Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Messages - KeepUpTheGoodWork

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 5
1
Success Stories / 300 Days Sober!
« on: December 26, 2017, 04:28:41 PM »
Hey everyone,

It's been a long while since I've posted on here. I've had a really tough 2017, starting off with my father's passing last January.

I've spent the last year exploring my sex addiction (and other compulsive behaviors) and I ended up seeking help with therapy and a 12-step program.

I'm super happy to report that yesterday I was gifted 300 days sober from compulsive sexual behaviors.

Some of the things that have helped me are:

1) a 12-step program. One of the first things that I learned in my program was that my addiction was a coping mechanism. By getting into a support program, I have learned that I am not alone in my struggles, I can get help, and I don't need porn to cope with life. Another important thing I learned was that going to meetings in person got me away from my computer. I don't want to poo-poo the forums, because that's where I started, but getting out of my house and having actual human interaction with other sex addicts was HUGE.

2) therapy. I speak weekly with a therapist about EVERYTHING. Talking about problems is a great way to cope with them and I'm learning how to communicate both my needs and concerns better with all those around me.

3) getting a sponsor. On the forums, I had a buddy, which was great, but I have an experienced sponsor in my program (5 years sex addiction free, 25 years alcohol and drugs free) who has really helped me get over the shame of my addiction and learn more about healthy sexuality in the real world.

After two and a half years of struggling through nofap on my own, the extra work that I've undertaken has paid off.

I'm also happy to share that my relationship with my girlfriend is better than it has ever been. We have sex often and I've learned to take "no" for an answer. Heck, I'm even okay with telling her that I'm too tired. I've seen a great reduction in obsessing and planning for sex. I've also started playing drums again - as an actual career, not just for fun.

The gifts I've received have gone far beyond my "super powers". I encourage you all to keep going!

I guess that's it for now. I just wanted to share with you guys that this disease is possible to overcome. If you find that you are struggling to get a solid streak going, don't be afraid to take this to the next level and start seeking more help.

For me, realizing that the scope of a 90-day reboot wasn't enough, was the best thing I could have ever done for myself.

2
Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: October 23, 2016, 12:30:58 PM »
I'm in a weird place where I feel like relapsing a lot. I feel like watching porn and just going for it. Last night, I edged to porn for a little and then after I stopped, MO'd to without it. I don't know if it counts, but I've been going with the SAA concept of it being a gray area.

Well that gray area concept has also allowed me to MO on Tuesday or Wednesday as well. That's too often for me, and I don't want to fall into bad habits again.

I am not beating myself up about my MO last night. I'm just going to continue trying to beat the addiction. I'm also beginning to think that the reboot isn't really for me. I'm not having trouble having sex, I'm having too much sex and masturbating too much.

I think that's sexual addiction. So, with that I'll probably stop keeping my tracker here. For me, I need to figure out my circles, per the SAA guides and figure out what I deem as acceptable and what's not. Masturbation in itself is not bad, but I need to break my porn habit.

Anyway, that's where I'm at today. I'll write again sometime, when I have more to update.

3
Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: October 18, 2016, 03:14:15 PM »
Well things were pretty good this weekend and I don't really have a lot to report. I feel like I've beaten the addiction, although I guess I can't be too sure. I'll be at 7 days this week and I'll just keep going from there. I'll look forward to spending some time reading the SAA book today and tomorrow and I'll go to another meeting. As of now, I feel pretty satisfied and more concerned about working than about porn or sex. As a matter of fact, although I wanted to have sex with my gf all weekend, we didn't, and that was fine. It is good to abstain, even when we are together. There should be no pressure to have sex even though we are together. It took me all weekend to feel normal around her. I was still feeling a lot of guilt from my slip last week, but I feel like I am back in my head again now. It feels good.

