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Topics - HumbleRich

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Porn Addiction / How many on this forum ogled women IRL?
« on: March 13, 2019, 08:28:34 PM »
Deleted due to lack of interest.

Porn Addiction / Creating A New Normal!
« on: February 16, 2019, 05:26:11 AM »
Hey  folks, Rich here.  I know I have  written a few posts here, but this one is  different.  What we are doing here, I think, is creating our new normal.  In the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (a book I have begun many, many times , but not yet finished),  Stephen Covey spells out how to live a successful professional and personal life.  One of his primary points, if I may summarize  half of his book, is integrity.   Your life should be an open book.  If you are successful, Covey maintains, there should be no skeletons in your closet.  Your life should be an open book.  Someone should be able to ask several different people about your character and what you get up to; your wife, your best friend, your boss; and they would all say the same thing.  Obviously people shouldn't know what is going on between the sheets, or other very  personal information, but  people should know who.and what you are.

That, ladies and gentleman, is what I do believe we are doing here.  We are making a new, revolutionary normal.  Let me ask you this.  How many people can you talk to about this?  Your porn addiction: who knows about it, who do you talk to.about it?  I thought so.  I am not, in any way, saying that you should talk to anyone about this problem you have.  No one should or needs to know.  But that is my very point.  Don't you want to be the type of person Covey describes?   Don't you wish that you could live your life, walking around, knowing you have nothing, absolutely nothing, to hide?  Your significant other approves and supports you.  Your boss thinks you are the best employee at the company.  You go out with your friends and can tell your wife everything, verbatim that happened.  You are an open book.

This reboot is your opportunity to redefine and reinvent your life.  Reconnect with yoir hobbies: read books, make models, go out and do the gardening.  Do you know what all lf these things have in common?  You can talk about them, with anybody.  The boss, your wife, your best friend.

"You know what I did this weekend? I finished the book I have been reading."  "My wife and I saw a movie."  "I preened the roses."

What you say isn't important.  But for once, just once in your life, don't you wish you could live this open life?  No secrets.  Nothing to be ashamed of.

You can, through this program.  Keep at it, fellas.  You got this!



Porn Addiction / Free February
« on: January 31, 2019, 12:26:11 AM »
Hey gents.  I am down for the count this month, but since I am in Asia, I thought I would start the Free February thread.  Putting pressure on myself.  If anyone else wants to get serious for 2019, join me. 


Porn Addiction / Offtopic: the Wrong Kind of Woman
« on: January 24, 2019, 11:59:52 PM »
Hey all, 

I just have to vent.  Since when is it the media's job to tell us who to vote for.  It was one thing that drove me nuts in 2016 and now, three weeks into 2019 we are back at it again.  I'm sorry samantha Bee, but there is no such thing as a "wrong type of woman" (my words) for president.  Voting is a personal issue.  Everyone votes for the person they feel the best reflects their  values.  Personally, as both a Democrat and a human being, I feel that we should celebrate that there are five women vying for the presidency.  How about you stop trying to control your viewers, stop drawing lines in the sand, admit that the more options there are the more likely a woman is to become president, and get off yoir high horse.  The democratic party and its followers are a tremendously diverse group, who all agree on certain vital things, despite wide ranging views.  Stop trying to whittle democrats into what you want, before you end up making things even worse.



Porn Addiction / Why NOT to PMO
« on: January 17, 2019, 11:32:10 PM »
Hello everybody,

I just had one of the biggest anxiety episodes I have ever experienced  just a second ago (I hesitate to call it actual anxiety attack because 1.  I have not been formally diagnosed with anxiety disorder and don't want to be insensitive to people have it, and 2.  I didn't feel it compared to.that)  I will talk about how to deal with anxiety without jumping to porn in another post, but I thought I would share the rational reasons I do not view any porn or erotica.  I hope that these empower you when you have urges.

