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Messages - Nikola Numez

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1
Welcome!

I had PIED for 12 years and after about 100 days of rebooting I was able to have successful sex with no malfunctions at all. 100 days seem like a long long time but after a while the days seem to fly by. It gets easier after a while, it really does. It's critical for you to pass the ~60 days mark because the DeltaFosB starts dissolving at that point which will reduce your cravings and withdrawals by a huuuuuge margin.

You seem very determined which is good but don't be to hard on yourself if you should relapse. No negative self-talk, it will make everything worse. Be kind to yourself it will help you, not only concerning the reboot. Furthermore, now is a good time to look at your life and start improving things little by little. Maybe you are drinking too much, maybe you are eating too much fast food, maybe you are playing to much video games and so on and so forth. On top of that, be aware that you are a PMO addict for life. So, you are not looking for a short term solution to fix your ED/anorgasmia but to lay a foundation on which you can lead a healthy life and leave porn behind for good.

Kudos for opening up to your friends! Not only will it help you regarding the accountability but it also reduces shame a lot that some PMO addicts carry around. It also shows you that you are not a monster because you are addicted to watching people having coitus interruptus on a screen. It's not the end of the world and it won't be the end of the world if people came to know about it. Actually it's not that big of a deal as we like to think sometimes (excluding the negative consequences/ED/general malfunctions that it brings). Moreover, and I know it is not an easy thing to do, but stop dwelling on the "lost years". There is plenty sex to be had in the future. Nothing good will ever come of it if you get sad and angry while thinking about your past. Focus on the present and future, that's the only thing that counts!

Take care!
holly molly. i totally felt like you talkin to me. i dont know what is this topic is all about because im just drunk scrolling down and boom someone is talking to someone with negative self talk, who is into alcohol and video games. deltafosb is a real thing to me too, i always fail before 60 days and shit like that. your whole post, you got me.

2
Ages 20-29 / Re: My new philosophy of life
« on: June 08, 2019, 04:25:03 PM »
whats your new philosophy? long term happiness over short term happiness?

after 4 days you started to feel like childhood happiness coming back to your body. it took you 4 days? thats a long term battle tested shit.

welcome to this forum man. if you know english, you will realize pretty quickly im a party crasher around here so dont get discouraged, keep going you are doing good for now. there is no other time than now. for a reason its called PRESENT. its a present, you keep feeling and doing what you do and you will do good and be happy.

3
Ages 20-29 / Re: starting again
« on: June 08, 2019, 02:07:17 PM »
winners dont quit. quitters dont win.

4
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
« on: June 08, 2019, 11:54:46 AM »
okay then i misunderstood you or you was not clear enough. getting super sexual in a goodnight text conversation sounds like sexting to me. okay i think i now know what you meant. sexy comments will spontaneously happen from time to time its okay.

you are close to double digit days, keep going you doing alright. stay careful about your communication with your girlfriend now that you are separated. 

5
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
« on: June 08, 2019, 11:23:13 AM »
Also its not a good sign that you got EXTREMELY turned on by sexting with your gf. You get turned on by porn anyway. If you want to quit porn, goal is not to get extremely turned on by porn but to avoid it at all times.


6
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
« on: June 08, 2019, 11:09:46 AM »
As a porn addict struggling to recover from porn, it is extremely bad idea to have sexual text conversations. For the first few months, less and less porn cues will turn you on more and more. That is normal because you are depriving yourself for long periods of time and the brain still did not adapted to life without porn, but it is very bad to intentionally get yourself turned on by porn because cravings can get out of control pretty quickly.

I know you have no PIED so maybe you can get away with some texting i dont know... But the message is for those who are reading this and are having PIED. No porn whatsoever is the only path to recovery.

Porn is not just extreme bullshit on tube site. It can be soft, it can be sexting, reading erotic stories or talking on the phone about sexual stuff that turn you on. Whenever you are getting aroused by yourself, you are using porn. When you are on webcam or on the phone with your gf, if you look around yourself, you are still by yourself. Think of yourself as a porn user, not a porn watcher.

