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Messages - davenl

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1
Ages 30-39 / Re: 1,5 years of rebooting. This is where I am at
« on: April 15, 2017, 02:54:10 PM »
Morning wood is a very good proof I believe that YBOP is not a "paper tiger" but a fact. Brain fog, depressed and so on are facts also. It's hard to reverse 20/10 years of PMO abuse in just 1 year I believe.
I read your story, you had a lot of O in these 1,5 years I believe.
My opinion is that every PIED guy like me and you suffering from sexual exhaustion. Our sexual lifes needs a lot of rest.
I am at 9 month and I saw a lot of improvements but still having up and down days.
Good luck and don't give up mate.

He mate, thanks for your message. Well the question still is what comes first, the p and m or the depression, burnout, not being happy, things like that. Sexual exhaustion is something non existant; at least that is what western science says. I don't know. Everybody has his own theory and if you listen to them they all seem to make sense in a way.

Anyways, P is not a habbit anymore for me for quite some time and I am happy with that. On the other hand I believe abstaining from m for such a long time kind of took having orgasms and feeling horny out of my system. I don't think this was a very wise descission to make. It probably changes hormone balance and stuff.

I really gave this thing a shot, but I more and more come to the conclusion that it is far to simplistic. Don't get me wrong. I think it is a step in the right direction and it can be a way to start breaking the cycle for many of the people her. But it is far to easy to say that P is the cause of your ED and all of these other symptoms you can read about around here.

2
Ages 30-39 / Re: Saying good bye to p. substitutes...
« on: January 25, 2017, 08:15:36 AM »
Maybe you already do this, but wouldn't it be a good idea to see a therapist together with your partner? Just to figure out how you might be able to get things working between you two again when it comes to sex?

3
Ages 30-39 / Re: 1,5 years of rebooting. This is where I am at
« on: January 17, 2017, 03:21:19 PM »
Davenl, my thoughts on this: The therapist is probably very knowledgeable and intelligent, but may not be up to date with latest research, studies and numbers. Did she have her own theory as to why the percentage of men under 40 with ED has rocketed in the last decade?

As for the reboot... 1.5 years is a long time. I'm almost a year and have seen big improvements, but I think for a full recovery I'm gonna take a good 3 years... I started PMO so young and it shaped my bodies/minds understanding of arousal of intimacy... What I'm saying is, maybe you need more time? 1.5 years ago could u even get an erection to P? Don't give up, think long and hard about the positives you've noticed since giving up. I know it's hard, I'm very low at the minute but there's no other option is there?

Yeah I know man. I totally get you. That is exactly why i am confussed. She's actually saying the complete opposite of all I have been believing so far. But the fact that, even after 1,5 years I did not make any progress really makes me start to doubt it all...

The youthfull ED rise is something nobody agrees on. I haven't found any study, including the ones that are posted on ybop, that actually says that youthfull ED rise is due to P. If you have a study who says that, please share it with me.

I will definately stick with no P. I think it is a good thing. I am not going to follow that part of the advice from the therapist. But I also think it might be good to actually start feeling and enjoying sex might be part of the process. Even if that is with yourself. What do you think?

4
Ages 30-39 / Re: 1,5 years of rebooting. This is where I am at
« on: January 17, 2017, 03:10:54 PM »
Congratulations on your time away from porn and beeing sober for a long while! You're a inspiration to a lot of us here!

One thing before you try the touching your self idea, could there be a possibility that your ED is because of stress? Depressed? Anxiety? Or performance anxiety? Since having problems with erection can easily send of your brain in tango, and become worried and anxious about the next time.

All the best!

He mate, thanks a lot. If I can do it, anybody can do it  ;D

Stress definitely plays a rol in this. Performance anxiety not so much. I am pretty ok with things that (might not) happen at this point.

5
Ages 30-39 / 1,5 years of rebooting. This is where I am at
« on: January 17, 2017, 12:23:13 PM »
Hi all,

I haven't been posting for a while because I wanted to stay away for a bit, but I want to get this off my mind.

I have been rebooting for over 1,5 years. My longest streak of hardmode has been about 6 months. After that I would have pretty much successful sex, but the following 3 weeks I would have sex once a week my erections would become less and less until it happened that it didn't work at all anymore. Extremely frustrating.

