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Messages - nD86

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1
Ages 20-29 / Re: New to this: 90 days challenge
« on: March 05, 2015, 06:23:10 PM »
So....

I made it to 90 days, and fapped.

I don't know. My brain did a number on me. Since I stopped posting actively on this site, porn felt like it had gone away. Over the past couple of weeks though, I've been feeling this urge. It started off with trying to find ways to excuse fapping in some shape or form. For three months, I had a girl I was seeing and fapping really wasn't on my mind. We ended it, and suddenly I'm without sex, which, when you've been getting it regularly for a couple of months, really blows.

So here I was, looking for ways to release - p-free, in a sense, but not really finding any. Anything I landed on - I didn't really land on much besides porn - was just a no-go: clearly P, so no... That lasted for a week or two. Then a few days ago, release nr. 1; today, release nr. 2.

I don't really feel much of anything about it now. I mean, I'm not extremely worried this is going to come back into my life; I feel I have beaten it once, I can beat it again. I just find the idea that I will never have a release like this again very challenging. 90 days was okay, posting and keeping up to date and reading things that other people were posting going through the same thing as me, but when that sort of faded a little, and the sex I was getting disappeared, well...

I don't really know where to go from here. Restart? Succeeded at 90 days; 180 days now?

I can't come to grips with the idea that this is just never going to be a thing ever again in my life. It's like the weight of forever weighs too heavily upon me.

Fapping to P was obviously the wrong choice, but I did it with full consciousness. I knew all the while what I was doing...

The experience itself was, well, disappointing. I mean, the build-up is so immense; you get this psyched feeling like it's going to be amazing, but it really isn't. It's just looking at moving pictures and releasing some kind of built up energy.

What next?

2
Ages 20-29 / Re: New to this: 90 days challenge
« on: January 19, 2015, 06:36:16 PM »
Day 49

Still solid. I'm getting that "this is no longer an issue feeling," which means I should be one the lookout for a slip-up. I don't want to though. Lately, I haven't thought about P much at all.

My mind is, I think, "back to normal." It's not constantly bombarding me with sexual images in situations. I have become more relaxed around women because of it. It's also easier to verbalise my thoughts because there isn't that layer of shame and guilt making everything I say feel fake because all I can really think is what a perve I am.

Lots of other stuff going on in my life. It's a great feeling to think I can overcome this nonsense. Definitely more confident overall.

3
Ages 20-29 / Re: New to this: 90 days challenge
« on: January 10, 2015, 11:03:09 AM »
Day 40

Going strong. Haven't really felt much desire to engage in pornography. I have been discussing my situation with my therapist, and we both agree that stopping pornography has made me clearer about the other issues in my life. P, for me, is escapism; it inserted an element of control in my life in situations where I felt emotionally out of control.

A lot of angsty emotions have come up of late. I've had moments where I've felt weepy for what seems like no reason whatsoever. Luckily, I have enough self-control to only let go in situations where I feel absolutely comfortable doing so.

I'm still struggling with intimacy. For more than ten years now, I've suffered from halitophobia - an irritational fear of having bad breath. It has been detrimental to my social life, and the more insecure and defeated it made me feel, the stronger my gravitation towards P. The girl I'm seeing now has no difficulties with being close to me, but I still find it quite difficult to do; am always afraid she will "discover" that I have bad breath - definitely quite paranoid. Anyways, I am working on this too, and the next step is to open up to her about this issue in my life. I am scared about doing that though, opening up like this; don't really want to let down my mask for fear of condemnation; prefer to keep up appearances and exercise all manners of avoidance behaviour. P was always a coping mechanism to deal with the intensity of emotions that feeling worthless had me feeling. It's odd - for someone who is so verbally open about so many areas of his life, I have real difficulties actually allowing situations to really reach me. It's like rationalising my situation, by analysing excessively, is yet another way to cope with being too afraid to actually confront my fears and be intimate with the people in my life. It disconnects me from the terrifying knowledge that others can bring out intense emotions in me; it makes me feel weak and at the mercy of others.

4
Ages 20-29 / Re: 90 Day Journal - mybestself - 28M
« on: January 09, 2015, 07:58:40 AM »
The resistance to admitting failure and picking myself up afterwards is my strongest motivation not to relapse. I can only imagine how bluesy you must be feeling right now. You seem to be handling it well though. This isn't about running a clock; it's about changing a lifestyle!

