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Porn Addiction / Re: Questions about the flatline
« Last post by rushikeshbarkade on Today at 01:03:05 AM »
NoFap Flatline is the stage of NoFap when you will experience Zero libido(Sexual Desire) and will start to see all the negative sides of NoFap. This simply means No Sexual Desire OR Urges for a specific amount of time that’s because your brain is going through A Rewiring Process.

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Porn Addiction / Re: Just lost my family
« Last post by MosesY on Today at 12:59:40 AM »
I would suggest fighting for your family. Come up with a plan to fight porn. Read "Your Brain on Porn" for sure. I made the mistake of giving up when this happened to me; your family wants you to fight for them.
Ages 20-29 / Re: My journal to recovery- Could use support
« Last post by Quitforeverthenwin on May 24, 2019, 11:41:41 PM »
Sorry guys: I just really did lapse. Unequivocally my day count is at 0.

Warning: You are going to see some of my real demons in the description below, I left out triggering words I believe, but it's gonna show that legit messed up addiction side of me.

I did a host of nonsense. Ending with me going back on an escort website website and calling one to see if she would engage in pmo fetishes and tentatively set an appointment. Then I was like holy fuck! This is way way worse. So I told her sorry, it's a no go. Then I was in bed feeling strong urges. I thought to myself "I can cum from humping my pillow". I again, will be real. I thought to myself: I will just like do that rub myself against the pillow to cum and then in my journal I can say I had a wet dream and euphemistically be like "oh yeah I think I was rubbing against my pillow at night when I was half asleep". Basically lie to act like it was not a real slip. After finishing, I immediately just masturbated the normal way, my penis was totally flaced and I got like no pleasure out of it but somehow came.

This all started with 1) Going on escort website- and let me be real- I specifically looked for escorts who offered fetishes and stuff. Really that was as porn as anything . I bullshited myself and the journal. It was not like looking at youtube vids, that for me is like the worst porn. Since I fantasize about contacting them and actually have in the past.

Then, the next day I downloaded tinder. Was on it totally compulsively for like a few hours. Even with not swiping pictures, I kept using boosts and was compulsively checking it, which left me with really strong urges to go back on escort websites. I managed to get a very unnattractive girl's number and was messaging her trying to lead her into being into pmo fetishes, she was not. But in my mind she was.

She came over. It was miscommunication she wanted a relationship (by coming straight to my place at 11 on a friday lol) and I wanted a hookup. She expressed disappointment and told me she is broke and could barely afford the uber over. (Sad girl really). We chatted a bit and I got her an uber back home. Then soon after I ummmm, kept looking at my phone and thinking "I should contact escort" that happend maybe three times then I did and you all know the rest.

So that's it. I officially have lapsed. Let me be honest too, I lapsed twice. My stuff about tinder being maybe okay was nonsese lol. (I should have noticed in seeing EVERYONE agreeing it's good to STAY AWAY). I feel bad to let you guys down and hope i didn't discourage anyone.

I don't feel hopeless at all. It is what it is. Perhaps this will be the last time in my life that this ever happens.
Porn Addiction / Re: Just lost my family
« Last post by DoneAtLast on May 24, 2019, 08:36:31 PM »
I do not want to be anything but blunt.  I hate myself.  Today I looked at porn then lied about it and now I have lost the only thing that really matters in life my partner and my children.  I have no dignity left.  I hate myself yet I still look.  I am sitting in the dark alone.  It hurts.  I need help.  It is probably too late.  What have I done?

I'm really sorry to hear this.  I can only imagine the hurt.

Is it too late?  Well, too late for what?  To quit porn and change your life, change how you behave, change all of these habits?  Never.  Never never ever.  Is it too late to get your family back?  I have no idea on that - I have no details about your family, and even if I did, I lack clairvoyance.  But, when you're stuck in a hole, there is one direction to get out, regardless of how deep you are: up.  I will say that to reconcile with your family will mean starting at the beginning and learning to leave porn behind.  It won't be easy, but one day at a time will get you there.  I promise.  Does your partner understand that porn addiction is a real problem?  When people don't understand how gripping porn can be, it can seem like porn defines them.  When we understand it as an addiction, we see that there is an awesome person hiding behind that addiction.

