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Messages - CrazyGopher

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1
Ages 30-39 / Re: Keeping my feet on the ground
« on: June 05, 2016, 02:50:25 PM »
Thanks pinkerton, your support means a lot! Sometimes life gets rough, but somehow we have to keep going.

I know it's been a while, and I'm sorry it took me so long to reply. But today I'm feeling much better, so I thought it'd be a good time to start posting again and catch up with all you guys.

Speaking of posting again, I'd like to try the full "hard mode" reboot this time! You know what that means: not just "no PMO," but also "no MO" either! (I'm not sure if edging is included? Maybe someone could help me out with that...)

I'm aiming for at least 90 days, but ultimately I hope to go much farther than that.

I know this will surely be my toughest challenge yet, but I'm very excited to give this a shot! Looking forward to seeing what new trials await me on this new path. I'll post my next update soon.

2
Ages 30-39 / Keeping my feet on the ground
« on: March 19, 2016, 10:16:37 AM »
Well, here I am with a new journal. Things have changed a lot for me since my last post, and it just seemed too inconsistent to keep posting in the same one. It's not even related to my reboot, because I haven't changed my approach or started watching P again or anything like that. No changes there, but a bunch of unrelated difficulty in life came all at once and I'm not dealing with it that well to be honest. Trying to hold it together, but it's tough and a big challenge for me.

Perhaps when you are headed in a certain direction for a long time, the tendency is to think that it will continue forever? But what I can see now is that there are no guarantees in life, and I never know what the next moment will bring. Who knows, it could even be the kind of curveball that seems to change nearly everything!

Well, that is neither bad nor good, but it did teach me something about rebooting. I have written before about how easy it has been for me to get cocky about my reboot and start thinking that I've got this thing licked for good. That I'm somehow 'immunized' and I'll never watch P again no matter what. I wrote about that because I watched myself get cocky and then experience a relapse, and I have watched it happen to others, too!

This time I didn't relapse, but my situation taught me how easy it could be if things got bad enough. I had a thought like this:

Quote
What if I suddenly found myself in a terrible situation with no hope? Maybe homeless on the streets? Worse?

What then? Would I really care about avoiding P?

Hm... Maybe not. Maybe I wouldn't care.

Maybe it seems negative, but this thought sobers me to put my feet back on the ground! I have to keep things in the proper perspective here.

I can still reboot and be happy about my progress and success, and that is very good. But I also have to learn to be realistic about my life. I can't use my success in rebooting and pretend it also means I am successful in other areas of life, because that may not be the case.

3
math forum, I read your post carefully but I'm a little confused... did you relapse with porn after 102 days?

From my own experience I can say that it is possible to get back on your feet quickly after a relapse, and it didn't seem to ruin my recovery. I don't know if that will help you feel less alone and lonely, but I hope so :)

4
Porn Addiction / Re: Accountability partners
« on: March 13, 2016, 05:29:01 PM »
A tricky question. I think the answer is "it depends?"

Mostly I think people are aware of the possibility of getting discovered by the public or people in their personal life as a P watcher. For example, I think people have been discovered by accidentally leaving a browser window with this forum open. And there are many other ways it can happen.

But there are benefits of sharing, too. I know for me, I'm not sure I would have recovered without my posts here.

So we all have to look at our own lives and make the decision whether to post or not.

Anyway, glad this issue is getting some more attention lately! You might also be interested in this recent thread on nofap.

5
Ages 30-39 / Re: "I can control the Zero. F*ck the Zero"
« on: March 13, 2016, 05:04:54 PM »
jnv, my man, how are you doing? Your counter seems great but it's been a while since you updated your journal...

6
Ages 30-39 / Re: Ulaozin Journal: First reboot
« on: March 12, 2016, 11:46:04 AM »
Hi ulaozin,

It has been a while, but I see you are still resetting... You are still with us?

Hope the progress on your thesis goes well... Wishing you much success today!

7
Ages 40 and up / Re: Kicking my porn addiction
« on: February 20, 2016, 05:45:57 PM »
Congrats on 65 days obeyandevolve! :) :)

Have you been doing the O every 14 days exactly? The same day of the week during every 2nd week?

8
Ages 30-39 / Re: My Journal
« on: February 17, 2016, 05:52:47 AM »
Hey tzimisce,

I know you are feeling sad about the relapse, but I thought it was great that you observed how it happened so clearly: started with peeking, continued with rationalizations, and eventually went all the way to PMO.

Strong motivation + objective observation can lead you all the way to success.

Anyway, good luck, and hope you feel better soon... You can do this! :)

9
Ages 20-29 / Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« on: February 08, 2016, 06:22:34 AM »
Hey Blu, congrats on three weeks! 21 days! Awesome ;D

In the late afternoon I had a drop of motivation and lowering of the mood. I believe it was because I surrendered to food's cravings! Do you think there is any link between mood and food? i ate some biscuits and I felt by far worse than I was feeling!

In my own experience, absolutely there is a link. After I eat food I feel weaker, less motivated, and I have to be more careful about triggers.