Keep up the good work :)

5
Ages 20-29 / Re: New to this: 90 days challenge
« on: January 04, 2015, 07:21:10 PM »
Day 34

To be frank, I don't really know why I'm writing this journal entry. I guess I want to keep up the good habit, but there's nothing really happening on the P-front. The desire to look at it has severely diminished; in fact, I feel repulsed by the idea of engaging in PMO. Maybe the space created by the fact that I haven't for longer than I can remember has allowed me to reflect on my true feelings about it. I've known for some time it's something I shouldn't be engaging in, but there's none of the self-condemnation wrapped up in there, complicating matters emotionally, because I no longer am.

I don't want to make any grand claims and say this is all over now.

Something I've struggled with a lot in the past is negative, bluesy moods. I wouldn't call it a depression; more bluesy because I felt so out of control; at the whims of my dopamine-craving brain. That's settling down now. Big triggers for me used to be strong emotions on either side of the spectrum: elation / exuberance, but also sadness / depressive feelings. That, and boredom; that was a big one too. Now, I'm just sort of moving through these emotions in a different way. I feel quite drained at the moment (spent a long day behind the computer doing work for university), which used to get me feeling like I'd deserved some kind of reward. It's like now I'm more okay with being in a drained sort of emotional state. It's there - so be it - it'll end, and I'll feel different again tomorrow.

On a sidenote, I have been uncharacteristically productive over the weekend. Two full days of academic work. Usually, I'd get so worked up with anxiety over having so much to do that I'd jerk one out, doubling or tripling the anxiety and angst within a few minutes. I think the cold showers are really helping with that too. I know this isn't stricly a PMO-related challenge, but there are enough links in my life for me to be able to justify having it in there as a challenge. I guess someone reading this might feel like it's a stretch to link the two so strongly. I don't think it is. I think taking cold showers (it absolutely sucks to do but has you feeling amazing and energetic afterwards) is pretty much the opposite of what PMO is (short-term gratification that wrecks your energy levels and emotional comfort).

6
Porn Addiction / Re: Your views on recovery
« on: January 04, 2015, 07:06:03 PM »
I couldn't agree more with all three of the last posts.

I would not personally consider myself a porn addict, but I am someone who has a tendency to search for whatever might give a temporary boost when I am feeling down, tired or insecure. Personally, I do not believe that a core feeling of unworthiness is something that has to be permanent. I mean, I have a lot of deep-rooted insecurities that I have are simply a knock-on effect from my parents. The difference is that I am actively engaged in healing while my parents are not, so I'm more confident of a positive outcome because I am approaching my issues in a more healthy, confrontational manner. I have made big steps over the past few years, particularly the past half year, and am slowly restructuring my life to support healthy habits instead of unhealthy ones.

The biggest thing for me is to cut out people from my life who bring the aforementioned feelings out in me. I am not yet strong enough to be unaffected by other people's negativity and self-centredness, particularly when these people are close family or friends. It's a struggle though, and scary a lot, but I guess it has to be.

I know for a fact that a fear of real intimacy lies at the root of why I turned to porn and it became so entangled in my life. That, and a desire to regain control over situations in my life over which I had little control. I had no control, for example, over my family situation. Was, until the age of eighteen, "forced" to live in the noxious environment I used to call "home". At 28, I have more control, and I have more say in the choices I make in my life. I am finding that as I exercise more control over my social life and the people I allow to influence me (it is more difficult to control the influence people have on you than to control who you allow around you to have that influence) my desire for porn has severely diminished.

Anyway, I don't think we should be too worried about getting into discussions about these matters. In the very least, I have found it helpful to hear your views on things and reflect on it together, so thank you all for that.

7
Porn Addiction / Re: Your views on recovery
« on: January 04, 2015, 07:57:57 AM »
@Blah432: that's really inspirational, man. I could see how engaging in positive, socially committed activities would be a good counterweight for dopamine cravings, since they are all quite isolating activities if you think about it. I recognise a lot of what you say, but haven't found the strength to quit my dopamine-inspired lifestyle yet. A lot of my choices in life have been inspired by this desire for deeper connection you describe - God, if you will - but each time I fall back into instant gratification mode, and feel like I have to start afresh.

Anyway, thanks for posting, and truly awesome (in the literal sense of the word) that you have found your path.