1.  Porn is about power, not sex

We hear all the time  that rape is not about sex at all, but men dominating women (in most cases) and having power over them.  Well, I believe that porn is the same thing.  It isn't  about sex, it is about the producer and actor dominating the viewer.  They know you are taking out your cock and masturbating to what you are watching or looking at.  They have you by the balls.  They quite literally have you exactly where they want you, with your cock out.  If, like me, you preferred to check out adult models and amateur models on Reddit, you are quite literally being controlled by that model.  Do you think that they don't know what they are doing?  They do.  They  know that as soon as they upload a photo, they have hundreds of men by the eyeballs.  They enjoy being worshipped in the comment thread.  They like the attention.  They feed off of it.  This is not an equal, respectful relationship.  This is one in which the uploader has all of the power.  They post photos, men get their cocks out.  I am not here to debate the philisophical or ethical merits of women "taking power back through the power of the internet".  I couldn't care less what any person does with their life.  But fellas we know better.

I say hell no.  I know what nudity represents in the real world : two loving people enticing eachother in a consensual relationship.  Love.  Engagement between two people in a romantic relationship at the most, and a mutually consenting sexual relationship at the least.  Either way there is respect between the two people.

2.  People should be modest about their privates

Don't post erotic pictures on the internet.  Just don't.  And don''t view the erotic images of others.  There is no reason to and my objection to this is elaborated on in the point above.  Our privates should be viewed by people we have sex with and/or people we are in a relationship.with.  no one else.

3.  Sex is something between a couple

I feel like I am repeating myself here, but I truly believe that sex is an experience and that removing sexuality from the context of the healthy relationship is blatantly wrong.

So there it is.  These are my personal beliefs and these are what I cling to, as one would a life jacket, when the urges come crashing in.  I hope these can inspire people and help all of you when the going gets tough.

Please feel free to add any ideas that are important to you as rebooters.  The ones that help you stay on the straight and narrow.  But I would rather that this not turn into a debate over philosophy.  We are all here for the same reason: to get rid of porn, erotica, and masturbation.  This is not a political post.  I am not saying that other people need to adopt these principles.  I am just saying that they are the principles I believe in and the ones I use. 



Porn Addiction / Are we losing the culture war?
« on: January 04, 2019, 12:24:08 AM »
Hey all, I hope you are well.  I've been thinking about this alot.  Some of us may be winning our own battle, but are we losing the war?  I just visited the V & A recently and went to a special exhibition about video games.  It was amazing and I recommend it.  But in the commentary section there were videos of panels  talking about the cultural significance of video  games.  I was on board until sex games were brought up and the panel.was in favor of some pretty borderline offensive games.  I had no idea commercial sex games were a thing, but apparently they  are.  The sex games  i got involved with back in the day were all free online and very primitive.  But anyway.  I feel like we are losing  ground and I have  felt very on edge ever since.  Not only are we ex porn addicts fighting against our own demons, many of us  fight for the  cause of ridding the world of porn.  Not only do we have to face huge business conglomerates and the corporations that have built a multi billion dollar  industry, but now liberals  have  jumped on the bus too.  I feel like porn addiction may be here to say.  The future looks very bleak to me.  To think that the media that played a roll in destroying my life for years is now a talking point for liberals is hard to swallow.


Porn Addiction / Safety Warnings for Porn
« on: January 03, 2019, 11:07:26 PM »
I wonder what warnings would be on porn if it came in a box the way cigarettes do?  Here are some possibilities:
*  May completely destroy self confidence and self esteem
*  May lead to genital.abuse through over masturbation
*  Can lead to the abuse of areas of the brain associated with pleasure
*  Can lead to prolonged and severe procrastination
*  May lead to severely impaired  social skills with the opposite sex
*  May lead to varying levels of social anxiety

Porn Addiction / Merry Christmas, Rebooters!!!
« on: December 25, 2018, 03:18:55 PM »
Merry Christmas, Rebootnation!

It is Christmas Day!!!  Whether you are religious or not, I hope this holiday is a time for joy, merry making with your family, and meditation over what is truly important in your life.  I hope all of you are clean of this horrible addiction and free.  May you be free to live a life pure and your own. 


Porn Addiction / Commit to Commitment in your Marriage
« on: November 24, 2018, 02:19:52 AM »
Hello all,

This is amazing advice fir anyone who is married or anyone who wants to me married someday (this problem will come up for you, if you allow  it to, now or later).