Sorry to crash your party but I see you have hundreds of views and I bet a lot of them are PIED or hardcore cases. I dont want them to get an impression that is okay to use sexting or any other type of porn as a substitute for tube sites.



 

7
Ages 20-29 / Re: starting again
« on: June 07, 2019, 03:44:59 PM »
back to day 0.

8
Ages 20-29 / Re: starting again
« on: June 07, 2019, 09:09:59 AM »
benefit of PMOing for me is a lack of cravings. PMOing kills craving and thats the main reason i relapse. all the other symptoms like depression, loneliness, low energy, low libido, insomnia, anxiety etc. im fine with that because none of it makes me relapse.

last few months im having a old black and white phone with no internet so i was not able to have any software but im going back to android because this old phone is dying. i have no more sound so calls, messages, alarm i dont hear anything its pretty useless. i used rewire companion. i dont think some app can save me because i went few months with no internet on phone or computer but i still relapsed many times.

on the positive side, its day 4. in the last 4 days i was wasted only yesterday. alcohol became my big drug for the last few months. im on a mission to cut my alcohol intake as much as i can. im fucking hangover and sleep deprived all the time.

yesterday though i got so wasted i went out of my town and spent most of the night laying in grass with some stray dog and sleeping on bench. couldnt care less what anyone thought about me because nobody knows me there. it was freezing though, i did not expected to get so cold outside during the night. i was only in t shirt and shorts because it was hot that day. i actually went to my friends who are 45min of bus ride away but it was already almost midnight and when i came to their town i was like fuck it i dont wanna bother them (friend and his gf) like that so i went full homeless mode because there was no bus to take me back to home. bought more beer and layed around the town drinking myself to sleep.

so no alcohol today. i have no cravings still. i feel better telling something to someone. i will be aight.








9
Ages 20-29 / starting again
« on: June 05, 2019, 04:48:40 PM »
okay im gonna start again. it cant hurt i guess. another journal, i havent done one in a while. i dont know what im gonna write but im gonna write something. i have no special title for this journal because this reboot does not feel any different than 100s of others i previously failed. yes i relapsed 100s of times. i know some people are like "keep going i failed 30 times before recovering" but not me. when i recover its gonna be like... i dont even know let me think about it... holy crap around 1000-1500 times. i used calculator for this one because its been years and i fail multiple times a day sometimes so its hard to calculate it in my head. sometimes i relapse in the morning and then i feel determined "like never before" not to do it ever again and fail by the evening of the same day. no wonder i wanna kill myself. over thousand relapses...

my last relapse was on june 3rd. that was 2 days ago. its close to midnight so its gonna be 3 days soon. i started this journal because i realized i have no accountability partner and this can make me more determined to quit. i guess someone will read and the more people are reading i may feel more obliged to keep going when the going gets tough.

....i just wrote a big post shitting on my life, how bad it is. i realized i feel bad when i do that so i deleted it. maybe i will start mixing something good with something bad but its too late now to write another story so good night everyone. 

10
Ages 40 and up / Re: 30 years on porn!
« on: June 05, 2019, 04:16:38 PM »
yeah it can take a lot more than 6 months. gabe deem said it took him 9 months to have a first successful sex but continued to have problems up to 18 months. i think it takes 1.5-2 years to fully recover.

Quote
Im anxious, no porn for 6 months and libido still at zero.
not 6 months though, you are at 5 weeks... masturbating with fantasies is a porn use. its important to know exactly what is porn use because you need to stay away from it, forever.

look at any lonely activity that is arousing to you as a porn use. dont limit it to high speed internet porn. it can be fantasizing, reading erotic stories, watching magazines, web cam chat, teasing over the phone, sexting etc. if you are alone and it is arousing, its porn use. some of the things that are considered porn use are not even images or videos (like erotic stories or talking through phone) but its not the eyes that are seeing things, its the brain. you can close your eyes or sleep and still see things. eyes just let the light inside. in other words, some activities maybe lack images or videos but they cause fantasizes and that is lonely activity that arouses you aka porn use aka the drug you are recovering from.

