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Messages - LLTJR

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Ages 40 and up / Re: First post ... finally
« on: January 06, 2015, 01:39:45 PM »
Well my counter said 116 days. And the streak came to end yesterday. Good news is I spend most of the Fall porn free and masturbation free. Bad news is that I am at 0. I am drained of motivation right now, but not discouraged. In fact I have given good thought as to what brought about the fall. There were some holiday things that led me there including more movies, eating sugar (which is a image/fantasy trigger for me) and just more time to be sitting around and idle. It was a moment having my guard down and my phone unfortunately ready to punch up what I was looking for.

Ironically, I have been reading a good book related to this subject, "The WillPower Instinct" which I recommend. There are clearly no magic bullets. Health, awareness, and accountability all help and I am thankful for this site and all the energy that goes into it. It has made a difference in my life!

I plan to check in more and not be deceived by overconfidence.

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Ages 40 and up / Re: First post ... finally
« on: September 19, 2014, 08:42:03 AM »
Thanks for asking Rider. So far, it has been a successful reboot in terms of what I have done. The things in my mind are another story. Constant replay of scenes from videos, still pictures of young girls doing ridiculous things and of course interactions with live women, scantily clad. I have had temptations along the way to MO but so far so good. Best thing I did was tell my wife about my last big episode and the decision to join Reboot Nation and the kind of support i am getting here. She took it well and we have been able to talk causally about my issues rather than it turn into a big drama. I feel like we are getting on the same page with this and that I have a friend on the subject, not someone I feel guilty about about or am afraid to share with. It has not always ben that way. After 27 years of marriage, I guess new things become possible.

Overall I feel I need a desert island for 12 months to clear my brain.

Keep going strong on your reboot. You're the man!


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Ages 40 and up / Re: And I'm off.
« on: September 16, 2014, 08:54:04 AM »
Jijnyasu-
Thank you for sharing the real time trigger (email that you received) and then knowing you need to be aware that night. I am pushing through the waves during last couple of days and so far so good. It's the trigger coming out of the blue two weeks from now that scares me.

Just a minute a ago, I knocked on my neighbor's door (live on fourth floor condo unit) to ask about something totally mundane and 19 year daughter of our friend answers half asleep in a thin nighty with everything quite apparent. At the moment I am fighting a hard-on just writing about it. This is something I have not heard a lot of guys talking about--the relationship between live interactions with very attractive women and the temptation to do porn as a surrogate. I have not been unfaithful to my wife and certainly don't intend to, but for me, porn and real life interactions are related. Maybe tho is obvious, but part of my challenge is steering away from situations where I can be tempted. As far as I am concerned, live women with amazing parts trumps pixels any day.

Anyone dig on this?

 

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Ages 40 and up / Re: First post ... finally
« on: September 12, 2014, 10:32:41 AM »
Thank you to those who responded. Each of your comments is valuable. it was cool to come to the site and see people who get it and are in the fight.

Actually the fight metaphor has never really worked for me. It seems I can "win the battle", string together 30-50 days, and then continue to lose the war. The night comes when I willingly do the things that lead me down a path that I imagine I can handle but I can't. e.g. web searches on certain celebrities, photos of female anatomy etc. A trigger or two and I am down. The idea of a permanent brain/thinking change is still a distant fantasy. This lack of belief is what really stands in the way. Once again, it's the "porn is not an option" mindset that I want. Maybe starts with a deep acceptance of Dirty Harry's (?) advice ... a man has got to know his limitations...

Anyway, one day down ...here we go

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Ages 40 and up / Re: And I'm off.
« on: September 11, 2014, 08:10:46 PM »
I appreciate you being specific about what happened in the work environment (tramp stamp story). I made my first post tonight and I can tell this is going to be helpful. The fact is i am in very intimate conversations with women I interact with professionally and porn and other images has got me fantasizing at the drop of a hat about the woman I am working with. This is killing my ability to see her with compassion and respecting her as a human being. Recently, it has gotten totally out of control and though I haven't said anything inappropriate, one wrong word and or move could do irreparable damage.

SO thanks for putting yourself out there. I am inspired to be detailed in my posts and get this crap off my mind.

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Ages 40 and up / First post ... finally
« on: September 11, 2014, 07:59:01 PM »
This is my first post and I am glad to be here ... finally. The "great porn experiment" TED talk made a big impression on me and that was 6 months and several major porn/masturbation episodes ago. The fact is that I have had monthly episodes of some sort for over 30 years and I am choosing 9/11 to declare freedom from terrorism from the influence and effect of porn in my life.

Though outwardly there is no indication that my life at 52 years, 28 years married, four kids raised, a respectable professional reputation built, is anything but on target and on track, I have deep regret and about the energy, heart, time, attention, integrity, self-respect, and personal power I have lost through the years at the hand of the cycles of porn/M that I have engaged in. It is a sick tragedy and at the same time a lot of failed efforts to change that have brought me to this point.

I have put this posting off for some time with the confidence that I can yet beat it using yet another method (I feel I have tried them all). At the same time I have never opened up to more than a few trusted guys in my church about how I have suffered with it. Let today be a new day and a way that I can make a fresh start.

I was struck by a piece of advice on this site regarding the intention to make porn a non-possibility for the rest of my life. I can honestly say I am not there but realize I would like to get there, asap. Any thoughts about getting to that level of conviction? I have actually done it with a few other things in my life (sugar consumption) and have reaped the benefits. I would like to apply it now to the very thing that reduces me to a loaf of bread--the power that porn has to take me over and make me a slave.

OK, today 9/11 is my day of a new start. Here we go. Thank you to all who might read this and offer your experience and encouragement.

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