To me, porn, erotica, and masturbation are a way to get around commitment, even if only in your mind.  You are replacing your spouse for your gratification.

This is a good read.  Something every married person needs to near.


Porn Addiction / They Are Using You
« on: November 15, 2018, 09:38:38 PM »
Hello everyone,

I just relapsed and what I want to do right now is unload some of the stuff that is bouncing around in my mind right now.

First of all, know that this habit and addiction are really hard to quit.  As I have stated in my journals, I am a porn addict and a recovering alcoholic and I can tell you that alcohol is much easier to kick than a porn and masturbation addiction.  I have failed in this PMO reboot so many times.  I can count my alcohol relapses on one hand (over a ten year period).  Alcoholism is no joke, but at least I can say it has been easy to overcome compared to PMO.

But back to what I wanted to talk about.

You, as a porn addict are being used.  Your brain is being rewired , you are being preyed upon, by the companies that make porn, by the porn creators on Reddit and other apps. 

But more than that, you are an enabler.  As much as you are screwing yourself over and letting yourself be slapped around, you are more often than not enabling creators to spiral ever further in their own downward spiral of abuse.

I did so,etching after this latest relapse that I sometimes do.  I forced myself to look at the Reddit models and creators again after I finished.  When I was done with my own addiction I took another look.

What I saw shocked me. 

Do it yourself next time.  Hopefully there isn’t a next time.  Hopefully you keep on marching ever forward.  But if there is and you find yourself acting out, take a minute after the fact and go back and look at those images and videos again, as someone who is momentarily sober.

Those people aren’t happy.  They aren’t healthy.  They are mentally ill.  Drug and a,cohoe abuse in porn is ubiquitous.  It comes with the territory, somewhat ironically.  For a profession that can’t shut up about being empowering for women, a lot of those women seem to have a hard time staying sober.  Just saying. 

If you are like me and transferred over to sharing sites like Reddit and Imgur, than take a minute to look at the faces of the models after your relapse.

Do those girls (and I do mean girls) look happy?  Do they look healthy.  These young women are sick.  They feed off of attention.  They have been told all their lives that attention from men is a currency, the only one that matters.  They desperately post those images, celebrating themselves as empowered, independent women, who don’t need no man.

That sort of behavior is not healthy.  It is not an example of mental stability.

Mentally healthy people do not need people to drool at pictures of their body.  Strong, healthy people with solid self esteem do not need to be validated.

By satisfying your addiction you are enabling theirs and helping to prevent their own recovery.

These are just a few of my thoughts.  Now I am going to get back to my own recovery.

Thanks for listening.


[I got on the laptop to write this post (hoorah), rather than using the Ipad or my smart phone, so there should be less typos.]

I have to celebrate something that happened yesterday, folks.  I was outside saying goodbye to the students as they left, with a group of other teachers.  This one coworker, who has become a bit of an acquaintance and who I am attracted to, was wearing a work-appropriate shirt, but it was still snug, emphasizing her form...

And I wasn't even tempted to look.  I noticed, as I am sure anyone would, but I had no temptation to look at all.  Had it been a year ago, I would have been awkwardly avoiding eye contact as I took peeks.  Perhaps I would have been caught leering.  But now I have no problem avoiding it.  It doesn't even register.  Regardless of how aesthetically pleasing I find a woman, I just have no temptation to leer.

And that brings me to the question: what is the connection between the two?  Because I know that not all porn addicts become leerers.  Not everyone with a porn addiction starts rudely staring at women.  Not everyone does the "zombie stare" that I started doing very early in my addiction.

Why is it that some people have the addiction transfer to real life, while others don't?

And furthermore, why does getting rid of the porn addiction and compulsive masturbation miraculously cure the problem?

These questions still bother me, but perhaps it doesn't matter.

The point is that with each passing day I get better, become a more respectful person, and a better me.

Great stuff.


