yes, I realized on day 21 that masturbation didn't work for me. Now 11 days later, I don't want to go back to it. I could masturbate without porn. Maybe I am able to do it again. But you see, it creates this chaser effect. Maybe because of so many years of porn binges. My dopamine system is not normal right now. I always followed a PMO session with another. I couldn't stop after only one PMO. So maybe this is why I crave another masturbation session after I do one. I don't like this chaser effect because everything in excess is not good. One masturbation session in 21 days is nothing to go crazy about but binge masturbation all day, this is not exactly how I want to do it. This is not the same with having sex 5 times in a day. Masturbation is pleasuring myself while being lonely and isolated in my room. There is no satisfaction in this. I can't binge masturbation and be happy about it.

However, if you masturbate to "porn in your head", this is the same with masturbating to porn. There is no point in doing this. So if I had to draw the line, I wouldn't do it at all. Just for the chaser effect alone I wouldn't advice it.

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So today is day 4, and surprisingly, unlike my previous streaks, i had strong urges every single nights. Because usually i don' t have urges that strong on the first week.

Every streak has the chance to present differencies. For example, I usually got urges on day 4. This streak I didn't. The first 6 days were a breeze. And then hell unleashed. Urges might not start on the same days, the current streak might not be the same as the last one.

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I was as i said at my grand parents house and sleeping close to everybody else and without internet so it helped me resist. I didn' t edge and applied that "starving the addicted brain" method.

This is the best method. I advertise this around here like I'm selling something. The only great way to approach this. Complete starvation. No peeking, no edging, nothing. Don't feed the addiction at all. 10 seconds of peeking or edging is already a lot. Nothing. Zero. Not even 1 second. This is the approach that took me to 32 days. However, you have to know that brutal days could come. I've had a lot of really tough days. Yesterday was very very hard. But "complete starvation" made me go to sleep without a relapse one more time. It's the biggest help during tough times. What happens to someone who is starved everyday? He dies. The addiction will die.

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But also the images of the previous porn are here also in my brain and that is a bummer.

Yes, this is my biggest problem too. Our brain stores what we see. We have porn stored in our brain that we can see anytime we want. And when you don't want to watch porn, this is when those fucking porn memories come to stress you out. This is tough. It could actually make someone relapse. In the past, I've had relapses that started with me stimulating myself to porn memories then I escalated to searching for porn material.

Take care, man. You know what you have to do.
24
Ages 20-29 / Re: Free At Last
« Last post by achilles heel on Today at 02:05:51 AM »
80 days, man! This is wow!

Thank you, Lero!  :)

I know the feeling! But I have heard it can be good not to bend over backwards in order to be available, especially in the early stages. Stick to your rules (for your own sake) and try (easier to say than do) not to worry about messing things up. For all she knows, you might be one of those people who has a "no screens after 7:00" policies or whatever. If she's really going to get bent out of shape because you can't text her until the next day, that's her problem, not yours.

Thanks, I tried to take things easier and left my cell phone out of my house over night after gym. It's just that normally I shut it off after work already and I changed that lately. Took the phone home after work, left it by the door and checked it every half hour, that worked for me. I have to think about a long term solution, for now it still led me to:

83 days

Got my tasks at home done, went to the gym three days in a row, made good use of my time and keep advancing at work. Going to meet the girl again (not alone, but with friends again - but we're in contact and she doesn't seem completely uninterested in me) and while normally I wouldn't want to think about a possible negative outcome but just wait for what happens, I am still a little afraid. More than being afraid of rejection, I am afraid of not being able to handle the feeling of getting rejected. This is such an important key in my personal history and I need to find out where this comes from and why it affects me so much. Rejection triggers a feeling of incredibly low self-worth and led me back to my addiction in the past. I guess I have to learn a lot about myself and need to become more stable in my abstinence to deal with negative emotions that I ran from for too long by using porn.