So I decided to stick with a girl for a while and do rewiring. Same problems, sometimes it works other times it doesn't. Have to say we did some sexting in between which temporarily seems to numb my mood, but I don't pay too much attention to it and it didn't make much of a difference in what I feel or ED.

So the last couple of weeks erections seem to be a bit better but it still is really unstable. Besides that I don't feel much libido and energy in general and extreme tiredness after an orgasm. This is pretty much how it was 1,5 years ago so I am really starting to doubt this whole rebooting theory. Although I am happy that I am not a porn watcher anymore.

Anyways, because of my doubts. I went to a sex therapist this week for the first time in my life. I told basically everything and she asked me a lot of questions. She has a lot of experience and seems to know what she is talking about. But then, her advice came out and she said things like:
- there is no such things as PIED
- there is no scientific proof any link between P and and ED (which is true I believe eventhough YBOP links different addiction studies to P use)
- it is actually good to watch P as long as you start to actually feel what happens to your body
- It might be better to start playing by yourself so you have more space to focus on your own pleasure instead of the pleasure of your partner

So now I have to do a couple of weeks of touching by myself and if I want, use some P or anything that makes me feel arroused. I feel very confused right now, a little frustrated and had to speak off my mind.

I am very interested in all of your response to this.

6
did this got any better for you mate?

7
Ages 30-39 / Re: 8 months in and I don't know what to do anymore..
« on: December 11, 2016, 07:32:45 AM »
Wanted to share this video with all of you. I think this guy nails it with reference with the obstacles of our generation. It's not just the P.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hER0Qp6QJNU

It really felt like he was talking about me. It's from a 'corporate' perspective but it doesnt really matter. Im interested about your thoughts on this. Seems like p is just a side effect of what our generation and the upcoming ones face these days

8
Ages 30-39 / Re: 8 months in and I don't know what to do anymore..
« on: November 13, 2016, 04:27:38 AM »
Hey Dave, how's it going man ? Haven't seen you around in a while, hope everything is OK. Check in and let us know, cheers

Hi David, thanks for asking. Really appreciate it.

Things are not that much different really. I am still seeing this girl. We are going deep into our fantasy world. I am not sure if this has anything to do with my porn past. I guess so. It's intense and nice, but it also makes us sexting days in a row and I am starting to see problems. I am still able to have intercourse, but only I am max 70% hard and I can do it only do it in certain positions (when I am on top).

I am not looking at porn, but p subs start to become an issue again. I feel hooked on it, again starting to have sleep difficulties, social problems, more brainfog, no energy, etc. I also have more problems to get excited when we have sex. So I talked to her and we will limit our sexual contact to the bedroom.

Sexting has been a problem before, so it's not a surprise that these things happen right now. Part of the process and the learning curve I guess. The girl is totally fine with me not erect, but I am not. Besides that, I have much more symptoms next to the ED that are making me feel unhappy. So it is time to start doing something about it again. The girl also have been edging me a lot. I think that might be starting to be a problem too.

I will eliminate both things, starting with the sexting, and see if things will get better.


9
Ages 30-39 / Re: 31, quitting porn after 15 years (HARD MODE)
« on: October 24, 2016, 07:42:57 AM »
Whoop whoop congratulations mate! First time and doing 2 hours, that's impressive! If she wants to continue just try to enjoy it, don't follow the book too much.

What I am trying to do is just accept the fact that it is what it is right now and that it probably will get better with time!

I am so happy for you!

10
Looking at your GF's bum is not something to be ashamed of mate. In fact, if you ask me, it would be really strange if you wouldn't be looking ;-) Real sex is about what you see, feel, hear and smell. Porn is not. If looking at her does the trick for you right now (or at least for a bit) in my opinion you are heading in the right direction.

In my own case looking at the girl still doesn't really turn me on so I am actually quite jealous :-D For me the feeling part starts to become more active.

Just go with the flow. Do what makes you feel good. As long as you stay away from porn I am sure everything will become better eventually. Accept the fact that you need time and mostly try to enjoy anything you actually CAN at the moment.

11
Ages 30-39 / Re: Bouncing back after 18 months of continued relapses...
« on: October 08, 2016, 07:12:24 AM »
Good to see you are back on track mate!

