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Topics - malando

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https://au.news.yahoo.com/video/watch/27885734/repairing-a-marriage-after-porn-addiction/

Interesting to see that mainstream media is now picking this up as a story and more people are coming forward to admit how it's messed with their lives. Maybe the tide is turning and this problem is becoming more visible and recognised. Very disappointing that the only psychologist they interviewed is not convinced that Porn can be an addiction! His reasoning is idiotic. He says because sex is a natural drive people have and sex is something people do, it can't really be an addiction.  ::)  Despite this, the people in the video are quite adamant about what porn addiction has done to them. I wonder if the psychological community is one of the biggest problems in getting the message out there. A lot of them seem sceptical or in denial about it - that can't be helping. I think it will be one of those things that has a tipping point and so impossible to deny, and then almost every psychologist will offer treatment for porn addiction.

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Ages 40 and up / Malando - getting started.
« on: May 09, 2016, 10:27:55 AM »
Hi all, I've just started to find out about all this porn addiction stuff. To be honest I didn't even know I had a problem until I clicked on a link about porn addiction and had a read. It has certainly been a real eye-opener to understand what my behaviour has been like and what it might lead to. So, to sum up my story:

I'm 43. I have always been very sexually minded. Since the age of 10 or 11, I've been masturbating most days. I was very skilled at fantasy scenarios up until the age of 18 when I was finally able to get my hands on X-rated magazines. Eventually the internet age arrived and I've lived on a steady diet of porn for a good deal of that - even when I've been in relationships. I always assumed that it's just because I'm just very sexual. I had never heard of dopamine addiction and its association to erotic images. I have used porn to get myself revved up before an encounter with my girlfriends. All very secretively of course.

I have had a couple of instances when I did have trouble getting aroused with a new partner. I put it down to performance anxiety because it only happened on an initial encounter and was overcome on the next attempt. I have not generally had trouble getting erections when I'm very attracted to a girl,but I have often used fantasising thoughts about other women to reach orgasm. Sometimes even gay sex scenes have caught my interest because they are more forbidden to me. It didn't use to bother me, but recently it has. It makes me feel quite distant during sex - which is the opposite of what I want to feel. I want to feel like I'm revelling in my partner's body and reactions. Instead, I'm thinking of somebody at work or an image in my mind. Usually it's a real person I know, but occasionally it might be a picture I have got from somewhere, probably the internet. Even worse is that lately I even imagine my partner in erotic situations with other men. It feels like I'm degrading her when I think this way - I only do it to reach orgasm. It seems like I need this extra push to get me there. It's this realisation that led me to examine whether I had a porn issue.

So since then, I've been reading up on the subject. I started with the YBOP website and found my way here. I have since deleted all the porn off my computer - about 4 GB of images and videos. I haven't looked at a P website at all for a week. It feels strange - I'm used to the release of at least one orgasm every day, but I've only had two in the last week - one with my partner, one with myself. When I get sexual thoughts or if I do masturbate, I'm trying to drag my thoughts immediately back to real life sexual thoughts about my partner - rather than allowing myself to think of other girls. I definitely have had a drop in libido this week. I did find my mind wandering several times when I had sex and when I masturbated. It was really a challenge to get my mind back on my partner.

I'm still reading up on this subject and trying to work out exactly where my problem sits on the spectrum. I know many people will say I shouldn't masturbate, or even have sex with my partner. There seems to be a range of views on this. Does anyone think it's ok to masturbate if my thoughts are strictly on my partner and not wild porn type imaginations? If it's only once a week or so? Or do I need to permanently give it up? How about sex with my partner? I know it would be very strange to her if I suddenly lost all motivation to have sex with her. I'm not wanting to discuss this with her, I want to handle it myself. She has enough on her plate with some family worries of her own.

Any comments or suggestions welcome!

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