really strong flatlines can be a blessing for your reboot because they also affect one of your biggest enemies, cravings. good luck to you sir, seems to me you had enough of porn in your life. you started before i was born, that is enough porn for you to not miss it or need it ever again  :)

11
Porn Addiction / Re: For anyone struggling with unhealthy fetishes
« on: June 05, 2019, 02:48:29 PM »
with overcoming unhealthy fetishes, it comes down to quitting porn. its same as any other porn related brain problem, but its good to have more communities and different niches for recovering addicts so they can be understood more by others. here some people just dont have a capacity to grasp the idea of escalation in taste towards homo/hetero sex and HOCD problems and it can lead to more confusion and more panic among HOCD cases.

12
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
« on: June 01, 2019, 04:08:34 PM »
Quote
I feel immensely relieved to have 24 hours free from it
you rarely went 24h without porn and 7 days without M is a distant memory?

do you have a PIED with your gf?

13
Ages 30-39 / Re: facing my worst fears
« on: June 01, 2019, 11:40:02 AM »
Those chicks arent real
what chicks, in hentai porn?

14
well then you should start with being honest with your GF about your situation. pretty simple but not easy.

15
Porn Addiction / Re: abstinence versus understanding
« on: May 25, 2019, 04:47:35 PM »
how stupid of me, just to crash a party without any positive note. but im not successfully recovered so i guess that was my reasoning. anyway, i think self esteem is the crucial ingredient if you want to quit porn. all the business and everything else is not going to work if you think you are not worthy of the good life, you dont love yourself completely. look at gabe deem. he says he did not had any traumas growing up. how many of you can say that? his good picture of his growing up shows lack of major factors that affect most people self esteem during growing up. i know he also paints that picture to show that porn addiction can snatch anyone, it does not take your parents raping you to become susceptible to porn addiction but that is another thing. he recovered though, without relapses! 

i base this thought process purely based on me. i despise myself, every relapse i go to bathroom and growl at myself in the mirror.

self esteem is extremely hard to work on because nobody talks about it, there is so scarce knowledge and understanding on such an important topic. thats why most people are scared and shy or arrogant and disrespectful (while thinking high/low of themselves).

EDIT: my first sentence is about how stupid i am. thats as far as my self esteem goes. it can get really subtle and unnoticeable but im working on it, im doing better than yesterday :)

16
Porn Addiction / Re: abstinence versus understanding
« on: May 25, 2019, 04:23:00 PM »
yeah understanding > will power. one of the first things that you understand is that eroded will power is a sign of an addiction.

keeping busy though is logical but it does not work like advertised. you cant be busy for 10 months straight. especially with porn addicts, they lack motivation, focus, energy, drive etc. maybe you get all excited in the first few weeks but its the easiest part anyway...

you are going to have to deal with irresistible cravings no matter how busy you are. i know because craving snatched me when i was the busiest i could be. there was also times i was like 90% free and 10% busy and i relapsed during those 10% because maybe holy fuck i get stressed out or someone does or says something appealing during work and guess what, there is bathroom nearby. it does not take nearly as much to relapse after 2 months and get the strongest chaser effect as it takes during first 2 weeks. thats true at least if you are addicted since teenage years and now with PIED case because i can only speak for myself. im noticing one thing that confirms why gabe deem kept it straight since day 1. something i and most addicts lack and when i look at him and his story, he definitely has it. im not gonna talk about successful recovery until i achieve one so im just saying, there is something more than keeping yourself busy. its fine, get busy, socialize, move your pc to living room or use libraries, pick up girls, go to bed earlier, work out, meditate, eat healthy, stay sober, use porn blockers, ban internet access in your house etc. do whatever you can but in the long term its not magic, the real turning point is awaiting you. 95% porn addicts knows it "all" and still fail. truth may be depressing but its still the truth.