12
Ages 30-39 / Re: 8 months in and I don't know what to do anymore..
« on: August 22, 2016, 11:32:11 AM »
The day after.

Crazy depressive, like I want to cry, but I am even too sad to do that. Im so tired. I hate the world. Everything is so damn nothing. I am completely tired. Got a new coldsore. I feel ill again. It's all fucked. I will continue anyway so that's what we do. But why is everything turing so black after having sex!?!? I feel like I am getting punished every time I try to do the right thing  :'(

13
Ages 30-39 / Re: 8 months in and I don't know what to do anymore..
« on: August 22, 2016, 11:29:58 AM »
I'm in the same boat. It's been nearly 8 months for me and I see no improvement. Absolutely zero interest in either sex or jacking it. Interested in girls on a cerebral level, but that's it. Feel exhausted the whole time, my dick is a prune and morning wood is something I get max twice a week.

I honestly don't think it would make a difference to my life right now if I didn't actually have a dick. It's a meaningless appendage for me right now really.

Will my dick ever "wake up"? It's summer too, which I thought might help, but there's just nothing going on down there. It kind of feels like this is how it will be forever. I'm scared.

Did you try having sex already?

No. I know I'm going to have to try at some point. The problem is, I'm just not interested in it.

Mmm yeah get it. I got the same thing, but you might want to try to have a date our two. Maybe it will wake you up a little. Not especially for sex or anything. Just interest in girls. If I learned one thing is that you have to take anything regarding to this reboot supperrrrr slow...

14
Ages 30-39 / Re: 8 months in and I don't know what to do anymore..
« on: August 22, 2016, 11:27:54 AM »
Really glad to hear that from you man  :D The flatline should be smaller this time, hope you bounce back on the saddle after O.

You're doing really great, just wanna say keep up the excellent work  8)

Thanks for your encouragement mate! Really appreciate that

15
It seems to be different for everybody. Some guys don't notice any difference. Others developed PE or DE, which will become less with time. Try it out to figure it out ;-)


16
Ages 30-39 / Re: 8 months in and I don't know what to do anymore..
« on: August 21, 2016, 10:18:42 AM »
ok august 21th..

Soo.. I had successfull sex yesterday...   :o

I was meeting with this girl. I was a bit stressed because I didn't really know how to tell her that I would not get involved in any sexual encounters and that we would just be focussing on her. Eventually, I just told her that I was not alright so that she should just lay back and enjoy it. She was perfectly fine with that.

 That was a good decision, because I certainly wasn't ready. I felt the same as 2 weeks ago. Horniness and a tiny erection that would fade after a couple of minutes. Again and again.

But after about 2 hours (I know, she is unstoppable) of 'giving', I became more part of it. My erections last longer and I would be more in the moment with more sexual energy. Than she would say 'you think you're up to do it?' and I actually felt quite comfortable so I said yes.

After that we had sex with occasional intercourse for 2 more hours. Than we would sleep a bit, have more sex. Sleep again and finally have more sex. No ED problems whatsoever. I was stunned. Especially after the horrifying two weeks I had and the terrible flatline and energy lows.

Because of that I did not want to have an O. I know it would probably drain me. At the end of this night I couldn't resist so I did have an intentional O. I hope it isn't too bad this time. We'll see. Now I quite tired, but I think that's normal  ;D

17
Ages 30-39 / Re: 8 months in and I don't know what to do anymore..
« on: August 19, 2016, 07:22:43 AM »
Ok so things calmed down again. No urges, zero libido, little anxious but managable and no energy. Definately a flatline. Curious how long this is going to take. Many guys report a deep flatline around month 8. Some have it for 3 weeks before their libido is coming back. Others for 3 months. I hope I will be lucky for once and be honoured to get option A.

18
Ages 30-39 / Re: 8 months in and I don't know what to do anymore..
« on: August 18, 2016, 12:25:56 PM »
18th august

Today I feel aroused every now and than. I am not sure if it is libido and real horniness or that I am actually feeling cravings back to porn. It's not that I want to go check anything online, but I do find myself fantasising a bit, which I stop immediately everytime. Pfff I don't know what to make of this.