Hey everyone,

How are we all feeling in response to Stormy Daniels going on Jimmy Kimmel, if you have seen it?  I just saw it and I was disgusted, while at the same time finding it quite hilarious.  It feels like the Left is working so damn hard to push their agenda that it is almost comical.  (I am a liberal politically, but the movement has lost me completely at this point).  The interview just seemed bizarre.  I understand liberals hate Trump with a passion.  (As do I).  But I feel that a certain amount of self respect and polity should be demonstrated when you are in the TV business and that neither Stormy nor Jimmy showed any.

First off, why the hell is a porn actress being put on night time television?  It was not too long ago that liberals were decrying the porn industry as capitalist exploitation of women.  But now, apparently, sex work is something to be sympathetic or even supportive of? 

Second, shouldn't a talk show host/comedian show some amount of composure, let alone wit or charm?  I didn't see any.

Lastly, aren't they doing exactly what Trump did in sensationalizing on our tv screens?

I really never wanted to know the size of Trump's pickle.  I don't think anyone wants to know that bit of information, but we ended up getting it anyway.

No matter what you think about Trump, I have to ask, how does any of this help the situation?


Porn Addiction / Off Topic: Cascade or Downward Spiral
« on: September 24, 2018, 11:25:29 PM »
Hello all,

Much of the time my wife doesn’t understand why I have to continue workout regimes during vacation, or why it is so important that I get all of my positive habits in.  And this just reminded me of something I wanted to share.

In my experience habits, either positive or negative, tend to cascade in either direction.  If I don’t Catch up with the news every week, I am less likely to work out during my lunch break (we have a long lunch break), I am less likely to study for my upcoming exams, I am less likely to do chores, more likely to want PMO, and more likely to want to drink (recovering alcoholic, too).

On the other hand, if I exercise, meditate in the morning, etc, the positive habits build an upward spiral.  I am not saying everything will be positive if you embrace and practice positive habits.  But your response to what life throws at you will be stronger and more resilient.

Has anyone else experienced this? 



Porn Addiction / Men and Porn Addicts and the #Metoo Movement
« on: September 24, 2018, 01:32:46 AM »
One of the most difficult things for me to deal with as a recovering porn addict who has leered at many women in real life, and as a man living during the #metoo movement, is the realization that I habe made women feel unsafe and that I habe abused friendships and associations with women in order to get off.  The healthier my mind becomes as I reboot, the more clean days I achieve, the clearer the damage i have  done becomes, and the mlre difficult it is for me to accept that I have made women uncomfortable.  How do we deal with this?  How will I navigate the shame and guilt I have for having broken the trust of friends, of making strangers fear for their safety?  How do I deal with the regret of having been one of those bad ones?  How do we, as men who are trying to break out of this role, deal with the past?  I honestly  don't  know.  I have  no clue.  I just know that the right thing to do is  to keep getting more and more clean, to keep getting better, so that I never make a woman feel uncomfortable ever again.

Porn Addiction / Porn, NoFap, and Making Friends
« on: September 21, 2018, 11:03:36 PM »
I hate to be that guy who brings up the awkward topic , but that  is exactly what I am going  to do.

I have  always had a horribly bad time at acquiring respect, and therefore making friends, with other guys, or just in general.  Is there a connection between this and porn.  Does No Fap help with this?  How does porn affect one's  ability to connect  with people? 

At this point in time, I have  coworkers and acquaintances , but no true friends.   I have no close relationships, except with family members and friends of the family, with whom the whole family formed a bond.

I have a crippling fear that I will always  be that one  guy, who is  married , spends  all of his time  with  his wife , and  has no friends .  This effects my marriage too, as my wife worries about my mental health.  She was watching a true crime documentary and had to stop watching it because so many of the characteristics of the killer (no friends, bad relationship with family, selfishness) I also have.

I am 32 years old and I feel it is time to break  out of this mold.  I am not too worried at the moment, as I don't  like many of my coworkers and we are moving back  to the States soon, so I don't care about these relationships .  But when I step back on American soil I want to start a new chaprter and cast away my old socially awkward persona.

PS.  I am worried that because I don't drink (I am also a recovering alcoholic) this will just add another obstacle to building friendships with other men.