4
Porn Addiction / Re: How to block porn in androd phone
« on: October 13, 2016, 12:46:42 PM »
I use the app "Mobile Security & Anitivirus" by Trend Micro in the Play Store. You can block specific sites or just put a filter on. I did both.


edit: typo

5
Porn Addiction / Some hope after relapse
« on: October 13, 2016, 12:17:02 PM »
Yesterday was supposed to be day 57, but instead, while drunk in the wee hours of the morning, I decided that I could get away with some edging to images online. That escalated to finding clips (that my porn blocker couldn't detect). I think you all know the rest.

I was/am really disappointed in myself because up to that point, this really has been the easiest string of abstinence I have experienced. I truly thought I had this thing by the throat and I was going to win this time.

I was depressed most of the morning after tearfully fessing up to my girlfriend. She was overly supportive and it helped a lot. I decided not to wallow in the depression and I hit the gym then practiced my drums for a few hours.

Then, last night I attended my first Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting. It was really good and I felt even better for going. Like here, it's just a bunch of men and women in the struggle. I was even more happy to see that most of the people there have been clean for over a year. I went in being all cocky about my 56 days. Well, we all need some humility.  Anyway, I picked up a bunch of reading material and I am really learning some new things from it.

I came on to highly suggest that if you need more help, to seek out a support group in your area. One important thing I learned was that while I had identified as being a porn addict, I am truly a sex addict and even though I had been clean from porn, I was still acting out with other behaviors (for example, planning sex). I think in realizing that I was still acting out, even though it wasn't in porn, I've taken a much bigger step toward recovery.

Good luck folks.

https://saa-recovery.org/

6
Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: October 13, 2016, 11:59:04 AM »
The SAA meeting was very informative and it really has me looking at porn as just one way of acting out as a sex addict. The more I read, the more it makes sense that I am probably a sex addict and not just a porn addict. I am remember behaviors that are just horrible and situations I had been in that would make it seem like I am. I especially learned that planning for sex is one way a sex addict behaves and I definitely do this. I wait for my girlfriend to come visit, I anticipate sex and I get excited for it. That's not the best thing to do. It may have even been the reason why I relapsed - I put too much thought and excitement into having sex this weekend. That makes sense because I would often act out right before she came over, and I couldn't figure out why I couldn't wait.

So I think the meetings will be helpful and I'll read the materials to learn more about it. I think I might make a post telling the wider community about my decision. For now, I have a lot to do today and I need to get busy.

7
Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: October 12, 2016, 07:24:40 PM »
Well I haven't written about it yet, but this morning in the wee hours, I slipped and PMO'd. I was drunk and for whatever reason, I thought I could edge and get away with it. I knew the habit would catch up with me eventually and I started looking for porn star twitter accounts to watch clips. It didn't take me too long to get off. I was playing with a loaded pistol and I lost.

So in the wake of that mistake, I slept off my hangover a bit and then signed up for a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting tonight at a local church. I need to hear more about what other people are going through and hear about how to get better.

I was doing so damn well and I think my trigger may have been some anxiety about playing drums live combined with the beer.

I also realize that it's important to pick myself up and keep going, so I tried to have a productive day happen. I hit the gym and played my drums for a bit too.

I told my girlfriend and she was sympathetic although she is the type of person to ask why until she gets an answer that satisfies her. She fears that I PMO'd because I was hanging out with some girls last night, but I don't think that's the case at all. They all know about my girlfriend and were asking me about her. I talked about her just about the whole time.

The problem is, I think I lost a bit of her trust in me this morning, so I am going to need to do better to show her I am a good person and that I wouldn't cheat on her.

Today would have been 57 days. I know it's no use looking back, but I know I am stronger and I know what I need to do to stay clean this time. I am hoping that the meetings will help keep me accountable and help me beat this thing. I was 30 days from freedom. It's not hard. I just need to do it.

8
Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: October 11, 2016, 11:26:24 AM »
Today I did a double meditation session - one with and one without guidance. It was really interesting. As a practicing musician, it's one thing to watch your teacher play something and a totally different thing to do it yourself. I feel that way about headspace. I've been going through guided meditations for months now and I have never tried doing it for myself. It was pretty nice, and I guess I will continue to try to do that.

