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Messages - hcobra1972

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Journal of a 3 Decade Porn Addict
« on: April 10, 2014, 07:24:21 AM »
No P No M in 2 weeks been with wife almost daily last 3 days thougj cant get on same page. cant remember last time i went this long with no release. going up the wall.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Journal of a 3 Decade Porn Addict
« on: April 09, 2014, 04:38:47 PM »
wow its been easy until today. i was researching my p problem. looking up stuff on you tube. came across a vid of some hot new starlet at the avn awards. MAN!!!! did the urge ever kick in. but i was strong and passed it by wirhout clicking on it, or looking her up.. boy that really sunk it in that i have a serious problem. As if the marital issues hadnt.

Ages 40 and up / Journal of a 3 Decade Porn Addict
« on: April 09, 2014, 06:56:19 AM »
Job is such long inconsistant and hours. so much down time between loads gotta find new ways of dealing with fatigue and boredom. At least my mood is starting to regulate. First week was hell. My emotions were all over the place. Not sure how much of that wasnt a reaction to traci telling me she thought it was over. Thank god we start counseling tues. Shes starting to open up. She's seeing a change but she is still leary of letting me back in. I have to stay clean and focused on our marriage. I pray
 she comes around.

Ages 40 and up / Re: New to this
« on: April 09, 2014, 02:41:13 AM »
Another 2 am start. my hours are brutal. and now im dealing with this. use to use p to help fight fatigue. gotta find simething else.

Ages 40 and up / Re: New to this
« on: April 08, 2014, 12:27:59 PM »
Thnx for the warm welcome and best wishes.

Ages 40 and up / New to this
« on: April 08, 2014, 09:06:43 AM »
Hi real name is josh. So about three weeks ago my wife tells me she is done and wants a divorce. I was devastated. Over the next couple of days i did alot of looking in the mirror. I came to the conclusion that i am a porn addict. I confessed to my wife and to god. And she has agreed to counseling we start  next tues. I never thought i was hurting anyone. But looking back i dont blame my wife at all i was emotionally cheating on her with porn. It changed the way itreated her and i didnt even realize it. I was distant, never in the mood. I would tell myself its early in the day. I can M and still be with her tonight. But i was always not in the mood having spent my appetite on myself. Ive purged all my porn stash. Havent PMO'D In 2 weeks now. Still having sex with wife though. First few days my emotions were on a roller coaster. One day was optimistic everything is gonna be fine. Next was severe depression, suicidal thoughts even. But im starting to feel more balanced. More like my old self before things got out of control. Im 41 btw. My parents were divorced twice by the time i was 5 yo. Me and my lil brother grew up with my grandparents. I was pretty shy as a kid especially where girls were concerned. Started using porn around 11 or 12. Had stash of mags a foot tall at least by the time i was 13.  Then i got a vcr in my room. That changed everything. Makes me worried for my son. Didnt have an orgasm with real woman until i was 19. So i had a good 7 years of porn conditioning before i even had a real relationship. And not alot more experience than that before i met my wife at 27. Thats when i got my first home computer and internet (late comer i know). No more need for mags or hard copy movies. So i have some relationship skills to learn aside from this monkey on my back. I have pushed my wife away both emotionally and physically. And the whole time she thought it was her. Porn is the worst thing that ever happened to me. Ive been trying to absorb all the info that i can so if any has any advice im all ears.

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