Porn Addiction / Loss of Power Fantasies
« on: September 19, 2018, 12:23:27 AM »

Ages 30-39 / Rich's 90 Days
« on: September 13, 2018, 03:01:05 AM »
Hey everyone,

I have b#%₩@ed enough.  It is time to get into action.  This is my 90 day journal, where  I will be checking in until I finish this process of becoming sober.  I will document permanent sobriety in a seperate journal.

This will be 90 days of no porn, no erotica, no masturbation, and no procrastination.

In place of these will be extra meditation, daily exercise, proactivity in studying, finishing books in a timely manner, and more quality time spent with my wife.


Porn Addiction / Does Porn Make You Dumb?
« on: September 13, 2018, 12:45:48 AM »
Does porn impact the recall of information, ability to focus, problem solving ability, or mental adaptability?

After I act out I often feel like I have to actively search for my feet.  If I have several in a particular week, it can effect my productivity for the rest of the week.


Porn Addiction / Addicted to Porn: It is Your Fault
« on: September 12, 2018, 11:32:14 PM »
At least that is the general perspective of the media, even sites and spaces dedicated to medical news and journalism.  Over the past few months I have been looking for alternative viewpoints.  As a soon to be science teacher (fingers crossed) looking at both sides is very important to me.  Knowing both sides, in my professional and educational experience, is the only way to determine the accuracy of statements and to accumulate knowledge.  I knew what YBOP said, watched Gary Wilson’s video, even skimmed through his book.  Now what did the other side have to say?  It was quite appalling.  There were lots of skeptics who rightfully pointed out that studies were far from completely scientific, often lacking control groups.  Gary argues that is because there is no man in the western world who has not been influenced by porn, ie. There is no control group.  But that is all skeptics have to say.  That it isn’t acceptable as true science.  They usually have nothing more to add.  Read further and what do you get from further media: Porn is safe, if you have a problem it is your fault.  That is it.  Read any magazine article, regardless of the gender, and you will find the finger pointed at the individual.  Just like the nicotine industry of the 1950s.  The product is safe, idiots.  I feel I can rest assured.  A cover up is very real.  Porn is definitely not safe for the vast majority of people.  We are doing the right thing.


Porn Addiction / Giving Up Power
« on: September 12, 2018, 08:38:27 PM »
I'm not sure if the title here conveys exactly what I mean to say, but that is what popped up.  I wasn't going to check in much, but having put in some distance to see what happens when I act out (PMO) I am beginning to see the subordinating relationship a little more clearly.  And, feeling the cravings very strongly, I am writing now.

I find it interesting how the partners talk about how this addiction makes their addicts narcissistic and how it damages the relationships in much the same way narcissism does, while at the same time, us acting out subordinates us to another narcissist.

At the end of the day, you could say that P stars are narcissists.  I don't know how true that would be; there is always another side.  I do know for a fact, as someone who frequently uses Reddit and Tumblr to act out, that contributors on those sites are narcissists, or are at least exhibiting narcissistic behaviors.

Using subordinates us to the whims of someone else (the producer).  It turns us into the pathetic consumer of toxic material that dehumanizes us, just as the contributor or producer has dehumanized themselves.  (This is why I am not a supporter or ally to modern feminism, by the way.  I feel they support what I know to be unethical behavior.)

Conducted as it is supposed to be, in its natural state, sex is a powerful, emotive force, that connects partners and fuzes relationships, forming a valuable glue that binds two people together. 

Pornographic material removes all of that beauty, dehumanizing the performers, dehumanizing the act, and dehumanizing the consumer.

Sex is no longer a beautiful, emotive thing, it is just body parts being stuck into body parts.  It is raw power, hatred.

One partner I used to read a lot on another forum used to say that all the time.  Porn isn't sex, it is pure hatred.  That is something I didn't understand for a long time.

I don't claim to understand that paradox between parnters and addicts.  That both engage with narcissism, the former unwillingly, the latter willingly.

But the addict can choose to end their worship of narcissists.

It is the harder path to follow in a society that favors idol worship, but it can be done.