As far as edging goes, I've been just terrible. I really struggled again this morning. I don't know what I need to do to just get up and out of bed. It may be because I wake up early naturally but maybe not fully rested, so I like to lounge around a bit. I need to figure this out because one day I know I am going to go too far.

I also need to limit my use of my cellphone. I like using Snapchat with my gf, but they actually promote just a ton of models profiles and even have constant news of other models. It's like trigger city. At first I was really strong and didn't care, but lately I've been sneaking more and more peeks. I wish there was a way to block or unsubscribe to those particular feeds.

Anyway, the daily affirmations have been going really well too and I like them. If only I could get out of bed and get to feeling good immediately without that little detour toward edging and self-loathing.

That's all I have for today. I feel really strong and renewed once I get going in the morning, it's just those first few minutes of my day. How do I beat the urges then? Tomorrow I will have to try another tactic.

9
Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: October 10, 2016, 02:38:50 PM »
Today was much better and I have done a lot already. Having some affirmations printed out and next to my bed really seem to help. I said them 10 times before bed and 10 times when I woke up. Then I did my meditation and I've already hit the gym.

Urges are at a minimum today, which is good because I actually hurt myself with all the edging I did this week. Isn't that a sign of addiction? Continuing despite physically hurting yourself?! What a dumb addiction. Well, I'm trying to rest up and heal up since the girl will be in town this weekend.

Now to hit the grocery store for some lunch stuffs for the week.


10
Porn Addiction / Re: Are Chatrooms worse
« on: October 09, 2016, 01:29:37 PM »
You just need to ask yourself if this is artificial sexual stimulation. To which I believe the answer is yes.

Fantasizing is the same as watching porn. It activates the same old neural pathways in your brain. You have the same dopamine responses and you are conditioning yourself to having sexual feelings while participating in a chat.

Some people here have issues with reading erotic novels and I don't believe that chatting is any different. You're reading text and interpreting it as something sexual.

You should really hold yourself to only experiencing sexual activities with other people (and not on cam to cam either). And if you get frustrated from prolonged periods without sex, then masturbate to feeling, without fantasizing.

11
Porn Addiction / Re: Conflicted
« on: October 09, 2016, 01:18:59 PM »
My wife came home today and said that's it, it's over. In my mind all i did was masturbate in secret. I suppose the secrecy is lying in itself, which I never considered up until now. And the masturbation she took as me being a cheat which I didn't think I was. I wasn't a serial killer, or a rapist or thief or pimp or drug dealer. I never beat her, I,m not a drunk, I had never directly lied to her to about anything else and I never cheated on her with another women either. I masturbated about other women but I had no emotional involvement with them and I only watched porn to masturbate which might only take 10mins sometimes half an hour at the most. For me it was a means to an end, if anything I was addicted to the orgasm feeling then anything else. I have insecurities and self image issues that I have always had and I am only now discussing them because of the porn issue. Obviously I did not think what I was doing would break us up. She pointed out that I was keeping this secret before I knew she wasn't ok with it. So some part of me did know I was being naughty and not only keeping it secret because she didn't like it. But that's all I thought, I was being naughty, which also heightens the masturbation experience. I did lie when I was caught so that it would not come to this. She kept telling me to be honest with her and will be ok. But will it really, it is incredibly difficult to be honest about things that you know are going to make everything worse. And it has. The more information she knows the worse it has become. I was trying to save our relationship but I have done the exact opposite. I don't think there is anyway back from this now. I don't think I was ever really built to have relationships, I'm antisocial, OCD , I have a fear of just about anything public. I can't make friends, I feel people only really like me as a work mate but not to hang out with. I never really had any relationships before I met my wife and I thought I was destined for loneliness. Turns out I was right.