@William: you're right. I do need to be careful. Not sure if I have the right counter though, because I'm not doing hard mode (I have no qualms about sex). It's just P that I want to steer absolutely clear from.

I really value your input and I think you're right on the money when it comes to my attitude towards this whole thing. I have over the years been struggling with a lot of big questions, while also living the lifestyle of a dopamine addict. Certainly, one of the least healthy bases to conduct any type of philosophical, spiritual and emotional investigatory work from. Strange as this may sound, I think grand philosophical realisations have become part and parcel of my dopamine problem. I crave reaching the truth of matters, and when I do feel like I have struck a chord with life there is that beautiful release, but these type of realisations are transient, and before I know it the feeling has slipped and I am back searching for answers.

I will take your advise and see porn and as just porn for the remainder of my 90-day P-free challenge, and see where I stand after that. Rebalancing my dopamine system should indeed be my top priority. Perhaps then I will have what it takes to start living some of these truths, instead of chasing after the realisation of them like some sort of spiritual junkie.

Thank you for your help.

8
Ages 20-29 / Re: 90 Day Journal - mybestself - 28M
« on: January 02, 2015, 10:10:33 PM »
Great job on reaching the new year without a reset, bro! Keep on trucking and making those positive changes!

9
Ages 20-29 / Re: New to this: 90 days challenge
« on: January 02, 2015, 07:45:18 PM »
I have started another challenge - no more hot showers. In other words, cold showers from now on. Ten days is the aim for now.

I have been reading a lot of good things about it and think it ties in with breaking the P habit.

10
Porn Addiction / Re: Healthy living question
« on: January 02, 2015, 07:36:32 PM »
Thanks Gabe.

I have added one more, but two seems to be the maximum before you reach the character limit. Is there anyway I can circumvent that?

Also, I'm doubtful whether this is the right place to keep track of other challenges. I don't want to dilute what the community is doing here.

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Porn Addiction / Re: Your views on recovery
« on: January 02, 2015, 07:27:46 PM »
Thanks for your views.

Don't worry. I didn't see your post as an attack. Not at all. I appreciate we're all coming at this from different perspectives.

I think I may have clouded the question that I am most eager to find an answer to with unnecessary side-tracks and long-windedness. My apologies.

What I would really like to find out is are there others among you for whom porn is not the sole addictive issue? As I mentioned, I have an array of ways to get my dopamine fix; none of them totally disruptive, but together culminating in a rather unhealthy lifestyle. I am curious what your thoughts are on dealing with this. I cannot go cold turkey on eight or nine issues, and it often seems like when I make progress on one - like P - others become stronger to make sure I am still getting my fix.

To give an example, I am smoking more cigarettes since I committed to rebooting.

12
Porn Addiction / Healthy living question
« on: January 02, 2015, 07:14:33 PM »
Hi there,

I have been wondering about something and thought this might be a good place to pose my question. It is loosely porn-related, but more about the method we're using to kick the habit than the actual habit.

Anyway, I think a lot of you use counters to track your progress. Though there are some downsides, I have found the combination between keeping a counter and a journal to be quite effective for me.

There are some other habits I want to kick though, and some positive ones I'd like to nurture. Do any of you happen to know if there is a place where you can create counters / keep track of your healthy living goals? Ideally, I'd like to get a bunch of counters going.

Any input is welcome! Thanks in advance, and stay strong!

13
Ages 20-29 / Re: New to this: 90 days challenge
« on: January 02, 2015, 07:07:39 PM »
Day 32

More than a month off P now - I'm pretty stoked. I cannot say my life has radically changed yet, but there are certainly a lot of changes in progress. I think being P-free has given me more energy in certain ways and made me more assertive in others. I broke off an old friendship a few days ago - well, suggested a 6-month break - which I don't think I would have done had I been PMO-ing. Being P-free has set a lot of balls rolling for me socially. I am clearer what my emotional wants and needs are and taking steps more actively to improve my social life.

I don't believe quitting P will radically turn my life around. Definitely though, it is changing my life in positive ways, something I am very grateful for.

A lot of intimacy issues have been coming up of late. I think holding back from intimacy also lies at the root of this problem for me.

Anyway, just wanted to report that I'm still going strong. Things are a little easier now that the festive period is over.

14
Ages 20-29 / Re: New to this: 90 days challenge
« on: December 30, 2014, 08:13:39 PM »
Day 29

The whole of last week was rough. The emotional turbulence of being around family made me crave a release for much of the week.