Stick around, read some threads, contribute as you feel you want to.  I highly recommend checking out the other board on here for the partners of rebooters when you're ready.  There are some great, warm hearted people who post there regularly.
Ages 40 and up / Re: Porn is not an Option
« Last post by saradsam on May 24, 2019, 08:16:25 PM »
- Just feel very horny nowadays, with all this sexual energy pent up.
- Just women all types turn me on
- I have realised that the fantasising has gone up
Due to this energy.
- I am starting to feel that there is a correlation between sexual
Addiction and porn
Ages 20-29 / Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Last post by BlueHeronFan on May 24, 2019, 06:30:11 PM »
That is progress! Way to keep at it!

Becoming more aware of my mood has been huge for me. I used to think that PMO was just my uncontrolled appetite for nudity and sex, but I've started to learn that it always starts with me feeling down in the dumps about something. I always face the worst urges when I'm feeling sad or frustrated about something, so I've started paying way more attention to how I'm feeling and trying to take better care of myself.

Keep on going, and just focus on getting through one more day!
Ages 20-29 / Re: My journal to recovery- Could use support
« Last post by BlueHeronFan on May 24, 2019, 06:26:15 PM »
Good to acknowledge the thoughts! Shut it on down!

Always glad to hear my rambling is helpful, lol. I like the point about your friend who is still fat. I know in the past I've tried to come back from a relapse and put up blockers and stuff but then I'd spend a lot of time thinking about the kinds of things I'd search for next, like "If I ever lapsed again, not that I would, but if I did, I'd totally search for _____." Total garbage. Telling myself I won't relapse while planning my next binge. The things we tell ourselves when we're out of control. I'm happy to say that I don't have a plan for my next relapse: I really actually don't want to have one now.

And you're spot-on with thinking too much about sex. It has gotten me so many times, just a thought here or there about what it would be like to have sex in a stable, healthy relationship, but then it leads to other thoughts that make my brain feel good and the next thing I know I'm in trouble. It's tough, but it's good to be aware of. When I do think about relationships, I try to make sure I'm not fantasizing about sex, but it still happens, just not as much.

Also (because I haven't written enough yet), just a couple thoughts about blockers for the phone. First, I set up the parental controls on mine so that I only have access to specific whitelisted websites that I use regularly. That's helpful because then there aren't any "gaps" that I can find my through: everything is blocked. That's been helpful for me, especially since I set my password to be something that I really want that PMO seems to be in the way of: now whenever I feel like turning off the controls, I have to think through losing the thing that is my password.

I've also had a lot of success with OpenDNS. It's a free thing that you can set up either on your router or on your devices, and I think it has been the most helpful filter for me. It just shuts it all down: there are various settings for different content that you want blocked and then it just makes it so that you can't load any of those sites. Not a solution for when you're not home, but I only have trouble at home anyway. (We might have already talked about this now that I've written out...if so, what a lucky repeat)
Ages 20-29 / Re: Journal
« Last post by BlueHeronFan on May 24, 2019, 06:12:38 PM »
That is a great insight! Honestly, I feel like I've been more like the kid version of me as I've progressed through recovery than the teenager version of me (who was very addicted but wasn't doing anything about it). You know, just in terms of confidence, playfulness, etc. I sometimes forget how much of my personality I lost when I was deep into PMO.

Glad the blockers did their job! Just keep at it: we're with you!
Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Last post by BlueHeronFan on May 24, 2019, 06:09:46 PM »
Thanks, guys! Yeah, I definitely don't think of getting out very often, mostly because I never have anywhere I want to go. But it really did help, so it's something I should remember.

Today was a decent day, not very productive but also not bad. A part of me wants to be upset that I didn't get more done, but I'm just happy that there wasn't anything serious hanging over my head. I'll just call it a pleasant day and keep going.
Ages 30-39 / Re: facing my worst fears
« Last post by Pete McVries on May 24, 2019, 05:30:33 PM »
Great post. Also, NEVER EVER DARE TO PEEK!
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