I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going very well at the moment. Have you been in marriage counseling before? While most of us who have partners have been faced with potentially gutting a relationship, I believe that a majority of us are still taking it day by day. It's not easy on relationships, at all - just ask my girlfriend - but I don't recall reading about a marriage that disintegrated to nothing at the first instance of being caught using porn. Perhaps marriages here are struggling after repeated attempts but this seems a bit - abrupt.

I'm not an expert at this sort of thing, but it seems that there is a history of a lack of communication already in your relationship. As an outsider, it seems that porn is just one thing that's wrong here.

If you want your marriage to last, my advice would be to get into counseling for yourself - you need to deal with all your issues, not just porn. You also need to get into couples counseling and start talking. I have a gut feeling that porn addiction is going to be a mere bullet point in a list of things that need to be resolved.

Good luck, OP.


12
Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: October 09, 2016, 01:04:16 PM »
Man this edging thing is really getting to me. I wake up and it's automatic. This time I decided to get out of bed and get busy at around 6 A.M. I used the bathroom and my urges subsided. I was actually still tired so I went back to bed and I slept until 9! That's pretty late for me, but I realized that maybe my urge is the urge to pee in the morning. Gonna try to do that more often before I edge.

So, when I got up the second time, I still edged a little, but got out of bed again and started my routine.

I decided to try to recite some affirmations in the morning when I get up - maybe that will help with the edging. So, I've printed some out and I am going to start doing them in the morning, and perhaps before I go to bed. I've never done them before, so I am interested to see what changes. I'm also going to reset my edging counter and maybe change it so that I can see how often I am resetting it.

13
Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: October 08, 2016, 11:41:41 AM »
This morning has been pretty good. I had some urges like normal, but I was able to get up and get on my routine. So far so good.

Last night I had some really bizarre dreams about an ex-gf. We weren't having sex but I kept trying to get her off, but it wasn't happening. The whole time I was also thinking of my current gf. Perhaps it has something to do with fact that my gf told me that she needed to fantasize in order to get off. We've been working on her recovery too, but she's only O'd once since she's told me. So maybe there is some hidden frustration with that, and the memory that I couldn't get my ex to have an O very often either.

I don't know, it was just bizarre and it was a long dream - seemed to go on forever. Anyway, since my peeking and edging episode the other day, I've been struggling with those thoughts just running rampant in my head. It's exactly how I was acting when I was home and the last time I peeked at the same P-star's twitter. I believe that eventually led me to giving in about a week later.

So this time, I need to make it all the way to Friday again. It's only 6 days away. Probably going to be a really tough 6 days too. I'll need to find something to keep me busy.

14
Porn Addiction / Re: Why are the urges getting stronger not weaker?
« on: October 07, 2016, 12:40:36 PM »
Hey harpoon, it actually sounds like you are getting back to normal. Remember, we are sexual beings - it's okay to have cravings. And you WILL have them. It's all in how you go about dealing with them.

I've been PMO free for about 50 days now, but I still edge to feeling a lot. It's harder to stop than anything. So about 15 days ago, I finally caved and MO'd to just feeling. It turns out that I'm not ready for that. It didn't feel right, and I'm back to no MO for the rest of my 90 days.

I'd say to try to keep clean for the rest of your reboot, and then use your natural sexual desires to get out in the world and meet some real people to interact with. For most, the point of the reboot is to have normal, healthy sex with a partner. It sounds like you are getting closer to that everyday.

Put your sexual energy into positive and constructive activities and you'll become a better person and eventually find a partner. Good luck!

15
Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: October 07, 2016, 10:10:29 AM »
Yesterday ended up being real tough. It was later in the night and I was all sorts of ready to just finish the deed. I started edging again and it was a real struggle. Eventually I took an ice cold shower and just stood there freezing my ass off. I finally calmed down, did some breathing and made it out ok. But that wasn't before I actually looked at some pics too, and found a certain P-star's Twitter. I turned them off real quick, but I feel ashamed about this because my streak is really going well and I was damn near to ruining it.