I have been seeing this girl over the past few weeks after we hooked up at a night out. At eighteen, she's very young for me (I'm twenty-eight), but at the moment, I just can't stop myself. She's very wild and willing between the sheets; cannot get enough, which suits me just fine at the moment. Knowing that we would meet up later in the week had me feeling like a bull in heat.

On the one hand, I feel like it's a step in the right direction to be having steady sex again instead of seedy solo-sessions, jacking it to moving images of girls I don't know and probably wouldn't find appealing in any other way than their bodies if they were real. I mean, at least my sexual energy is being spent where nature intended it to be spent, so there's none of that "what the f*ck did I just do?" type of stuff that P brings out. On the other, an eighteen year old girl with a twenty-eight year old guy seems almost like a porn reenactment. I mean, she's cute and enjoyable company outside of sex too, but lacks any of the depth of personality and  life experience I feel I should be going for in a woman. Am I kidding myself that she is appealing to me in any other way than her body because I want the steady sex? My sex life, so often, seems to centre around women who I am certain I can impress; low risk - same as porn; little real emotional connection - same as porn.

I don't quite know what to make of it at the moment. Guess I'll update later.

15
Porn Addiction / Your views on recovery
« on: December 28, 2014, 08:03:11 PM »
I've been on this forum for a little under a month now; reading a little here and there, soaking up the insights and discussing views about this addiction. In the meantime I haven't engaged in P and, perhaps foolishly, feel that I have it in my control to make this a thing of the past, for good.

One thing that has struck me is that many members on here have a Christian orientation towards recovery, particularly those members who adhere to a twelve or thirteen step programme. To each his own, and what works for one person might not work for another, so that's fine..

What I'm wondering though, broadly speaking, is what are the attitudes of members towards recovery and life as an "ex-addict?"

I have noticed that there are a lot of neurological insights on addiction - brain pathways, dopamine and the like - but then there's also people who take a more religious attitude and adhere to a programme and its dominant attitude toward addiction. Many, it seems, combine scientific insights with religious attitudes. There are also others who seem reborn - got their act together on all of life's fronts; become more assertive, taken control, etc.; fully recovered, you might say.

So what I'm wondering is:

What is a recovered addict? Is there such a thing as recovery or is this a lifelong struggle? What do you base that position on?

From a practical point of view, I have good reason to ask these questions, because I have what modern psychology calls a personality that is "prone to addiction." (I have about eight or nine things that I use to give me that dopamine boost - none of them out of control, but together they contribute to what might be referred to as a "dopamine addiction." At least, that's how I see it...)

I am trying to find ways to deal with an out of control dopamine system in my life, but signing up to a forum and keeping a log for each of them just isn't workable. I have made big steps with breaking P, which honestly, I think has been the most destructive for my self-esteem, and noticing that as I become free from these self-esteem attacks, I have become clearer about other issues in my life. Sometimes it seems though that dealing with addictions, I am playing a game of whack-a-mole. I strike down on one and another head pops up somewhere else. I don't have the presence of mind or motivation to be a "recovered addict" in eight or nine different areas...

My own view is that I need to be dealing with dopamine irregularities in a far broader sense than purely P, then I am simply a recovering / recovered dopamine abuser. To simple to be true? I don't know. I am not sure how all this works at this point in time and would really appreciate some insights to help clear my thoughts on this and help me move forward.

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Porn Addiction / Re: Family situation as trigger?
« on: December 28, 2014, 10:36:20 AM »
Thanks for your input, guys. Very helpful.

At the moment, I am having a difficult time channelling my anger. I feel more confident since I started the reboot, but not in an altogether positive, take no nonsense but generally calm and relaxed kind of way; more just outright angered by situations, and not holding back when it comes to showing it.

I was raised by my mother and my stepfather. For all his faults, my stepfather at least is soft and non-threatening (which may go a long way toward explaining why my mother shacked up with him in the first place). My father, on the other hand, can be amazing, but also has a very sharp edge. He can be explosive in his moods, unpredictable and domineering. I think as a kid I got a lot of criticism when that side of me expressed itself, and it unhinged me in a way that boys raised primarily by their mothers can be. I became ashamed of that negative masculine energy in me; suppressed it - and fapping was one of my tools to do just that. Now that I'm no longer fapping all that frustrated, angry male energy is bubbling up and flowing over. It has made me more confident and without a doubt more appealing to the lady-folk, but also more domineering and full of myself, and at times, aggressive.

