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Topics - anewme

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Ages 30-39 / Trying Again
« on: October 24, 2016, 06:43:49 AM »
Hi I am starting a new topic. I have been on here before and I went 22 days with no porn or masturbation. After that I collapsed and I have pretty much been back doing it as much as I wanted ever since. My last day of my last run was 6th May so since then I have been watching porn and indulging in cyber sex. I am also now married.
Things were not too bad most of the time because I was busy so porn was only an issue when I had access to it, but recently I have had as much access as I want and it has again began to effect things in the bedroom with my now wife. It is starting to take much much longer to get aroused and its getting more difficult to maintain an erection, last night was the worst performance I have had in months, which has led me back here.

I have also been spending hours and hours on porn and cybersex when I have been saying that I was working, this has led me to show less interest in my family, made me irritable and made sex with my wife less and less frequent.

I am back here to try once more to cut this out but I just don't see how I can manage it. last time I went 22 days which was a record for me, after that I stopped writing here, i gave up totally. This time my goal is to get passed what i did last time.

Hope to hear some replies from you, I need to get my counter back up on here again.

Today is Day 1.

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Ages 30-39 / New Member: My story so far and Journal
« on: April 16, 2016, 11:26:29 AM »
Hello to all members.

I found this community 1 day ago and I have been reading a lot of posts and watching a lot of the videos etc.

I have finally had to admit to myself that I am a porn addict and it is causing some serious problems in my life.

I am a 34 year old father. I am also in a long term relationship. My situation has gotten to the point where I feel like I am going to destroy everything if I don't get this under control.

I use porn / chat sites and dating sites frequently to fuel my addiction. I have been using these things for about 7 or 8 years now. I have had trouble with PIED in the past but I have kind of used some techniques to control it. For example, a few years back I had issues where I was having trouble getting it up for "real girls" I then searched on google and found out that many guys had the same problem, i realised that all the porn and masturbating was causing this. A lot of this advice was similar to what it is on here e.g stop porn. So i did, I stopped using porn and masturbating for a week or two and I noticed a huge difference, everything seemed to come back and it didnt take as long as most people were saying, maybe because i didnt view porn until i was in my 20's.

Anyway i found a technique to sort of control it, but still watching the porn and using the other sites. I work away from home, so one week before I know I am coming home, i "detox" by not allowing myself to orgasm. I still watch the porn and masturbate but just not to orgasm. This worked most of the time, but the main problem was that I needed to wait a few days to get back to "normal",  and if i PMO'd in that time it wouldnt work very well, by that I mean, it needs constant stimulation to stay up.

Sometimes I loose my erections and occasionally I cant get it to happen without quite a lot of foreplay. I know that the issue is all the P and M, its no accident that when  abstain, even for a few days, things are much better in the bedroom.

This is not the only issue for me. As i said I use chat sites and dating sites too. Mainly I use them to find other users to cyber with, but recently I have met a few people for actual encounters. This has resulted in me feeling terrible, and being absolutely terrified that I may have picked something up, I have also used a prostitute. These things are the ultimate reason why I am here. I don't want to be this kind of person. I spend hours and hours of my life trawling chat and dating sites looking for people to talk to who share my ever increasing list of fetishes. I see something in a porn movie that turns me on then I spend hours looking for a person in real life who would be willing to do those things, then when i find them I create a meeting with them, usually that was enough but recently I have actually been meeting a few of these people and this is the make or break time for me because this is a path I really don't want to go down, and thats why im here. I beleive porn is the main  factor in influencing me do do these things and causing the functional problems in the bedroom.

I am also begining to hate the person that I have become. I have a vision for myself as the kind of person  want to be, and this is not it, at all. I can't even begin to understand how no one knows what I am doing or how I have managed to keep all this secret for so long.

I just wanted to come clean somewhere about myself and my story. I have tried this before but I usually just waited till my erections got batter then went straight back to "using again". It has really seeped into all aspects of my life, I have even looked at these things behind my laptop with a room full of people, on chat sites with my gf next to me, porn with people in the next room, even in the same room with the volume down. I am going to get caught and i know it and it is going to destroy my life.

One of my main issues is the way I work. I work away from home and stay in a hotel where i have access to anything I want with no one there to question me. When I am at home, I study which gives me a great excuse to always be on my laptop, my gf works too so I am free to do what I want with my time at home. I really need to find some kind of project that keeps me away from the internet, ideally it would keep me out of the house too. As i said, i came to P quite late in comparison to many people, therefore i know i can function normally without it, but it has been some years now since I knew how to do that and when I have free will and spare time, I always end up back in the same place.

I have a problem and I need advice on how to keep away from it. I just wanted to get all that out there as I really need this to work this time for the sake of my life and my familys future. Thanks for reading.

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