The thing is, I was totally ready to forget the incident and just live today like nothing happened, but the second I started writing, I really started to feel bad about what I did. I think that's what I need to feel. If I swept this incident under the rug, I wouldn't be keeping myself accountable and I would be sending myself the message that it's okay.

I'm glad I got through it alright. That was a real accomplishment, but I need to try harder to avoid putting myself in that situation. I can't let it get that far again.

So with that tough evening behind me, I woke up with the same urges. This time I was able to get out of bed and I think I am going to be okay. I just have to keep on keeping on.

That leaves me today with a reset on my edging counter, but still no PMO, thank god.


I've also decided to try some red text for the really tough days. That way it's easier to find later if I want to read up about how I was feeling.

16
I've had this happen, but I don't recommend testing it. I was with a friend and he wanted to show me some pics. I didn't really want to test my reboot, but he showed me anyway. I looked, wasn't interested and walked away. However, that's just one time. If you find yourself testing this over and over, you may eventually fall right back into the habit.

Remember, plenty of people watch porn occasionally, or masturbate occasionally, but for the most part we're not those people. We can't do it without succumbing to the disease. So, if you're bored, go do something else more positive with your time.

Remember that there is a thing called the chaser effect, so if you are having sex regularly, your brain wants more and will give you the urge to PMO.

Just avoid it and find something else to do.

17
Porn Addiction / Re: Is there really a way out? (Save me)
« on: October 06, 2016, 11:48:11 AM »
Welcome to the forums Unknown. There is a wealth of information on here and on yourbrainonporn.com. I have a few starter recommendations for you.

You mentioned not having much time, which is actually a good thing. I tell my accountability partner all the time that "quitting porn" is not what you are doing with your life. It's not what you were put on this earth to do. Meaning, it shouldn't be on your brain as if you are just constantly fighting at every moment of your life. If you are, it's going to be tough. However, most people have urges that come and go. Really, you're fighting the addiction only in those moments. So, what do you do when you're not fighting the addiction? THAT is what is important to overcoming the disease. You need to get busy and get wrapped up in something that doesn't give you the chance to PMO.

I would recommend that when you feel the urge, find ways to break your trigger sequence. I found that I would PMO a lot when I got frustrated while studying. Maybe a concept was difficult - boom triggered. Have a plan for those instances. Mine was simple - take a break. Get a snack, get some air, drink some tea. Sometimes in those moments, you'll actually process the information you're struggling with and you'll find a way to constructively beat your urge.

The next recommendation I have for you is to change your counter goal to 7 days and then change your goal incrementally. If you told me at day 0 that I had to hit 247 days, I would feel so much despair. There is no way you can face that mountain on day one without feeling defeated already. Set it to something attainable - 5 days, 7 days. When you reach that goal, make it 15. You won't lose your streak, the goal just moves.

Finally, again going back to the lack of time - take any moment that you would have spent PMO'ing to learn more about the disease. If you have time to PMO, you can find 30 minutes to get educated about the disease, self-help techniques or meditation. Again, fill your time with positive activities. Good luck man!

18
Porn Addiction / Re: Have I Tried Everything?
« on: October 06, 2016, 11:26:03 AM »
I had some anger issues as well and it was really affecting my relationship with my long-time girlfriend. I would get frustrated, yell, get red faced, etc. She would get upset with me afterward and I would have to back pedal and try to fix the situation. It wasn't sustainable and I was going to lose her.

So, before I started my reboot, I started meditating using headspace.com. I did the 10 day-trial and immediately subscribed for a year. After my initial 30-day run, which teaches how to meditate, I jumped into the relationship packs and they have been fantastic.

I've learned a lot about patience, acceptance, and generosity. The pack I am working on now is about kindness. I've coupled this with information on purityispossbile.com - which is a cognitive-behavioral therapy information site that seems to work well with the reboot philosophy and the exercises in headspace.