Realising all this over the Christmas period; what havoc I can cause when the masculine energy starts flowing, has caused me to become reflective. I think with time I will manage to play around with the energy; feel calm and relaxed, without suppressing my inner warrior. He's been running the show though these past weeks.

17
Ages 20-29 / Re: New to this: 90 days challenge
« on: December 26, 2014, 05:57:30 PM »
Day 25

My self-esteem is in the dumps.

Yesterday - Christmas - I had an angry and a jealous day. My stepbrother (eight years my senior) is Mr. Perfect in my parents' eyes - especially my slightly autistic stepfather. Me, on the other hand, can't do anything right. I can easily beat my stepfather in any discussion, but it is a huge downer to have someone senior around who has such a big axe to grind with you, and is constantly trying to get you down. At the end of the day (see previous entry) I started to feel the urge. I didn't act on it though. It would just put me in a really bad place. Now I'm confronted with the family situation; if I acted on the PMO urge I'd be so down and defeated about that, that I'd be one big step removed from the family situation. Bad for my self-esteem, bad for my focus, bad for everything basically.

Today, I had a major blow-up with my sister. Like most people in my immediate family, she treats me like a self-centred, petulant child (which, c'est la vie, I often become around my family - which is pretty much the only time I see sister). Fast forward three hours and I'm having a blow-up with one of my best friends, who, for the second night running has cancelled on my only and temporary escape (a beer and a cigarette at his house) near where I am staying with my family. He is becoming a very difficult person to rely on; makes plans but is in the habit of cancelling last minute, while he knows I am having a tough time with the family.

Anyway, the whole thing has got me feeling shit about myself. It seems like so many of the people I have in my life are impossible to communicate with, or I have gotten into such deep and unhealthy relationship patterns that spending time / talking with them just seems to revert into the same old shitstorm every time. I am truly very tired with the whole thing.

But hey, I didn't PMO, so I've got that going for me, which is nice.

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Porn Addiction / Re: Family situation as trigger?
« on: December 26, 2014, 03:54:41 PM »
I agree that P-addiction is a big part of the problem now. It has, in a way, overtaken the original issue in value and importance. Having said that, I do believe there is value in figuring out what lies at the heart of what caused me to indulge in this behaviour in the first place.

Can't say I can follow you in the dopamine comment. I get much more of a rush from actual sex than P could ever give me. The biggest attraction of P was that it can deliver at the beat of a moment, was always around at my weakest moments, and would never hold me accountable for my acts. Using P was just so much easier than developing a relationship with another individual, even if it was just for sex.

It's not so much about feelings for my family. Sure, I do have some positive feelings towards my family, but it's not like the negative feelings I have toward my family are a result of P. Negativity in my relationship with my family preceded P, and, like I was saying earlier, probably caused P abuse, because I craved an escape from how they made me feel. Still do - hence the post.

Don't agree that stopping P will solve all my life issues, mate. They will still be there, it's just that I will have a clearer mind, body and soul to deal with them. I have higher aims in life than being a non-addict.

19
Porn Addiction / Re: Family situation as trigger?
« on: December 26, 2014, 07:15:47 AM »
@Cyrus: you're right. It is simply escapism.

@Fappy: "ass-fuckingly boring" is not too bad of a description for them most of the times, haha. Somewhat counterintuitively, it's also such an emotionally overwhelming experience being around them. Feelings of anger, guilt, frustration, shame, powerlessness, boredom, jealousy, irritation all flowing into one. Being P-free has had a very positive effect on the guilt and shame side of things. At least I am not adding to the mixture by engaging in behaviour for which I will feel ashamed and guilty later.

You seem to take a neurological viewpoint of the situation. I wonder, is it just my brain looking for ways to justify P use, and now it's found family to be a good strategy to achieve its dopamine-related goals, or are the feelings I get about myself around my family at the root of why I had such a strong need for P in the first place?