Perhaps the dopamine link explains why intermittent fasting can be helpful while rebooting?

(But if anyone tries it, be careful and make sure you drink plenty of water! ;))

10
Ages 30-39 / Re: 31yo reboot journal
« on: February 05, 2016, 03:27:50 PM »
Hi arahant! Welcome to RN, and congrats on getting your meditation going again. :)

Really amazing that you have managed 5 years free in the past :o One day I hope to acheive that, too ;D

11
Ages 20-29 / Re: can anyone help me figure out nofap?
« on: January 24, 2016, 06:02:42 AM »
Hey vamp, good news! Whatever you did seems to have worked. Now I can see your post here and I also found it in the 'new' section here. Had to scroll back pretty far, since there have been 252 new posts since then... but it works! :)

12
Ages 20-29 / Re: can anyone help me figure out nofap?
« on: January 23, 2016, 08:31:59 AM »
Hey vamp, sorry it's not working for ya man. :( I see your posts there too, but it looks like all the text was deleted somehow? Did you do that?

13
Ages 20-29 / Re: Shedding my skin
« on: January 22, 2016, 12:11:49 PM »
Hey OnwardsandUpwards, welcome to RebootNation man! I was thrilled to read your first post, you have a great energy and it has really injected some life into my cold, wintery morning. Thanks for that :)

Was also awesome to hear you talk about setting aside the cycles of shame and self-hatred, as that's been a huge problem for me and many others here, too. But you are right, it doesn't help! So much better to work hard, be kind to ourselves, and rely on each other so we can escape from the cold, dark cave into that warm sunshine. ;D

Thanks again, I'm really glad you decided to post today :)

14
Ages 30-39 / Re: Never ever surrender until i'm done with this
« on: January 22, 2016, 11:41:37 AM »
Hi BestVersionOfMySelf,

Sounds like you had a rough day :( But I also heard your strength shine through at the end of your post there. :)

Just wanted you to know that someone out there is reading you, and wishing you a much better tomorrow.

15
Ages 30-39 / Re: Time to Quit
« on: January 10, 2016, 05:30:17 PM »
Hey robert99, welcome man! :) Looks like you are off to a solid start.

Hmmm, forum tips. I would say trying to build connections with other rebooters is what helps the most. Try to find guys who have similar goals, introduce yourself and post in their journals, or maybe try the accountability partners thread? It does take time and effort, but after a while you really start to feel like part of the team :) Maybe it sounds a little silly, but that feeling has helped me get through many rough spots without a relapse.

16
Ages 30-39 / Re: Questions
« on: January 10, 2016, 04:52:18 PM »
Yes, I have definitely experienced pain from fapping too much. :-[ Sometimes accompanied by a feeling like I really need to urinate even when my bladder is empty.

I don't know if it's the same as your issue? But mine was caused by edging (where you look at P and perhaps M but don't allow yourself to O for a long time).

17
Ages 30-39 / Re: Ulaozin Journal: First reboot
« on: December 24, 2015, 07:33:08 AM »
Hi ulaozin,

I felt very happy to hear from you again. :)

It sounds like a tough time for you now, with the stress and trouble of holidays. :'( :'( :'( I hope you will get some relief from your distress soon.

It is tough, but you are becoming stronger! We all here are learning to become stronger together.

Good luck in this rough time my friend. And thank you for taking time to encourage others. :)

CG

18
Ages 20-29 / Re: Momo's
« on: December 20, 2015, 03:29:01 PM »
Hi Momo, congrats on making a week man ;D

Several times in the past week I've had dreams of porn, I think dreams of me watching porn and then I get really disappointed and mad because I think that I've relapsed, and then I wake up and realize it was just a dream. It's strange and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Anyone ever experienced this?

Oh, yes... many times. Had one about a week ago, actually.

I found the dreams themselves aren't bad, actually sometimes they are interesting. But also a bit risky, because they can remind you about P and cause cravings to come during the day. :-\

19
Ages 20-29 / Re: I got 99 problems, and porn is a majority of them
« on: December 03, 2015, 07:08:51 AM »
Hi TobyTob,

I have felt that embarrassment when posting after a reset too :-[, many times. But it is so much better to post than to turn away from this forum, to turn away from the help and support that is available here. So I am glad that you let us know what's going on, and if you feel shame, perhaps it will help to know that there is no judgement here. We are not here to criticize, but only to help you get back on your feet and succeed.

You have been so committed to this process, reaching out to others and posting every day! That is true dedication, and it is inspiring. There are many lurkers here who never post, but they, too, have been watching your progress and have been inspired by your commitment and dedication.

That is why it is wonderful that you are thinking about what led up to this reset, and how you can make it different next time. That is so important. Someone shared this on another reboot forum recently:

Quote
Some users are phenomenal when it comes to introspection and able to pinpoint with razor accuracy what led to the relapse. Those are also some of the most successful rebooters here in my opinion.

Good luck, my friend. Hope you stay strong through the chaser, and perhaps try to come here first if you are thinking about PMOing again? It could make the difference.