I can also recommend Terry Crews's book Manhood. He's a well-known PA and has some interesting experiences in his life that reflect how PA changed him. He was angry and entitled and in a downward spiral. I thought the changes he made were inspirational.

I also read a book called Rewire by Richard O'Connor - which again discusses changes in our brains related to bad habits and addiction. For example, I learned that the trigger sequence that creates anger and angry outbursts is the same mechanism that creates a PMO urge. It works the same way!

Anyway, this is all to say that my anger in general has gone down significantly. I have also taken steps to remove some major stressors from my life and it's all been for the better.

While giving up porn is a pretty noble task - you should be proud of the steps you've taken so far - you should look into your other issues. Everything is connected and it may be time for a larger self-evaluation and overhaul.

I've changed the premise of my reboot from quitting porn to being a better man. It's a reframing of the whole process. I don't wake up with the addiction on my mind, I wake up with the intention to do things that enhance my life; to be a better person. My day is now filled with positive things that I can do toward my goal of being a better man - exercise, study for a certification (I got laid off this year and I'm still not working again), be more social, read more, practice playing music more, eat better, work on my ideals and goals, etc. With this new premise, it's been much easier to quit PMO than it ever has, and I'm rediscovering my other passions.

I really can't stress how much quitting PMO also means getting your life back, but some people focus on the quitting the PMO part, without knowing what to do next. Figure out what you want to do next, and start. Forget about the PMO struggle and fill your life with so much positive activity that you won't have time to PMO.

19
Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: October 06, 2016, 10:44:32 AM »
Man, this addiction is a bitch. I woke up this morning with all sorts of urges and fantasies running through my head. I edged quite a bit and I even thought about going all the way. I had to get myself into the shower, but I had tunnel vision the whole way there. Even just thinking back 15 minutes ago feels like a dream. Once I was in the shower, my clarity came back, but not for long and I was edging again before I knew it. I managed to get through the shower without M'ing all the way to O and when the water turned off, it was like a valve closing on my urges. Whew! I made it through, however, I edged a lot and I want to keep myself accountable for that. So, I'll take the hit on my counter.

I was considering changing the counter to just strictly MO, but I know that edging is very damaging to the brain. I'll have to keep fighting that urge. For now, disaster averted.

Edit: well there isn't enough room for more than two counters, so I would like to keep track of edging instead of MO. MO is a pretty solid change for me, so I'd like to track my struggles with edging instead.

20
Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: October 05, 2016, 11:46:49 AM »
I didn't end up gong home yesterday just because I didn't feel like it. I feel like I have nothing to do over there, so why go back? I had a really nice and productive day and basically finished a rough draft of my project, plus some revisions.

I'm going to start heading back home soon today because my gf has a lot of work to do today and I don't want to be a distraction.

That will be fine, although having her around really helps me with my urges. She's on her period now, so it's not like we are messing around, but just being around her really reduces my need to MO.

As far as PMO goes, it feels like a distant memory, which I really hope it is. Today I will be hitting day 50! That's quite a feat for someone who's previous best for the last two years was 21 days.

It still feels different this time and I feel absolutely fantastic.

21
Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: October 04, 2016, 10:27:17 AM »
Okay today I'm heading back home after a nice long weekend with the girl. We didn't have any problems, and I attribute that to quitting PMO and getting to know myself better. On Sunday we went to her spiritual center and it was pretty okay. She said she didn't like it as much as she did in the past because the crowd was noticeably older. I think I might try to find one to go to in my area because I liked it.

I look forward to getting back home and finishing up my capstone project this week. I also need to get to the gym for some activity. It will be a good reward for a busy and productive weekend.

I also look forward to hitting day 50 for no PMO soon and I should be getting to day 15 of no M or edging too. I need to be conscious of chaser effect over the next few days. The last time I MO'd, it was probably because of chaser, and I didn't like it. I just need to remind myself of that if it comes up. That's about it.

