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Ages 40 and up / OldSoldier66's Journal - Help and advice welcome
« on: February 20, 2017, 10:02:34 AM »

This, of course, is all new to me.  I have a problem, and I've signed up here because I need to get better in order to save my marriage.  I'm not certain that I'm a porn addict.  I know that I've used it as a substitute for real intimacy.  I've figured out - all on my own - that I definitely suffer from intimacy anorexia.  The porn use is my outlet for my natural urges and has offered me a way to decline meaningful sex with my wife.

Naturally, our marriage has suffered.  Three years into it, I'm facing losing her.  She is a good woman and my fourth wife (probably a significant statistic there).  She is different and doesn't manipulate me or emotionally abuse me as some of the previous ones have.  I'm fairly certain I've been made into the intimacy anorexic that I am by my mother.  I do not suspect there was any overt, outright sexual abuse.

I've searched the internet for support groups, advice and anything I can use to gain a better perspective and some insight into my problems.  Right now, I've sworn off porn and masturbation.  It seems to be helping.  I noticed that my mental imagery ability has responded, and my night dreams have become pretty graphic.  No wet dreams, just the sick part of my brain trying to force me back into my habits.

I took the step and shared all my revelations with my wife.  She appreciated me sharing it, and I think it was a good breakthrough.  It didn't solve the problem, of course, but now she knows I'm trying.

What I need are some references and help.  I've found all the emotional anorexia stuff (YouTube, etc) by that semi-famous counselor who's apparently damn near-trademarked the term.  The downside is, it's a typical twelve-step with the typical religious inserts and a slew of books and workbooks for sale.  Can anyone offer links, advice, or anything that might help?

My background: White, straight male, 48 years old, former Army officer who served 23 years.  Not sure what else might be relevant, but those are the basics.

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