Just know that what you are resisting is truly toxic and that that is the point.  Know that those you are resisting are 9 symptom narcissists.

You aren't giving up anything positive, or good.  You are giving up cancer.


Porn Addiction / If You Want to be Free, Let It Go!
« on: September 05, 2018, 09:01:14 PM »
Hey everyone,

One of the big mistakes I have made over and over again in my journeys to rid myself of addictions (this one and others) I have repeatedly made one big mistake.  I started hating what I was addicted to, the people who produced it, and the product itself.  I actively read about the evils of the porn industry and sexual deviancy and I wrote here and elsewhere.  I was full of hate.  And every single time I went back to the addictive substance within a week.  Why?  Hate is a very powerful emotion, and if you do some research there is a lot to hate about the porn industry and the erotic culture.  It doesn’t take much effort to get under the plastic surface.  But hate also binds you to the thing you despise.  It gives the thing power over you (Not literally, obviously).  Buddhism and mindfulness teach that you should let go of your hate.  Let it go.  It is just another way that we try to take control over something we have no control over.  It is just a feeble way to make order where there is none.  And it binds you to that thing.  You will break sooner or later and come back to that substance.  Make peace with yourself, make peace with porn, make peace with Reddit and Tumblr, make peace with the fact that these exist, that they are evil, that they are cancer for society.  Make peace with the fact they exist.  Great people, including our Gabe Deem are at the frontlines fighting the detestation of the porn industry, but they are recovered addicts.  And they lead not with hate, but facts and data.  If you want to make change in the world, come to terms with that which you hate so that you can overpower it.  If you don’t you will lose every time.

Buddhist scripture
The books of Jon Kabat Zinn
Any book about mindfulness


Porn Addiction / Walter Mitty Analysis
« on: August 31, 2018, 07:12:54 AM »
What a hauntingly beautiful movie.  Walter Mitty tells the story of a chronic day dreamer who lives a life of misery, who spontaneously goes off on an adventure to come to grips with who he is.  A beautiful snapshot of the life of mental illness, it is also a perfect metaphor.  What if, like Mitty, the porn addict is pretending to be the playa.  What if that is part of why we are so hesitant to give it up.  But, like Mitty, a better life only comes when we stop pretending and truly live.

Porn Addiction / Sexualization of Nerd/Geek Culture
« on: August 25, 2018, 12:45:57 AM »
Hi all,

I just want to rant about something I have noticed now that I am making progress in my reboot.  The sexualization of nerd and geek culture.  I am not going to point fingers.  This isn't a political post.  Secondly, this is not an anti-woman post.  I am not against women in geek/nerd spaces.  As an aspiring science teacher, one of my passions is getting more women interested in science.  Now that I have those frames out of the way.

At what point was it decided that geek culture would be sexualized?  This phenomenon is most obvious on new media such as Youtube and other video sites.  Do you like Comic books?  Well you're in luck because our new host wears low tops?  Do you like keeping up with the latest paleomtological discoveries  and dinosaur news?  Our new reporter just loves showing off her chest.

It is downright offensive how many women presenters in media dress and behave.  I have  seen female hosts outright flirt with male guests during knterviews, actions which, if reversed, would be called sexual harassment.  When did these women ask the public and viewers if they could behave in this way?  The fetishization of geek culture is offensive, as is the connotation that because geek culture used to me almost completely insulated for men, that that made it bound to sexuality.  On the contrary, geek culture was often a way for men to seek refuge from expectations related to their  gender. 

I'll get my dinosaur and science news from online news sources from now on.  Youtube is getting too "progressive"  for me.

Porn Addiction / Before FAP
« on: August 18, 2018, 08:53:47 AM »

1123 deleted

Porn Addiction / National Geographic Article from August 2018 Issue
« on: August 14, 2018, 07:42:03 PM »
Fascinating analysis of human social behavior online in this article.  I can’t help but ask, to what extent are porn addicts an active social group?  Can you not comment on videos?  Are there not Reddit threads devoted to porn and the most egregious violations of human privacy? 

What if there is a social part to the hardwiring.  I am not questioning the science upon which this website was founded, but merely adding another social dimension.

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