17
sometimes when i talk to someone i catch myself mid sentence trying to figure out how to finish a sentence because i forgot what was the point i wanted to make. brain fog is real. along with insomnia, weak memory etc. rebooting can get pretty depressing.

maybe MOing with GF is better than alone but i would stay away from it. just cuddle if you cant do nothing else for now.

withdrawal symptoms are peaking in the first weeks so keep going. you may get more and more hopeless until you start feeling better but i see you have a good GF with you so it may be easier than if you was single. stay positive and dont judge yourself for your cognitive impairments. its gonna get better if you stay on course.

18
Porn Addiction / Re: food /drug to lower libido
« on: May 25, 2019, 02:45:15 PM »
if you are addicted to porn, you already have low libido but i catch your drift. you want to lower cravings for porn. here is the guy who was working with drugs https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/tools-for-change-recovery-from-porn-addiction/%E2%99%A6solo-tools/supplements/post-by-rebooter-who-experimented-with-many-drugs-supplements/

19
Porn Addiction / Re: Just lost my family
« on: May 24, 2019, 04:58:50 PM »
i have no partner and no children but im no stranger to feeling bad about using porn. bad is a bad word. suicidal may be more appropriate.

if you know you are porn addict and you wanna change it, it was really bad move to lie about it. it gets on my nerves when people wanna quit and lie their wives about relapses but its because i have no wife and i dont know how it is. i do know that it can be tremendously difficult to admit such a failure to others.

you could focus on your relationship with yourself. i see you have no dignity, you hate yourself. start accepting yourself. do not bullshit yourself with fake positivity or degrade others in order to uplift yourself but accept yourself as you are.

i know this may turn out to be the greatest thing that happened in your life but right now your life seems to be really horrible to be honest with you. i dont remember ever seeing a more depressing post on this forum. god gives you only what you can handle. apparently he thinks you are a bad ass.

as long as you are kicking it, it cant be too late for help or change but it still sucks nonetheless. none whatsoever. start with self esteem.

20
Ages 20-29 / Re: New Situation
« on: May 23, 2019, 06:24:38 AM »
porn can also be visualized, it does not have to be watched. you can have a picture or video in your head and masturbate to it as if you are watching it on the monitor. that is a relapse.


 

21
Ages 40 and up / Re: Broken
« on: May 21, 2019, 06:48:20 PM »
yeah like cigarette smokers that keep smoking the same cigarette for decades, you will never get bored of porn. its also a lot more fulfilling and addicting than cigarettes. i was nicotine addict for 6 years.

suicide and running away from everything and everyone is the real thing. highs and lows, i know what you mean. i think current highs can become lows after reboot though.

venting is great, it can help more than an advice or a suggestion.

22
Ages 30-39 / Re: facing my worst fears
« on: May 21, 2019, 06:41:26 PM »
yes sharing struggles even to unknown strangers online can do wonders. share more.

23
Porn Addiction / excluding PIED
« on: May 20, 2019, 06:56:44 PM »
i know PIED is the main reason most of us recognized we are addicted to porn. excluding PIED, does anyone feel porn affected them?

i became a lot less active because all the talk is about penises. morning wood, spontaneous erections and sex performance are the very least worry in my book of porn addiction negative effects so i wonder if anyone feel like porn affected his memory, focus, sleep, motivation, energy, socializing, enjoyment etc.? something outside of sex life.


24
Porn Addiction / Re: back in the 80s
« on: May 20, 2019, 11:36:47 AM »
i remember VHS rentals! holy god, i used to rent the same movie for a whole week and watch it every day! back to now, i cant watch a youtube video without fast forwarding. that is quite a difference even if we are talking about just 20 years span.




25
Porn Addiction / back in the 80s
« on: May 18, 2019, 05:05:54 PM »
im watching only fools and horses and i think to myself what an awesome time it was. imagine having no internet, no mobile phones and no cable tv. people were really living it. now its a big deal to get 100 likes on instagram picture, back then it was a thing to approach a girl in a club.

for the last few months i got myself old nokia 3310 but im still so far away from having a real 80s experience. i cant ever get it. it was really good time to socialize and hang out with people without notifications distracting every interaction. there must be a real positive reason i was born in such a new, high tech and pornified age though.

this post is a waste, im just rumbling to myself really. its not against the rules so i guess im good.


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