I know any kid experiments with P. I don't think dealing with negative emotions was at the root of my P-indulging behaviour, but I do think as I became accustomed to the positive sensations it could deliver, it became a go-to coping mechanism to smother all the negativity my family situation caused, and in turn, created a positive feedback relationship between the coping mechanism and my self-esteem. What I mean is I think I started using P so that I wouldn't have to feel feelings of low self-esteem, but as I engaged in this activity more and more, my self-esteem became lower, which in turn would lead to more P: creating a vicious cycle of me feeling worse and worse about myself.

It seems to me that if I can find a way to be around my family without it destroying my self-esteem I will have taken some big steps toward breaking my hankering for PMO.

I guess I need to put forward the questions: "why exactly does my family make me feel so bad about myself? What do / don't they do that I don't need / need in my life?" I will give it some thought over the next couple of weeks and see if I can include some ideas / conclusions in my journal.

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Ages 20-29 / Re: New to this: 90 days challenge
« on: December 26, 2014, 06:41:39 AM »
Thanks, Fappy. It's much appreciated.

Yeah, I suppose you can say it has had a fucked up effect on my brain. I hope it's clear though my family themselves are not the trigger (that would be too messed up), but rather all the emotional turbulence that they cause. It feels good not to act out and escape that emotional turbulence, but ride the waves instead. It requires me to think of new, more wholesome ways to work with my emotions instead of just running away from them temporarily, and finding myself in the same exact situation the next day - just that little bit worse off and further removed from myself.


21
Porn Addiction / Family situation as trigger?
« on: December 25, 2014, 08:07:31 PM »
So today's been Christmas. Big family get together. I have an amazingly frustrating family. They're a big drain on my energy and my self-esteem. In short, they view me as a kid, which, in turn, I tend to behave like when I'm around them.

Noticed that for the first time since I decided to reboot I found myself really craving a release afterwards. Control / loss of control around them is a theme. Boundaries too.

So, instead of PMO-ing I came on here, and now I'm wondering: for how many of you are family situations / events a trigger for PMO? In what way?

Kinda curious.

22
Ages 20-29 / Re: New to this: 90 days challenge
« on: December 25, 2014, 08:02:52 PM »
Day 23.

Christmas. Rough time. Discovered how feelings of frustration and emotional overwhelm and low self-image caused by my family are big triggers for me. Managed to refrain. Everything feels bad at the moment, but tomorrow I will wake up with another day under my belt.

23
Ages 20-29 / Re: New to this: 90 days challenge
« on: December 23, 2014, 11:17:30 AM »
Day 19

Made a decision. MO is not the issue; P is. Decided I will grant myself the occasional MO, but only if it comes from a healthy place. I won't engage in it if I notice I am using it as a coping mechanism; to vent frustration, feelings of powerlessness, for example. If I plan it in advance, and it is done in a wholesome way, I think it can deepen my sexuality. Don't think I will be able to for a while though. Still depend on the visual stimulation too much to be able to enjoy a P-less solo session at the moment. Hopefully that will change.

Day 20

Met up with the girl I had a night with on Wednesday last week. It was, again, amazing. I have always enjoyed sex, but knowing that I am no longer a P-user - that it is just the real deal for me from now on and nothing else - has really deepened my appreciation of female beauty. Still feels like it's shifting though. There are moments during sex when I feel disconnected from the experience; like I'm not truly there. I have also struggled with an inflated ego of late, which has made me act out in an arrogant way with the people I care about. I guess I'm just getting used to the fact that my mojo is coming back. Getting so much more attention from women, it's crazy. So much more confident in my appearance and interactions with women; like a different person. This may sound awfully floaty, but for the first time I feel like I am growing out of boyhood and into a man. Good times.

I know I'm just coming into this, but so far the impact on my life has been nothing short of phenomenal. Best decision I ever made to commit to this and join this forum. Wish all the best to all you other troopers out there and go strong.

24
Well done, mate. Healing can only occur in a state of relaxation. Non-judgmental awareness is a great way to create that state of mind and body.

Keep at it and all the best to you for your perseverance!

25
Porn Addiction / Re: Need some help with this
« on: December 18, 2014, 10:57:43 AM »
Please, please, please check out tapping / Emotional Freedom Technique.

As is often the case, it's easy to learn yet hard to master, but it will set you on your way to becoming a more wholesome person emotionally. I would not consider your emotions as things that get in the way of your growth. Rather, emotions are your growth.
Strong negative emotions are your mind-body system's way of telling you where the blockages are that need to be cleared up.

Engage your body in a dialogue through emotions by learning how to speak its language.

Good luck!

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