So far this time around, things have just been excellent and I've had such an easier time of quitting than ever before. I just need to stay positive and keep moving forward.

22
Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: October 03, 2016, 01:08:15 PM »
The weekend had been really great and we are having a lot of fun. I have had no urges to PMO and we've had sex a few times this weekend. It's nice to get back to normal. I feel much better in general.

Today I have a ton of work to do, so I'll be really busy. I've just looked and my streaks are going really well. I forgot to increase my goals, so I'll go that now. But first, some images for my other journal.

23
Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 30, 2016, 11:15:03 AM »
So far this weekend has been very good. I am getting a lot of work done at my gf's while she is also working. One of the things that I've always noticed is that when we are together, I tend not to keep up with my routine. The routine isn't that tough, but I always slack when she's around. Then I feel bad about messing up streaks (like meditation streaks, or taking my meds). So this time, I was just vocal about it - Hey babe, I always seem to slack on my routine, so this weekend, I have stuff to do. I don't know why I have always felt that I needed to be with my gf the entire time we were together. Maybe some abandonment issue somewhere - who knows - but this morning, I just stuck to my routine. Now I'm done with it. I feel good, and I can get to work after we eat breakfast.

It's great when you realize you can be your own person without offending others. It's a nice freedom to have and I plan to try to keep this up. I think that in some small way, when I was compromising on the things I like to do and, I guess, NEED to do, I ended up getting resentful feelings by the end of the day. I already feel much more at ease this morning and prepared to get on with my day. It will go a long way to helping keep our relationship strong. Okay time to eat.

24
Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 29, 2016, 12:28:01 PM »
Yesterday went pretty well and my new daily task of re-reading my PMO plan in the morning has been really helpful. I would like to refine it into my personal mantra and then start reading that in the morning. I guess it's similar to having daily affirmations. My plan helps me remember what I should be trying to accomplish for the day.

Here it is, even though I think I've posted it here before.

My goal is to remove porn and porn subs from my life forever. In the meantime, I will continue to only engage in sexual activities with my girlfriend. I will remove masturbation from my life after a relapse on 9/24/16.

To succeed in this I will:

- Keep a tracker of my days clean

- Participate in discussions on the Reboot Nation forum

- Keep my girlfriend in the loop regarding my progress

- Find an accountability partner

- Pursue the ideal me through specific steps and goals including:

     - Exercising every other day for a minimum of 30 minutes
     - Practicing mindful meditation daily for 15 minutes
     - Practicing reframing of trials as opportunities
     - Practice hope instead of dispair
     - Educate myself on the addiction illness
     - Work up to a full day of “Golden Hours” of work
     - Get better sleep (follow sleep challenge)
     - Finish my certification and get a job
     - Incorporate playing drums and reading more into my daily activities
     - Do a special social activity at least once a week

In the morning, this little thing is giving me the little reminder of what I want my life to look like and how I should go about doing it. Yesterday I hit the gym for a while, which was nice and I got a lot of work done toward my certification. I also had to meet with my landlord, which I wasn't looking forward to, so I had to reframe that as an opportunity to be assertive. I still feel uncomfortable about that, but I'll get better at it.

This morning, I still struggled with wanting to MO, but I was able to fight the urge and hit the shower after my meditation. The MO urges have been really tough to deal with. I don't know if it's related to my relapse on that this week, but it's been tough. I need to remember that edging is worse than MO and if I really want to quit MO, then edging isn't an okay alternative.

I'll keep fighting that and will eventually beat it.

Well my time is up and I am heading off to my gf's for the weekend. That should be great and will help relieve some of this sexual tension I am feeling. I'll write if I have a chance this weekend, but I'm not counting on having a lot of time.

25
Porn Addiction / Re: The book that can change your life.
« on: September 27, 2016, 12:26:24 PM »
Thanks! That'a awesome. It should be pinned!

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 5