CG

20
Ages 20-29 / Re: My #ihateporn Journal
« on: November 29, 2015, 10:58:46 AM »
Same thing happened to me a few days ago ckn, the P dreams that is. :'( I don't know why this happens to us... but I know it's rough :'(

I changed my routine up a bit to get off the computer earlier at night, so I wouldn't feel tempted... it seemed to help? Now after a few days, I feel back to normal again.

Good luck my man, keep posting if you feel tempted, it helps bigtime

21
Ages 30-39 / Re: Missing
« on: November 25, 2015, 08:00:35 PM »
Hey workingonit,

Are you looking for this: http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=7133.msg72986#msg72986

If your post isn't there, looks like it's gone... :'(

Sorry about that man, I have lost long posts too, I know it really sucks :'(

22
Ages 20-29 / Re: Time to get a bit more serious
« on: November 22, 2015, 02:02:33 PM »
Day 33 & 34,
Welll I am unhappy to report that I had a moment of weakness and relapsed and I am feeling super ashamed and disappointed in myself. I've been doing so great and all of a sudden this strong urge just kicked in out of nowhere. I can't explain how much I am hurting right now. I was thinking of a bunch of ways I can justify that I wouldn't have to reset my counter or how I can just omit this and continue on with my day count. I feel like I have made it so far and don't want to restart but I guess I have to. It felt like for the longest time I could hold my head up knowing I had a bit of control over this habit. It is approx 3 in the morning where I live. I went to sleep and ended up waking up twice due to nightmares/ weird dreams that made me super uncomforatable. I don't know what happened the third time but I woke up with this crazy strong urge to watch porn. I tried to rationalize why I shouldn't and think of the days I've accumulated, but my heart was pounding like crazy and I coundn't stop. I'm not sure what little things caused this. Maybe I should have kept on top of my journal more. Oh god I am so hurt right now. I really want to get over this sooo bad and it was scary how quickly this thing took over my mind. I am terrified that I might never have full control, 34 days down the drain. Please any words of encouragement, support or advice is helpful right now. Thanks. Also I didn't even get a chance to watch the porn, I had eaculated before the video loaded

Hi crazygdude,

It sounds like you are really hurting right now. I know what you mean when you say it is scary how quickly this thing can take over your mind, because it has happened to me so many times. Yikes! :o :'(

You asked for advice, so here are some ideas. Firstly, you should know that waking up in the middle of the night with extreme urges for P or MO is common. It will probably happen again if you continue down this path. It happens to me, too, and that's one reason why I have my devices locked down tight (that way it is much harder to access P at night when I am groggy, horny, and not thinking clearly).

Communicating with others on this site really helps. Here's a tip from TobyTob:

Post daily journals, keeps you in check and also read other peoples posts and just get the communication going...has a significant impact, I promise.

Finally, knowing that MO without P is not a relapse/restart may make these nighttime situations seem less overwhelming. Many guys here choose to avoid MO during their reboot, and avoiding MO is indeed helpful for PIED recovery. But when things get really tough, remembering that avoiding P and P subs is more important could also be helpful.

Got to sign off now, but I will say that if you really want to free yourself from P, it can be done! I had to reset one time after 6 months free recently, but the time off has really changed me. I struggle much less with urges now. The longer you can stay away from P, the more those pathways in your brain will rewire.

23
Hey, congrats on your 33 days TheArchitect! I think removing triggers helped me a lot too.

Here is how I got image triggers out of my Google Chrome. Sadly it is not "intelligent"... takes some work to unblock specific sites :(. Also, it is very easy to undo so this, so it can only help avoid triggers (does not help with urges). But it is enough for me! Hope it could be useful for somebody. ;D

We really need a good set of instructions with screenshots! But here's my best for now:
  • Click the icon on the left of the URL bar (left of www.rebootnation.org at the top of the browser window)
  • click "Site Settings" at the bottom
  • click radio button "Do not show any images", then click "Done"
Now images are blocked absolutely everywhere. However, when you visit a site, there will be an image icon on the right side of the url bar with a red X on it. if you click that, you can permanently unblock images just for that site.

You can unblock RebootNation, for example. No P subs here ;D. Also, some web sites do not work well without images, so you will have to enable them there.

If you unblock a site, you can easily "reblock" it by clicking on the URL bar icon.

24
Ages 30-39 / Re: journal of a realitynaut...
« on: November 19, 2015, 02:59:34 PM »
Hi findra,

Awesome, congrats on your 90 days! Hope you can keep that wagon rolling.

Also wanted to say thanks for being honest about your hesitation to abandon the old stash. I had a really hard time with that, and many other guys are struggling with this too. It really helps knowing that we're not alone.

25
Porn Addiction / Re: How to remove all triggers (open again)
« on: November 18, 2015, 06:37:32 AM »
Another problem is that Youtube tracks what you watch.

If somebody watches yoga videos once, that can cause yoga triggers to appear in the "related videos" section weeks later when they watch any Youtube video (even YBOP or Gabe's videos, for example).

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