83 days is an amazing success to me on the one hand, on the other hand there seems to be a welcome-sign to life that says "Welcome to reality! It's tough some times, get used to it." - I am willing to accept that challenge, but I am at the very beginning and have to learn a lot about myself and how to deal with this reality.
25
Ages 30-39 / Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Last post by Lero on Today at 02:01:12 AM »
Another day and although no morning wood today I also have no urges to look at p. No urges no cravings no desires. It's dead to me. Living breathing women are all I crave. No pixels. Again I must repeat that I've been here before only to relapse. It feels a bit different this time though. Maybe I did hit my rock bottom with my latest failed encounter. Good!!! It's going to lead to me being tougher on myself.
In the gym today for a hard session. It definitely cleared my head. I ate a salad . Turkey breast avocado celery and spinach with some olive oil and balsamic vinegar. I'm leaving nothing out here. This is a complete renovation of my mind body and soul and I think that's important. Replace the bad habits with the good. Lot's of people seem to be sitting back and waiting for the urges. That's not the right way to do it. Get out walking. Go to the supermarket. Go to the park . Take a course. All these things add up. The less time your mind is idle the better. I'll do some meditation and stretching later and I'll sleep soundly. Good luck everybody. I hope you all get through another day!

You know, I've been through brutal days so far in my 32 days streak. One thing I've learned is that I can do more than I think I can. I mean, there have been days when I was this close to relapse. One inch away but I didn't. Then I woke up today and I said: "You know what? There is nothing that could make me relapse now. The hardest fucking thing ever couldn't make me relapse. Only if I am stupid and relapse on my own but the addiction tried to make me relapse and it couldn't." The mindset is important. Be stubborn like a motherfucker. Say "No" over and over again.
26
Ages 20-29 / Re: Last attempt to quite porn
« Last post by Lero on Today at 01:56:52 AM »
Day 5
Completed my daily exercise. Urges level decreased. Feeling well.

Good. This is a good start. Exercise helps.
27
Ages 20-29 / Re: I am not going back to P
« Last post by Lero on Today at 01:47:51 AM »
Man, your struggle on day 31 is pretty impressive.
Glad you made it through.

It makes me think that if you can make it through such a difficult day of withdrawals, i can make it too.

I also can relate to the two voices fighting in my head.
 "Do it !"   "Don' t do it!"

Congratulations, fellow.

Please stay strong. We need you as a "scout" ahead on this journey and your advice has been really helpful to me so far.

I think i can make it this time thanks to my journal.

I relapsed 4 days ago as i mentionned on my own journal but i feel like i am getting back on track right away this time, unlike previous relapses, where it took weeks to make an other "attempt".
And that is because of that journal.

Blessings on you.

Arthur, thanks man. I appreciate it. Yeah, I guess there is nothing you can't do after you survive a day like that.
28
Ages 20-29 / Re: Ender's Journal: And End of Addiction
« Last post by Arthur2 on Today at 01:47:11 AM »
It is a mindset man.

The mindset of the warrior.

You are a nofapper ! You really are one ! Because you want to be one.
As long as you want to fight you are a true nofapper.

The important thing is not so much to win all the time but to have that willingness to fight all the time.
Victory will follow naturally.
29
Ages 20-29 / Re: Ender's Journal: And End of Addiction
« Last post by Arthur2 on Today at 01:41:23 AM »
I hope that helps.

I want to see news from you soon.
30
Ages 20-29 / Re: Ender's Journal: And End of Addiction
« Last post by Arthur2 on Today at 01:40:10 AM »
As you said it was only the skirmish. Frankly you thought that was gonna be so easy ?

Still following.

I am waiting for your next update.

Me too i had to say day 0 again.

And everyone of us.

Maybe you have the toughest fight of all of us.
And you are an example.

One day at a time.

You wanna know what a real badass is ?

The real badass is the one that shows up at every training session, day after day, year after year, rainy day, sunny day.

The real badass is not the one that doesn' t fail. He is the one that fails and gets back up because he doesn' t give up. He never gives up and he is on a path of consistently working at it everyday.

You are already walking on the path of the badass. You have already started getting your life back. Do you realize that ? Do you realize that you have already started turning your life around for the better ?

Your relapse doesn' t take away any of your achievements.

Nobody can take your previous streak away from you.

It belongs to you. It is yours for ever.

It is a trememdous achievement.

Do you realize that i relapsed at day 12 on my previous streak ?
Is it weak ? Do you think i am weak ?

Yes i am weak but i am a badass !
Because i started again like a real badass who shows up at every training session. Who conasistently works at it day after day, month after month.

Be a badass.

All of you.
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