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Topics - nD86

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Porn Addiction / Healthy living question
« on: January 02, 2015, 07:14:33 PM »
Hi there,

I have been wondering about something and thought this might be a good place to pose my question. It is loosely porn-related, but more about the method we're using to kick the habit than the actual habit.

Anyway, I think a lot of you use counters to track your progress. Though there are some downsides, I have found the combination between keeping a counter and a journal to be quite effective for me.

There are some other habits I want to kick though, and some positive ones I'd like to nurture. Do any of you happen to know if there is a place where you can create counters / keep track of your healthy living goals? Ideally, I'd like to get a bunch of counters going.

Any input is welcome! Thanks in advance, and stay strong!

2
Porn Addiction / Your views on recovery
« on: December 28, 2014, 08:03:11 PM »
I've been on this forum for a little under a month now; reading a little here and there, soaking up the insights and discussing views about this addiction. In the meantime I haven't engaged in P and, perhaps foolishly, feel that I have it in my control to make this a thing of the past, for good.

One thing that has struck me is that many members on here have a Christian orientation towards recovery, particularly those members who adhere to a twelve or thirteen step programme. To each his own, and what works for one person might not work for another, so that's fine..

What I'm wondering though, broadly speaking, is what are the attitudes of members towards recovery and life as an "ex-addict?"

I have noticed that there are a lot of neurological insights on addiction - brain pathways, dopamine and the like - but then there's also people who take a more religious attitude and adhere to a programme and its dominant attitude toward addiction. Many, it seems, combine scientific insights with religious attitudes. There are also others who seem reborn - got their act together on all of life's fronts; become more assertive, taken control, etc.; fully recovered, you might say.

So what I'm wondering is:

What is a recovered addict? Is there such a thing as recovery or is this a lifelong struggle? What do you base that position on?

From a practical point of view, I have good reason to ask these questions, because I have what modern psychology calls a personality that is "prone to addiction." (I have about eight or nine things that I use to give me that dopamine boost - none of them out of control, but together they contribute to what might be referred to as a "dopamine addiction." At least, that's how I see it...)

I am trying to find ways to deal with an out of control dopamine system in my life, but signing up to a forum and keeping a log for each of them just isn't workable. I have made big steps with breaking P, which honestly, I think has been the most destructive for my self-esteem, and noticing that as I become free from these self-esteem attacks, I have become clearer about other issues in my life. Sometimes it seems though that dealing with addictions, I am playing a game of whack-a-mole. I strike down on one and another head pops up somewhere else. I don't have the presence of mind or motivation to be a "recovered addict" in eight or nine different areas...

My own view is that I need to be dealing with dopamine irregularities in a far broader sense than purely P, then I am simply a recovering / recovered dopamine abuser. To simple to be true? I don't know. I am not sure how all this works at this point in time and would really appreciate some insights to help clear my thoughts on this and help me move forward.

3
Porn Addiction / Family situation as trigger?
« on: December 25, 2014, 08:07:31 PM »
So today's been Christmas. Big family get together. I have an amazingly frustrating family. They're a big drain on my energy and my self-esteem. In short, they view me as a kid, which, in turn, I tend to behave like when I'm around them.

Noticed that for the first time since I decided to reboot I found myself really craving a release afterwards. Control / loss of control around them is a theme. Boundaries too.

So, instead of PMO-ing I came on here, and now I'm wondering: for how many of you are family situations / events a trigger for PMO? In what way?

Kinda curious.

4
Porn Addiction / Sexual dreams
« on: December 10, 2014, 12:45:00 PM »
How often do you guys get sexually orientated dreams when rebooting?

I am on day 9 of my reboot, but I only used porn once every three or four days when I started, and I didn't binge. Ever since I made the conscious decision to stop, every single night I have had incredibly sexual dreams. Last night I was at it with a girl I know (in the dream) for what seemed like hours. In the past I have woken up and M'ed, but I've managed to control it so far.

Apart from the 2nd day, when I masturbated in my dream (the first time I have ever experienced that) none of the dreams have been wet. A recurring theme in all of them is wanting to come though, and not getting there. For some reason, each time, the sex gets cut off and I spend the rest of the dream trying to get it back.


5
Ages 20-29 / New to this: 90 days challenge
« on: December 02, 2014, 07:09:36 PM »
Hey, let me introduce myself. I'm a 28 year old guy, studying to become a high school teacher.

A friend introduced me to a "nofap" video on YouTube, and the guy talking struck a chord. I wouldn't say I am addicted to PMO; it has been a bigger part of my life in the past. I have a number of personal growth projects - set myself high personal standards (which I don't always live up to), and I have found that as I grow as a person, my need for porn diminishes. It is at a point where I would say I use it maybe once a week; twice at tops. Thing is, I have known for some time it is not something I should do...

PMO has become a methodical, somewhat melancholy activity. It's like the force created by the understanding of its negative side has become stronger than the force of that used to be my motivation, but I still do it, robotically. Every now and again, a quick "let's get it over with" release - knowing full well what how I will feel afterwards. It used to be a big issue: a big personal struggle: "why do I it knowing the ethical implications, knowing how empty it makes me feel?" There was a lot of guilt and shame. Now there's more acceptance. I get my shot, in-and-out, and I wrap up. No hours of searching, no particular preferences...

I feel like I am at a cutting point. It doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I don't need the control it used to give me; I don't need its reassurance anymore. I am not interested in the superficial, fleeting connections it provides, can barely even find anything I find remotely interesting when I browse, but I find myself struggling against the neural coding of fifteen years of habit. Put simply, it's a habit. Just something I "could do" when I have a moment, and I realize I haven't in a couple of days. "Hey, it's out there - it's for free, right? Why not?" I stuff my face with food, smoke from time to time, drink; this is just another one of those things you get to allow yourself to do every once in a while; a quick dopamine boost.

So... a cutting point. I feel like I am close to stopping entirely; like it's continued existence in my life has become an absurdity. By continuing, I invite absurdity in my life; I invite a divide into my personality. Enough with the methodical release every few days. This site has shown me that there is a different way, and that there are others expressing ideas I have always intuited and at times expressed, but lacked the willpower to actively pursue.

I start today. 90 days. Sex, fine - PMO off-limits. Goal: a post a week - a bit of a log - but knowing me, there will always be psychobabble undertones.

Started! Boom!

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