Every night I wake up horny with a huge boner and during the day everything is so confusing... Really strange things happen

19
Ages 30-39 / Re: The next step after 6 months hardmode
« on: August 18, 2016, 12:22:25 PM »

Sorry, I must be getting old, but I have no idea what you're talking about in the bolded part.

text messaging (non sexual)

20
Ages 30-39 / Re: 8 months in and I don't know what to do anymore..
« on: August 17, 2016, 11:42:19 AM »
I'm in the same boat. It's been nearly 8 months for me and I see no improvement. Absolutely zero interest in either sex or jacking it. Interested in girls on a cerebral level, but that's it. Feel exhausted the whole time, my dick is a prune and morning wood is something I get max twice a week.

I honestly don't think it would make a difference to my life right now if I didn't actually have a dick. It's a meaningless appendage for me right now really.

Will my dick ever "wake up"? It's summer too, which I thought might help, but there's just nothing going on down there. It kind of feels like this is how it will be forever. I'm scared.

Did you try having sex already?

21
Ugh, didn't go well. We were just watching TV in bed and I was really turned on... Just from kissing her and smelling her. I touched her down below and was really excited, told her I needed to kiss her p##### which of course, she wanted. I was really turned on for about 2 minutes down there, then something happened in my head, like a switch. I lost focus and arousal... I don't know if it's because I started thinking about performing... Or if my brain was saying "need something else now" (porn style). Either way it ruined the evening in terms of sex. Totally gutted last night and today... It's killing me. I know a break would help, but when my instinct takes over and wants to touch her, i can't fight it as it feels the natural thing to do... But then the unnatural takes over and I regret it.

Mate, it sounds great! She does turn you on! You mind just needs to get used to it. This is what you see everywhere. Guys that are totally into P, especially harder styles, will need more time to get arroussed by vanilla with a real partner. And from what I can hear, is that she actually does turn you on, but than your mind wants more and you lose interest.

What I understand from all of this rewiring is that this is completely normal. This actually is what I had a week ago. Arroussal, kissing, touching, everything gone... Than I'd relax and the arrousal would come up again, starting over and losing it again.

Other than you, I am not very worried about it. I assume this is part of the process and things everybody experiences. Just focus on her and don't overdo it. You are not in a competition where you have to compete. You are doing it for fun and if it's not fun, just do something else!


22
Yea, it's a good shout Davenl, I'm kind of hoping work will send me away to work for a little while... But then I think, why am I thinking that? I know I can get hard without any visual simulation, and just looking at my gf in clothes or kissing her sends my dick going up, but then I get her naked and I'm just observing myself and how I'm doing. Whilst I know that's got to be PA, I think if I'm a week or two without O the desire for sex may take over any PA... We're going to try naked non sex sexy time tonight... To take the pressure off, but we'll see.

Exactly! Just give it time. And she knows about it right? If you need to make that decision than it is what it is right? She wants you to be healthy too.

That's a great idea actually. Let me know how things went.


23
Ages 30-39 / Re: 8 months in and I don't know what to do anymore..
« on: August 16, 2016, 02:36:16 AM »
Had a crazy night last night. I woke up all anxious and sooo damn horny. I was harder than I can remember I ever was before. I also felt like I needed to pee. Than I decided to walk around the house for a little bit and things cooled down after about 15 minutes. And I went back to sleep. I also notice more porn flashbacks. Strange thing is that it is only happening at night in my bed. During the day I am completely libidoless...

I don't know what to make of this. Anybody with the same experience?

24
Ages 30-39 / Re: 8 months in and I don't know what to do anymore..
« on: August 16, 2016, 02:34:08 AM »
I have had PIED for 3 years now. Haven't watched porn in three years. Hard mode several times. Now three months in. I feel the same as you. Difficult to find motivation when you see no improvement ... I find it hard to relate to succes stories of people at this time because I have gone longer without porn and MO than many who got cured ...

That doesnt sound good mate. So are you sure it is PIED? Did you do any fantasising? Lot's of M? Do you have a journal somewhere I can read?

25
I agree that fantasy should be avoided during the reboot. Especially if you find that makes you high like P does. But at the same time, if it has been so long ago you watched P, it might be something else. Just try to relax and give it time. Thats what I am going to do

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